I'm pretty happy without kids. I have a nephew and a niece. Also many of my co-workers have kids. Sometimes I get to hang out with them and they're all right, but it makes me even happier I don't have any. I don't think it's a bad thing to do but I don't want to do it...

I have put much more into my career, my dog(s), and my hobbies because I didn't have to spend the time raising anyone.

Traveling has been a big benefit I found to being childfree and single.

I never thought about whether I'd be a "good mother" or not but I know for some people that's a big reason why they wouldn't have kids. I mostly decided not to because I wanted my life to be my own to lead. I didn't want to make the sacrifice.

If you don't have kids, post up and talk about what you've done that's most meaningful to you. what have you gained by being childfree? Why did you decide not to have kids? How have you dealt with people who put pressure on you (family and such) Do you like kids? Do you know any? Do you feel like you made a good decision, or not? Do you think yoou WILL have kids one day, or not?

If you do have kids, don't post in here about them or about how they changed your life for better or worse. This thread has nothing to do with that. Nothing against you or your choices but I'm interested only in hearing from others who haven't had any kids, in here.Thanks.

- I've gained/maintained some kind of sanity by not having kids also piece of mind.

- I decided not to have kids because I can't be shallow and think only of myself, these are not puppies these are humans that need be raised accordingly.

- My mother thinks I'm brilliant. She says its the smartest decision in the world, she wishes she would have had the choice or opportunity not to have so many kids.

- I think other people's kids are very cute and I play with them for awhile and then move on! :D Kids love me because I'm immature like them haha

- I love my decision smartest thing ever, and the **only** blessing that ADHD has given is the ability to think outside the box and not follow crowds and always ask WHY?!

I'm only 27, and still in the phase where when I tell people firmly that I have decided not to have kids, they still look at me with some smug grin and try to tell me that I'm going to change my mind. Well, I'm not, and I'm going to get Essure before the end of this month, hopefully, to ensure that.

I feel the same way as the OP states, for the most part. I see girls from my high school class being married with children, and it just doesn't appeal to me at all. If I had kids I wouldn't have had all of the opportunities that I've had in life. I've moved to different parts of the country 3 times, can live comfortably on a grad student salary and can pretty much do anything I want without having to take anyone else into account.

I still have from 7-9 years of schooling left until I reach my intended goal. My career ambitions have always been one of the reasons that I'm not interested in giving birth. I admit to a somewhat selfish one - I don't want my body to go through pregnancy. The imperative to me to avoid pain and discomfort such as that felt through pregnancy and childbirth is stronger than the imperative to reproduce, simply.

My mother is very supportive of my decision, but I can't say the same for my grandmothers. My paternal grandmother asked me who was going to take care of me when I got old! I said that I didn't feel that it was a child's responsibility anyway. Doesn't that seem like a selfish reason to have a kid? And I'm supposed to be the selfish one for not wanting to. :p

As far as liking kids or not, I didn't used to like them at all. However, I've gotten to the point that once they're past the age of 5 or so I can appreciate them. After all, I'm on their level in a lot of ways. :o I still have a hard time cooing and babbling over people's babies, though. To me, babies are disgustingly ugly, and always smell bad too. I just don't get what's so cute about them. :confused:

I definitely feel like this is the right decision for me. Perhaps one day if I do get the urge for kids, I'll consider adoption.

- My mother thinks I'm brilliant. She says its the smartest decision in the world, she wishes she would have had the choice or opportunity not to have so many kids.

haha my mother is the same way!

and wow, nyanko, 7-9 years? that's a lot of school~!

I'll put my two cents in, but if I can I'll slightly take it for a turn. :)

Being childfree has allowed me to go back to school full time, and pursue the career I really wanted instead of comprimising. I know this is the single best investment I've ever made into myself. Along with a degree, I got the answers to questions that had been haunting me for years and years (my ADHD diagnosis). Can't get much better than that!

However personally, I haven't ruled out having children one day. But I know that the investment I made into myself will pay itself later on.

and wow, nyanko, 7-9 years? that's a lot of school~!

Yeah, I know right. I'm starting a Masters next month, which will be 2 years, then will be applying to a DVM (Doctorate of Veterinary Medicine) and combined DVM/PhD program. If I get into the DVM/PhD that's another 7 years, if I just get into the DVM it's another 4, but then I have to tack on internships and residencies and possibly a PhD at the end of that since I want to go into academia and research at the moment, so basically I won't be completely done until I'm at the very least 35 or so, and then there will be so much that I want to do that you can't do while you're in school, and I think having kids would just cramp that. So, it's a life of academia for me. :)

I should say that the reason I'm going through all of this so late probably has a lot to do with having had undiagnosed ADHD up until now. A lot of changing schools and career ideas because of internal restlessness led me to this point, but at least I did collect two Bachelors degrees on the way! :p

so vetting is as long to get started in as doctoring? I never knew.

Not always. The DVM itself is only 4 years, and you aren't required to do a residency/internship unless you plan on specializing. If you just want to go out into the world and become a small or large animal vet somewhere you just have to take a national exam and licensing exams for the state you plan on working in and you're all set. But you do have to take prerequisites and standardized tests same as if you were applying to med school, either way.

Because I want to go into genetics research and not private practice it will require more time for me, though. :)

I wanted to party...
.....I was smart enough not to have any kids.
also,it's unfamilliar territory.
.....I'm an only child.....I would'nt know what to do with a baby.
I don't particularly like babies, not that i would harm one.
......that's why i did'nt have any.

I've never, ever, not for single second, had a desire to have children. I'm 41 now, so I don't think that's going to change.

Nor do I like other people's children - with only the rarest of exceptions, I find children to be messy, smelly, annoying, snotty little brats.

As to what I've gained by being childfree, I guess you could say that it's one of the only dreams of mine I've managed to fulfill completely, if that makes sense. Most of my other dreams have been short-circuited by what I now believe is ADD, but being child-free is a great and wonderful thing for me, and I'm thankful for it everyday.

I'm not totally lacking in the urge to nurture - I have two wonderful dogs - but the idea of kids has never, ever done anything but a nightmare for me.

Wow!......this is the greatest topic yet! I'm not the only 36 year old woman out there who has no intentions of having children.

I have too many views on my decision, to bore you with....but I will say one thing. I have a 1.5 year old Terrier that is a handful, and I'm convinced for one thing that I find this responsibility enough. Let alone a child. He is very sweet, when he wants to be, and the other 25% of the time....he's a wholly terror. Maybe that's why they added an "I" and made it a Terrier. Well...kinda close in spelling!

Anyways....my patience level is a very short fuse, and I don't feel at this point in my life, I want to take care of someone else, considering I'm struggling taking care of my own self and managing ADHD. My dog....he sleeps when i sleep....i play with him......we snuggle....he gives me sad eyes so I'll give him treats....what more could I ask for!

Everyone who knows me well....knows I'm not gaga over kids. I did alot of coaching through the years with kids sports and have fun with nieces and nephews. But I like having the option to say when I've had enough, and walk away....having had a good time with them. Not regretting being overwhelmed by them. I do get overwhelmed by kids at times. So then I say goodbye and tell them they were fun to hang with. Everyone's happy.

I even offered my best friend to be their surrogate because her husband and her were doing invitro with no results. Everyone said...once that baby's in you...you won't want to give it up. I looked at it as....I don't want a baby, and I wanted to help them....it would be their baby.

Anyways....i could go on forever. Maybe thats why I'm still single! Wasn't it once said that men are attracted to the breeding type...LOL!!!!

I've found that seeing other people's lives, as parents, gives me more motivation to be glad about the decisions I've made. There's a lot I'd never have done if I had kids to think of first.

I've never had a desire to have children, and I'm lucky to be with someone who feels the same way. I will find children cute or nice, but I've never gotten that urge. Plus rationally it doesn't make sense to us. We're both artists with unstable job prospects who like to focus on our work and who both have a rather dim view of the future. And we both view child rearing as a huge enterprise that shouldn't be considered lightly.

Thank you Reesah ...

This has been such a huge issue for me. I hope none of you mind me sharing a story of almost becoming a mother.

I was pregnant about 3 years ago. I was in a very stressful relationship and was a mess myself. I had not been diagnosed yet and really couldn't get out of my own way, mishap after mishap in my life. But I did have a pretty well paying job and 'he' initially wanted to have the child. He changed is mind and so changed mine (I think more so that i was scared to death to be a single mother, I agreed). I was more than 3 months pregnant and it was quite a traumatic experience, emotionally, hormonally, physically.

In any case, I KNOW what I would have given up. I am a completely different person today because I've had the time to work on myself, travel, explore other career options. BUT I still have the occasional breakdown that I should have kept the child.

This is the realization I've come to, any draw I've had to have children is due to reason other than actually wanting a child 1) I secretly want to right all the wrongs in my own childhood by raising a new version of me & 2) I feel the pressure that we're selfish if we don't have children or less capable in some way. These are clearly not reasons to have children!
I couldn't even care for a puppy on my own for god sake.

It is so refreshing to find others that chose not to have children ... Thank you again

I'm not anti-child, I just don't want any of my own. I once said that to my sister-in-law and she rolled her eyes and, in a very condescending tone, replied "yeah, they are a big responsibility." :rolleyes:

Fine with me. I'll stick to keeping horses and dogs.:p

~Audrey

hahaha because a horse isn't that big of a responsibility...or a career...or working towards a degree.

some people make motherhood into some weird thing; as if it were the ONLY important thing a woman can do in her life.

Reesah,

I don't know that I've gained anything except peace of mind. I have a hard time around kids. I don't get babies AT ALL. My friends offer theirs up to me and I actually decline to hold them. They make me nervous. When I'm around little kids, I'm constantly watching for them to do something horrible to themselves. My one friend says that "you should only worry about head injuries," but I can't stand the crying when they fall and hurt themselves, even if it's just crying from being startled.

I also bring out the worst in everyone's kids because I am incapable of disciplining them. I'm a great playmate with them, but I can only protect them from danger. I don't teach good behavior. In fact, I'm so boundariless that I encourage bad behavior. I know this, but I haven't figured out how to change it. (I have figured that part out with my horse, so I can see that it needs to happen somehow.)

From what I understand, a lack of interest in kids isn't an unusual thing anymore in the U.S., Europe, or Japan, so you're not alone.

I've had a lot of pressure to reproduce over the years, particularly from my mother. She told me (repeatedly) that I was selfish and wouldn't have anyone who cared about me as I aged. The "you're selfish for not having kids" bit doesn't make a lick of sense. Moreover, neither my brother nor I have spoken to our mother in a while because she's so abusive. So I fail to see how having kids assures one of care in one's old age.

Yeah, I know right. I'm starting a Masters next month, which will be 2 years, then will be applying to a DVM (Doctorate of Veterinary Medicine) and combined DVM/PhD program. If I get into the DVM/PhD that's another 7 years, if I just get into the DVM it's another 4, but then I have to tack on internships and residencies and possibly a PhD at the end of that since I want to go into academia and research at the moment, so basically I won't be completely done until I'm at the very least 35 or so, and then there will be so much that I want to do that you can't do while you're in school, and I think having kids would just cramp that. So, it's a life of academia for me. :)

I should say that the reason I'm going through all of this so late probably has a lot to do with having had undiagnosed ADHD up until now. A lot of changing schools and career ideas because of internal restlessness led me to this point, but at least I did collect two Bachelors degrees on the way! :p

I am a new member and as I read your post I was so glad. I found someone like myself for once. I was undiagnosed until acouple of years ago in the middle of my 1st Bachelors degree while on the road to law school. Now I have collected 2 Bachelors degrees and am going to get in to law next year.
I think the lack of confidence and indecisiveness along with the adhd prolonged my decision to go to school for 7-8 ish years.
I say I am not child proof, afraid to be my mother (she was/us horrible) and the fact I will be done school and practice law when I am 34.
I have put so much time into my boys (Bulldogs and 1 Alaskan Malamute) and can come home to them who do not ask me to borrow the car etc.
I made the rule years ago that if and only if I wanted to have a child 365 days straight with not one single I don't want any then I would consider it.
And I don't want to go to school for 7+ years only to go on mat leave.
Glad to see another "late bloomer".

If you don't have kids, post up and talk about what you've done that's most meaningful to you.

Umm. Most meaningful? Right now, I'd have to say that would be my
decision to go see a shrink and find out what was wrong with me.
Turned out it was ADD. (didn't really have anything to do with having
kids though.)

what have you gained by being childfree?
I've gained freedom from the guilt of having completely screwed up some
poor innocent human being whose only crime was having me as a parent.

Why did you decide not to have kids?

According to my mom, I started saying I didn't want kids when I was old
enough to talk back. I remember as a pre-teen thinking that it didn't make
sense to have kids unless you really really wanted them. I remember
asking people that had children "why" and not getting answers like -
"because that's what you are supposed to do." Go to college, get a
degree, get married, have kids. No way. Not me.

Also, I didn't think it was fair that a guy could walk away from the
responsibility basically leaving me with the problem of raising a kid all
alone. There was no DNA testing when I was a young adult. At that time
blood typing was used to determine the possibility of paternity, but it
didn't prove it. And even if the courts ordered child support (unlikely),
there was little chance of actually getting it.

How have you dealt with people who put pressure on you (family and such)

I tell them point-blank that if they think it's so important to have kids,
they should go right ahead and have them. I've repeated that statement
several times to people that persisted and once they got the idea that I
wasn't playing along, they stopped bringing it up.

One person (my partner's mother) was particularly pushy about it until I
suggested that she look into adopting a child if she felt so strongly about
having a kid around. Or maybe she should consider volunteering as a big
sister. After all there are plenty of kids who would love to have a
grandmother to hang out with. Why that sounds like a great idea! Would
you like me to find out who you can call to set up a meeting so you can
volunteer? [funny thing, she never bothered me with that particular
subject again]

My big thing is not to get into "why" - it's none of their business. I find
simply stating my position in as few words as possible and repeating it
every single time they bring it up will stop the pressure eventually. Last
time I checked, it was still a free country. Which means I'm free to make
that choice for myself. No-one else gets to make it for me.

Do you like kids?
I love kids.
It took me until I was 30 years old to figure out that just because I didn't
want any kids didn't mean that I had to dislike other people's kids. Once I
gave myself permission to be ok with that, I realized that kids were a lot
of fun to be around. Especially since I had no responsibility for them,
didn't have to discipline them, and could pretty much be myself around
them.

I'm not crazy about babies though. Too easy to break.

Do you know any?
Of course. Pretty much all the people I've known over the years ended up
having kids. Which meant I got to watch those kids grow up. And now I
get to talk to them on an adult-to-adult basis. Cool. Best of both worlds,
if you ask me. None of the responsibility and I got to be the 'aunt' who
was the bad influence. hehehe

Do you feel like you made a good decision, or not?
Absolutely. I think it was the one thing I've done right in my life.

Do you think you WILL have kids one day, or not?
No way. Besides which, it's just about too late anyway.
I do not regret having been childfree at all.

By the way:
Since I did not want children, I made darned sure to take precautions.
That meant I made sure to have protection every single time. It was my
responsibility and I took it very seriously.

---

I am 34 years old and engaged. I have no children, and I am glad that I don't. It isn't that I don't want a child of my own...maybe someday when I get a handle on my own life...I tried so hard to get pregnant when I was 26, but it never happened...and thank goodness it didn't. I just don't think I could handle a baby in my present state, still trying to treat my ADD and my OCPD.

What is the most meaningful thing I have done?
Well, I am engaged to my soulmate. That means the most to me. Why is that so meaningful? Because she is a woman like me. We finally stopped denying what we felt and admitted our feelings. Now we are so happy and free.

What have I gained from being childfree?
Time to pursue my dreams and ambitions, many good nights of sleep, and a nice quiet apartment...and the freedom to have sex whenever and wherever I want. :D

Why did I decide not to have kids?
I didn't decide. It just never happened. I almost had a step daughter, and I loved (still do) her so much. So it wasn't really my decision, but now I make a conscious decision that I do not want a child until I am more stable.

How do I deal with pressure to have children?
There hasn't been any pressure on me to have any children, not anything serious, anyway.

Do I like kids?
Hmm...that is a tough call. I don't hate them, but sometimes I am a little uncomfortable around them, because I just don't know what to say and what NOT to say around them.

Do I know any kids?
Oh yes. There was my step daughter, who, bless her heart, loved mornings...just not the same part of the morning I did (3 or 4am). She would often greet me when I woke up, holding her little arms up to me, her head cocked to the side, uttering a simple phrase that would melt my heart: "Ho me! (Baby talk for "Hold me"). There are the two kids who live next to me, the politest kids I have ever met. There is my friend's son, Tyler, who is a sweet heart and very smart.

Do I feel like I made the right decision?
As I said, it really wasn't a decision, but the powers that be made a great decision for me. Had I ever had a child, that poor thing would be subjected to poverty and my inattentiveness. I often worry that, if I do have my own child, that I will pass on my ADD to that child, and sometimes, that is a deterent.

Might I have kids one day?
I hope to, but not until I have a handle on my ADD. I am still trying to find an effective treatment for it. I also want to be sure that I can support a child, financially and emotionally.

I'm 30, married 6 years, and have no children. I've never wanted them. Even as a child other children irritated me. They were loud and just...odd to me. I had friends, but when I would sleep over at their houses their younger brothers and sisters bothered me. I don't know how to explain it.

I'm an only child and need my peace, quiet, and alone time. I'm lucky if I get myself out of the door in the morning and my clothes are ironed, I have breakfast, I know where my keys and cell phone are, and I'm on time. I could not IMAGINE having to do this for someone else.

So, I just don't think kids are for me. Maybe I'll change my mind eventually, but not today.

I love children - which is the reason why I never had any.

I always felt that the only way I would ever have children would be if I were in a good stable marriage with a man who'd be a good father. Well, that never happened.

Still, I don't regret it because I know it would hurt me no end to have my children grow up in a home, as I did, where their parents were endlessly arguing. My parents were both good decent people who showed my brothers and me a lot of love and affection, but they simply did not get along with each other very well. Mainly, I'd say it was because they were each too damn stubborn in their own ways to work out a good relationship between themselves. The emotional pain I experienced from seeing them argue all the time convinced me that I wouldn't want any children of mine to grow up in a similar situation.

While it would have been nice to have had children and to have provided them with a happy home, I don't regret my decision to be childless under my circumstances.

If you don't have kids, post up and talk about what you've done that's most meaningful to you.

I've been able to take risks and try new things I probably wouldn't have tried if I had kids relying on me.

what have you gained by being childfree?
I don't think I gained anything other than there isn't a child in the world all messed up become of it's environment.

Why did you decide not to have kids?
When I was a teen, I had several friends who got pregnant. I just didn't want to be tied down with no choices so knew I wouldn't have a baby until later on in life, if ever.

How have you dealt with people who put pressure on you (family and such)
There has been no pressure on me to have kids. I have older sisters who had kids so that took the pressure off of me. I think those closest to me see my problems and would worry about what I'd be like as a parent.


Do you like kids?
Very much so. Not groups of kids but find it hard to maintain the amount of attention they deserve.

Do you know any?
I adore my 7 year old niece. I feel more connected to her than I have any other child in the family. She makes my day better whenever I see her.

Do you feel like you made a good decision, or not?
I think I made the only decision I could in the situations I was in. If I had a child not knowing the things I do now about myself, I worry I would have short changed them.

Do you think you WILL have kids one day, or not?
Never say never but it's highly unlikely. I'm getting to the age now that I'm more likely to get menopause than pregnant.

One of my colleagues has two sons. They're around 8 and 12 I think. (I have a hard time judging kid's ages and can't remember)

They're pretty okay to be around. They're not loud kids or hyper so that makes it easier. From reading this thread I feel like I should have more of an open mind about knowing other people's kids so when I was invite to visit at my colleague's house I went over. I ended up playing a board game with the kids.

I'm glad I don't have any but it was eye-opening to hang out with much younger people like that. I think they are old enough though not to be running around and manic/noisy, so that helped.