:confused: I am new here, and glad to have found this site.

I am 36 years old, the mom of 4, a wife and a special ed. teacher. I just learned this week that what I have struggled with all my life was ADD. I have been put on Adderall 20mg (what a difference already - in 3 days!) and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week.

I am wondering if anyone else who wasn't diagnosed until they are older, has gone through a grief period of some sort? As relieved as I am, and comforted by all that I have read on this and other boards, I cannot help feeling overwhelmed from time to time and just crying about it. I feel as though I have suffered for all these years, and I never knew why, but I knew something wasn't right. I tried to "figure it out" for many many years, tried antidepressants, tried Xanax, tried counseling, tried lots of things. I just never could get to the root of the problem, or more specifically, of why I am the way I am.

I feel sad because I just always thought I was just a miserable, grumpy and overwhelmed person, who just never really "fit in" and who felt agonized over the slightest tasks. Every day of my life, essentially, has been so challenging and emotionally draining. I have hidden so much because I just figured I was nuts. Now, I know it is ADHD, and I almost feel like I am in shock- does anyone relate? Every time I read something else or make another discovery about something I have done or about my personality, I just cry, out of relief but also from sadness that it took so many years of feeling horrible before I was able to figure it all out.

Thanks for any input. I wish I could find a support group of some kind in my area. I would love to be able to talk with someone who can relate to this. Julie

Just because you finally know what you have doesn't always make it easier to deal with. It definitely helps to have a label on it but that doesn't make the problems and issues associated with it just go away. I'm not sure the grief you speak of ever really goes away and it is pretty normal to feel that way. Coming here is a great start to helping yourself. There are a lot of good people here and a lot of good information. Keep posting :)

Just wanted to add that yes, I know what you are feeling! I'm still going through that myself and this forum is a huge help when I want to connect with people who know what I am dealing with.

Yep, me too. I was diagnosed about a year ago. I'm 46 now. It's a relief knowing what the problem is, but I've missed so much...It's sad.

I know it took me more than a year after my diagnosis to start to feel comfortable in my own skin again. In time, you'll learn to love being your medicated self.

*Raises hand*
I can definately relate to the grief.
Turning 30, found out about ADHD rather recently and is now waiting to get that official stamp on the butt and start meds. But had my first grieving period after I was hospitalized the first time at 19. First time I was told that I was not just lazy and didn't care enough, but really ill.
Shortly after, grief turned into angst and confusion because they had my dx all wrong back then, but this time I feel I'm ready to go through the whole process, grieving and all.

Thanks for your responses. I am glad to know it is "normal," I was thinking Ishould be ecstatic that I have "figured it out," but I really am sad. I am so thankful that I am only 36, though, and that I have much hope. ALready, my relationship with my husband has improved simply because of this new understanding...it explains soooo much. I sort of wish there were ADD meetings, like AA meetings, ya know? I would love to talk to people who can understand me!! Thanks again, Julie

I think you'll find this board to be an fantatsic source of support. Dare I say, almost better than any face-to-face support group because it's so darn ADHD friendly! :p 24/7.. don't have to go anywhere, and the group is available whenever you feel like it. :)

Being diagnosed is certainly a mixed bag; on the one hand you're happy that your struggles are not the result of your inabilites. But diagnosis doesn't mean you've stopped struggling with it. It's something that you'll have to live with forever :( Except now you know about it.

There will always be a part of you that is 'damaged' from years and years of self doubt and low self esttem. I'm not sure that can ever be healed. And it certainly doesn't help that there are constant reminders of just how much effort it takes to organize the ADHD mind.

So what can you do? Find a way to take your past and use it towards something good. I think coming here and sharing my experiences has been the best medicine in terms of accepting my ADHD. I get support, but I'm also able to give back the support to others.

I can't get my past back. But if I can spare one person just one less day of grief over their ADHD, somehow I feel a little less pain in my heart.

First and foremost, Welcome.

I too, was recently diagnosed, and am 39 and holding, ha.
The grief you are feeling is not actually grief, it is a realization of your own self and the psyche, you have burried. As emotions will be at their utomost extreme, you need to introduce yourself to you and your new found potential, because my dear it is endless. No matter what the label you choose in life all things are worth striving for and as a mom you know all things are possible. Instead of grieving lost time, embrace each day, as time is the one constant in your life. It is dependable, it revolves in a circle and it starts fresh each day.

As a woman, you were forced to hide, and tried not to show the emotional side of irratability, because this to you was weakness..but you are not weak. you are a woman, and if you are comparing yourself to the "SUPER MOM", well trust me..all that glitters is not gold, and none of us know what goes on behind closed doors. you see they are the ones abusing the meds you are taking just to deal with their super schedules..so you stand tall, and embrace the new you...

The new you is beautiful, and strong, and you will find you are more in touch with yourself, and others, as there is no reason to hide.

Best of luck..with the new found you..and remember..sad moments are always followed by the smile of a child who says "I love you" without uttering a word.

Grief is a normal process of an ADHD diagnosis.

However, once you start to realize ( and then see for yourself) how a diagnosis opens doors to your true abilities,

It rapidly becomes a process where grief turns to relief.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

Grief, Guilt?
One in the same?

Undiagnosed ADD caused what little family i do have and myself a LOT of problems.

I was quite reckless as a youngster, found drugs at a pretty young age, and realized,... HEY!

this thing that speeds up my heart, also kinda makes me gather my thoughts...
just not enough to push for a psychiatrist.


For the most part, I was just a 'troubled' kid that didnt want to go to school, excelled when I did, yet refused to obey, and homework was simply OUT of the question.

The 'right' way... just, never made any sense.
Surely there was some way to circumvent this 'right' way these fools talk about!

Drugs. of course.
If I can't win, then I can sedate myself and wrap up in the warmth of apathy.

thats when the real trouble started.
DUI's.
Nearly getting kicked from UT Martin ( for some reason, I LOVED college)
Prescription forgery ( i narrowly escaped that by court error )

Didnt get kicked out of School,.. but stopped going 3 years shy of a Masters Degree in Cognitive/Consciousness Psychology.


Yeah, it's been a bit rough.
grief .... TONS.


Thanks for sharing, and...

Welcome to the forums.

Grief, Guilt?

One in the same?

Undiagnosed ADD caused what little family i do have and myself a LOT of problems.

I was quite reckless as a youngster, found drugs at a pretty young age, and realized,... HEY!

this thing that speeds up my heart, also kinda makes me gather my thoughts...
just not enough to push for a psychiatrist.


For the most part, I was just a 'troubled' kid that didnt want to go to school, excelled when I did, yet refused to obey, and homework was simply OUT of the question.

The 'right' way... just, never made any sense.
Surely there was some way to circumvent this 'right' way these fools talk about!

Drugs. of course.
If I can't win, then I can sedate myself and wrap up in the warmth of apathy.

thats when the real trouble started.
DUI's.
Nearly getting kicked from UT Martin ( for some reason, I LOVED college)
Prescription forgery ( i narrowly escaped that by court error )

Didnt get kicked out of School,.. but stopped going 3 years shy of a Masters Degree in Cognitive/Consciousness Psychology.


Yeah, it's been a bit rough.
grief .... TONS.


Thanks for sharing, and...

Welcome to the forums.


The simple fact that you can visualize and FEEL the past, as well as the future, puts you one step ahead.
Life often offers challenges that even the brightest and skilled humans cannot handle, you obviously have the gift of knowledge, and should consider sharing this story, as in my eyes..it is profound.
Grief is heart wrenching, painful, and usually life altering, but in the right state of mind it can be dealt with..never easy, but none the less..tolerable.

I feel for you right now, when I was diagnosed 20 years ago, I am now 33 I really did not pay much heed to it. Then the older i got i saw I was different i knew it. I did not realize it was the ADHD. I am a mother to a wonderful 11 year old boy who has complex Tourette's since age 2 and also bipolar, and ADHD. i manage all of his stuff perfectly and my 15 month old daughter, but I never feel quite together, and I cry, i wonder why everything is a struggle, why I can't just do things the way other people do, it makes me feel like I am stupid. There is someone inside me saying please listen, please try to understand. I am learning to cope with it and i take anxiety and depression meds. Sometimes i think "crap I woke up today and i still have ADHD," it won't go away, but I do realize i hate it so much so I am trying to discover and practice how to live with it and try to be at times at peace with it. all my good thoughts and this forum is a God send

FREEINDEED!

I also went through a period of grief when I was diagnosed, and I still go through cycles of it. There's a painful, "what I could have been" feeling that comes and goes with me. I'm 35 and I feel like I could have done "more."

I am also a special ed. teacher :) and the thought of doing that and raising 4 kids and being married -- you are awesome! Give yourself credit because you're doing things that people without ADD would be run over by. I have one child and sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out just trying to keep up with her. And the demands of teaching special ed. can simply not be imagined by someone who's not doing it.

It will get better but it's important to acknowledge your sadness over what you feel you have lost.

Wife and mother of 2 here, also a sp ed teacher and not diagnosed until 35, your story sounds very familiar and I to went through a greiving period where I looked back and said if only that and that, then I was mad because no one ever called it adhd, just told me I was lazy, now I am at the point that I am just dealing with it and just focusing on making it a better situation for my kids, one of which also has adhd.

What you are feeling is totally normal.

oh yes, grief, relief, happy, regret, fear all at once. I think I've had them all to some degree. I've now gotten so busy trying to make the next 40 years great, I've lost a good bit of it.

The ADD explains a lot of my choices and why I did them, and I grieved over what might have been had I been diagnosed sooner. I think it's a normal part of the process, and that's okay as long as I didn't dwell on it for long periods of time and allow it to depress me. Since I've been diagnosed with dysthymic and cyclothymic tendencies in addition to the ADD, that isn't somewhere I wanted to go.

Hi,

I'm 33 and was recently diagnosed as well. Just waiting to get started on meds (later this week, I hope). I am feeling EXACTLY the same way. I've always known I was different and have spent the last 33 years trying to APPEAR to be the person I want to be, mostly at work/school. I'm excited about getting treatment but right now feel lost and paralyzed at work because of all of this. I have a senior position but since I've had a new micro-managing boss, I've been almost paralyzed from getting anything done at work. It's really rough and I'm looking for a new job (which is a TOTAL shame because I'm truly in my dream job).

I'm SO glad there's a place I can come and feel a little normal and get some insight.

I've also spent a lot of time thinking about the struggles I've had in the past and feeling like such an underachiever... I'm so glad I'm not alone.

:-) Mary

Congratulations on your diagnosis, and boy can I ever sympathize when you're talking about grief. I turned 58 this year. I was diagnosed a couple of months ago, and have spent the time since then exploring what medications will work or not.

My ADHD story began in early 2007, when I was 56. Like many of us "elders", I ran across an article about adult ADHD, and something went "click".

My emotions started with curiosity and gradually increasing certainty, leading to a few months of delight and exhilaration that at last I had discovered what was wrong. This was followed by several months of frustration and depression because of how difficult a time I was having in getting a diagnosis in the face of my family doctor being quite dubious about ADHD in a person who was "this old". (Gee, thanks.)

It didn't help that I also had money troubles partly caused by the loss of not one but two jobs in the space of three months-- another damn typical ADHD thing. As is often the case with depression, there was quite a lot of anger too.

I bit the bullet and paid for my own diagnosis, which cost me about three weeks income, and was relieved to get a pretty straightforward diagnosis. But I also felt a bit cheated that the diagnosis could not have come in the same timeframe as the exhilaration -- but then I guess that only happens in Broadway musicals.

Now I am in the process of ramping up in Adderall prescription, working to get it at a level where it will control symptoms and give me some focus and energy, rather than what it's doing at the moment -- inducing naps! For heaven sakes, it's amphetamines, but the way I'm responding you think it was a mild sedative :) However, this week it's still a low dosage, in a few days I'll see my doctor again and probably boost the dosage a bit.

And my mood at the moment is a combination of resigned hopefulness, together with melancholy over the underperformance over the past 40 years, the disappointments to myself and my parents and friends, and a keen awareness that I probably only have another 12 or 15 years in my working life.

(Looks at above writing) Golly, what a tale of woe. Sorry. I certainly hope that you find this informative and useful, and I hope you even find it cheerful. Most of the people who have written in this thread are 20 years younger than I am, and rest assured I envy you every one of those years. You've got your diagnosis -- now go for it, while you still have your knees and don't need reading glasses yet. ;)

Ducky The Melancholy

.

Thank you so much for all of your responses. I am relieved to know I am not alone! You all are so encouraging, I truly am thankful. I am glad I have this figured out now - better late than never, right? I find that some days I spend making more and more realizations about my life, sometimes feeling sad about it, but sometimes just feeling relieved...and in two weeks I return to work, and I am hoping that now that I am on meds that I just might be able to be a bit more focused and be able to actually teach my students without being frazzled and overwhelmed all day long...

thanks again...I am glad to have you all to share this journey with! Julie

I can definitely can identify with the grief factor. I was recently diagnosed (about 2 and half mos ago) at the age of 38 with inattentive ADD (majorly!). I have 2 sons, ages 19 and 17. Raising them was... a challenge you could say. I was a single mother most of those years. I had little to no energy, took all I had to function at work. It took such effort to just get out of bed many days. Bills were usually paid late, the home was a disaster area (coulda put up a toxic waste sign on the front door lol). I had little energy and focus to be the mother they needed. I coped with escaping/avoiding behaviors; I'd lay on the couch and watch TV a lot, get lost in my own daydreams, surf on the internet. Never seemed to be able to help with their school activities or homework. I have been treated for depression<layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-0" style="background-color: Yellow; color: black;"></layer> on and off with multiple different medications for at least the last 10 years. Some would do nothing, others would work for a short while then I'd be right back to my "normal". I'm not sure it was really clinical depression<layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-1" style="background-color: Yellow; color: black;"></layer> either; I was never truly "sad or blue", plus some of the other symptoms I had overlap with ADD. I was just felt like I was lazy and had some stupid "mental block" keeping from being a functioning part of my kids' lives and society in general, and would hate myself for it and, over the years, felt like I was incapable of changing it.

Long story short, my biggest grief, besides not being the mom I wanted to be for them, is that I recently almost lost my 17 year old son to drugs. He'd been using for a couple years now, and I never noticed (or wanted to believe). My partner had hit it head-on multiple times, but I didn't have the coping abilities to let myself believe it, so I stuck my head in the sand (i.e. TV watching and getting lost on the computer, or sleeping). He had several rage episodes, breaking things and threatening us. The last one I was so frightened by him, I kicked him out and told him not to come back. He ended up with the family of a friend, which as been a blessing! They've helped facilitate getting him help. He has since been diagnosed with "major depressive disorder", is on medication and wrapping up inpatient drug treatment. I got diagnosed myself because I had a total melt down after that, went to see my doc for the anxiety attacks I was having and, after spilling out my life story to her, she asked me if I'd ever been tested for ADD. I'm on Adderall now, and functioning like I always wished I could! Still gotta work on things like disorganization, procrastination, etc. But I'm getting on the right track. I think both my sons actually have ADD too, now that I have learned more <layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-6" style="background-color: Cyan; color: black;"><layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-7" style="background-color: Cyan; color: black;"><layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-7" style="background-color: Cyan; color: black;"><layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-7" style="background-color: Cyan; color: black;"><layer id="google-toolbar-hilite-7" style="background-color: Cyan; color: black;"></layer></layer></layer></layer></layer> about it. (sorry, not such a "long story short" after all lol).

I get angry sometimes that I was never diagnosed to begin with. I get angry that my sons had to pay the price too. But I don't let it get to me. We are all moving forward (my 19 yr old is actually getting eval'd tomorrow for ADD in addition to his social anxiety disorder), and starting the healing process. I talked to my 17 yr old today, and had such a sense of relief. He wasn't angry or withdrawn or avoiding, he was just "him"; I felt like I had my son back.

(Sorry for such a long and wordy post, I tend to ramble a bit late at night lol)
(oh, and btw, if you use Google tool bar on your browser, and use the option to highlight key search terms typed in, and those words are in your post, then your post will show with those words highlighted too ... opps... had to do a touch of editing hehe)

Oh Hugs to you Hun and those in the same position! I was diagnosed last year. I was so grief stricken that I choose to ignore the diagnosis. I thought my dr was really reaching because before that diagnosis I was told that I have a panic disorder. Still, after a few therapy treatments and denial, I began to self analyze my life and look for clues. It wasn't until in August '08 that I decided to give Adderall a try mainly because I was tired to trying so hard at my school work, and I felt like my marriage was getting weaker every moment I spoke or forgot something. So far my life since Adderall Xr has mellowed out and my marriage seems pretty darn good.

I absolutely understand what you are saying.

I have also found out I have ADD (well I think I do, I have all the symptoms, my psycologist thinks I do (but cant prescribe)) and like you I have felt grief a lot.

I thought i might have depression, and always felt something was 'wrong' with me, as a person and emotionally. Since reading peoples stories on this site I feel as though a light finally went on, finally - people who feel the same way I do! Finally, a reason for what I have been feeling

however, I have lost many friends and relationships due to ADD and I am currently going through a breakup I reacted to very badly (burnt all my bridges with my ex) and feel a lot of my reaction to the breakup was my ADD talking.
Im pretty sad/angry that its taken this long to find out what it is, and now I have to wait till Nov to be assessed because so few specialists in my area are legally allowed to prescribe for ADD.

I know the drugs they prescribe are pretty full on, but that doesnt change the fact that ppl like me need them. I am reading about how much better people feel on adderal etc and hope that i will eventually be able to try the meds, as I have tried to modify my behaviour without, and its SUCH a battle.

At the moment I am REALLY grieving, grieving the loss of the relationship that just ended, and the loss of many prior friends and partners, due to the ADD. Also the fact that Ive spent so many years believing i was just an unlikeable hateful person and that I had to hide the 'real me' because it was hateful, when there was a reason for it....

I am wondering if anyone else who wasn't diagnosed until they are older, has gone through a grief period of some sort? As relieved as I am, and comforted by all that I have read on this and other boards, I cannot help feeling overwhelmed from time to time and just crying about it. I feel as though I have suffered for all these years, and I never knew why, but I knew something wasn't right. I tried to "figure it out" for many many years, tried antidepressants, tried Xanax, tried counseling, tried lots of things. I just never could get to the root of the problem, or more specifically, of why I am the way I am.

The theraputic value of people sharing just amazes me at times. I am 39, mother of 4, 3 times divorced, and general failure at life...

OK, I was ecstatic when I first started to think maybe adhd was the root of the problem because if so there would be help and things might get better. Now I am very sad...I think maybe I am feeling a sense of grief as well. I couldn't put my finger on my problem of sadness until I read your post. Thank you so much for sharing... ((((hugs))))

I hope you feel inspired about your future soon and can set regret/grief behind you. Again... (((hugs)))

Free indeed,

Yes.. grieving is natural... U R a youngster compared to me - i was just diagnosed this yr after going to several different drs telling them I was. I'm 51. I also figured out I was raised by narcissitic, sadistic, cold people (i thot normal)... i also learned this year i have lived with 2 Asberger syndrome and probably add mixed) people (AS and Narcissistic have common traits). There was an "if only" period and i still slip into them... i had a good therapist who guided me... My feeling is our egos want to experience this and it is a real reason to grieve and really no one else but u and the rest of us here understand your feelings to some degree.....u wouldn't be who u are now... so take that time but dont linger there too long .....and if you do, talk to someone who understands ADD/ADHD...

Free Indeed... i had to rush off the forum quickly last night - you fellow adders will enjoy this - i had to rush off because it was almost 10:00 pm and my teenage daughter said - Mom, I'm hungry... i had put off going to the grocery... and didn't realize the time - had to dash off to get her some food I had promised at 7:00.

I want to give you a round of applause, a big atta girl, a big hug and lots of empathy...... You have four kids and teach special ed and have adhd??? I know very organized women who don't have adhd and who find teaching while they have children (2 not 4) emotionally draining - too much of the same - nothing left at night for their own kids.....and special ed??? you are a truly special person to be in this field anyway - it says a lot about u. your situation is very moving........You must be doing something right....and overhwhelmed obviously...

I like to give examples of my experiences, not tell anyone what to do... so what I meant to say in my earlier post was... i think it is totally natural and human to grieve about what might have been or whatever....

I did - I figured out a lot this year in addition to adhd ....i left my 25 yr marriage, left a very lucrative but stressful job, set up a new house w/two teenage girls, started a new job - less stressful but less money as well, negotiating divorce settlement, dealing with a husband and daughter w/AS... getting one ready for college..... i'm no whining I'm just trying to relate my situation somewhat to yours - i'm thinking about all that is on your plate.. and i understand as much as one can... i read so much about how the non adhd spouse has to take up the slack in the household... since my husband was AS, I was the one who took up the slack... no wonder i nearly melted away.....

Thinking about ur situation.... at least my kids are older and i am no longer juggling the "wife" duties as well - i have time on weekends to grieve/ponder/revive myself... i wonder when you are able to do this.... .... I spent a lot of time this year doing what I call "clanging around in the catacombs" of my mind..., grieveing... about so much including adhd.... but could only do that so much... had to come back up for daylight.... I personally needed to have a pity party for myself for a while.... i deserved it...and if u are like most of us, no one is going to understand like fellow adhders will... I think you will naturally want to move on after u have grieved.....

Do you have someone, therapist, or someone really really knowledgeable about adhd you could talk to.... I go to a therapist and that hour is all about ME.... i get to talk about me for an hour if i want.....and u figure things out saying them out loud.. and it just feels good to get it out.....it helps to have the right professional say - you are right....you should feel that way...

I find that even my best friend in the world really doesn't get it when I talk about my adhd.........

Tinkerbella,

Reading ur first paragraph.... u and I are sisters.....

Me too, Ive always felt like I didnt "fit in".
Im new here as well and so glad that Ive found this web sight. We girls should start something, something for women and girls with adhd. Maybe a sight? A group? Something! Ive always felt alone and wondered why I was so different than everyone else. I have a daughter and I dont want her to feel the same way. Anyone live in Tennessee??

I can definitely relate to your grief. I've been diagnosed for over a year but am now just getting to the grief phase. At first, I was just plain relieved to know that I wasn't lazy and stupid. Now, I'm a little angry and totally lost. I wonder why none of my teachers noticed? I went to school in the mid-80s to the late 90's. I had lost of kids in my classes who took Ritalin. Perhaps ADD wasn't as well known in girls (especially the ones who never caused much trouble), but I had enough teachers who felt it was their job to tell me how stupid I was and what I failure I'd grow up to be if I didn't learn to pay attention. I even saw a psychiatrist for three years, and the best he could come up with was bipolar disorder. I spent three years taking medication that left me so doped up that I couldn't work. His answer was for me to apply for disability! But I'm NOT disabled! I am very successful in the job I have now and make decent money, too.

So, yeah, I'm totally with you on the grieving part. If someone could have noticed this earlier, I could have been spared a whole lot of heartache.

I am 43 years old and not amount of medication can put a plaster on the life I have had. I was isolated and sexually abused, so even if I could make close girl friends hate having anyone closer to me than possible.
It was hard going on my husband to love me, and worse going for my ADD boyfriend I found efter I lost my husband to diabetes as he is in denial..
Then I have to live with myself for giving the ADHD genes to my two teenagers and live with the humiliation of seeing the hurts they experience.
One good thing come out of having a normal husband, my boys are 100% more social than I am.. I am happy for them, but dread if they have kids..
Because ADHD doesn't show from birth, my youngest got his diagnose at 8 years and lives in a foster home(he is now 13 and I only get to see him in weekends and holidays) and my oldest got his diagnose as ADHD/Asperges as a 15 year old (lives at home) and is alot like me, but different again.
I am still and will always smart of the hurt I have inflicted on my children. But when I was 8 years old, I just couldn't get myself to explain to the doctor I think I am going crazy, as back then not many GP doctors knew about ADHD anyway in New Zealand. I wanted to do good in school and only because I am stubborn I can write as well as I do now. I only got my education as a adult (10 years ago as couldn't cut it in school).. I got help from tapes and cd's to learn the reading material... I keep my life together with a telephone calendar and at work a PDA... Working with elderly they like slow, have daily rituals and when I know what to do feel safe and can kept my job without difficulties. It is the more imvisiable stuff at home of misplacing stuff, forgetting I told people stuff and anxiety of public transport and social workers that flips me most off.. I tried Efexor when my husband was dying and my youngest was being diagnosed, but gained 176lbs, so prefer to burn off that ADHD motor at the gym and have done conversation therapy, this helped learning I needed more time to formulate myself... This avoids many times my co-workers flipping off at me.. People also write important messages down, so I get the info they need to work with too.. ADHD attacks me in so many ways, I will never get used to it.. When I exercise I am too tired to get aggressive at my family when we all have a bad day all 4...

me too. One docter told me that I was "bi-polar" but I thought it was weird because I dont have "bipolar" symptoms. Im not a hot and cold person. I dont have the ups and downs, just the ups! I cant sit still, read more than two sentences without drifting off, oh and Im implusive, etc... but not bipolar. Anyways, another docter told me that she didnt think I was bipolar. So long storie short, I have cheap insurance that only covers certain docters or clinics and I think I need a new docter that actually knows something about adhd. The place that I currently go to, the docters there arent really big on add or adhd, just bipolar everything. Anyone else have this issue?

I wasn't diagnosed until recently as well, and I am 32. It definately helped me to understand my past actions and decisions, and gave me a place to start fresh again.

The place that I currently go to, the docters there arent really big on add or adhd, just bipolar everything. Anyone else have this issue?<!-- / message -->
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YES! It's frustrating to say the least.

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Dear Freeindeed,

I think that going through a strong period of grief is normal when diagnosed. At times I myself am still griefing over what went wrong al those years (moi: 30yrs. diagnosed in may).

But the more I start to get a sense normality and structure in my life. The more I get a sense of pride over havibg struggled and accomplished somethings in my life.

I thinks everone on this site understands and relates to how difficult the journey has been, for everyone with ADD/ADHD.

The only advise I can give you is be proud of what you are, what you've had to endure, and especially how strong it has made you.

Remember you've survived 36 years of an uphill struggle, and you're still here just like all of us.

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font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> I was diagnosed last year just a few months before my 34th bday. I'd known something was wrong, off, and odd about me since I was a kid. In my early 20's I started trying to find a fix for it and spent 12 years being diagnosed primarily with major depression and anxiety, though there were several diagnoses of bipolar, borderline personality, and even the infamous 'character flaws' along the way. No meds or therapy every worked except Wellbutrin and it didn't help much.

Getting the ADHD diagnosis and meds was mostly a fluke--a joke to a new pdoc that he took seriously. He just asked a few questions and handed me an Rx for Adderall. From the first dose I saw the world and myself differently; I behaved differently and finally understood some of what I'd been desperately trying to 'get' since I was a kid.

I spent years going to professional after professional, trying med after med, and it took 12 years for ONE of them, my current pdoc, to even entertain the idea it could be ADHD. One psychologist (yes, PhD) I saw for about 3 years. When she stopped accepting insurance I couldn't afford to continue 'therapy' with her. Since I had not made much progress with her, she was convinced I should be hospitalized.

So, not only do I grieve the lost time and opportunities, I am also angry at all the professionals who kept blaming me for failing to improve. Oh, and my teachers--where were they when I scored in the 99th percentile in verbal/reading on my achievement tests and did nothing except blame me for not 'living up to my potential'. They didn't even bother explaining to my parents what the score meant.
Adjusting to the diagnosis and the changes from the meds has been difficult. While many things have improved, I have had to face the reality many of my problems don't have quick or easy solutions.

Hi,
I was just so relieved, I haven't even felt sad yet.
I'm worried though that this is going to "plateau out" soon.
Actually I'm going to start a thread about this tonight (um, I'm kind of at work right now...)
I'm very happy for you! you've made a lot of progress in spite of difficulties.