I've read a few interesting threads and noticed that many people have issues maintaining relationships with friends, and meeting new people. I'm also in the same boat. I had a really good group of friends in high school. Although I have had social anxiety ever since I can remember, I am not particularly quiet or shy around people. I played hockey and lacrosse during my teens and when I am in a comfortable situation I am quite social.

I think things really changed for me right before high school graduation. I had a falling out with some of my friends. I felt betrayed by three of my closest friends and I am sure that being ADHD (and undiagnosed at the time) made things worse because I was always suspicious of people and I hold grudges when I feel things have been done behind my back. For a year or two after that, I really didn't talk to anyone except two of my friends, a few moved away for school as well. I spent a lot of time playing video games online. Probably too much time actually. I started taking Celexa for depression and wasn't doing well in school.

When I was 19 I moved from Vancouver to Vancouver Island to go to university. I rented a place with my closest friend that I have known since we were 14, and we went to the same university. In the 2.5-3 years I have been in Victoria, I have not met a single friend. I did find the love of my life and we have been together for 2.5 years (have lived together for over a year). She's very social, has many friends and is incredibly attractive. I consider myself a normal regular guy but I haven't been able to find a group of friends and to be honest I worry about that. My best friend who was my roommate graduated and moved to Vancouver to find a job. I really have nobody except my girlfriend and I am embarrassed about that.

Part of me wants to be able to hang out with genuine and fun friends. The other half of me hates the inconvenience of friends - being tied down to plans, random interruptions while I try to study etc. I know these sound trivial and they really are, but thats something that I truly find to be a hassle. I have trouble keeping contact with friends that I went to high school with. I love spending time with them but when I am away from them I find maintaining these relationships to be a huge pain in the *** for some reason.

I guess I am having difficulty accepting the fact that I am 22, and have nobody to grab a beer with or watch some baseball/hockey. Sadly my father is my best friend, we talk every day. When I marry my girlfriend I don't want to face the embarrassment of only having three friends to invite. Has anyone been through this before? I would love to hear some advice or even for anyone who is in my situation - share your story.

I'm 31, no friends, but I have a wonderful wife of 8+ years. You aren't alone. I had a lot of friends growing up, and we had a blast playing sports and hanging out. We eventually went our separate ways, and frankly I was the oldest of the group and looking back, I think I got used to some extent. I was the first to have a job, and a car, and an apartment. Being a very generous person, at times to a fault, they took advantage of me, but then again, I let them. That was over a decade ago.

Fast forward to today, and I have no friends, nor have I really had any since those days over a decade ago. I go fishing pretty much every weekend with my dad. It is basically all he enjoys in life, and I like to be able to take him fishing. I enjoy it too, and always have liked to fish. It's nice to not have to go alone. Sometimes my wife goes too.

I only found out about ADD and that I had it in the past month or two. For years, I wanted to have friends. It was embarrassing to me as well. How could I have no friends? I've always thought that I was good with people, people generally like me, but nobody wanted to be anything more than a basic aquaintance. Then I got to thinking about it. Do I really want friends? They're nice to have around when you want someone to watch a game with or go play ball with, but what about after that? Do I really want to have to spend a ton of time with them? Can I hold my interest in the friendship and put enough time into it to really make it go? Is it really what I want?

I've been doing lots of things over the years to get friends. I've been taken advantage of time after time, even by family. I've also had people say that I intimidate them, which seemed silly because I never thought of myself as an imposing personality. I really like what someone said (may have been from Driven To Distraction, I can't remember), but they said that we ADDers think 3 dimensionally in a 2 dimensional world. We can get other people if we choose to be 2 dimensional, but they can never really get us because they can't be 3 dimensional. We just think differently.

For the first time in my life, I'm feeling truly happy. Or at least I think I am, I've never really felt so. I'm at peace with having no friends. Friends = Drama. I don't need more of that in my life, my own brain and the way I think is capable of producing that if I don't keep it in check. When I really think about it, I'd rather be with my wife having fun than any potential friend. She feels the same way. And we do stuff with my family, which adds some variety. We are pretty happy by ourselves, why mess with that? It isn't broke, and I'm tired of trying to "fix" it by getting friends that I don't really want.

So, I've been there. I am there. However, I've become quite okay with not having friends. It isn't sad that your dad is your best friend unless you think it is sad. Why do you think so? Because society tells you you have to have friends and go out all the time? Who cares what society thinks! This is the same society that doesn't like us ADDers because they don't believe ADD exists or they can't really get us. Why do we have to conform to what they portray as "normal"?

Just some thoughts and questions to get you thinking. These are things that I've experienced and thoughts that I've had that helped me realize that I just need to do what makes ME happy, instead of trying to conform to a mold that I can't fit because I have a special characteristic called ADD, not because there is some sort of deficiency. Now, like I said before, I'm truly happy, and coming from the depths of despair that I faced just a few months ago, I'm glad that I've made the choices that I have and learned about how I'm different than others.

Wow mike, thank you so much for that post. I actually feel a bit better about things now.

I think we are similar in a few ways. I'm not necessarily sad or depressed that I don't have friends. I've come to accept it because it's what I have known for a few years now. I'm generally happy - but when my girlfriend goes out with her friends for the night I am stuck at home alone with our dog. I'm fine to play guitar and keep myself busy, but I do miss being able to have a beer or watch a game with my buddies. It's really a shame that my best friend moved away in June. We were really close and there wasn't ever drama.

I also have been taken advantage of before. It really hurts and I think it's a reason I have not made any real efforts to expand my social circle. One of my old friends moved to my city and we rented a place together. He ended up going broke, and long story short I bailed him out when he was short of rent money so that we didn't lose our place. I felt sorry for him and I paid for things when I shouldn't have. In the end, he had to move back home but promised to pay me a few thousand dollars he owed me. After that, all I heard from him was when he would call me to tell me about these crazy parties he was at, and he was into drugs now. He was supposed to be paying me off, but for months he spent his money on drugs and alcohol. In the end I broke all contact with him and have not spoken to him in about a year and a half.

I started Effexor about a month and a half ago because I tend to slip in and out of depression. I do have social anxiety, but in the past it hasn't been something that has prevented me from having friends and lasting relationships. I'm not sure if I feel sometimes depressed about my situation because I truly want some company, or if it is because I feel that is what is expected of me. I don't want to be known as a loner. People I do get to know in class tend to talk to me quite a bit and I am not the type of person to annoy them or talk excessively. I just have a hard time moving beyond that initial acquaintance stage. I'm starting to think it's because for the most part, I find the majority of people uninteresting and fairly transparent. It's a horrible way to see people because I truly want to meet people who are interested in sports, politics or just random fun activities. I'm kind of sick of being stuck at home all the time with nothing but my girlfriend and dog to keep me company. I need someone to vent to, it's only healthy.

Hey guys.... been reading some of the stuff you said.

I am only 17, but I can relate. I have some really annoying but great friends. I have been taken advantage before.... by the same girl over and over and over again *I must be so guilable for giving her chances over and over again* Its so hard to let go of somethings, sometimes I feel like people are more than happy to just push me aside as if my own feelings dont matter to them. Its a harsh world.... and the harshness is multiplied by 100 with ADHD.

Hey timmtc, I'm glad I could help!

I have an example of being taken advantage of too, actually it leads into two, but shows the point. I grew up next door to a family, and they had 2 sons, one my age. We were best friends and it was cool having a friend so close. We did pretty much everything together. As we got older, I got a part time job and a car at 16, his mom wouldn't let him drive until he got to be 18. So, I drove him around, paid for things because his mom wouldn't let him have a job either. As soon as he turned 18 and got a car, he ditched me because he wanted to be friends with "cooler" people, people that grew up in the wealthier end of town (we grew up kind of poorish) and he started haning out with people out there. He completely ditched me.

Fast forward several years, and his brother hits 18. Then everything came crashing down. It came out that there was abuse of every type going on next door, with the parents forcing the kids into unspeakable acts. That brother that just turned 18 was made the scapegoat of the family, everything was pinned on him, and he was prosecuted for things that he was forced to do. The judge sentenced him to jail, because he had no choice but to do so, but he gave him the shortest sentence because the things he did were forced by his parents. The whole family abandoned him, and the oldest brother moved to another state before he could get out of jail, so that he didn't have to take care of him at all. The younger brother gets out of jail, and all of his belongings were in a storage facility. He had nobody to turn to, and needed a moving truck to get things out of storage. He had some money, as by that time his parents had died, and he had money left to him. So, I, as the last person on earth that he knew, offered to rent a truck if he would pay me back. I was old enough to rent and drive one, he wasn't. So, I rented a truck, got one of my brothers to help, and we picked up all of his stuff, went to his place, and moved it all in. I even bought us all dinner because he had nothing to eat. He then turned around and stiffed me on the money for the move, just $100 which I didn't even care about, but I helped a guy out with not a person in the world to turn to, and he turned on me. That's the story of my life.

I understand not wanting to be home alone. My wife grew up very sheltered by her insane, controlling parents. So, she's never really had many friends either, and we hang out all the time. If she was social and had friends it would be hard like in your situation. If she gives you a heads up before she goes out, maybe you could arrange to do something with your dad. Or, you could always go to a public place and watch a game with other people that are there watching it. There is a sort of comraderie in such places, and maybe you could strike up a conversation based on your similar interest (the game or team) that would give you something to do, even if you didn't get a close friend out of it.

I like a particular local college team and found it helpful to go to their local online forums to chat. I may not have friends to watch the game with in person, but I can watch a game on tv and chat about it online while it's going on. It is actually a lot of fun. I even ended up befriending a guy on there that makes photoshopped desktop wallpapers for computers with images of our team, and put together a website for it. He makes wallpapers, I make animated gifs, and I feel included in something that I otherwise wouldn't have had anything to do with. It is fun, we chat about things we both like, but there is no pressure to do anything outside of that, and no meeting face to face to see how transparent or just fake people are.

Oh, and when you need to vent, come here, there are plenty of nice people that listen and offer assistance.

Hey guys.... been reading some of the stuff you said.

I am only 17, but I can relate. I have some really annoying but great friends. I have been taken advantage before.... by the same girl over and over and over again *I must be so guilable for giving her chances over and over again* Its so hard to let go of somethings, sometimes I feel like people are more than happy to just push me aside as if my own feelings dont matter to them. Its a harsh world.... and the harshness is multiplied by 100 with ADHD.

If your girl keeps taking advantage of you, why do you keep letting her back into your life? Are you just lonely without her, or is she a great person with just a personality flaw or two that ends up hurting you? Could you implement some boundaries that might help avoid further hurt in the future, or just be cool as friends without the whole girlfriend thing?

ADDers often beat themselves up about things and shatter their own self-esteem. I know, because I did it. Then we let people take advantage of us because we think that we have to put up with that to have people like us, because at that point we don't really like ourselves. Once I figured out that I wasn't a bad person, and that my problems in life were created by my ADD mind, I've been learning to take control of those things to some extent. I feel better about myself, and I'm now happy without so-called friends that would take advantage of me.

Well yes these days it is hard to make friends because most people are shallow, materialistic and judgemental. Having ADHD or displaying ADHD characteristics to those who don't have it makes you the subject of derision even if it isn't done explicitly.

Of course maybe this touches on what we discussed about 'underacheiving'. That no one wants to associate with you if you don't have that six figure job, wear designer clothes from Bloomingdales, Nordstrom & Neiman Marcus and don't have the latest Iphone and or Blackberry. You guys got me beat, I barely even have one friend or acquaintance but the thing is that I am very very busy between work, commuting, general errands, going to the gym after work that I barely even have the time. And even when I tried (you know people say try to meet people who you see in classes, neighbors, etc... -- I have found people to be very standoffish and cliquish. This is one of the good & bad things about the NYC area. You can live life fine being totally alone & single forever but meeting people unless you have that six figure wall street job in Manhattan and live in a nice neighborhood paying $5,000 a month for rent is very very difficult.

Doesn't it seem like post people treat life as one big party, full of shopping, going out, getting every material demand met??

My attitude these days is why even bother trying?? I mean the end result is just ending up tens of thousands in credit card debt trying to suck up to the 'cool people' and having a large circle of MYSPACE friends. Maybe the slowing economy and the credit squeeze will reevaluate peoples views of others in this post 9/11 ownership consumer economy. Of course I am in the NYC metro area where a salary of $100,000 a year for one person is like minimum wage.

I'm 31, no friends, but I have a wonderful wife of 8+ years. You aren't alone. I had a lot of friends growing up, and we had a blast playing sports and hanging out. We eventually went our separate ways, and frankly I was the oldest of the group and looking back, I think I got used to some extent. I was the first to have a job, and a car, and an apartment. Being a very generous person, at times to a fault, they took advantage of me, but then again, I let them. That was over a decade ago.

So, I've been there. I am there. However, I've become quite okay with not having friends. It isn't sad that your dad is your best friend unless you think it is sad. Why do you think so? Because society tells you you have to have friends and go out all the time? Who cares what society thinks! This is the same society that doesn't like us ADDers because they don't believe ADD exists or they can't really get us. Why do we have to conform to what they portray as "normal"?


Amazing, when I was 18, I also had a job, apartment -- very large studio even by NYC standards for $600 at the time and a car -- and I didn't have people banging down my door or trying to take advantage of me. Today I live in a tiny 1200 square foot 2 bedroom apartment in CT and in over a year of living here I literally have not had one visitor except for my dad who needed to be here for the cable company to turn on service and when I first moved in.


And no society DOES NOT tell you have to have friends. You have it TOTALLY wrong. What society tells you (especially in the post 9/11 consumer ownership economy) is that in order to be like and accepted you must constantly buy, buy & buy the latest consumer toy, high priced fashion made in China and live in the right neighborhood -- that is one of the reasons people spend $2,000 in rent every month to live in a closet sized studio in Manhattan. At least they get to go out drinking & partying 4 or more nights a week -- must get really expensive unless you are banging a seven figure investment banker


Again, I used to think like the OP but now I figure why bother. I have too many grownup responsibilities while many others my age (late 20's early 30's) are still living this late teenage, college lifestyle. Sitting in front of the TV gorging yourself with unhealthy food for hours on end -- Puleeze seems like a total waste of time for me.

And you think society as a whole looks down upon ADHD & Bipolar -- Hardly -- they are the new trendy diagnoses of this decade. You know how many solicitations I get from people to buy extra Adderall or Vyvanase that I have?? Depression, Schizophenia, & maybe Austism are still not accepted

LOL Nick. I didn't exactly have people banging down my door to take advantage of me. I had a younger brother that had friends that I hung out with. I also had my next door neighbor as a friend, as he was my age growing up. Had we not happened to move in next door, we probably wouldn't have been friends. It wasn't as though the whole neighborhood was banging down my door to be friends with me. My brother, and my neighbor, had friends. My circle of friends was pretty small, okay pretty much my brother and my neighbor, until I turned 16 and got a minimum wage job at Wendy's. Then I got a beat up car that didn't even run, and made it run. It was at that point that I had a great time, because I had a way to pick people up (friends of my brother and neighbor) to go to the park to play ball.

Once I moved out, I didn't have many visitors either. Then I made the mistake of moving across the river, a whole 15-20 minutes away, and never saw another person. Today my wife and I live in a modest house, probably smaller than your apartment as far as square footage goes with the exception of the somewhat finished basement, and we never have anyone come over either.

Nick, I've noticed on here that you're always relating that people are focused (post 9/11 in the consumer ownership economy) on what you have and what you can buy, buy, buy. Is it possible that because you don't have what others around you have that you yourself are the one that has become obsessed with material things?

See, you don't have to be rich to be materialistic. All you have to do is want that stuff so bad, and people without those things can be far more materialistic than those that have the stuff to begin with. I only mention this because you really seem to have a hang-up on the subject, and maybe you might note that you are the one with the issue on the subject moreso than others.

You seem very angry at other people, and possibly jealous of what they have. The attitude that you show in your posts isn't going to draw people to you. It seems like you've been hurt, so now you're jaded and putting up defenses by putting everyone else down. I've been there, and done much the same in the past. But just because people have stuff, or a life that you might have wanted at some point but couldn't achieve, that doesn't make them bad people or you either. If you can't stand the affluent lifestyles around you and it is really making you feel bad, then move down here with the rednecks in KY and southern IN and you'll notice a marked difference in the materialistic lifestyle that you see around you.

And yes, SOCIETY tells you that you have to have friends. Watch tv, or a movie, and watch all the things that these groups of people do together that are all best buddies. There was even a glorified TV show called "Friends" that portrayed a life that many live or want. Poor people have friends too, not just those with more money than you have. I never had many, but that is my issue and I own it. We all have an inborn need for friends and socialization. Otherwise why would every high school have so many cliques? Your jocks are one, your popular rich kids are one, all the way down to the outcasts that eventually get together and form their own small clique. That is a societal issue, one that has nothing to do with money, as those kids that don't fit in for whatever reason seem to still find and need some sort of companionship, regardless of what they have materially.

Hey!

This has happened to me all my life! High School was horrible! People kinda liked me or kinda didn't. Everybody thought I was "goofy" or "silly". I didn't know I had ADD until recently but even in my teenage years until now people will like me until I do something ADDish...I am lucky that I have my husband. We have trouble processing the ADD....but he has always known that I am apt to do or say weird stuff so it doesnt really phase him anymore. But sometimes I would like someone to talk to that doesn't judge or freak out!

MJ

LOL Nick. I didn't exactly have people banging down my door to take advantage of me. I had a younger brother that had friends that I hung out with. I also had my next door neighbor as a friend, as he was my age growing up. Had we not happened to move in next door, we probably wouldn't have been friends. It wasn't as though the whole neighborhood was banging down my door to be friends with me. My brother, and my neighbor, had friends. My circle of friends was pretty small, okay pretty much my brother and my neighbor, until I turned 16 and got a minimum wage job at Wendy's. Then I got a beat up car that didn't even run, and made it run. It was at that point that I had a great time, because I had a way to pick people up (friends of my brother and neighbor) to go to the park to play ball.

Once I moved out, I didn't have many visitors either. Then I made the mistake of moving across the river, a whole 15-20 minutes away, and never saw another person. Today my wife and I live in a modest house, probably smaller than your apartment as far as square footage goes with the exception of the somewhat finished basement, and we never have anyone come over either.

Nick, I've noticed on here that you're always relating that people are focused (post 9/11 in the consumer ownership economy) on what you have and what you can buy, buy, buy. Is it possible that because you don't have what others around you have that you yourself are the one that has become obsessed with material things?

See, you don't have to be rich to be materialistic. All you have to do is want that stuff so bad, and people without those things can be far more materialistic than those that have the stuff to begin with. I only mention this because you really seem to have a hang-up on the subject, and maybe you might note that you are the one with the issue on the subject moreso than others.

You seem very angry at other people, and possibly jealous of what they have. The attitude that you show in your posts isn't going to draw people to you. It seems like you've been hurt, so now you're jaded and putting up defenses by putting everyone else down. I've been there, and done much the same in the past. But just because people have stuff, or a life that you might have wanted at some point but couldn't achieve, that doesn't make them bad people or you either. If you can't stand the affluent lifestyles around you and it is really making you feel bad, then move down here with the rednecks in KY and southern IN and you'll notice a marked difference in the materialistic lifestyle that you see around you.

And yes, SOCIETY tells you that you have to have friends. Watch tv, or a movie, and watch all the things that these groups of people do together that are all best buddies. There was even a glorified TV show called "Friends" that portrayed a life that many live or want. Poor people have friends too, not just those with more money than you have. I never had many, but that is my issue and I own it. We all have an inborn need for friends and socialization. Otherwise why would every high school have so many cliques? Your jocks are one, your popular rich kids are one, all the way down to the outcasts that eventually get together and form their own small clique. That is a societal issue, one that has nothing to do with money, as those kids that don't fit in for whatever reason seem to still find and need some sort of companionship, regardless of what they have materially.

Um, I think I was telling the truth. So you think society tells you that 'you have to have friends' but you don't have to constantly buy the latest Ithing & designer clothes to be accepted?? It isn't anger, I am just stating the fact. And poor people don't have time to have friends (poor meaning earning less than a six figure salary in this part of the country), they are too busy working 8-12 hours a day, commuting, taking care of household errands, and don't have hundreds & thousands of extra dollars to go on vacations every weekend or summer in the Hamptons or Marthas Vinyard. Keep drinking the kool aid that the media & gov't feeds you

Like I said, my life is busy enough but some of these posts in this thread imply a very charmed life if your biggest problem is having to spend too much time with these people you call friends. Being from NYC, there absolutely isn't this pressure and most look down on this conformist cliquish lifestyle that the media says you are supposed to be. You think of this affluence you see is real --- hardly -- credit card debt is at record levels and still rising. This gen Y crowd also has the highest debt/income ratio because of this need to obtain the latest toys, video games & designer clothes.

{Moderator edit}

You're right Nick. If we don't make 6 figure incomes, really we have no chance at anything more than a life of horrible drudgery. Add our disorder into the mix, and we can never be anything more than underachieving losers. Money makes the world go around, and it is the foundation of any good friendship. Oh yeah, and your life is way worse than any of us on here, as we all live charmed lives.:rolleyes:

There's no use talking about it with you. You are determined to live in misery and you refuse to see the reality outside of your own little world. You don't find other people on here, or other message boards that I've been on for other subjects, where people complain and complain about the money needed to get friends. People here have problems connecting with others because they think and at times act differently than others, something that you don't have to be rich or poor to have issue with. You are one of very few on here doing so, so it is likely that the problem is your perception, not the whole rest of the world, unless of course you know something that none of the rest of us do.

I'm sorry that the area you live in is so money oriented. It isn't that way everywhere, and that is reality. I hope you find happiness someday, but I doubt you'll ever find it at the end of a dollar amount or on a bank statement.

Well yes these days it is hard to make friends because most people are shallow, materialistic and judgemental. Having ADHD or displaying ADHD characteristics to those who don't have it makes you the subject of derision even if it isn't done explicitly.

Of course maybe this touches on what we discussed about 'underacheiving'. That no one wants to associate with you if you don't have that six figure job, wear designer clothes from Bloomingdales, Nordstrom & Neiman Marcus and don't have the latest Iphone and or Blackberry. You guys got me beat, I barely even have one friend or acquaintance but the thing is that I am very very busy between work, commuting, general errands, going to the gym after work that I barely even have the time. And even when I tried (you know people say try to meet people who you see in classes, neighbors, etc... -- I have found people to be very standoffish and cliquish. This is one of the good & bad things about the NYC area. You can live life fine being totally alone & single forever but meeting people unless you have that six figure wall street job in Manhattan and live in a nice neighborhood paying $5,000 a month for rent is very very difficult.

Doesn't it seem like post people treat life as one big party, full of shopping, going out, getting every material demand met??

My attitude these days is why even bother trying?? I mean the end result is just ending up tens of thousands in credit card debt trying to suck up to the 'cool people' and having a large circle of MYSPACE friends. Maybe the slowing economy and the credit squeeze will reevaluate peoples views of others in this post 9/11 ownership consumer economy. Of course I am in the NYC metro area where a salary of $100,000 a year for one person is like minimum wage.

While I do agree to some extent that most people are shallow and self-involved. I really don't think that materialism has any relation to the topic at hand. This is an issue of meeting people and maintaining relationships. I've never encountered the problems you are talking about, nor would I need to spend a considerable amount of money on "designer" clothes etc.

I'm still confused as to how 9/11 relates to anything. If New York is such a miserable place you could always move.

Where in NYC are you living? it sounds like you're living in Manhattan - if so, get out! I don't live in NYC, but I do have friends who live up there that I visit a few times a year, and they're all in Brooklyn - they're sooooo much nicer down there, you don't have nearly as much attitude to deal with. Not only is it cheaper, people are more down to earth - if anything, people pride themselves on being able to make it on a minimal amount of money in some neighborhoods...

And none but one ofmy friends make close to 100K, and they're all pretty content...

Mod reminder:

As interesting a topic as the effects of geography and environment are on our personalty and mental health, let's refocus on the th OP's original concerns:

[...]
Part of me wants to be able to hang out with genuine and fun friends. The other half of me hates the inconvenience of friends -

[...]

I guess I am having difficulty accepting the fact that I am 22, and have nobody to grab a beer with or watch some baseball/hockey. Sadly my father is my best friend, we talk every day. When I marry my girlfriend I don't want to face the embarrassment of only having three friends to invite. Has anyone been through this before? I would love to hear some advice or even for anyone who is in my situation - share your story.

If someone would like to begin a separate thread on the effects of geography on the psyche it would be welcomed.

Oops! Sorry about that...

I'm actually kinda going through the same thing, so I do feel your pain - I gotta go make some friends with other new moms in a few weeks - yikes! But I know I have to do this for the kid as well as myself...

Maintaining friendships can be a pain in the ***, but I try to remember what happens if I don't do this or that, and sometimes that motivates me...you do what you can...

Finally, there's this book by Michelle Novotni called What Does Everyone Else Know That I Don't? It talks about the effects ADHD has on social interactions. Not only does it offer suggestions on what to do in certain situations, it also covers what others think when we do certain things...this could help with regard to the frequent interactions that we have with friends, b/c those little things do add up...I've gone back to this book to brush up from time to time...

It is as though there are two kinds of ADDer..... the hypersocial individual who is the life of the party and loves to network and schmooze and make new friends.... and then there is the not-so-social type, who is less likely to enjoy socializing and typically does not have a lot of friends, and is not very good at taking care of the friendships that he/she does have. So the bottom line is that some ADDer's are not very good with relationships, but others are.

What's with that ??

ME :D

Nick, man you need to chill a bit. Yes, materialism is everywhere. Its because of mainstream media and other outlets that are bombarding people in this country(US). Like Madd Mike mentioned, you seem to be a bit jealous. Not everone is caught up in money. Come here to California, there are PLENTY of NON materialsitic people. Bascially, in ANY city/town in the US you will find people who don't need to buy the latest gadgets, etc...You have been preaching this type of message for a while now. Who cares what people have! I barely make any money myself, but I'm finally doing something I enjoy for a living that relates to fitness and sports. F*ck the money! I used to want to date only beautiful woman, but no more. Why? most are materialist and want a guy who has certian "status" in life, just like you are talking about. F-those shallow people!

I thought I was a negative person! holy cow!

hey guys, iv said it before and ill say it again.. friends are highly overrated!! i just dont understand why people put so much value and emphasis in friends. really!! when someone hurts you or lies to you, have you ever noticed this certain someone is no stranger. hell no!! their your friend. were on this planet to make families not friends.once you have your own family i think the friends will just come naturally the real friends the healthy friends. iv never been one to seek out friends, but it seams someone or another is always asking me to go out and do this or do that and as an add'er i know im going to be board in an hour and want to leave so i pretty much avoid plans at all cost, normal people live by the plans they make so if you refuse to make plans with them they really cant see where you fit in to their life, you can only blow someone off a couple times and their going to be fed up and say the hell with you. cant really blame them but dont blame yourself either. just accept the fact that this is the way add has made us and we truly are happy without all the friends were suppose to have. incase you haven't noticed 'normal people ' are not that normal, so who cares about what they think about the amount of friends we should have, id rather have 3 friends that didnt talk about me at all, than 3 friends that didnt talk about me but 7 that do..

Nick, man you need to chill a bit. Yes, materialism is everywhere. Its because of mainstream media and other outlets that are bombarding people in this country(US). Like Madd Mike mentioned, you seem to be a bit jealous. Not everone is caught up in money. Come here to California, there are PLENTY of NON materialsitic people. Bascially, in ANY city/town in the US you will find people who don't need to buy the latest gadgets, etc...You have been preaching this type of message for a while now. Who cares what people have! I barely make any money myself, but I'm finally doing something I enjoy for a living that relates to fitness and sports. F*ck the money! I used to want to date only beautiful woman, but no more. Why? most are materialist and want a guy who has certian "status" in life, just like you are talking about. F-those shallow people!

I thought I was a negative person! holy cow!

You guys have got it wrong.. I am stating fact, you guys are putting words in my mouth. How does this make me negative?? Read the post above mine, friends are highly overrated and you will drive yourself nuts and deep into credit card debt trying to conform to the latest fashion trends, I 'things' etc. etc. Or we can bury our heads in the sand and pretend that it doesn't exist but well all know it does and easy to get swept up into it in order to be liked by the right people.

Many people agree with me and have actually stated this in a stronger way (check out the Rant & Raves section of craigslist & you will see what I mean).

The good thing is that these days when you have a hectic lifestyle & schedule you find that you enjoy more time alone when ever you can catch an hour or two.

Nick, you like to throw that word "fact" around a lot. It may indeed be fact that the little section of the world that you live in is materialistic to extents that the rest of us can only imagine. However, most of us don't live in that little slice of America. Even when someone lives in a materialistic society, it doesn't have to make a person act that way. I'm sure there are people in your area that aren't as materialistic as you would make them out to be, but you can't see them because you're so wrapped up in it. So, we come with facts as well, and you are the only person on this board that brings up materialism in every post. You should have a form reply by now that you just cut and paste.

Oh, and craigslist doesn't help your cause any. It isn't exactly known as the bastion of all that is right and truthful in the world. It is moreso a bunch of scam artists and people seeking attention by seeing who can say the stupidest thing.

You have got to get out of that little area you live in and move somewhere that doesn't put such a high importance on every little fashion trend, what you drive, the bling on your wrist or hand, etc. It does exist, and most of us live in it. You are the one living in the exception, not the rule for the majority of us.

Believe it or not, in my area of the country, it isn't unusual for people to wave or give you a nod of acknowledgement when walking or driving down a street. There are friendly people in this world that don't even know what the latest trends are, much less judge you on them.

Oh, and one more thing Nick. You mentioned "being liked by the right people". Yes, there are crowds in this world that may hold power or prestige and you may have to have a certain pull or money to get in with them. However, if you think that those people make good friends, or friends at all, you have a mistaken perception of what a friend is. A true friend likes you for who you are, not what you have. A true friend wouldn't care how much money you have. If you are mad because people don't like you that place such a value on materialistic things, a greater value than who you are as a person, then you're looking for friends in the wrong place to begin with. Believe it or not, poor people have friends, even some with ADD.

Start looking elsewhere for friends, and maybe you'll find some. If you keep going to people that only care about money or their appearance in a friend, you are looking in the wrong place.

I can definitely relate to the OP. It's a good thing I don't believe in marriage because I would have ZERO friends to invite.

I had some friends in high school, but lost track of all them when I dropped out and got a GED. Later, I got involved in the local music scene and for awhile had a huge number of friends; it was kind of an ideal set up because I ONLY saw them when we happened to run into each other at shows. There were some times that someone wanted to make plans to do something during the day or just outside the "scene" but I always avoided this - I just felt too awkward.

During this time I did have one or two really close friends that I would see/talk to all the time, but not surprisingly I managed to drive them both off eventually.

Now my only friend is my boyfriend. I think that I would like to make friends, but every time the opportunity comes up (like I meet someone cool at a gathering my boyfriend drags me to), I end up not following through.

It's weird, even on line I tense up at personal interactions, like if I get a PM from somebody or they want to put me on their friends list. On one board (not ADD related) someone actually asked if I wanted to come see their house - I stopped going to the board for an entire week after that.

I know that this behavior isn't rational but it just feels like the work involved in making and keeping friends is beyond me.