OK..
.....I was supposed to get my ADHD meds today.

I did.
......I've not run out since my mom has been dispensing them.

But, last night, I had THE most horrible nightmare, I've ever had in my adult life.

Tommorow is the grand opening for where I work.
.....................where I work is inside of this "super department store"

I dreamed my Dr. would'nt give me my prescription till next monday.

....I dunno why.

today is when they're due.

but, anyhow......


In the dream...
.....he denied me until next week, and the grand opening is tommorow.

I panicked....

....because I HAVE to be able to focus, I was terrified

I went to daytona and found some meth....I ate a "birthday" shard. (a big one)

......I showed up at work.

The lights went out, and several people ran out the door, one locked it
behind the others who were RUNNING away....and he ran away too.

..I looked down all the dark isles ...thinking WTF??

over the loud speakers, this man's voice said:

SUZANNNE,

WE DO NOT WANT YOUR DISEASE, IT IS NOT GOING TO BE SPREAD HERE.

......YOU WILL BE QUARENTENED TO THIS BUILDING FOR 2 WEEKS.

THAT'S WHEN WE'RE SURE THE CANCER IN YOUR POCKET WILL BE METABALIZED
AND WILL DO NO HARM TO THIS COMMUNITY.

IN 2 WEEKS THE DOORS WILL OPEN AND YOU WILL LEAVE THIS BUILDING
FOREVER,
....AND NEVER RETURN TO THIS PROPERTY, OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED,
AS WE HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER PENDING AGAINST YOU.

..........WE SUGGEST YOU LEAVE THE COUNTY, BECAUSE ALL LOCAL BUISNESSES HAVE BEEN ALERTED TO THE DANGER YOU REPRESENT.

ALL PHARMICUTACALS HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THE PREMISIS.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

THIS IS A RECORDING.


__________________________________________________



...........holy crap.
I woke up with tears in my eyes.
....I felt like a germ in a snuggles commercial.

Awwwhhh, it sounds awful the dream, i have had bad ones where you wake up and think they were real or going to be real. In tears and sweating all over.

I think it was your mind ticking over and panicing about your meds because you really need them to focus at work, even though you did get them the dream did the opposite.

Your mind made you take something else in the dream and it all went wrong.

I hope you feel better now you have your meds.

Hope it all go's well for you at the opening, let us know how it went. ;)

wow man..
.....it was a terrible dream.

but, it also answers the question, do my ADHD drugs trigger me to relapse?

......only if i don't have them.

I'm so sorry to hear that about your dream. It sounds dreadful. I think I would have had a panic attack in my sleep...not at the thought of being without meds, but not being able to get out of the store...locked...in the dark.... *shutter*

Your doing good for yourself...don't let the dream get to you too badly!

Suzi,

I've had using dreams before. And they seem so real, I'm absolutely sure I've thrown everything away, betrayed myself and those around me... then wake up to realize..... {pant pant pant}

Just a dream.

But the feeling I'm getting is that this dream didn't have anything to do with relapse in the least. Of course, this is simply me projecting my own fears and thoughts here, but...

One of the many, many many, many, many facts of life that I am still not comfortable with is that (it seems) I am forever going to be in need of medication to keep me right. I do not do well without them, I need them in order to function in the simplest of tasks. I've tried to go without the meds, you know, the TEST to see if I 'm hooked....

I am. I can't work, I can't sit still, I can't sleep, I can barely speak... really, after three days I couldn't keep up with my mind when trying to have a conversation... my wife almost ORDERED me to start taking them again after I began to speak in what was almost a stutter.

I have accepted, with a bit of resentment, that I have to take them. That really sucks, it doesn't look like I'll be going on Survivor anytime soon... I'll be the first one booted off the damn island.

The fear here is that now, after all the hard work, all the soul searching, all the amends... I'm still an addict. Only now I'm dependent on the damn prescription drugs.

What happens when you are in active street addiction and you just used the last of your stash? Where the hell is the next high going to come from? What if you can't find it? How in the hell are you going to pay for it?

I always hated those thoughts, the one's driven by fear, of running out. Kind of like how you just described with not being able to get your script.

I've traded one dependency for another.

I know Grafter,
.....it was more like a self medication/being EXPOSED dream.

I did'nt get high.
.......I felt "normal"

I find, I'm more and more agoraphobic, strange, because i love people.

.....now without meds, I seem to shrivel up, I don't wanna talk to nobody,
and daylight hurts my eyes.
In the dream I was terrified of meeting the masses without meds.

I was'nt always like that.

I've gotten neurotic in my old age.

I backed myself in a corner, and yelled it from the rooftops, so i can't fall back.
.......I'd have to let my other admin run methology.....how pathetic.

I made them promise not to ever admin the board high, and suzette can't read.
.......she won't go near a computer.
she just draws dark pictures, and is self absorbed.


.......I'd be thrown off the island too, for being a dreamer.

LOL!

Hugs Suzie.. :) I hope tomorrow turns out to be a really good day!

I think you RULE.

How's that sound?

Good luck tomorrow and remember, recovering addicts & alcoholics accomplish miracles everyday.

I work at our inpatient CD treatment facility and love going over there.

You'll be on my mind ( and everyone else's who knows you) tomorrow.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

thanks ya'll,
......I can't go to sleep, but I'll be ok.

I'll pass out sooner or later.

Come on SuzzaneX, how did your day go?

they did 11,000 dollars in four hours.
.....between 5pm and 9pm.

I worked like a freakin' trojen, it went well.

....I'll sleep tonight..... LOL!

my cake decorating gig starts saturday at 8am.


*dies*

Thank you all, for being here for me in these troubled times.
........you've all been very good friends to me, and I'm grateful to all that helped
get me thru it.

working hard is fine.
....not getting paid to pound the pavement sux and is hard on self esteem.

thank you so much for beliving in me.

You go, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

WOW! That's a lotta dam*ed coffee, even at $3.00 or more a pop...!

that was target and starbucks combined.

So glad everything went o.k!!! keep up the good work ;)

SuzzanneX - You and your post were on my mind several times today. Only been around a little while here, but I have read many of your posts, and it makes my heart happy to know that a spirit such as yours exists in this world. You have style that most people could only wish for.