View Full Version : ok this is for EVERYONE to see
04-03-03, 08:01 PM
ok this is for EVERYONE to see.
ok i have a problem.
and a question.
anyways, i cant talk in front of anyone sometimes....just them being there makes me quiet. if im on the internet then i can easly expose personal information aka what is personal that is happening. if i look in someone's eyes i lose what i want to say and never say it or i just never talk to them. so if someones in front of me and i fear to talk to them no matter if their nice or not but yet i can say almost anything on the internet to almost anyone what do think of that and what does it relate to....i have AD/HD, ODD,OCD,bipolar, and deep depression. i want EVERYONES opionion and i wish for everyone to answer! plz!
if not everyone answers this im still :cool: with that.
Feeling confident in sharing personal details of yourself behind the annonymity of the Internet, but retreating into your "shell" when talking face to face (lowering your eyes) is a sure sign of low self-esteem. This is very common among ADDers, especially among those that were diagnosed later in life. I am sure that its fairly common for people diagnosed with other learning disorders as well.
There could be a multitude of causes, so I wont go into that here, but you CAN overcome this, hon. I am a PRIME example of someone who was so self-conscious and unsure of myself when I was younger. I did everything and anything to make friends. Roughhouse, tell stories, bring things to school, be the class clown - whatever it took to be the center of attention.
I kept trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, and very quickly lost who I was.
With time and small successes on my own, I have been able to build myself up. It has not been easy, but if I can do it...anyone can!
04-03-03, 11:40 PM
Boogie, I have always struggled with discussing things with people face to face. Always. i didnt talk much as a child, in fact I didnt speak out loud to people until I was about three years old. I turned to wrting and art as my forms of communication which was fine, but I needed to find that way of talking to just one person, one trusted person. Over time I began to be able to be more open and in certain social situations Im carefree etc. But when first getting to know people, or unsure of my self worth etc, I stay shy even if I do reveal myself verbally. Some people here know what i mean, I am still me, though quieter, shyer and unable to look for long into someones eyes. It does get better if you try to reveal a little bit more each time to one or two trusted people (like mom and dad or a best friend etc).
04-04-03, 02:34 AM
This is a spiritual book, but it has really helped me. Leanne Payne's, Restoring the Christian Soul.
I speak in front of people a lot at work and the ONE thing that has made a huge difference is simply asking myself if I believed in what I was saying. If I did (this does take some self-confidence) then it wasn't about ME, it was about communicating what I was thinking to a person or body of people.
People who are fearful of certain aspects of communication can take a negative (fear of speaking) and turn it into a positive (seeking what is factual) in effort to shift from opinion to facts. BUT...even with "facts" there is always opposition. So, I usually phrase something I'm not as sure about like this;
"As I understand it, the war in Iraq..." This simple phrase, "As I understand it..." releases you of YOU and shifts the responsibility to your source of information. If you're not correct, then you simple say, "I will look into that, thanks."
In short, we are MUCH more intelligent than we think we are. Confidence is a huge step in learning and having information "stick" to long-term memory.
Two simple exercises:
Talk into a tape recorder. Find a subject your passionate about and pretend that you are teaching a class in front of a crowd. Helps if no one is home...just walk around and let it flow. Then after you have a nice flow, record yourself. Listen to it and laugh! I'm serious...laugh about it...force yourself to smile. I know...it's a drag, but do it. Then erase it and try again. Read s tory you like or something in print. Practice your confidence.
Secondly, visualize a conversation with someone you wanted to talk to. Lay in bed and have a little talk with someone.
04-04-03, 08:39 PM
oh wow thank you.......you all described me to a "T". so if someone is also shy and you dont want to make them comfortable if you want to say something but say that you dont want to discomfort you how do you make it ovius without making it ovius?
I am the exact opposite and summer from the terminal foot in mouth disease.
I talk way too much and am not inhibited in any way as to what I talk about or with who.
I would love to have a little of what you have described as its easier to not say anything and then not have to try and get your foot out of your mouth.
In some ways you are blessed espesially if you recognise your shyness.
Even I with all my years still have troubles expressing my feelings and what I want. That is why I use words to express my deepest inner thoughts. Noone can take that away from me. Same as noone can take away your ability to write, type, etc what you need to share with the rest of the world. The written word can reach deep into another person's soul when we think they aren't listening with their ears. Love you sweety! :)
04-10-03, 07:41 PM
I have a few close friends who are talkers. They like me because I'm a listener. At least they think so. Sometimes I space out, but they like to talk, so they don't notice. If someone isn't a talker, I just stand there like a dumb statue. If I do try to talk, only stupid things come out.
01-06-04, 12:04 AM
Originally posted by BIG
Feeling confident in sharing personal details of yourself behind the annonymity of the Internet, but retreating into your "shell" when talking face to face (lowering your eyes) is a sure sign of low self-esteem.
I don' think so!
I think you might just be distractible.
I drive folks nuts by looking past them when i talk. if I look at them i cannot maintain my concentration.
Simple as that for me.
01-06-04, 01:29 AM
I was like this before taking improv training... but it was a long and painful cure...
by Ronya Banks
The human race is exhibiting low self-esteem in epidemic proportions. Nearly everywhere you go, you see and hear signs of low self-esteem including people complaining, avoiding, or judging one another.
It is time for people to begin recognizing where they may have low self-esteem and start believing in themselves in all areas of their lives. Although there are many indicators, the following ten are some of the most prevalent signs of low self-esteem.
1. Walking with your head down.
If you’ve ever seen someone walking with his head pointed downwards, with his chin scraping the front of his body, then you have witnessed low self-esteem. If you do this, pick your chin up off of your chest and walk with your head held high!
2. You don’t make and/or sustain direct eye contact with others.
Someone who shifts his eyes about and/or is unable to make direct eye contact is communicating low self-esteem, as well as communicating an intention to avoid connecting with others.
3. You do not accept compliments well.
“Oh no, not me”. Responding to a compliment with a statement of denial is another sign of low self-esteem. When you feel really good about yourself, you accept praise with appreciation and grace.
4. You apologize and feel guilty.
If you say the words “I’m sorry” often, then you are apologizing for living. Apologizing a lot usually goes hand in hand with feeling guilty. Guilt is a major low self-esteem growth hormone. The guiltier you feel, the worse you feel about yourself, and the worse you feel about yourself, the guiltier you feel. Stop apologizing and give up feeling guilty today!
5. You get frustrated, impatient, or angry often.
When you do not feel good about yourself, you tend to have very little patience with others. This lack of patience and understanding for others creates a breeding ground for many possible negative responses including frustration, anger, incredulousness, and being harshly judgmental.
6. You use negative, hopeless language.
Low self-esteem seeps in to one’s daily language. Examples of negative, hopeless, low self-esteem language include phrases like: “It figures”, or “If something bad is going to happen, it will happen to me”, or “I’m only human”, or “I can’t…”, or “I never could…”, or “I should have…”, or “Life sucks and then you die”, etc., etc.,….
7. You are depressed.
Chronic, pervasive, and extended bouts of low self-esteem are often precursors to depression. If you are battling with depression you are probably having trouble seeing the positive in any situation. If you are experiencing prolonged periods of extreme sadness, hopelessness, and/or sabotaging thoughts, consult a professional.
8. You take things personally.
The lower your self-esteem, the more you will feel unsure of yourself. The more unsure you feel about yourself, the more apt you will be to take what other people say personally. Raise your self-esteem and other people’s opinions and comments will roll off of you like water off of a duck’s back.
. You do not engage with others.
Your lack of belief in yourself may motivate you to choose to hide away from reality or cloister yourself away from other living, breathing humans. Take a very deep breath and join the land of the living. You have a lot to give - to yourself and to others.
You do not take risks.
Some people respond to low self-esteem by avoiding taking risks in their personal and professional lives. If you feel unsure about yourself, you may fear failure and worry about looking bad, to the point that you play it safe. Give up fearing failure and looking bad. You are going to die anyhow. You might as well give life its fair shake and go for your soul’s desires! Remember self-esteem problems show up differently in different people. You may feel great about yourself in one area of your life, but have extremely low self-esteem in another area of your life. There is always room for improvement. Isn’t it time you became committed to truly loving and appreciating yourself?
01-06-04, 09:43 AM
Yes, but #2 , in me, is NOT from low self esteem! It is from distractibility that I am protecting myself from so I can say my piece.
It is rare in life that there is only ONE correct conclusion to draw from an isolated observed occurrence.
#4 can be from frequently offending people. Gee, nobody here has felt that I frequently offended anyone,... oh,,, yes they have.
Sometimes, saying "I'm sorry" all the time is in response to BEING a social bull in a china closet!
#5 could be from the world at large interrupting my every thought and plan and action to the extent that i can hardly make good on any volitional choice I conceive!
01-06-04, 09:49 AM
This is like thinking that a fever has to mean the "single cause" you recognize, instead of understanding that fever can be the result of fundamentally different things:
1) being too hot outside your body.
2) consuming too much hot substance within your body
4) drug reaction
Many of those listed things are also symptoms of something other than low-self esteem... IMHO