View Full Version : People dxd with various Personality Disorders: Did you "feel at home" with them?


Prusilusken
08-27-08, 05:02 PM
Hi, just curious, since I was dxd with Borderline Personality Disorder myself in, what, 2001 or something, and I've been wondering ever since how that fit me. My family and friends don't get it either.

Of course, that doesn't necessarily make it all untrue - I could just be in heavy denial, so that's why I ask you guys.

Whatever PD you are diagnosed with:

Did it make sense to you right away?
Did you have those "wow, that's a piece to the puzzle I've missed" moments?
Maybe it took some time before you understood?
Maybe you still don't, but trust your doctor (or your families, maybe) on their judgement?

Maybe it still doesn't make sense at all?

Either way, I'd like to hear from you all! :)

cashmere
08-29-08, 11:51 AM
Hi, just curious, since I was dxd with Borderline Personality Disorder myself in, what, 2001 or something, and I've been wondering ever since how that fit me. My family and friends don't get it either.

Of course, that doesn't necessarily make it all untrue - I could just be in heavy denial, so that's why I ask you guys.

Whatever PD you are diagnosed with:

Did it make sense to you right away?
Did you have those "wow, that's a piece to the puzzle I've missed" moments?
Maybe it took some time before you understood?
Maybe you still don't, but trust your doctor (or your families, maybe) on their judgement?

Maybe it still doesn't make sense at all?

Either way, I'd like to hear from you all! :)

I think with personality disorders you have to listen to your own inner voice,and believe your best doctor is yourself.Although thats not to say that the doctor can't help in anyway.

Once i discovered what was wrong with me it did seem to fit what they diagnosed,and people have no sympathy for people suffering mental health problems unless they suffer themselves or work within that field.

Don't let people make you feel guilty about you,its your life and they have no right to be judgemental.Some doctors will be to eager to prescribe medication,theres no cure for my condition only things to make it slightly subside.

If you need a opinion on anything to do with your condition feel free at anytime and will give an honest answer to your question/s.:cool:

reesah
08-31-08, 06:53 PM
Whatever PD you are diagnosed with:

Did it make sense to you right away?
yes.

Did you have those "wow, that's a piece to the puzzle I've missed" moments?
yes.

Maybe it took some time before you understood?

yes. time and some research.

Maybe you still don't, but trust your doctor (or your families, maybe) on their judgement?
nope. I trust my own judgement.

Maybe it still doesn't make sense at all?
it makes sense in a lot of ways. in other ways the reactions and descriptions of what I have are insulting, and assume too much about how I will act or behave, as if the disorder were the only facet of who I am.

strange&unusual
09-03-08, 08:32 PM
The misunderstanding and misinformation about my PD is the only issue I have with my PD. The fact that it is categorized as a disorder is equally annoying as I feel that I have more, shall we say 'order' than everyone else.

Prusilusken
10-05-08, 09:16 PM
Okay, I've been participating in this thread recently:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=58086

I'm in trouble here...so how do I know if I've been misdiagnosed or if I'm just so BPD I can't see it?

Isn't there even a spark of recognition I can rely on?
Because if I really have BPD I want to learn to learn to see it and deal with it the issues. But if I don't - I don't...

Is the fact that I'm questioning the dx I've got a sign that I in fact do have it since BlueEyes' questioning that she might have it pretty much seems to exclude the possibility of her having it? (Or am I reading too much into this?)

Isn't there any way I can check if I need to acknowledge this dx - or not?

Is there a chance that I'm really so ill that I'm completely obliterate to this?
This thought scares me ****less - being crazy and unknowingly hurting people around me over and over.

I know in my heart that I'm ADD and have issues with depression, low stresstolerance and crying fits that I'm getting better at controlling.
But what if my heart is wrong?

Just a little thought for me to obsess tonight...

Bluerose
10-06-08, 06:18 AM
When you walk into a room does everyone else leave?

When you think a programme on TV is crap do you through something through the TV?

If you’re meal isn’t the way you want it do you throw it at the wall?

Do you beat people up just for looking at you?

Do you beat people up for being late and making you wait?

Do you ever have a nice word for anyone?

Borderline’s are very impulsive, very intolerant, hate noise, hate strangers, don’t listen to reason, hate being told what to do, will never admit when they are wrong, will wander off without a word, …… I could go on but I think you’ll get the gist.

Just the fact that you are asking questions about BP makes me really wonder if you have it.

Is it possible to be reassessed?

Bluerose
10-06-08, 06:21 AM
The misunderstanding and misinformation about my PD is the only issue I have with my PD. The fact that it is categorized as a disorder is equally annoying as I feel that I have more, shall we say 'order' than everyone else.


I understand what you are saying. But it refers to a disorder in the brain not how orderly you are.

sloppitty-sue
10-06-08, 07:24 AM
When you walk into a room does everyone else leave?

When you think a programme on TV is crap do you through something through the TV?

If you’re meal isn’t the way you want it do you throw it at the wall?

Do you beat people up just for looking at you?

Do you beat people up for being late and making you wait?

Do you ever have a nice word for anyone?

Borderline’s are very impulsive, very intolerant, hate noise, hate strangers, don’t listen to reason, hate being told what to do, will never admit when they are wrong, will wander off without a word, …… I could go on but I think you’ll get the gist.



See - THAT DEGREE of dysfunction is what is troubling for me when I hear of people getting dx with Borderline p.d. after being very upset about a break-up with a boyfriend. And/or having great upset about their sad, lonely, and frightening childhood.

Emme - what do you think about this? Does someone with a Borderline diagnosis need to be as "dysfunctional" as what BlueRose describes? Because if that's NOT the case, people should be more careful about ASSUMING things about someone dx with Borderline p.d. So - do you have to have these major dysfunctional behaviors, or not?

THANKS MUCH!
Sue

olavia
10-06-08, 12:59 PM
I donīt think you have BPD.
Just from the feel I get having read many of your posts, I donīt understand how you can have BPD.

I am very sceptical about a psych or psychiatrist giving you that diagnosis before your ADD diagnosis was known (at least thatīs how I understood it). Lots of ADD traits can be wrongly interpreted like the changeability, meltdowns, anxiety, mood changes and so on and so on.

If your friends and family donīt think you have it, you donīt have it. Very very unlikely.

You said that you did not feel empty ever. If you had BPD, you would know what that was about. It is a core symptom. ADD women (pure ADD) rarely have that feeling in my experience.

Also the fact that you worry so much about it does not sound typical to me.

And that you did not feel at home in the BPD forum. I felt so at home when I found this ADD forum.

I once met a woman who told me she was diagnosed BPD. She was plain ADHD to me. I suggested she go see a shrink. And she was diagnosed with ADHD and responded very well to treatment!

And finally, if you were in heavy denial you would not go ask people on this forum. Thatīs not denial!! Thatīs the opposite!

I found that my ADD makes me very susceptible to accepting peopleīs beliefs about me. Simply, if they tell me they think I am this or that, there is no barrier stopping this talk from going into my brain. Since I myself find it very hard to lie, I automatically think that if somebody said anything about me, it must be true. Then I need to take a long time and detoxify and think about that a lot of people say a lot of things they donīt know anything about or donīt understand. Iīll get to the point soon. My point is that medication helped me see that pattern, even if it is still difficult. I used to ask myself that if I donīt see myself like somebody tells me they do, I must be in denial and I really need to analyze this in detail. Finally I stopped it and realized that I am not somebody who goes into denial easily, and it is just that a lot of things are meant to be ignored and not taken seriously. I just never got that.

Prusilusken
10-06-08, 05:12 PM
Hi guys, thank you for answering, no matter what your answer was! :)
I'm better today. The anxiety is under control again.
Sometimes, when I have a slight pressure on me from something else and therefor is a bit stressed out, my extreme fear of being/going crazy rears it's ugly head, and last night was no exception.

All in all, I think Olavia's right about me.
On a good day, I could have written your post, Olavia.

But yesterday night I was vulnerable.
Thursday I received some papers in the mail from my case worker.
I'm filing for disability, and the case has, for multiple reasons (we did the whole "Murphy's law thing, lol) been just under three years underway by now.

Anyways, I received tha papers and got confused. It seems as if my case worker will be filing october 16th straight away ("First file" - if they approve, my case will move on to next level) instead of sending me to yet another psych evaluation with all the additional waiting and doubts that comes with that. So it's a good thing, what she wants to do, but I got confused and I lost the sense of at least PARTIAL oversight that I've had an okay grip on for the past month or so (since I last wrote down my case worker's battle plan", the one she suddenly changed last week, lol) and when I get confused and even just a bit stressed out, THIS pop has a tendency to pop up:

OH, NO! IT'S THE: "maybe you're really a raving looney in heavy denial"-TRAP!!!

It gets me E-VE-RY TIME!!! :(

That obsessive anxiety about being, or going, crazy, stems from when I was first admitted to psych and they told me I had early stages schizophrenia and it might get a lot worse, especially if I didn't take the meds. I was so scared, so, so scared.

You see, my dad's brother is a fullblown schizo, afraid of the TV, acts weird about people, sees and hears things and so on.

So I knew where I was headed and so did my family. We were so scared. And we believed the docs...because they were doctors, right...they knew what they were doing...

"Problem" is - they were wrong.
I'm not anywhere near schizophrenic.
Never was, never will be.

Later, I've gotten different dxs, like BPD, and the fear hits me like a shovel in the face again.
I research it, I want to get better, I don't understand...I get staps of panic because I'm afraid I just don't GET how ****ed up I am...and the cycles starts over, if someone AND myself can't find "evidence" that suffices for me to let it rest and be assured that I'm okay, I'm not crazy, I'm not hurting my loved ones unknowingly.

But someone is almost always there for me to pull me down and calm me.

This time it was you guys. THANKS to all of you!

Sometimes I'm afraid I actually got a mild PTSD from that first admission back then.
The way I seem to flash back on the smallest similarities (like MECHMRs post yesterday night) especially when I'm just a bit stressed out. Then I'm very vulnerable.

Anyways - I'm better today.

I re-researched, I reread my thread, and you guys have helped reassure me, that I'm okay, I'm not out of control crazy.

I don't feel empty, I don't selfharm, I was loved as a child and am loved now.
I've never tried to commit suicide, I've never threatened to do it.
I'm told I'm tolerant to a fault and impossible to get into a fight with, verbal OR physical. I'm told I'm the opposite of manipulative. I'm very trusting and am, like olavia, very susceptible at believing other people's beliefs about me. I know that last thing can be a BPDthing. But it can also be an ADD thing. Like goodnatured impulsiveness.
And I know that several women I've talked to in the Danish AD/HD Association have felt like I did/do about their old BPD dx and that the BPD has been scratched off their records after ADD assessment, and ADDmeds have helped them.
I'm pretty sure I'm not in denial now.

Pheeeew...I may be ADD with a sidedish of BPD...but I don't think so.

Panicky vent over. Thanks again, my ADD braintrust!

reesah
10-07-08, 10:37 AM
you know, no matter what label they slap on it, it's just who you are, and what's going on with you. I've found that who I am hasn't changed just because I am diagnosed. If you're over 20 years old you may change a bit over time but just someone saying what you have won't suddenly make you "crazy"

you know what I mean? If you are you are- whether or not someone else tells you you've got something

sloppitty-sue
10-07-08, 05:24 PM
And there's that famous experiment where this group of "non mentally ill" sought help at a mental hospital (this was way back, in the 1960's or so) and all of them were dx with a serious mental illness requiring hospitalization. It showed how so many things influence a person getting a specific diagnosis: for example, the expectations the diagnostician (psychiatrist probably) has, the setting of the diagnostic procedure, etc.

Also - I've heard this loads of times (perhaps it comes from another famous study?), a person seeking help from a mental health provider can see 5 different mental health professionals and WILL get 5 (FIVE) different diagnosis!

I've usually been encouraged NOT to take these labels to heart. And that they have to come up with some diagnosis to bill our insurance. My only concern is having a medical record following me that says something like I'm very out-of-touch with reality and exaggerate pain while I'm in the hospital recuperating from something excruciatingly painful. Ya know? And the staff is advised not to give me any pain meds or sympathy. (Stuff like that is the only thing that worries me about having certain diagnosis.)

Sue

olavia
10-07-08, 05:33 PM
Really? adviced not to give you painkillers or sympathy?

How crazy is that?

Seems these labels are more harmful than beneficial.

reesah
10-07-08, 10:45 PM
BPD "exaggerate pain", ASPD "may be drug seeking", same with bipolar, the medical profession is not often sympathetic to us.

It's not pleasant. I'm lucky that my cardiologist could care less about anything but my heart health.

Prusilusken
10-08-08, 12:18 AM
Hey guys, I appreciate that you all are participating in this thread of mine.
I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I've decided to stay out of it for a while untill I'm a bit more on top of things. The whole disability thing is a bit confronting, and like I wrote earlier, I'm easy to "tip" regarding old dxs when I'm a bit stressed.

Fortunately, I've been around some very kind friends who knows me and this fear of mine very well and was there when it started, and they've also helped me calm down again. And I've used my CBT training to cool it too. This was one of the subjects I worked on, and it helps - when I remember to use it, lol...

Anyways, thanks again, and you're welcome to keep discussing pds here, but I'll probably leave the thread alone for a few weeks not to provoke my brain to go kapoink on me again. ;)

MECMR
10-08-08, 01:25 AM
UGH!!!! I just had a HUGE post typed out and lost it...darn laptop and mousepad getting in the way of my watch. :D

Sloppity-sue, I saw your request that I pop in and give an opinion. Prusilusken, I also saw that you need a break, so I don't want to push things!

I can tell you, in short, that while Bluerose has a very valid point, the symptoms do not always manifest in exactly that way.

CBT and DBT are very effective treatments for BPD. It helps a LOT! BPD is not biological in basis, it is a series of behaviors learned at a very early age. It CAN be treated.

BPD is, in my opinion, a way of coping that is learned when a child does not get consistent lessons in how to trust, love and express ones self.

A person with BPD has a hard time expressing themselves and explaining their emotions...so they kinda act them out, and hope it will make others understand. The problem is, most folks do NOT understand, so it makes things accelerate.

The biggest problem with treating BPD is that the patient is trying to express themselves...and (in theory) does so by trying to make OTHERS feel like they do. The problem? You don't say "Gee, she is trying to make me feel depressed...that must mean SHE is depressed"...you say "What a brat, she is trying to drag me down."

Dinner getting thrown against the wall could be due to grandma putting gravy on the meatloaf, which reminds the pateint of Aunt Dorcas coming to visit, who loved gravy on meatloaf and also cornered the patient and molested him/her...the scene could also be the patient weeping and saying "Why did you DENY me my ketchup????" Or....::seeing meatloaf:: "You know, Grandma, you are very cruel to not hang up the painting I made you when I was 3...."

The label for BPD is a horrible thing, because everyone thinks "what a brat for not accepting the meatloaf." The diagnosis is less so...because it shows that the person is in treatment is struggling to say something, and needs help to learn that they cannot, and need to learn something different.

I wish I could say more, but I don't know if I will help at all. If anyone has questions, please let me know and I will try to answer them. I am not a doctor, I don't diagnose...I can only give my opinion and experience.

QueensU_girl
10-09-08, 11:48 AM
re: #1

You should know that BPD is overdiagnosed in certain populations. e.g. those with self-injure; those who are female; those who have a trauma history. One or two symptoms or indicators or features does not a diagnosis make.

e.g. Two key features of BPD seem to be "rage" and "manipulation". Got those? I see a lot of 'BPDers' who do not have those features, at all. It is really a garbage can diagnosis, so 'angry women' (who often have a lot, developmentally, to be angry about) can be dismissed, IMNSHO. I find it more helpful to see it as a trauma spectrum disorder (although some have amnesia).

Bluerose
10-09-08, 01:58 PM
I agree that there are no two people the same with BPD. Any more than there is two ADDs the same. It will effect each person differently depending on their environment and personal knowledge of their disorder. The person I spoke of was someone I knew quite some time ago, before as much was known of personality disorders. I know, today, people can be helped to cope with their disorder. But there is still too many people out there who are not getting the right treatment. And who are being particularly abusive to loved ones. I have been involved in forum that support family members of people with BPD. The stories are harrowing, so it still goes on if not to the same extent.

sloppitty-sue
10-15-08, 04:00 PM
But there is still too many people out there who are not getting the right treatment. And who are being particularly abusive to loved ones. I have been involved in forum that support family members of people with BPD. The stories are harrowing, so it still goes on if not to the same extent.

Which reminds me of the very FRUSTRATING part about being a loved one of such people: They need to WANT to get help! They need to WANT treatment! However, in these most upsetting and painful cases - such people want YOU to get the treatment. They have absolutely ZERO awareness about their behavior. So - it's like there's NOTHING to be done but take care of oneself and stay away from the person (if possible).

That was the disappointing truth I had to learn when I attended these NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) Friends and Family support meetings. Since I was concerned about my SPOUSE (who was dx with a p.d.) - the only bit of advice I ever got (from there or ANYWHERE else I looked) was a STRONG SUGGESTION that I run the other way as fast as I can. I did that fairly quickly and easily because I have children that would have been taken away had I stayed with him. And although it was for the best, I really loved this guy. He was keeping tight control of his behavior when I first met him and swept me off of my feet. It was just weird, surreal, and absolutely horrible and so painful. This was about 8 years ago, and I still haven't gotten over it. It's like nobody truly understands the mind ****ing that went on.

Thanks for everyone's input. I know there is a lot of pain suffered by every party related to this condition.


Sue <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

ADDMagnet
11-06-08, 01:25 AM
I can tell you that BPD is not a garbage diagnosis. It is real and it causes enormous pain to those who have it. And yes, there are different degrees of severity and since a diagnosis requires at least 5 out of 9 symptoms, there is a great variety. One person can have 5 symptoms, another 7 or 8, and someone else 9. It is possible for two people with 5 symptoms each to only share one of the same symptoms.

Unfortunately, it is often misdiagnosed and stereotypes abound. And rarely does it stand alone; comorbidities are the norm, not the exception. Which can complicate diagnosis and treatment. And many clinicians are not trained to recognize it unless they are presented with a textbook case of a stereotypical woman who cuts frequently and has numerous attempts at suicide.

My husband has the disorder and I happen to know quite a few people with the disorder, some who are friends of mine. Blanket statements such as all borderlines are liars, manipulators, mean and nasty, etc. are not helpful and it only perpetuates the myths and stigma. That is not to say that the disorder can not wreak havoc on a relationship or loved one. It is extremely difficult to deal with. I know that only too well.

It has been proven that there is a strong biological basis for the disorder but there are emotional and psychological components as well. There is successful treatment to manage the disorder, much like diabetes can be managed, but unfortunately there are few doctors who truly understand the disorder and how to treat it. And it goes without saying, that the individual must recognize there is something wrong and be willing to take the necessary steps for treatment.