View Full Version : Almost 50 I've missed so much it hurts ...


ADD50DAB
08-27-08, 10:46 AM
I'm almost fifty years old and am discovering how much I have missed through the years. I've had a good life but still have missed so much.:confused:

justcallmedorie
08-27-08, 01:14 PM
I'm almost fifty years old and am discovering how much I have missed through the years. I've had a good life but still have missed so much.:confused:

Me too (49). Sad thing is that my little brother was dx'd and my mom told me many years afterwards that I should have been as well. Well, now I have been...{sigh}.

I've missed quite a bit, but I really wouldn't change anything. If things had been different, I wouldn't have my daughter or my wonderful husband. Then again, I guess I wouldn't know what I was missing. But yes, I feel your pain!

Dizfriz
08-27-08, 02:11 PM
I'm almost fifty years old and am discovering how much I have missed through the years. I've had a good life but still have missed so much.:confused:
You have to grieve for what you have missed. It is normal and from this comes healing.

I am going to make a suggestion from my own experience.

You now know what was holding you back. You can make this the time to take stock and decide what you want to do the rest of your life. There is no reset button on the back of your head so you cannot change the past, it is done. The future is not. You can deal with the future and you "do" have choices.

I started graduate school in my 50's to do something I always wanted to do. I have never looked back and never regretted it. You may not be able to do something like this but you now have choices you never had before. Make use of them. Think of the lack of a reset button.

I wish you luck. Grieve for what you lost but also see the new that has opened up. Not all get a chance like this. New choices and possible new directions can be a rare chance. Think about using it.

Dizfriz

sarek
08-27-08, 03:48 PM
This thing has cost me so much. I can't begin to say what I've missed. I think it is safe to say that from my early twenties, most of what people call a normal life has more or less passed me by.
The truth of that never really began to hit home until my early forties.

At that time I almost entertained thoughts of getting on a close encounters spaceship or on a sailing vessel or far into the unknown wilderness or of becoming a monk(all this to be taken in a mildly ironic tongue-in-cheek kind of way though[I think]).
If I were gone I would have no more responsibility for anything or anyone and nobody would have missed me much anyway.
Anything just to run away from the world without realising that all I'd really be doing would be running from myself.
Remember, all these thoughts were running around my mind before I knew anything about ADD and what it means. Most of these demons are gone now, leaving only a residual aftertaste. Maybe they'll be back one day, but not just yet.

It was more or less like I knew only half the story. I was only half a person without realising what was missing or even that anything was missing in the first place.

And yet, I am who I am.
Now that I know what I am I would not be anything else, no longer. (Before, I would have liked to be almost anyone but me.)

I don't know what my future holds but I'll just have to see about that.

Prusilusken
08-27-08, 04:31 PM
ADD50DAB I'm sorry for you.
That feeling sucks big time!
How long have you known about ADHD?
Are you on meds and such?

If you look around ADDF, you'll find that feeling like you do is quite normal and natural.
Well, it being normal doesn't make it any less painful to experience.
That Damn ADHD grief.

It seems like it has to be there every once in a while.
But try not to spend anymore of your future on it than necessary, okay?

(((Hugs)))

scarygreengiant
08-27-08, 08:26 PM
You have to grieve for what you have missed. It is normal and from this comes healing.

I agree. It's normal to grieve. The reason I have a hard time healing is because my mother has never acknowledged the need for me to grieve which is very hurtful. I'm even more hurt by the fact that SHE didn't grieve for what I missed. What kind of mother would not grieve for what her child lost? It makes me question my mother's love for me. It would be so much easier to heal and move on with my life if my mother would understand the feelings of grief and loss.

Dizfriz
08-28-08, 09:14 AM
I agree. It's normal to grieve. The reason I have a hard time healing is because my mother has never acknowledged the need for me to grieve which is very hurtful. I'm even more hurt by the fact that SHE didn't grieve for what I missed. What kind of mother would not grieve for what her child lost? It makes me question my mother's love for me. It would be so much easier to heal and move on with my life if my mother would understand the feelings of grief and loss.

Not all understand the loss of that what was missed and thus cannot understand the need for grieving that loss. They simply cannot relate to it. This does not necessarily mean a lack of love but more likely to indicate a lack of empathy and understanding. Not all have this capacity. You may never get her to understand. All you can do then is to forgive and continue with your life. Remember that forgiveness is for you not the forgiven. They do not have to even know about it for the healing power to work. You are not dependent on her for this, only yourself.

You do have choices and you can choose to forgive. I know, I have been there.

Dizfriz

hollyduck
08-28-08, 11:17 AM
Oh yeah, it's depressing to be a retired person who has, all her life, been told she has "a lot of potential". :p

I have had an exciting, sometimes a chaotic life, and all the varied experiences needed to be a good novelist -- but not the persistence to actually write the ^%$^%$ novel.

Well, we're trying out meds now to get the best fit. Maybe soon I will have enough focus and energy to learn to steer this thing, instead of randomly charging through the countryside collecting experiences.

Ducky

~"...geronimo-o-o-o-o!!!!"~