View Full Version : ‘I knew I couldn’t be happy and cope with married life’ - UK Adult ADHDer Speaks


hollyduck
08-28-08, 07:44 AM
‘I knew I couldn’t be happy and cope with married life’ (http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/health-news/2008/08/28/i-knew-i-couldn-t-be-happy-and-cope-with-married-life-91466-21621427/)

Aug 28 2008 by Gregory Tindle, South Wales Echo

After 40 years Darren Faux found out ADHD had blighted his childhood and ruined his relationships, Greg Tindle meets a man still coming to terms with his illness...

DARREN Faux has spent nearly 40 years knowing there was something wrong with him, but despite all attempts by his parents and a line-up of experts, no-one could fathom exactly what is was.

All through his schooldays, teens and into adulthood Darren was facing problems.

He was unable to lead a normal life and found it intensely difficult to form any sort of permanent relationships.

It was only by accident two years ago that Darren discovered the cause of the problems that were living in his head – he was suffering from adult attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Whole article here: http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/health-news/2008/08/28/i-knew-i-couldn-t-be-happy-and-cope-with-married-life-91466-21621427/

chartreuse
08-28-08, 01:36 PM
From the article:
“There is also a type of compulsive disorder and it can take me half-an-hour just to get out of the house because I’m checking all the doors and locks over and over again.”


Yep. I don't have any other compulsilve-type behaviors, but checking the house before leaving started becoming harder and harder for me about five years ago. I was right in the half-hour - forty minutes range when my partner's schedule changed and now he just does it for me, which is good because I would get so sick with stress trying to get out of the house that I thought I was going to give myself a heart attack. It wasn't just the locks, but all the plug-ins, and the stove, and the heater.

I just couldn't concentrate long enough to do it. Like I'd look at a plug, see that it was okay, and then space out, and so I'd have to check it again because I couldn't remember if sometime during my spacing out I'd wandered over and plugged it in again. Completely pathetic.

I'm really hoping medication will help this because I can't even leave the house anymore if it's up to me to check it.

GiddyMoon
09-16-08, 04:56 PM
I realized a few years ago that my grandfather and my mother are both ADD. I then left the nest and married an ADHD man...because heck, I found things I was "used" to..although bad for me.

My mother has lived a life of depression, constant relationship hassles, addictions to food and such, OCD behaviors, cannot maintain an intimate relationship at all, never been married, has few friends, over reacts to EVERYTHING, extremely impulsive, treats people like children, and not even in a nice way, internalizes and misinterprets almost every conversation, says one thing but then changes her mind, then swears she meant the 3rd thing and treats you like you were the one who doesn't understand... ... and is just EXTREMELY hard to talk to because she just is so difficult to be around...and she sees none of this..understands none of it..

It breaks my heart to watch her. She has basically been laying in her bed for over 20 years...always another reason for something, always denial..it gets to the point I cannot even be around her for periods of time because she can be so toxic. Even my ADHD daughter sees it and doesn't really want to be around her..and my better half, who has been so patient over the years is finally at his wit's end too..I cannot even begin how difficult it is to have someone like this around all the time.

I really feel for this guy in the article....self awareness is so key to understanding...with one's self and from those around you...my ex husband could not handle what married life and kids requires either. He now knows this, but still refuses to admit anything is "wrong."

How many times can he say..."just like me when I was a kid" when talking about his kids..and not see it??

Sad...

Very good article.

akko
09-17-08, 07:42 AM
I just couldn't concentrate long enough to do it. Like I'd look at a plug, see that it was okay, and then space out, and so I'd have to check it again because I couldn't remember if sometime during my spacing out I'd wandered over and plugged it in again. Completely pathetic.



Gah! I do exactly that too! Although my checking isn't very extensive (or logical), I'll check that the stove is off and the fridge is closed. But then I'll usually be thinking about something else, so as I'm locking up the thought will hit me that maybe I didn't REALLY check it, because I can't remember checking it. And I almost always run back from the elevator to my door to see if I locked it, because, again, I'm thinking about something else, and can't remember if I really locked it. If I make sure I'm paying attention, I don't have to double check. And yet it is very hard for me to pay attention for the 60 seconds that this (very boring) task requires- my mind almost always gets sidetracked.