View Full Version : concerta and no suicidal thoughts for once

07-28-08, 12:39 AM
this is weird for me so i thought i'd share to get some insight

for a long time i had been constantly consumed by suicidal thoughts and events over the past yr (isolating myself and social anxiety conseqently lding to dropping out of uni and BIG stressor (my ex-bf dying)). I would try and go out with my friends but feel trapped and like running away with no where to run and end up in the bathroom cutting the hell outta my wrists. or trying to od. or thinking of ways to die.

but since i have been on concerta all the self-destructive habits have disappeared (2 months). not one thought of any thing harmful. i see the reality of who my ex was (someone who i love but who beat me up and used me, and realise i dont have to be guilty about living or leaving him before he dragged me where he was headed)

i also can rationalise any depressing thoughts that come into my mind. and confront ppl more easily about what im feeling (also realise in my own mind what i am feeling which i found frustrating before and just assumed i was frustrating). I find it easier not to repress my emotions and to solve problems that do arise by talking with ppl.

but it seems a little too good to be true. like im setting myself up for a fall. hope has never been an option so i never got my hopes up. but maybe im not depressed just scared of the huge turnaround.

i dont know. its too not like me to not think like this. and its a great feeling. but does it last? is the depression caused by the adhd ? did it ever really exist? or was my mind in a negative feedback loop before? how long do adhd ppl stay on meds? how long will i get to feel like this before it gets taken away? has anyone been on a med for a long period and not lost effectiveness? whats withdrawal like? will my depression come back 10x worse?

09-07-08, 05:53 PM
People frequently make the mistake (in my un-professional opinion) of thinking that their depression/anxiety must have been caused by adhd when they see improvement in these areas after taking a med labeled for treatment of adhd. The fact is many of the neurotransmitters targeted to affect attention are also significant in mood regulation. Stumble upon a med which helps you focus like the dickens (as I have) yet has 0 effect on your depressive/anxious mood and you will be reminded that adhd and depression are two different issues in your brain.
My guess is the agonism of dopamine (by concerta) is likely what is contributing to your increased self confidence and your improved ability to focus and rationalize rather than becoming over-whelmed by emotion. I base this on my first hand experience with pretty much every 'marketable' psychotropic med in existence.
I understand how the huge sudden change in everyday thought processes can be startling.
Yes, your mind was probably in a learned negative feedback loop before like those of most depressed people. Clearly it still is in one to some extent, but thats the point of meds: to help break you out of that process by removing the intensity of negative emotions so you can still function despite their presence.
People stay on adhd meds for varying levels of time. Clearly your med is helping you in more areas than just focus and therefore it would seem to be advantageous to not suddenly just stop taking it for periods of time like others might do who really don't need or notice the other mood boosting effects it can have.
No med I have been on for any period of time has ever lost effectiveness (barring any additional life "trauma" which obviously is going to make you feel worse, but thats not the med losing effectiveness).
There isn't a lot of conclusive research either way on whether extended use of meds can make whatever issue you are treating with the med worse in the long run.
Withdrawal varies from person to person, med to med. Personally the few days of crappy withdrawal I rarely experienced is a joke compared to a lifetime of everyday suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, etc. The reality (and gratitude I have for that reality) that there is hope* in this day and age for improved psychological 'health' through meds far outweighs any grievances I have while suffering through withdrawal of any med that has turned out not to help.