I have been pretty closed-minded about ADD for as long as I can remember. I have felt like ADD is just a diagnosed name that the pharmeceutical companies and doctors use to make money off of people who have certain personality traits. I mean can't we have a personalilty without a diagnosis for it? I have a tendency to be nervous, but does that mean I have an anxiety disorder? Sharon tends to have quick-tempered-ness but does she have an anger problem, Tony is moody does that mean he's bi-polar? I mean it seems to me that society has developed a disorder for every negative trait a person has? So as I said I have been pretty close minded on the subject as I have believed that ADD symptoms are caused by an underlying disorder that if treated will no longer produce ADD symptoms/chemical imbalances, BUT know I read that ADD is possibly genetic? I have MANY questions, but here are a few that I haven't found in forums.

1)ADD seems to be the answer to EVERY one of my boyfriends problems, this makes ADD seem like an excuse that you can use for every bad trait you have or every bad thing you do, it seems to relinquish these people from having to be responsible for their actions, "Oh thats not my fault thats the ADD, I can't help it I was born this way."
2)How do I convince myself that taking on the HUGE task of ADD is worth it in my relationship. After reading these threads about ADD and having a further understanding it seems like in a relationship as the non-ADD you are saying to yourself, okay this person is going to treat you like crap day in and day out, they won't do anything with you, they will treat you worse than they do anyone else around them including their friends, they won't hold down a job or be conservative with money, they will do what they want when they want and not consider the consequences or how you feel, they will forget everything and you will argue all the time because of it, they will blame you for everything, they will not attempt ANYTHING, on and on and on! I mean how do you convince yourself that you should allow yourself to be treated this way because its not your spouses fault its the ADD. I mean can anyone really live with someone like that? I'm am to the point that I think I would rather be my partners friend than their lover as I think I would get MORE love from them as my friend. I thought I was having a hard time dealing with my partner now, but after reading these threads they haven't encouraged me, if anything they have made me even more hopeless. So a person with ADD in a relationship has just about every trait of someone who you would absolutely NOT want to day, they have taken every bad trait your normal husband could have and rolled it into one person!:eek:

1)ADD seems to be the answer to EVERY one of my boyfriends problems, this makes ADD seem like an excuse that you can use for every bad trait you have or every bad thing you do, it seems to relinquish these people from having to be responsible for their actions, "Oh thats not my fault thats the ADD, I can't help it I was born this way."

Anyone taking that path is being a jerk, ADD notwithstanding.


2)How do I convince myself that taking on the HUGE task of ADD is worth it in my relationship....

We can't answer that for you, you have to answer that for yourself.

Good luck.

Couple of points


You need to be able to love someone even if they have untreated conditions - the condition is part of that person...the whole person. If you don't like the whole package and have to make allowances you are not happy with then the relationship is probably doomed.
Manipulative/lazy/bullying/*insert social problem here* people can also have AD/HD. We are not all misunderstood and angelic. Using the condition as a get out clause smacks of exploitation. Sometimes I make an AD/HD boob and have to go back to make a grovelling apology...what's so different betwen myself and anyone else making an honest mistake?

In my experience if youre in a group of people talking about ADHD issues, at least someone will say everyone is like that, but fortunatly theres usualy a few people who will say no there not, my gues is the people who think everyone is like that might have it themselves. I didnt realise how normal people are I just assumed everone had the same problems becuase id had it al my life that was my view of normal, but the medication sudenly made me realise normal people arnt like me.

Plenty of ADDers (my husband, myself, and my son!) work very hard, are kind, and apologize when they let people down. To be blunt, the behavior you describe is that of a jerk. ADD is VERY real, just look at my EEG!
Good luck-Jan

I have been pretty closed-minded about ADD for as long as I can remember. I have felt like ADD is just a diagnosed name that the pharmeceutical companies and doctors use to make money off of people who have certain personality traits. I mean can't we have a personalilty without a diagnosis for it? I have a tendency to be nervous, but does that mean I have an anxiety disorder? Sharon tends to have quick-tempered-ness but does she have an anger problem, Tony is moody does that mean he's bi-polar? I mean it seems to me that society has developed a disorder for every negative trait a person has? So as I said I have been pretty close minded on the subject as I have believed that ADD symptoms are caused by an underlying disorder that if treated will no longer produce ADD symptoms/chemical imbalances, BUT know I read that ADD is possibly genetic? I have MANY questions, but here are a few that I haven't found in forums.

1)ADD seems to be the answer to EVERY one of my boyfriends problems, this makes ADD seem like an excuse that you can use for every bad trait you have or every bad thing you do, it seems to relinquish these people from having to be responsible for their actions, "Oh thats not my fault thats the ADD, I can't help it I was born this way."
2)How do I convince myself that taking on the HUGE task of ADD is worth it in my relationship. After reading these threads about ADD and having a further understanding it seems like in a relationship as the non-ADD you are saying to yourself, okay this person is going to treat you like crap day in and day out, they won't do anything with you, they will treat you worse than they do anyone else around them including their friends, they won't hold down a job or be conservative with money, they will do what they want when they want and not consider the consequences or how you feel, they will forget everything and you will argue all the time because of it, they will blame you for everything, they will not attempt ANYTHING, on and on and on! I mean how do you convince yourself that you should allow yourself to be treated this way because its not your spouses fault its the ADD. I mean can anyone really live with someone like that? I'm am to the point that I think I would rather be my partners friend than their lover as I think I would get MORE love from them as my friend. I thought I was having a hard time dealing with my partner now, but after reading these threads they haven't encouraged me, if anything they have made me even more hopeless. So a person with ADD in a relationship has just about every trait of someone who you would absolutely NOT want to day, they have taken every bad trait your normal husband could have and rolled it into one person!:eek:

You know what? Don't date/marry him. Period. I wish my husband hadn't married me. I'm sick to death of disappointing him. I'm just sick of it. I don't know how to be what he wants. I don't know how to be a different person.

I live for the moments that I please him and I die a thousand deaths every time I hear him express his frustrations with my shortcomings. I'll never measure up. I'll always be the child.

I do not blame him. I fail in so many ways, over and over. Whether or not it is ADD doesn't really matter, does it? He *is* right in being disappointed/frustrated. In his way, he loves me, but he will never fully respect me. I don't deserve it.

If you feel this way now, then it will only get worse over time. Your boyfriend will never make you happy. Move on.

1)ADD seems to be the answer to EVERY one of my boyfriends problems, this makes ADD seem like an excuse that you can use for every bad trait you have or every bad thing you do, it seems to relinquish these people from having to be responsible for their actions, "Oh thats not my fault thats the ADD, I can't help it I was born this way."

The criteria for diagnosing ADD is that the symptoms are "persistent, pervasive, and significantly imparing." In other words, everyone has their "ADD moments", but a diagnosis should only be made when the symptoms cause chronic impairment.

Persistent means it isn't something new relating to recent stresses, but something has been troublesome for most of the person's life.

Pervasive means it affects more than just one or two areas of day to day life.

And significantly imparing means that it causes some real issues that can't be dealt with by setting up schedules or other strategies.

That doesn't mean using ADHD as an excuse to treat anyone else badly. Using schedules and other strategies may still be helpful, and taking meds or supplements is also helpful. If someone had diabetes they would hopefully treat it properly and not ignore just it because better testing means more people are being diagnosed with it.


This article may help explain... http://www.thehelpgroup.org/pdf/adhd-dys/Brown_ADHD.pdf

BlondluvsandADD is my girlfriend, i asked her to come on this website and read about some of the other folks with similar problems as myself. She's always claimed that ADD is a bunch of B.S. to make money off of people. She has absolutely no sympathy for my condition or the way my brain works, she works in the "Sleep Apnea" field, (which itself is questionable) and she's convinced that ALL the worlds ills can be cured by a simple C-pap machine (machine that blows air down your throat while you sleep) But theres more to the story than she lets on.


Only recently have i discovered this site, and only RECENTLY have i decided that my relationship problems could be caused by ADD. This is not something i've used as a crutch as she proclaims, infact up until recently i just simply thought i was a manic depressive?

Now heres the good part, and the part l3londelovesanADD didn't add.

OUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WAS BUILT ON A FOUNDATION OF LIES! You see, my girlfriend IS a compulsive lier (although she refuses to come to terms with this), her first instinct is always to LIE then tell the truth. THIS is the main reason we have difficulty in our relationship, i HYPERFOCUS on all the lies she's told me, i always expect the story she gives me to be a lie.

This is the root of our problem, she's been told that THIS is the reason that i treat her with animosity sometimes. I simply cannot trust her!

I've asked her to get help for her lying problem (she also comes from a family of compulsive lier's, her brother, father etc.) but when i ask her to work on her lying i'm met with this smirk and laugh as if to say "oh i don't have a problem".

It's very tough being in a relationship with a person you cannot trust, and a person that thinks all the problems in the relationship are caused by YOU (me). A person that refuses to take responsibility for any of their actions, a person that will not tell you the truth until you confront her with it.

I sent her here for answers to why i am the way i am, and as usual, i am met with this "Oh it's just an excuse" attitude. I'm basically in a one-sided relationship.

Glowplug, BlondluvsandADD, and all other Forum members:

Before things get out of hand on this thread I want to remind everyone that ADDF is a support site. It is NOT a counseling or mediation site, nor is it an online Jerry Springer show.

I want to remind everyone that personal attacks will not be allowed on ADDF. I would also recomend that any members of the the Forum that wish to participate on this thread do so in a positive and respectful manner.

Incase you didn't read the "Read this First" thread :rolleyes:, here is a reminder:


Etiquette:
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In regards to foul language, when posting it is important to keep in mind that what you may consider normal everyday language could be, for others, offensive. In order to assist you we have a list of words which most commonly fall into this category, and if you happen to use one of them you will see in your Post ****.

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Casual references such as "good lord", OMG, karma, the devil made me do it, etc. are a part of casual language and, as a rule, are not forbidden. However, please keep in mind, that we have many members from all walks of life here and some may feel very uncomfortable with such casual usage. If a member makes excessive use of these forms of expression, they may be issued a warning.

We at the forums understand that language restriction is a complicated, confusing issue. Language is powerful and our goal is simply to make everyone here as comfortable as possible. The staff of the forum will use their discretion in making decisions, and anyone affected is welcome to approach us if they have questions or concerns.

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Bolding is that of the Moderator.

And another great thread you may not have read is here:





<CENTER>Tips for Resolving Conflict Online </CENTER><CENTER>http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/conflict.html (http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/conflict.html)
</CENTER>
What can be done to prevent unnecessary conflict in cyberspace? The following are tips for handling conflict online with respect, sensitivity, and care:


Don’t respond right away
When you feel hurt or angry about an email or post, it’s best not to respond right away. You may want to write a response immediately, to get it off your chest, but don't hit send! Suler recommends waiting 24 hours before responding - sleep on it and then reread and rewrite your response the next day.


Read the post again later
Sometimes, your first reaction to a post is a lot about how you're feeling at the time. Reading it later, and sometimes a few times, can bring a new perspective. You might even experiment by reading it with different tones (matter-of-fact, gentle, non-critical) to see if it could have been written with a different tone in mind than the one you initially heard.


Discuss the situation with someone who knows you
Ask them what they think about the post and the response you plan to send. Having input from others who are hopefully more objective can help you to step back from the situation and look at it differently. Suler recommends getting out of the medium in which the conflict occurred - in this case talking to someone in person - to gain a better perspective.


Choose whether or not you want to respond
You do have a choice, and you don’t have to respond. You may be too upset to respond in the way that you would like, or it may not be worthy of a response. If the post is accusatory or inflammatory and the person’s style tends to be aggressive or bullying, the best strategy is to ignore them.


Assume that people mean well, unless they have a history or pattern of aggression
Everyone has their bad days, gets triggered, reacts insensitively, and writes an email without thinking it through completely. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have good intentions.

On the other hand, some people pick fights no matter how kind and patient you are with them. They distort what you say, quote you out of context, and make all sorts of accusations all to vilify and antagonize you. Don't take the "bait" by engaging in a struggle with them - they'll never stop. Sometimes, the best strategy is to have nothing more to do with someone.


Clarify what was meant
We all misinterpret what we hear and read, particularly when we feel hurt or upset. It’s a good idea to check out that you understood them correctly. For example, you could ask, “When you said...did you mean...or, what did you mean by...?” Or, “when you said...I heard...is that what you meant?” Often times, what we think someone said is not even close to what they meant to say. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to be clear about what they meant.


Think about what you want to accomplish by your communication
Are you trying to connect with this person? Are you trying to understand them and be understood? What is the message you hope to convey? What is the tone you want to communicate? Consider how you can convey that.


Verbalize what you want to accomplish
Here are some examples, “I want to understand what you’re saying.” “I feel hurt by some stuff that you said. I want to talk about it in a way that we both feel heard and understood.” “I want to find a way to work this out. I know we don’t agree about everything and that’s okay. I’d like to talk with you about how I felt reading your post.” “I hope we can talk this through because I really like you. I don’t want to be argumentative or blaming.”


Use “I” statements when sharing your feelings or thoughts
For example, “I feel...” versus “You made me feel...”


Use strictly feeling statements
Feeling statements include saying you felt hurt, sad, scared, angry, happy, guilty, remorseful, etc. In everyday conversations, we describe our feelings differently than this. For example, we say that we felt “attacked”, “threatened”, “unsafe”, or “punched in the stomach”. When the person we’re upset with is not present, or able to read our words, this is an understandable way to express the full depth of our feelings and experience. Generally though, these statements are not simply feeling statements because they contain within them unexpressed beliefs. For example, you believe that you were attacked by the person, not that it just felt that way. If you want to communicate with the person involved (or they can read your words), it is best to stick to simple feeling statements otherwise they will hear you as accusing them of attacking them and be angry or upset with you. Some people get confused why other people get upset with them when they think they are only expressing their feelings; usually in these cases there were unstated beliefs expressed which the person reacted to.


Choose your words carefully and thoughtfully, particularly when you’re upset
Do your best to keep in mind that the person will read your post alone. You are not physically or virtually present with them to clarify what you meant, and they can’t see the kindness in your eyes. They must rely entirely on your words to interpret your meaning, intent, and tone. This is why it’s important to choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. You can still be real and honest while being selective.


Place yourself in the other person’s shoes
How might they hear your message? To avoid unnecessary conflict or a lot of hurt feelings, it helps to take into account who you’re writing to. One person might be able to hear you say it exactly how you think it, and another person would be threatened by that style of communication. Think about the other person when writing your email or post. Do your best to communicate in a way that is respectful, sensitive, and clear to them. People often say, to do that feels like they’re being controlled and why shouldn’t they just write it the way they want to. Of course you can write it any way you want, especially online, but if you want to communicate with this person and have them hear and understand what you’re saying, it helps to think about how they will hear it.


Use emoticons to express your tone
In online communication, visual and auditory cues are replaced by emoticons, for example, smiles, winks, and laughter. It helps to use emoticons to convey your tone. Additionally, if you like the person, tell them! Having a conflict or misunderstanding doesn’t mean you don’t like the person any more, but people often forget that reality, or don’t think to say it. It may be most needed during a tense interaction.


Start and end your post with positive, affirming, and validating statements
Say what you agree with, what you understand about how they feel, and any other positive statements at the beginning of your email. This helps set a positive tone. End on a positive note as well.

Suler, J. (2002). The basic psychological features of cyberspace. In The Psychology of Cyberspace, www.rider.edu/suler/psycyber/basicfeat.html (http://www.rider.edu/suler/psycyber/basicfeat.html) (article orig. pub. 1996)

If anybody has questions regarding this thread, or the Forum rules, please PM the Moderators. Thanks.
<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

Why do people who actively dislike each other even date? I don't understand.

Here's what I think about the question :

Beginning with the first research study on what is now called ADHD in 1902, we're rapidly approaching 8K research studies/journal articles, books, chapters in books,etc.

The amazing thing to me is how few people really sit down and look the data over.

The best ADHD is real/deal with it journal article available today is:


International Consensus 2002


It's signed off on by over 80 of the world's leading scientist's,

has 19 pages of references,

and also contains THE gold standard definition of any disorder, not just ADHD;which ADHD easily meets.


It's available at:

www.russellbarkley.org


welcome to the Forum

mctavish23

(Robert)

First and foremost it was brought to my attention that I may have not used my best disgretion when describing my question. I was trying to admit how I have felt about ADD in the past, I should have elaborated more about how this was wrong thinking on my behalf and that I am trying to learn how to focus on dealing with said issues without having a feeling of condemnation towards my partner. The statement I made was meant to be interpreted as a statement of how I used to feel and am now enlightened by the fact that I have discovered ADD to be a proven scientific genetic disorder. I read a post on here from 100 scientists about the research they have done with ADD and how it has been extensively proven despite media efforts to make ADD seem unrealistic. I was the effect of said media efforts and lack of knowledge to enable me to make a better judgement. I am disgraced by the way that I have thought of ADD and how I have condemed my partner for the things that I didn't understand nor did I take the time to learn about so I could understand it because I was so closed minded on the subject. I did not mean to offend anyone on here and I have deep feelings about the REAL issues that a person has to deal with from day to day that is suffering from ADD. I am appreciative to all of you who offer insight to those of us in relationships and allow us to be apart of your forum so that we may understand.
Thank you Robert for the information I will be reading the article that you have posted for me and I appreciate you seemingly understanding what I had to say.

Hey all, my marriage fell apart for many reasons, but some had to do with my unsuspected, undiagnosed ADHD. He hated that I forgot things, but he also mocked me for the strategies I used to remind myself.

Now, 23 years later, I am nearly certain that he also shared ADHD, chiefly because he never finished or even attempted long term or "boring" tasks, unless for some reason it caught his attention. (Sound familiar?) He was a brilliant man (probably still is) but over the years I came to have contempt for him because with all his promise, he never took off, and I never knew why.

We were always on a simmer of annoyance or even anger with each other. I would mutter "Men!" under my breath, and I imagine he was doing the same, in his own way.

Finally, exhausted and fed up, I left. There was, frankly, no way out for us.

Thank God science now has an understanding of the problem, and some ways to tackle it.

Now back to your situation, l3londluvsanADD. You don't mention if your boyfriend is being treated. It certainly sounds like he isn't. Is there a reason for this? Perhaps because he's over 18? (I understand some health coverage stops dealing with ADHD once the person's not a minor anymore.) Or he used to take meds and doesn't like them? Maybe I missed that part, I would be interested to hear.


Ducky

operating at 185% wingpower, yay

No he is not on meds, we have recently discovered this site and like MANY people from what I have read we didn't know all of the effects of this disorder on the persons life. We thought the usual oh it makes you not be able to concentrate and hyperactive, boy were we wrong. I have been on this sight for 2 days and in 2 days it has changed my life! We are now talking about ways to cope and are interested in taking a form of medication but are having a hard time knowing where to start. He doesn't have insurance and as far as I understood we cannot put him on mine because we are not married. I have suggested natural ways to help like something from a health store etc (valerian root?) I would be curious to know if anyone has taken anything natural and found that it has helped? I would also be curious to know if anyone can give me the average cost of said medications if you pay for them out of pocket. Much like you after reading up on this disorder I think I may be suffering from a mild form of it myself. I have NEVER been able to get into anything. You know people have a favorite show they like to watch, or a favorite pastime they like to do, or a hobby, I can pick up a hobby and 2 months later I'm burnt out on it. I tried scrapbooking, I have 3 pages and I'm done, crocheting got about 10 rows and I'm done, playing the guitar, learned 3 songs and I was done, etc. I also have what I have heard called FOF (fear of failure) if I don't think I can do something 100% then I won't attempt it at all( my gradebook in school was filled with 100's and zeros), and if I think someone will judge me for something I'll mislead the truth, I am the BIGGEST procrastinator ever did I forget to mention that. But about my BF he stated that he used to take medication when he was a child and it helped, but he thought that he would grow out of his ADD, and now that we are more educated we now know that you can suffer from it your whole life.

Thanks for clarifying, it makes sense now!

It lasts your whole life, and some people never know what it is until they are adults.

Yeah after I read what Grafter posted I have realized that people at first didn't approach my post as they should via his guidelines by allowing me to clarify, but I did forget to mention that I have always been told that I don't say things the right way and they always come out sounding crass or harsh, thanks for the opportunity to explain and the time to reread and understand! I would not want you all to think that I have visited your website to ridicule you, I cannot say I am empathetic(as empathy is to express having been there and I haven't) but I am now sympathetic for what my bf and others are dealing with day in and day out effecting every aspect of their lives.

Yeah after I read what Grafter posted I have realized that people at first didn't approach my post as they should via his guidelines by allowing me to clarify,

Ummm if you can point to a guideline in Grafter's post that has been violated by any one of the member's {excluding your boy friend =lack of objective abilities with that one} - I would be very interested in this because I read each post and I did not see one violation.

Glowplugs post is extremely close and is why grafter posted his reminder - {that and the prospect of a couple ripping each other apart isn't very family friendly or conducive to a supportive environment}

Calling a member a pathological liar as a means of name calling is against the guidelines . I re-read his post four times he gets darn close but he is describing a behavior his has issues with not you as a person .


Personally ------------------------------------------------------------

I think there is some issues on both sides . . . most noticeable in understanding relationship boundaries and communicating expectations in general. Both skills can be learned

I think being able to read this from both your points of view has been an excellent experience for us all. Soo many non-ADD spouses come on here and blast their ADD spouses and we never get to hear the ADD spouses point of view

Here are some hyperlinks that may be of interest to both of you

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self (http://www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm)

what seems to be a frequent problem - okay in my relationship any way
Non-productive Conflict (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/index12.html)


I do hope this heps both of you . . . .:)

I didn't say that anyone Violated anything I was stating that what he had included in his post (Grafter) were very good messages to heed, particulary letting people clarify as I have misunderstood people and they have misunderstood me many a time, his insight was very helpful, and as I posted before apparantly I am not very good at explaining myself! LOL! and again I have failed to explain what I meant referring to his post!
I appreciate your link to the articles, I am willing to read EVERYTHING i can to understand what we are dealing with. I use the term WE because I think that I chose to love him and if I want to love him we have to be in this together! I am proud to say that I LOVE someone with ADD and I am willing to fight for that love, I think it is not right to here of people on this forum stating that their loved ones have given up on them, if you TRULY love someone then you do not give up on them no matter how hard things may seem, love is something you have to work at and whether it was in a relationship with someone with ADD or not, your going to encounter "trials and tribulations" that require work, HARD work! I am a true believer that LOVE is not for the weak minded.

MEAD love your ending quote by the way! I am such a procrastinator! (hope i spelt that right)

No he is not on meds, we have recently discovered this site and like MANY people from what I have read we didn't know all of the effects of this disorder on the persons life. We thought the usual oh it makes you not be able to concentrate and hyperactive, boy were we wrong. I have been on this sight for 2 days and in 2 days it has changed my life! We are now talking about ways to cope and are interested in taking a form of medication but are having a hard time knowing where to start. He doesn't have insurance and as far as I understood we cannot put him on mine because we are not married. I have suggested natural ways to help like something from a health store etc (valerian root?) I would be curious to know if anyone has taken anything natural and found that it has helped? I would also be curious to know if anyone can give me the average cost of said medications if you pay for them out of pocket. Much like you after reading up on this disorder I think I may be suffering from a mild form of it myself. I have NEVER been able to get into anything. You know people have a favorite show they like to watch, or a favorite pastime they like to do, or a hobby, I can pick up a hobby and 2 months later I'm burnt out on it. I tried scrapbooking, I have 3 pages and I'm done, crocheting got about 10 rows and I'm done, playing the guitar, learned 3 songs and I was done, etc. I also have what I have heard called FOF (fear of failure) if I don't think I can do something 100% then I won't attempt it at all( my gradebook in school was filled with 100's and zeros), and if I think someone will judge me for something I'll mislead the truth, I am the BIGGEST procrastinator ever did I forget to mention that. But about my BF he stated that he used to take medication when he was a child and it helped, but he thought that he would grow out of his ADD, and now that we are more educated we now know that you can suffer from it your whole life.

I had apparently skipped this post and I was about to tease you about being ADD yourself to lighten the mood on this thread, lol.

From what I understand, many times ADDers have a way of finding other ADDers to have relationships with, because other people don't get us at all. When I noticed the trouble you were having expressing yourself as you wanted to, particularly with the accusations you said that others have made about you being crass or harsh or something like that, it sounds a lot like some of the ADD symptoms. There are varying degrees of it, and some symptoms seem to conflict one another, but they are very real. I highly recommend that you read the book Delivered From Distraction (or the older version, Driven To Distraction) by Dr. Edward Hallowell. I always recommend it because it helped myself and my wife tremendously. She got to understand me, and I got to understand me, just by going through the book. I haven't even finished it yet, and it has helped so much that I could never thank him for it. You may find some things in there that apply to you too.

No he is not on meds, we have recently discovered this site and like MANY people from what I have read we didn't know all of the effects of this disorder on the persons life. We thought the usual oh it makes you not be able to concentrate and hyperactive, boy were we wrong. I have been on this sight for 2 days and in 2 days it has changed my life! We are now talking about ways to cope and are interested in taking a form of medication but are having a hard time knowing where to start. He doesn't have insurance and as far as I understood we cannot put him on mine because we are not married. I have suggested natural ways to help like something from a health store etc (valerian root?) I would be curious to know if anyone has taken anything natural and found that it has helped? I would also be curious to know if anyone can give me the average cost of said medications if you pay for them out of pocket. Much like you after reading up on this disorder I think I may be suffering from a mild form of it myself. I have NEVER been able to get into anything. You know people have a favorite show they like to watch, or a favorite pastime they like to do, or a hobby, I can pick up a hobby and 2 months later I'm burnt out on it. I tried scrapbooking, I have 3 pages and I'm done, crocheting got about 10 rows and I'm done, playing the guitar, learned 3 songs and I was done, etc. I also have what I have heard called FOF (fear of failure) if I don't think I can do something 100% then I won't attempt it at all( my gradebook in school was filled with 100's and zeros), and if I think someone will judge me for something I'll mislead the truth, I am the BIGGEST procrastinator ever did I forget to mention that. But about my BF he stated that he used to take medication when he was a child and it helped, but he thought that he would grow out of his ADD, and now that we are more educated we now know that you can suffer from it your whole life.

Whoa! Big block of text with no paragraph breaks, very hard for some of us to read. But I've learned a few tricks recently that help with this. Still wish folks would take a moment before hitting the "submit" button to break up their post into smaller segments. **le sigh**

Anyway, I don't have health insurance either, and am not aware of any of the meds for ADD being on the $4 discount list. I've been taking Omega 3 supplements (fish oil) for almost 5 years now and it's pretty scary when I run out or forget for more than a couple of days. Scary to think I used to live like that all my life. I didn't know what was wrong until I was 53 and we were looking into my granddaughter's symptoms.

There have been several threads around here (check the alternative treatments forum) on the effectiveness of Omega 3. Some prefer the pricey brands with a better ratio of fat types. I can only afford the cheaper kind and as I say, they are working well enough that I can definately tell a difference when I don't take them. They don't work for everyone as well as they work for me, but it's a starting place at the least.

Dr. Hallowell recomends in Delivered from Distraction that an adult should take 5 GRAMS of Omega 3 per day... incase you are wondering dosage.

.... am now enlightened by the fact that I have discovered ADD to be a proven scientific genetic disorder. I read a post on here from 100 scientists about the research they have done with ADD and how it has been extensively proven despite media efforts to make ADD seem unrealistic. I was the effect of said media efforts and lack of knowledge to enable me to make a better judgement.
Yes, media have a lot to answer for. Did you know that large multi-national companies have teams of media experts? Their sole responsibility is to buy, weed out and generally cajole the media into giving the 'right story at the right time'. Whether it's good or bad doesn't matter. It's all image.

The media is a strong tool that can be mis-used oh so many ways. This is one of my beefs.

However, it's interesting to note that one of the biggest issues with the ADD vs Media fight is that there is a lot of vagueness with the ADD diagnosis. The fact that we don't have a clearly identifiable marker, or a valid reproduceable test for an ADD sufferer will always raise questions. We just don't have that genetics marker test that will give you a result like "90% chance of ADD"... yet.

This is not to say that ADD doesn't exist, (just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist), but rather the vagueness in the description is the issue here. We work on symptoms - it's the only thing we have at the moment. There are a lot of people who will read the ADD symptoms list and say 'Oh yea! I have that!', but one of the most important things to note is that ADD is a lifelong issue. You don't get "late onset ADD". So while those people say they have it - more than likely they don't.

Also this doesn't mean that in another years time we will still have the definitions ADD, ADHD, ADD-PI. We will probably find that it will be further broken down, branched off, joined up, dissolved, and the DSM-MCMXVIII tree will look so much more different. Hopefully, there will also be some genetic markers to identify mental illnesses/deficits/issues/whatever.



The amazing thing to me is how few people really sit down and look the data over.

Rob you've said it all there. People will readily accept watered down popular concepts without bothering to read up on it properly. Hey! I thought we were the ones who had an attention problem! :) l3londluvsanADD, don't take that the wrong way. Everyone does it.

Dr. Hallowell recomends in Delivered from Distraction that an adult should take 5 GRAMS of Omega 3 per day... incase you are wondering dosage.

Whoa. I only take about half that much myself. Maybe next week I'll try taking 4 capsules instead of only 2 and see if I can see any difference.

I GAVE MY BF ADDERRALL TODAY, I HAD A SAMPLE AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR HIM, WE WILL BE AT THE DOCTOR ON CASH PAY ASAP FOR THE PRESCRIPTION! ONY 10 MG AND IT WAS A GREAT DAY!



mADD- Thanks for the book reccomendation I have a hard time paying for boos as I am cheap, but if its worth it like you say then I will look into it!

So Yeah I don't want to seem like I am trying to overshadow my bf's condition (if condition is the politically correct term) but I have alot of the symptoms that I have read about on this forum, they just seem to have not been as extreme as others and I have found ways to cope with them. I am a procrastinator to no end, I think while I read so I have to visualize to stop my mind from thinking so I can remember what I just read, I could NEVER pay attention in math class, I almost failed 3rd grade and then the next year they put me in accelerated classes for test scores and I did just fine, I have anxiety and I NEVER know where it comes from, people don't understand me, etc. theres more but it would take all day! LOL!

So yeah I think I may have it myself, would like to take a test, anyone have a suggestion?

Lunacie- I have fish oil at home, I'll give it to him, maybe take some myself THANKS! Hope you like the text breaks!

Mijahe- I agree the media are the CAUSE for alot of problems! It is so true the vagueness of ADD symptoms, just like myself and my bf everyone thinks its just concentration issues.