Im going back out with my ex girlfriend who has ADHD!

HELP!! :eek:


How is a guy ment to treat a girl with ADHD?

Do I play hard to get like a would with most girls.... or do i just wrap my fingers around her, and never let her go???

I really have to idea how too make things work..... :confused:


Thanks for any advice it you have any!!

Genralise? Wimmin'? Are you mad?!

Dangerous game.

An individual is an individual - the only adaption I'd make for an AD/HD partner would be to keep the tempo high.

Hey Fraz! Haven't seen you around here in awhile. Welcome back!

I'm going to offer some very generic advice, as the question isn't really specific either...



You treat her the same way you would treat your girlfriend if she didn't have ADHD!



Show her respect and kindness, let her know in little ways that you appreciate her and want her with you, but also establish clear boundaries about your own time and space. Alternately, give her space of her own, but make it clear that you care enough to be there when she wants you there. Don't smother!



Pick her some wildflowers.



Leave her little post-its in unsuspecting places that say things like "I was thinking about you."



Watch chick-movies with her only on the agreement that she will watch some action film that you like. :D



Put the toilet seat down.



Don't allow emotional intensity to unnerve you.



Always say "Bless you."



Shorten your walking stride if it's longer than hers, and hold her hand when walking together.



Brush your teeth often.



Don't expect her to act like you, think like you, react like you, or show her emotions like you.



And don't try to change that^^^^^



Always open doors for her. She'll appreciate the gesture, even though she is fully capable on her own.



Don't try to "figure her out." Simply enjoy her differences.



Never let a "problem" be held in. Bring it out in the open. If you do, she will respect you more for it. If you don't, you will only build resentment.



Try to prepare a good meal for her sometime.



Praise! Praise! Praise!



Don't expect that everything should be easy in the relationship. Ever.



Don't ever change your mind simply to please her. Always listen, then make your own choice.



Never leave hair on the soap.

Hi Fraz

You're both unique individual people..... so treat her the way you'd like someone to treat you.....

as someone worthy of respect until they prove otherwise

and on your part... that you expect respect in return for your own strengths and the way you handle your weaknesses.

Above all ..... have fun

kilted

Hey, we're just like other girls... Everything Grafter said is right on.

Except... well, I'm always scared when the toilet seat is down after one of the guys used the bathroom. Never know what you're going to find on that seat. ;) But yeah, most girls get annoyed about that. I just have too many brothers.

Umm, if she's anything like me, give her space and time to come around, get to know you, and all that. I completely freak out otherwise. One time this guy that I barely knew would call me three times a day and when talking to one of our mutual friends, (in a conversation revolving around me) said that he just wanted to find a nice girl to settle down with and have kids. :eek:

Also, it's nice to know that someone appreciates you with/in spite of/because of your ADD traits. We can feel defective...

Good luck! :D

Also, it's nice to know that someone appreciates you with/in spite of/because of your ADD traits. We can feel defective...


Oh! that is SO true!!

Grafter totally got it right with soap, toilet seat, and, oh yeah, that whole respect thing ;)! I just have a few differenes. I would suggest that you don't think of her as a "girl" and to think of her is an individual. I don't like it when someone makes gendered assumptions, like that I like chick-flicks (I prefer action and comedy), want my door opened (whoever gets there first holds the door for the other person, to me this shows mututal respect), or I like flowers (I have terrible allergies). These are just my preferences, and she will have her own - and what is fun and important in a relationship is finding out what makes the other person unique!

Oh, and don't look at her like she has three heads if she breaks out in dance, or starts singing a song in jibberish, or something equally as odd... just smile and try to appreciate the quirks!

Hmmm...I'm not going to try handing out advice before I know why you're X in the first place? ;)

Oooph, the whole chivalry/opening doors/carrying heavy bags thing?
Geez, sorry...I killed that...just in case anyone was wondering who did it. :o:D

Also, it's nice to know that someone appreciates you with/in spite of/because of your ADD traits. We can feel defective..

So true.

Hmmm...I'm not going to try handing out advice before I know why you're X in the first place? ;)



:) your avatar is full of lies.


Also, treat a girl with ADHD like you would if she didn't have ADHD. But then be especially prepared to deal with those special things that make us special.
But playing hard to get vs. finger wrapping? I dunno, man... things work or they don't based on a whole bunch of things like chemistry, patience, effort. You won't need to play hard-to-get or smother her if those things are in line.

Sorry I forgot to mention that im ADD and AS myself and it took me a while to get through the posts. :)

Thanks alot for the advice everyone!

I guess I just kind of went into panic mode yesterday.

And thanks for the welcome back Grafter! :)

Great to be back! :D

Its amazing how quickly her feelings change. :(

I'm sorry if I missed previous discussions regarding the Ex.

So what's the story?

I'm sorry if I missed previous discussions regarding the Ex.

So what's the story?

Her feelings about things always change.

She can love me for 2 months straight.... or maybe only a couple of days..... then not love me in that way anymore..... the a few months later.... love me again....ect....

I dont know how to get her feelings set on me..... but i guess I just want her to be happy.

But you need to be happy with yourself, and your choices, too.

She's throwing you from one ladder to the other, and you aren't left with any say here.

What do you want?

But you need to be happy with yourself, and your choices, too. What do you want?

So true!

Choose your partners carefully. ADHD doesn't some how justify toying with someone's affections. If that's the excuse she's using, than show her that you truly care about her; give her the time and space she needs to work on them.

Sometimes showing people we love them means we seperate ourselves from them.

But you need to be happy with yourself, and your choices, too.

She's throwing you from one ladder to the other, and you aren't left with any say here.

What do you want?

I love her too much to care what I want.... thats my biggest weakness.

I dont know it she means to mess with my head... or if she is just confused herself.

Fraz,

I've watched my DD (17 yrs old) torture a guy with "catch and release" for over two years. She doesn't date anyone, hasn't even officially been the poor guy's official girlfriend. They'll get close, then she turns tail and runs.

My perspective is that DD's self-esteem and self-confidence are so low that being TOO happy makes her uncomfortable, causing her to back off.

Is something similar possible in your girl's case?

I think that if you enjoy her on-off company, then hang around, if you don't move on.

If I were you, I would work on myself long enough to figure out what makes you tick. As I guess that you and I have some negative personality traits in common. You might want a little help from a therapist that specializes in people with ADHD to get over it. But maybe its not time for you yet. It took me getting married with a kid to get real.

I love her too much to care what I want.... thats my biggest weakness.

I dont know it she means to mess with my head... or if she is just confused herself.

Loving someone to the point where to don't give a **** about yourself is exactly what will chase her away. If she sees that you're doing the best to take care of yourself, then she will undoubtedly be crazy about you. There's just that special something about being around someone who loves themselves .. people grativate towards you when you're not afraid of being yourself.

They also grativate towards you when you smell delicious.. :D

:) your avatar is full of lies.

Hehe...:rolleyes:

Also, treat a girl with ADHD like you would if she didn't have ADHD. But then be especially prepared to deal with those special things that make us special.
But playing hard to get vs. finger wrapping? I dunno, man... things work or they don't based on a whole bunch of things like chemistry, patience, effort. You won't need to play hard-to-get or smother her if those things are in line.

Hey, think you're right about that.
Your kill. ;)

sounds like me and my girlfriend. I enjoy her company for a while, and then all of a sudden she is driving me crazy. Its always something!

Are you sure that she doesn't have something else complicating the issue like bipolar or borderline?

Are you sure that she doesn't have something else complicating the issue like bipolar or borderline?

I do wonder that..... she can be any side of yin or yang when you least expect it. :eek:

Anyway..... according to her.... shes found somebody else..... and she told me that I should grow up..... a bit ironic coming from another add'er :rolleyes:

Fraz,

I've watched my DD (17 yrs old) torture a guy with "catch and release" for over two years. She doesn't date anyone, hasn't even officially been the poor guy's official girlfriend. They'll get close, then she turns tail and runs.

My perspective is that DD's self-esteem and self-confidence are so low that being TOO happy makes her uncomfortable, causing her to back off.

Is something similar possible in your girl's case?

Hey yeah, thats pretty much spot on. :)