God, I'm such an idiot.

I keep DOING this.

I have had this depressive malaise hanging over me for a couple of weeks, exhausted and unable to tackle major projects that I must finish.

Once again, I snapped myself OUT of the funk by picking a fight with DH. And after I blasted him, I got a whole lot done. I had mental clarity and physical energy and motivation and I am looking at a heap of stuff that's going to Salvation Army tomorrow. Isn't that nice. It so wasn't worth it.

Anyone got some suggestions so I can see this coming and stop myself before I kill again?

Seek other more socially accepted forms of stimulation so that you don't resort to picking a fight.

I know what you are talking about. This has been one of the worst nightmares for me of my life. I used to pick fights because I was bored.

It could be a sign of PTSD, which is one of my problems. I have been working with a therapist that is ADHD and PTSD himself, and is pretty much a sweetheart now. He is working with me to be a nice guy too.

And do not limit yourself by saying you have not been to war, so you can't have PTSD. It is everywhere especially with highly senstive people (HSP) that have been trampled over their whole lives.

Therapy, coaching with EMDR and Life Integration Therapy have been really beneficial in getting me to not blast the DW. Trust me, she appreciates it.

piglet,

Instead of picking a fight try smashing some old crockery. Just try it.

did consider smashing a cup today; inhibited by realization I'd have to clean it up, would probably miss some shards and someone's foot would get cut; also because I really want to reduce the violence in my soul. I have done that sort of thing and it doesn't reduce my frustration, and I feel guilt on top of it.

am looking into EMDR. I can connect the issue I was spinning about to things I've been dealing with since childhood and I want to stop dragging a whole lifetime of wounds to each new conflict.

I dragged the past around for a long time to. Crappy, violent childhood because dad had some kind of personality or mood disorder, he committed suicide when I was nineteen. Then one day I realised I had given thirty years to him and what he did, and all that time on top of my crappy childhood was far too much time spent in pain and sadness. Enough was enough! That‘s when my recovery began.

I had the violent thing to and the temper. I managed to curb it because I was so afraid of turning out like my dad. Older and more mellow, I can look back and see what a long, hard journey it was.

I would like to wish you everything you wish for yourself.

Dude I would get a pull up bar or some weights or something. Maybe even a punching bag. every time you get ****ed take it out on the weights or pull up bar!

I sing, or move something heavy.

Heh, I used to have a heavy bag hanging in the kitchen. My room mate and I rarely argued. Some day the heavy bag got quite the beating though . . . ;)

I almost kind of wish I had one now. . .

I found that getting firewood was good. A friend of mine has a big bit of corrugated iron he bashes with a maul.

Take a hint from the chimps..... often they don't actually fight..... they just shake trees and throw dirt....

kilted

Try high dose Fish Oil with plenty of DHA in there. I've found the DHA especially consistently helps with impulsive aggression and definitely reduces 'picking fights' for me. But you need to take high doses every day - if you are going to go with the standard pills (180 mg EPA and 120 mg DHA per pill) I would recommend 6 of them a day to notice the difference...

I go online and get in a rousing argument on a political or religious website then take a hammer to a plate or dish out by the dumpster.

helps a lot, gets me started and doesn't **** off anyone I should be friendly with later.

If the stimulation needs to be physical then exercise if it needs to be mental then a debate - debating isn't the same as arguing and ones temper has to be directed in a productive manner - so I run then debate - I do a pretty decent debate. My mom taught me to run by telling me to run around the block or go to my room =she ain't putting up with it.

Gary tried the argument thing I walk off - I have been known to leave because it is too hot to put up with his **** - meaning that while you do need to find a more productive way to find stimulation {try hang gliding bungee jumping} your husband needs to learn how to quit giving you a coke {responding emotionally} so you will quit putting a quarter in his machine {picking a fight} - not reacting at first made Gary very mad A couple of times he went to far and found himself alone - which is a fore shadowing of my unwillingness to serve this purpose = I am not his emotional punching bag.

I do not need to get emotional to blow some one off - Gary had instant motivation to find a healthy alternative {he drives through Austin during rush hour plenty of people to **** him off there }

my non ADD daughter.... made herself a punching bag, (with Daddy's help).. this week. To rid herself of the frustration that her sisters cause her.

Using a bag her sleeping bag stores in...and stuffing it full of old clothes.

A duffle bag works, too.