Okay; if you're a person for whom self-esteem is a sensitive issue, this might need some explanation. I am looking hard at myself and seeing ways I must change and grow in order to be who I want to be, and for my life to have the meaning I intend. I am seeing ways I've been selfish, thoughtless, unkind, heedless, and in numerous other ways unsatisfactory. I see some that I can change, and I am also coincidentally finding the keys that were hidden from me in the past. "When the student is ready, the teacher will arrive", seems to apply.

I'm seeing ways I've been that I would change if I had them to do over, and looking at what I have to do to make those changes, and trying to start good habits I've so far not had. The more I do, the more I see I WANT to do. I find I've stumbled into rethinking my self-image and point of view, with the goal of eliminating much personal suckiness that stands between me and self-fulfillment.

I'm lightheartedly reminding myself with the phrase "don't suck" when I'm seeing a chance to either do things the old familiar way or to do it the new way, with focus on what my life goals and values are. (This is something I don't think I can share with my loved ones because they'll take it to heart and be concerned that I have low self-esteem, when all I'm doing is hanging an amusing and attention-catching SIGN on my psyche that will make me stop and think and question myself more often. "What opportunities can I find RIGHT NOW to not suck?")

My first resolution was to keep the shower stall clean, and I actually met with success at creating this consistent desired behavior. Then I started to include the sink and mirror, which I've taken to wiping down with the right hand while I brush my teeth with the left. And now I'm branching out bravely into ... wait for it... the kitchen. My new challenge to myself is to have the kitchen sink empty and clean before I go to bed each night. This is stuff that I hear many other people expect of themselves and actually accomplish, and I want to do it too. I've never tried this before, I've a long history of just accepting that I'm not a person who can stay on top of the kitchen; I'm now challenging that self-assigned label. I can see I need more structure and I can see that no one else is going to put it in place FOR me. I'm being my own Mom.

On a larger and more challenging front, I'm working on Detachment. I stumbled across Acceptance and Commitment therapy and I'm asking "Where has this been all my life?", and have plenty to keep me busy with the exercises in this workbook which turn a lot of my unconscious preconceptions inside out. I can see ways I've been impatient and controlling that I never understood before. I can see ways I can make my life and the lives of my loved ones better, and I am eager to "not suck" in this way. ( I have a ways to go, as I see I'm reading the book at breakneck speed, whizzing through the exercises so I can be Enlightened RIGHT NOW. Sigh. I am now going back to Page One and doing this with the deliberation the authors intended.)

I now invite stories of how any of us have challenged some bedeviling personal suckiness. What worked? What didn't? What led to the desire to challenge this behavior? Did you find any Cosmic Truths along the way?

I'm not sure if I could call this a cosmic truth, but lately I've been much happier with myself and my life due to a very small change in my thinking.
I've always been one to worry and be afraid and sad. I wallowed in these things because they were the way I was taught to relate to the world and to keep myself safe. Luckily, this has always conflicted with my freedom-loving personality and so, given the opportunity, I have been branching out and trying new things I never thought I would do. As a result, I have been feeling much more free and discovered a new way of thinking. It's hard to be down or worried when you're out there really living your life. Nothing in the past is so important that it should ruin my enjoyment of the present. There is always something to be happy about. Yup, that's what I've learned.

I agree o0star.....generally as I change my thinking, my desired behaviors come more naturally.........If I think I will exercise before coming home from work, I will......amazing how the self-esteem naturally increases with a bit of different thinking and different behaviors as a result......

Honestly? What worked was just perservernce. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had low self esteem for years. Probably still do, except now I can pick myself up whereas before I'd just lie there in the road face down in the mud.

I've also learned to moderate the perfectionist in me, and that's probably lead to a lot less grief. So if I wanted to keep the kicthen clean, it'll probably be clean most of the time. I accept there will be the odd day or three :p where it won't be. Hey, life happens. However, I won't let it go for more than that because that would be going back to the 'old days.'

I've also accepted that sticking to a goal will probably mean a lot of days where I won't feel like doing it. Most of the time I don't want to clean my kitchen. But I do it because I've made that commitment to myself.