I started on Methylphenidate last june and since then I've been getting my life toghether and now suddenly for the first time I can remember (or maybe the first time I've noticed) girls are interested in going out with me and making enquiries through their friends etc.

my problem is I am worried they will think I'm realy wierd because of how different my life has been and is due to ADHD and because I don't think I function very well socially. In the past my relationships have always become chaotic and unmanagable, and my initial charm has worn off due to my inability to act like a grown up or remember any plans we'd made and my obvious disinterest in anything I found slightly boring.

I would love to be able to have a stable loving relationship do you think it's worth trying again now I'm on meds?

I started on Methylphenidate last june and since then I've been getting my life toghether and now suddenly for the first time I can remember (or maybe the first time I've noticed) girls are interested in going out with me and making enquiries through their friends etc.

my problem is I am worried they will think I'm realy wierd because of how different my life has been and is due to ADHD and because I don't think I function very well socially. In the past my relationships have always become chaotic and unmanagable, and my initial charm has worn off due to my inability to act like a grown up or remember any plans we'd made and my obvious disinterest in anything I found slightly boring.

I would love to be able to have a stable loving relationship do you think it's worth trying again now I'm on meds?


Hey man, give it a shot. I met my girlfriend about 6 months before I was diagnosed with ADHD. We've now been together for two and a half years and she moved in with me about a year and a half ago now. I've always found my ADHD to be an advantage when I have dated girls. Probably because before my meds I was pretty random and spontaneous. I've definitely settled down quite a bit since starting my meds though.

If I could offer you some advice though, it would be this: No matter what, you HAVE to be yourself. That includes being comfortable with your ADHD symptoms. I say that because you need to find someone who accepts you for who you are. If that means the relationship won't last for more than a few months so be it. It's better than it falling apart when you two eventually move in with each other.

Hey, What good is life if you dont try? :)

I have problems with my ADHD.... but I still go on the flirt... :D

Just work on your confidence... and know that if you keep being yourself.... you will soon find somebody that you dont feel you have to act around. :cool:

Sure.....whats the point of taking the meds. Your past is your past.... and your present is your present.... you may even find the difference is only that you're noticing their interest now.

kilt

Alexis,

I think you're overthinking this. Girls (or guys) love anyone who seems to have themselves "together" and 99 percent of the people in the world are really impressed and uplifted when someone makes noticeable positive changes in their life.

Just relax and be yourself and connect with the people. At some point, you can tell them about adhd and meds. I would not do this right away as it could be a distraction. If the topic of your new "cool" comes up, just say, "I've been working on myself. I've had some challenges, but I'm feeling great about life right now."

Which is all true! ... When things get serious, you can tell the person about adhd, etc.

Here's the deal. I'm not telling you this in order to "trick" your potential dates. Rather, I am suggesting something else. I've learned that the one thing that makes other people uncomfortable around me is when I appear uncomfortable or afraid or guilty, etc. So if you're beginning each date thinking that you're going to have to go through the whole adhd thing, you're gonna look nervous and they'll pick up on that. This isn't a girl thing by the way. All of us love being around other people who seem comfortable with themselves. It helps us to relax.

So yeah man, date away!

Now here's one additional piece of wisdom. I admit I got this from a friend, so I'm not all that wise necessarily.

I'm in a 12 step program for an addiction/compulsion. I've been "sober" for nearly a year. I was talking to a woman friend who knows that I'm in a 12 step program. I was basically saying, "when I start to date, I'm worried about how to tell a woman about my addiction history, etc."

My friend without a second's hesitation, said this: "When you find the right woman, that won't be a problem." In other words, if I'm dating someone who would abandon me after finding out about the addiction thing, then my selection of people is off.

I'll pass the same wisdom on to you. If you find a woman not understanding of your adhd, then move on. There are plenty of folks out there who will be understanding. They'll judge you on how you treat them and on how you treat yourself. You want to date them!

I agree with the others, relax and be yourself and remember, your time is never wasted when you are willing to learn from every situation and relationship you encounter. Go with the flow.

Isn't this why you take the meds? You've gone from being an AD/HD outcast to someone who is wanted.

The new you is a success and you should be letting people in - your strange past will be a great source of anecdotes.

Just let it happen - all you need to do is 'open the door' for them.

It's the only way you'll learn to adap tis ot get out their. The right person accepts you with what you come with.

Go For It! You live once no matter what your beliefs are...you only get one chance in this body and in this time line.

I have had a mess of relationships due to my ADD and finally when I quit a job that was consuming my life it became very obvious how bad I really was. I guess I couldn't figure out all these years why my relationships didn't work out or what was wrong with me. Most guys said "oh, I thought you weren't interested in me" that was the normal thing. I really was but I guess my being all over the place created an environment that made them feel unwanted.

Then the miracle of drugs:D...I finally owned up and decided that I needed to take control. I started the cycle of try this try this and after many failed attempts of meds I ended up on Vyvanse and my life totally came together.

I met that guy that I had been wanting to meet and we moved in and actually have a very functional relationship...some ups and downs but all the fun stuff that you are afraid that will go away just work at not letting it.

I have to work hard at the relationship thing because I have no real skills at a long lasting one. I've had long lasting relationships but with very self absorbed men so that there was a detachment at some level so nobody got hurt.

You will be great at this because you care it's obvious in your writings:)

Kisses,
Nikki