( I made this match.com personal about 6 months ago, Then Forgot until I recently got a reply. I wonder why more men haven't responded? No I can't respond cause I am not a paying member. )


"the perfect woman?"

I am a: 40 yr old woman

located in: Saint Augustine, Florida, United States

looking for: Dating: 18 to 121-year old man

within

relationships: Committed relationships but never married

my ethnicity: Other

body type: No Answer

height: 7’ 10” (238.8 cms)

sense of humor: No Answer

sign: I don’t believe in astrology


About me and who I'd like to date
I am very sloppy. I am looking for a felow who will assume household chores in exchange for blackhead squeezing. I am very sensitive and like to hear other people cough !!!I love men that pat repetitively, and that are quick on the remote. I smell faintly like horseradish. I will send you a picture, because I know that you will love my hair!!

Long toes, intelligent. LIkes watching me ride the merry go round. I like fancy hankerchiefs in their pockets on the first date only. Please only respond if you are very bouncy. Hopefully you are the type who smacks his lips often. I want a partner who is willing to sleep near the frigerator. And doesn't mind having lots of feminie hygiene products on your dashboard, and can carry on a dialogue while having a bowel movement. Stuttering a plus!!!!!!!!

Appearance

height: 7’ 10” (238.8 cms)

eyes: Colored contacts

hair: Indescribable

hairstyle: Braided, Cornrowed, Curled, Flipped, Mullet, Shaved, Straight, Teased, Wind-tossed, Other

body type: No Answer

body art: Wouldn’t even think about it, Visible tattoo, Strategically placed tattoo, Inked all over, Pierced… but only ear(s), Belly button ring, Piercings you’ll have to ask about, Fanged, Branded, Scarred, Other

best feature: Hair

Interests

for fun:
I enjoy simple activities like escalator riding, washing my dog. I am presently raising money for disabled farm pigs. I have a great love for doorknobs and have collected 400 various types.I am looking for a man with similar.


favorite hot spots:
I spend a lot of time in Home Depot looking for the latest doorknobs. As for a good meal I find the best selection in the restricted dumpsters behind Publiks. I sing outloud in public, i ride the merrygoround often.

favorite things:
I love the feel of tight shoes. I am very turned on by men who are able to fling things with their toes. I enjoy being burped. Blowing bubble off the top of beer mugs is a joy and I am entertained for hours. I hope you love these things!

last read:
The national enquirerer, it's a great paper aboout the most amazing things.
sense of humor: No Answer

sports and exercise: Walking / Hiking

common interests: No Answer

favorite NBA team: No Answer


Lifestyle

exercise habits: Walking to the car is enough for me

daily diet: Vegetarian, Junk food junkie, All chocolate, all the time

smoke: Smokeless tobacco

drink: Gave it up

job: Other profession

I write for a newspaper, I have a column entitled "in between the folds" It speaks in praise and advise for re-awakening the sexual powers of obese men and woman.

income: Less Than $25,000

my place: Live with kids, Live with parents, Live with pets, Live with roommate(s), Family and friends visit often, There’s a party every night

have kids: None

want kids: Definitely

how many: A full house

willing to adopt: Definitely

pets:

I have: Cats, Dogs, Fish, Reptiles, Exotic pets, Gerbils / Guinea Pigs / Etc., Fleas, Other

I don't have, but like: No Answer

I don't like: Birds, Horses

Background/Values

ethnicity: Other

I think I am mixed. I was told by my adoptive parents when I was young that my mother was a decendant of the Eflings. My father they ssay was was mostly Hobbit and Orc combined

faith: Atheist

I believe that we are just imagining things. When I sleep I am very aware that I am just a part of one atom in a tiny moment of flatulence.

education: High school, Some college, Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral, School of life

I studied yogurt cultures.

languages: Spanish, Dutch, Tagalog, Other

politics: No Answer

About My Date

hair: Indescribable

eyes: Black

height: 5’ 0” (152.4 cms) to 5’ 0” (152.4 cms)

body type: Heavyset

languages: Dutch, Tagalog

ethnicity: Middle Eastern

faith: Hindu

education: PhD / Post Doctoral

job: Executive / Management, Administrative / Secretarial, Financial services, Political / Govt / Civil Service / Military, Artistic / Creative / Performance, Sales / Marketing, Technical / Computers / Engineering, Teacher / Professor, Retail / Food services, Legal, Medical / Dental / Veterinary, Labor / Construction, Travel / Hospitality / Transportation, Student, Retired, Other profession

income: $150,001+

smoke: Daily, Cigar aficionado, Smokeless tobacco

drink: Regularly

relationships: Any

have kids: Any

want kids: Probably not

turn-ons: Tattoos, Body piercings, Long hair, Skinny dipping, Public displays of affection, Power, Money, Sarcasm, Brainiacs, Boldness / Assertiveness

turn-offs: Flirting, Thrills, Dancing, Erotica, Candlelight, Thunderstorms

perfect date:
Natural
Verdant conversations over cobblestone paths, each of us captivated by the perfume of blooming perennials



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whoever responded must've had a very good sense of humor, or of the absurd, or both.... lol :)

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/lachen/laughing-smiley-017.gif Sorry...couldn't help it

Not trying to be rude but is it a joke?

hey a guy just messaged me saying he like doorknobs too! And said he is even starting a dead bolt collection. That is the first personal message I got. Weird. He sent a picture of him w/a motorcycle how unusual, oh nice bike! He looks decent. Very normal wish they'd get a ADD.

You got a picture to send me

You sound like my type of "were not sure" person

wflbear...This is my personal, I am not capable of making a normal one I thought it might spice up the match.com site as most of the others say the same thing." Human being likes to ride motorcycle, likes the beach, like to be with that special someone" yada yada yada

Yes it is a joke, that is also my personal.

lol I love it very eye catching and funny.

Hell If I were a man...yousa be my type of woman.jk...LOL hugssssssssss!

lol janine, that's awesome!! I'm surprised more guys haven't responded since it's obvious that you have a sense of humor and aren't just the same ol person that everyone ELSE is...

About once every few months I get a response. Inbetween I forget it exists. I was just joking when I did it. Being oppositional I guess. But I am far more interested in a man that responds to it, than if I had a nomal personal. But I can't respond back, you have to pay.

A guy the othernight IM ed me through the match.com , saying he liked doorknobs too.
That was the night I posted my personal here. So we talked and he sent me a pic, not to thrilling but o.k looking. So I sent him one back. He didn't write after that weird huh?
He had a sense of humor but seemed to be trying to hard, and worried I would think he was being real.

You sound great to me! :)

Thanks, Kassie
By the way I was joking when I said "I wonder why more men haven't responded" I think some took it serious. I guess I am a bit vauge when I joking which is often! I am working on that!

I thought it was great if I was single I would answer it. It is real hard to find someone who knows how to smile and joke. I thought maybe you had wrote it just on here as a joke.

Jellybean,
Great way to start my day with a chuckle!
Think maybe we could have a section for 'jokes and other lighthearted stuff'.
Any more interesting messages from interested dates?

Jellybean,
Would it be ok with you if I copied your ad and sent to some friends and co-workers off-forum in a private email? I think they would get a good laugh out of it too. I would never do so without asking permission first and if you're not comfortable with that, no problem.

If ADD forum ever has a Valentines Day contest regarding pick up lines I know you'll be there in the winner's circle!

Could WE date? I will try not to bore you.

OMG, that is teh funnay!!!!!!111!!!

Funniest thing I have read in a while. :)

Thanks, thats neato that it was enjoyed! It is public domain.
I should get the url, it is better viewed from the actual site.
I met a great guy about 3 months ago or less. (Who responded to the ad) The chemistry hasn't kicked in for me, though. He has a zillion great qualities among them being very open, and introspective. And we are on the same lines politically/spiritually.
His son is the same age as mine.

Our schedules conflict and we both are very busy, but It is better this way as I usually move too fast for my preference (sexually, too impulsive) or dissapoint men as I most often don't feel the physical chemistry. Plus he has only been divorced for a little more than a year.
Speaking of Chemistry .... this electric man came over to try to figure out my electrical problems today, omg we were sparking!! We talked a lot about electrical matters but didn't get personal. Wonder if he's single?? I know he plays some music and is a very spontaneous talker. He knocked on my door and asked if this was the ******* residence, I said yes then he proceeded to introduce himself and mixed my last name with his first kind of like an impulsive joke. I can relate to that. But it was unusual. Maybe he is an ADD man? That's probably why we were sparking he has that add electrical zing. (Take me to electric avenue)
He said he's stopping by tomorrow (today). I have this feeling that he felt it too. He was way more attentive to my dilema that the others.
I actually recently wondered if I would ever get an chemically attrative housecall from a utility man. Wonder if he can carry on a conversation while having a B.M he he!

Hi...
Er.. Erm........
I really really don't understand how come it is funny? I know it is a joke but cannot really detect the humour. I do find the occupation part of the the guy who responded funny because how can he take on so many jobs in his whole life right? And all are different professions..anyway about your description it does sound a bit funny when i read it the third time. I am kinda slow. haha.

7-foot 10-inches.... hubba hubba

: - )

Hope it works out with the electrician!

OMG - I think I peed my pants laughing so hard. This sounds like the type of thing I would write.
LOVE IT!!!!

How'd it go with Mr. Electricity?