Hey everyone. I'm new here so I will just start out with as quick as possible introdution I can give myself.

I will be 21 next week and am from Minnesota. I have a 2.5 year old son and a 4.5 year old son. I am divorced from their father.

I was been diagnossed with ADD last spring. Before that my biggest concentration was on my Diagnosses of Bipolar and later Borderline personality disorder. After I got those two mostly under control we still noticed a lot of negitive symptoms mostly with motivation. I know I HAVE to do somthing and I still just dont. I could sleep for 18 hours a day, I am told that it is an "avoidance behavior". I get very exited about different things, but I never finnish it. I loose interest with everything....the worst includes JOBS, not good. I was a college student for a long time but never finnished a program.

I think a lot of what I do is I think of everything I want and need to do and I think about it and I think about it and think.....and I start to overwelm myself. So I dont do anything. At all.

Its very bad becasue being bipolar, I do get depressed, and I get depression more than mania. And so I put everythign off and I get depressed so I put more off and then more depressed.


A few months ago I got way off course. And its been a rediculous snowballing mess since then. I got dropped from my insurance cuz I didnt fill out some nessesary renewal forms so I couldnt get my meds, which only made me worse and worse and worse. I've been off them all for a couple of months. I do not agree when people do this that are in a condition like me, so I dont know how I let it happen....it just did!


So the next part of the story is complicated, but I temperarly on Focalin, becasue they had samples. I took one today. I am pretty irritable and zoned out and stuff. I didnt get some stuff done. My house has become a disaster due to my inbalance lately. I tried to clean my room, got some done, but lost interest and found myself here. I wanted to take a nap. I realized I just wanted to, I wasnt tired, but its kind of a routine...things get too hard then I take a nap. Anyways. I dunno, I hope I see better efects tomorrow, cuz I have a lot of stuff to take care of, I am starting to get myself into some pretty deep holes.

Feeling like this is very scary. Sometimes I get so overwellmed with the messes I create, I think it would be easier to just end it all...but then I think of what people would find out aboout what a mess I've made with life....and that seriosly scares me.

I honestly think my biggest probelm is my ADD more than anything. Beacuse that lack of motivation is so hard to help.

I wanted to add that I am a very very forgetfull person. So I write write write everyting down, but sometimes seeing it all overwellms me...other times it helps me....But when I am in a messy situation in my head and life, like now, I dont remember to write down anyting...or bring my notebook or planner. Or I loose it. I also will make a list. But I rewtite it a billlion times. I want it to be a certain way, but I will never each my expections. Then eventially I get so frustrated there is no way I could concentrate on the tasks that were on the list!!! I also loose everyting...somewhat cuz of disorganization and from memory.

It's a battle!!!

I just realized that I missed my psycholigist apointment on monday....can she really get bad at me for fogetting...of course she knows what I'm like!!

I have a hard time admitting when I am going through a rough period. I think I am hidding it but I think everyone belives what I tell them. I am thinking now its pretty obvious what is going on with me.

So i have been noticing my side effecs of the focalin. I think I have the feeling that its wearing off. I forget with that is called. But I got that not even a few hours after I took it. I havent got a whole lot done today, but some and the day flew by like crazy. Usually it drags on while I think of what I should be doing and find everytying to do besides that. I know its only been one day but I really think my adderal worked better. My favorite was vyvance, BUT I would get "used" to it and have to higher the dose...eventially I couldnt anymore so she gave me adderal, which i have tried both types alone and together with different amounts. It works ok. Just not like the vyvance. It's too bad.....

Hi there imthatgirl,

Would you like this moved to the Focalin forum so that you might ask questions of others who might be on Focalin? I think your post is not really, or clearly asking any questions - but thought if you wanted to talk with other's on Focalin - that would be the place.

At Heart