Someone at work and a friend seems to recognize that something is wrong with him. The problems that he is going through and all the signs reminds me of myself before I got diagnosed. It is killing me to see him suffer every day (struggling with work and graduate school) and do not know what to do. I never told him that I have ADD.

So, I am in a big dillema. I want to bring this up and discuss with him so he can get some help. But, I am also afraid that he may think otherwise and may be offended. That may create a sticky situation for both of us.

Any advice?

I just brought up with a friend that I think I have it...she said "Oh, I do - I was diagnosed years ago" and it opened up a whole thing that I never knew was there!

If you're close enough to this person, could you just be having lunch and say something like...you know, I don't know if I ever told you that I have ADD? Depending on the reaction, you could go on.....with a list of symptoms that you had, and he may well see himself in those symptoms. Even if he doesn't really react he might be hearing you and start mulling it over and then approach you for more information. Just a thought...

Wow, can I connect with what you're going through. I am a recovering rescuer, and I used to so often see people whose problems I thought I understood ... the truth is ... I didn't ....

My first instinct is that you need to tell him NOTHING. What makes you think this person is open to YOU diagnosing him? I know if someone had tried to tell me I had adhd I would have wanted to curse them and scream and I would not have forgiven them for trying to diagnose me and for daring to say I had a problem such as adhd!!!!!

That because I hadn't gotten to the point where I could see it myself or accept that I had adhd and that it was a debilitating condition. Do NOT underestimate the importance of being open to a diagnosis. Therapists and counselors are only as good as their clients are courageous and open.

Here's a rule I try to live by and it helps me with boundaries. I try to give no unasked for advice. None! ... But if your colleague/friend asks you directly, "what should I do? I'm so miserable"---if he does that, THEN you have the right to tell him, "You might wanna consider that you may have adhd." Notice the "may" and "might" words. Those soften the blow and really that's all you can do ...

Listen, I flat out told one of my brothers that he clearly has a severe case of adhd. I struggled with how to talk to him ... and I finally came out and told him how much medicine had helped me and the ways it had helped me (giving him a chance to notice all the similarities in his own life.)

Well, that was 6 months ago. To date, he has done NOTHING. NOTHING. He wasn't ready to hear it, so the diagnosis makes no sense to him--even though he has suffered terribly for having adhd. Terribly!

I know this is hard .l.. I'm a recovering rescuer/advice giver/bearer of enlightenment to the world ... and I can truly say rescuing (stepping in without being asked or without any obvious responsibility to do so) fails in 99 percent of the time.

Give your friend a hug and some loving support. That's always legitimate and it is always helpful! Share your story with him if it feels honest and appropriate to do so ... That's about all you can do until he explicitly asks for feedback. He has heard of adhd. I had ... HE has to figure out that this could be a problem.

But if your colleague/friend asks you directly, "what should I do? I'm so miserable"---if he does that, THEN you have the right to tell him, "You might wanna consider that you may have adhd." Notice the "may" and "might" words. Those soften the blow and really that's all you can do ...

I agree with this 100%.

Right now, just tell him that you notice he seems to be under pressure and ask if there's anything you can do to help. And I also caution against 'diagnosing' him. While we may know our symptoms inside and out, it's difficult to determine from where we stand if what we see is ADHD or not. For example, you or I wouldn't know by looking at him what his history is. ADHD can look like so many other issues.

But I think that you wanting to help is a great thing. Just make sure that it goes in the right way.

It's very easy to hurt people if you wander up to someone and tell them they're 'mentally ill'.
I was 'headhunted' by another AD/HDer (on the internet of all places!) and she was wise enough to break it down into bite size pieces of positive attributes that wouldn't scare me. I think that's a pretty hard trick to pull off.
Wanting to help someone in distress is normal and laudable but fraught with danger - especially if it's a condition that's not 'physical'.
It can be done..but not advisable.

Id say some stuff about me and adhd, then make out that i really would like them to understand me alot better and adhd just so they know what it is like for me and other adders, and say that i have trouble trying to explain it to people with out them saying "im a bit like that at times thou" and i cant explain the differences to them when they say it althou there's a big difference, and i would ask them if they might be able to think of a short speech that i could use to help me as it gets me frustrated trying to explain and failing, then i would say ive got a book that might help them to help me and id say that a quick flip trough it should do! Then id lend them my copy of "so you mean im not stupid, lazy or crazy!" and hope they work the rest out for thier self!

If I were in that position I would be extremely careful. ADHD is horribly misunderstood by mainstream society and up to the moment that he actually starts to believe, your friend is still intellectually part of mainstream society with all the preconceptions that go with the territory. At best he will have a vague idea of something being wrong.

When I meet someone whom I think may have adhd, I do nothing. IF they choose to tell me they have adhd , then we have the basis for further dialogue on the subject. But I NEVER tell someone that I think they have adhd. they mioght not like it and I have no way of knowing in advance.


ME :D

Someone at work and a friend seems to recognize that something is wrong with him. The problems that he is going through and all the signs reminds me of myself before I got diagnosed. It is killing me to see him suffer every day (struggling with work and graduate school) and do not know what to do. I never told him that I have ADD.

So, I am in a big dillema. I want to bring this up and discuss with him so he can get some help. But, I am also afraid that he may think otherwise and may be offended. That may create a sticky situation for both of us.

Any advice?

When I spoke to my aunt, who used to take me and my little sister on trips before she had children of her own, about my suspicions, she told me that when she first started educating herself about her son's AD/HD, it had struck her how much she'd been reminded of what I'd been like as a little girl.

Now I don't know exactly when my cousin was diagnosed, or at what point, exactly, my aunt had this little epiphany regarding her niece - that'd be me - but I sure would have appreciated someone pointing me in the right direction when I was still trying to figure out what on earth was wrong with me. Ergo, my response (unspoken, amazingly) when she told me was "Well, why didn't you say anything?"

I'll be keeping an eye on this thread; I think it may go some way to providing me with an answer.