View Full Version : Seasonal Depression - Here we go again


busyhermit
09-07-08, 12:54 AM
So what is it about the Fall? Here in the heartland we went from perfect summer days over Labor Day weekend, to cold dismal and rainy. And suddenly, I can't stay out of bed. Taking 4-hour naps in the afternoon. Constant headache. Depressed like I haven't been in months. Can't motivate to do anything. Want to cry but can't. What's up with that? Soft covers, that's all I want.

So yeah, there's the thing about the change in light. I actually have a therapy light, but can't care enough to get it out. But how can seasonal depression occur overnight? Or did it? Had a lot of stressful things going on the last couple of weeks and blamed my low mood on that....

Lost my therapist. The one I really, really liked. She's moved on. Used to see her every week. Would have seen her by now, but she's gone. Got a replacement, but I'm sad. Ok, now I might cry. Had gone to every other week because I was feeling so well and stable. HA. So much for that. Can't remember it now.

Does anyone think they make themselves miserable on purpose because it is familiar? Like the house you've always lived in? That somehow the depression feels right - back to ground I know. Probably stupid. Probably the depression talking, right? Whatever that means...

Don't even know why I'm writing, except I need to just let something out. Sorry for the long, depressing rant. I feel so selfish for subjecting you all to this, perhaps looking for some kind of support, but I don't give anything back. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that I only come around when I feel bad.

DotwithADD
09-07-08, 02:06 AM
Go right ahead, busyhermit...

First, I don't think we make ourselves miserable on purpose.. we just don't have any control of our moods when we have depression. You miss your therapist, of course... that is understandable.. she must have been a good one. But I hope and pray that your next therapist will be as good if not better and cares for you as much as your former therapist did.

Second, I think that seasonal depression varies in each person, affecting each of us differently.

Have you seen a psychiatrist? Doesn't seem like it. Not only is a therapist good, but taking anti-depressants (providing that you are prescribed one that is the right one for you) is also helpful in controlling the onset of depression.

Long before I began taking Paroxetine, I would cry and not want to get out of bed for days... when something unexpectant happened. For example, three times in 2 years, my "supervisors" at a job in 1994-1996, resigned. I was beginning to get a complex... but then I knew I wasn't the reason of course (If I had been, I would have just been fired or "let go"). But depression, when untreated, can become very disabling.

busyhermit
09-07-08, 11:17 PM
Thanks Dotty. Actually I am taking medications - Celexa, Klonopin and Lamictal. After the Lamictal kicked in, I finally started to feel stable, rational, in control, very nearly optimistic, practically cheerful on some days...quite a wonderful improvement. That's only been for the last month, though.

I guess this is why I'm a bit baffled and very discouraged about the backslide. Only a week and a half ago, I was feeling so well that I was worried about going to therapy with nothing to say - actually discussed that with the therapist, and decided to go to every other week. Cripes - only took me a week to crumble completely.

It's the season... the weather.....I think.....something. Memories have become so close I can see and feel them like I am there. Disturbing memories. Emotions so powerful they make me cringe and feel sick. I try to tell myself that the past is gone, but I have no convincing argument. They are too real and present. A living, breathing part of me.

The memories are random and emotional. I have no clue at what time they occurred. I suspect that some things in the past are connected with the fall. School held it's own horrors of course, but there were other things - the divorce, the season that my mom spent behind a closed door, while we walked on eggshells, wondering what would happen to us. Was that in the fall? Could be.

Trying to work it out. Trying to think. Is there a rational explanation? Feel a little better today as the sun was out. Was able to do some things, with random motivation. No control. Just along for the ride. Something is seriously wrong with me, and again I am wondering if I can ever really change.

Sheesh. Self-indulgent, depressing monologue. Sorry again.

DotwithADD
09-07-08, 11:28 PM
Thanks Dotty. Actually I am taking medications - Celexa, Klonopin and Lamictal. After the Lamictal kicked in, I finally started to feel stable, rational, in control, very nearly optimistic, practically cheerful on some days...quite a wonderful improvement. That's only been for the last month, though.

I guess this is why I'm a bit baffled and very discouraged about the backslide. Only a week and a half ago, I was feeling so well that I was worried about going to therapy with nothing to say - actually discussed that with the therapist, and decided to go to every other week. Cripes - only took me a week to crumble completely.

It's the season... the weather.....I think.....something. Memories have become so close I can see and feel them like I am there. Disturbing memories. Emotions so powerful they make me cringe and feel sick. I try to tell myself that the past is gone, but I have no convincing argument. They are too real and present. A living, breathing part of me.

The memories are random and emotional. I have no clue at what time they occurred. I suspect that some things in the past are connected with the fall. School held it's own horrors of course, but there were other things - the divorce, the season that my mom spent behind a closed door, while we walked on eggshells, wondering what would happen to us. Was that in the fall? Could be.

Trying to work it out. Trying to think. Is there a rational explanation? Feel a little better today as the sun was out. Was able to do some things, with random motivation. No control. Just along for the ride. Something is seriously wrong with me, and again I am wondering if I can ever really change.

Sheesh. Self-indulgent, depressing monologue. Sorry again.

I don't see it that way (self-indulgent, etc.), busyhermit... you're venting, expressing yourself... trying to sort it out.. it's good to write your thoughts (and/or type them) whether for your own use or others to see your experience. A lot of that uncontrol is not your fault... you do need help... just keep trying and don't "ever" give up! I wish you the best.

Yes I've heard of depression caused by lack of light, such as the sun. That is called: SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. I found this website (http://www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news-1/Lack-of-Light-and-Seasonal-Depression---Whats-the-Link-3F-From-the-Harvard-Health-Letter-8390-1/)... maybe there is a specific type of bulb that is usually used on growing plants indoors that is used on people with SAD... check out the website. Here's another website about Light Therapy (http://www.lighttherapyproducts.com/information.aspx#How%20can%20SAD%20be%20treated?).

busyhermit
09-08-08, 09:03 AM
Thanks again, Dotty. I'm sure you're right about the light. Felt a little better yesterday as the sun came out, and I spent some time outside. Didn't want to go back in...funny, as if I was craving the sun. I have one of those therapy lights - - got to find it. Was doing so well during the summer, I put it up.

It seems that dreary, cold weather was a trigger for other issues as well. Something to talk about in therapy.

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and thanks for the support. Think I'll go look for that light.

justcallmedorie
09-08-08, 11:46 AM
Thanks again, Dotty. I'm sure you're right about the light. Felt a little better yesterday as the sun came out, and I spent some time outside. Didn't want to go back in...funny, as if I was craving the sun. I have one of those therapy lights - - got to find it. Was doing so well during the summer, I put it up.

It seems that dreary, cold weather was a trigger for other issues as well. Something to talk about in therapy.

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and thanks for the support. Think I'll go look for that light.

I get SAD terribly as well. My pdoc has me on 5,000 IU Vitamin D3 and it's awesome. Your body probably WAS craving the sun, quite possibly for the Vitamin D!

busyhermit
09-08-08, 03:06 PM
Hmmm. Vitamin D - - - I'd completely forgotten about that. My Dr did some blood tests last year that showed I was low in vitamin D, and had me taking 1.000/day. I ran out, and went on to a multivitamin. Perhaps it doesn't have enough in it. Thanks for reminding me.

justcallmedorie
09-08-08, 05:32 PM
I was taking 10,000 IU to get my level up.

busyhermit
09-09-08, 12:12 PM
WOW!

I was just looking online for some higher than 1,000 (that's what they have at the drug store). Found some 2,000 gel-caps, but haven't bought yet. I like gel-caps (like fish oil), they're so easy to swallow. Any suggestions?

justcallmedorie
09-09-08, 01:49 PM
WOW!

I was just looking online for some higher than 1,000 (that's what they have at the drug store). Found some 2,000 gel-caps, but haven't bought yet. I like gel-caps (like fish oil), they're so easy to swallow. Any suggestions?

I don't have my bottle with me, I'll have to look (if I remember) when I get home, but I think they're from Douglas (sp?) Laboratories - try googling. I buy mine from my pdoc - he has supplements available for purchase at his office. I have seen some at Wal-Mart, but I don't remember the strength they were.

busyhermit
09-09-08, 03:00 PM
Thx Dorie. Just trying to keep the # of pills to a minimum, so was wondering how big they came.

justcallmedorie
09-09-08, 03:10 PM
Thx Dorie. Just trying to keep the # of pills to a minimum, so was wondering how big they came.

Mine are 5000 IU per one capsule. :)

DotwithADD
09-10-08, 12:01 AM
I get SAD terribly as well. My pdoc has me on 5,000 IU Vitamin D3 and it's awesome. Your body probably WAS craving the sun, quite possibly for the Vitamin D!

Hmmm. Vitamin D - - - I'd completely forgotten about that. My Dr did some blood tests last year that showed I was low in vitamin D, and had me taking 1.000/day. I ran out, and went on to a multivitamin. Perhaps it doesn't have enough in it. Thanks for reminding me.

Hmm, Vit. D??? I have to take Vit. D with my calcium (for my osteopenia) so maybe I'll feel even better this Fall and Winter than ever??? Because it's too hot in Texas to get out during the summer, or sometimes all year around.

Thanks you two!:):cool:

justcallmedorie
09-10-08, 06:30 AM
Hmm, Vit. D??? I have to take Vit. D with my calcium (for my osteopenia) so maybe I'll feel even better this Fall and Winter than ever??? Because it's too hot in Texas to get out during the summer, or sometimes all year around.

Thanks you two!:):cool:

You're certainly welcome!

inmostleaf
09-16-08, 08:02 PM
Go right ahead, busyhermit...

First, I don't think we make ourselves miserable on purpose.. we just don't have any control of our moods when we have depression.

I disagree with that statement, but before I continue. I would like to ask you (DotwithADD) - do you really believe we don't have control over our moods during depression?

If so, would you please offer an explanation as to why.

DotwithADD
09-17-08, 11:48 PM
I disagree with that statement, but before I continue. I would like to ask you (DotwithADD) - do you really believe we don't have control over our moods during depression?

If so, would you please offer an explanation as to why. [/size][/font]

Actually, it depends on the severity of depression... depression can be disabilitating... It also depends on what brings on the depression. I have been in such depressing states, that (at the time) I didn't have control over my moods. But that doesn't mean that I couldn't snap out of it. I also think that when I was in depression, I wanted people to leave me alone and quit trying to cheer me up. Then when I was ready, I snapped out of it. When someone is depressed, they shouldn't be alone... but not hovered over like a mother hen... that's irritating. I just liked it when someone would be there in case I wanted (and felt like it) to talk about it. But, on the other hand, a family member usually (not always) qualified to "help" someone who is depressed. But there were more times that I just wanted to be held and hugged.

I've never been so depressed that I couldn't function mentally, but I have come close to it. But it didn't happen all the time, just once a month (or maybe it worsened once a month) before I became menopausal.

But (I had to delete some of this... got too depressing) overall, I believe someone can lose control of his or her mood(s) during depression depending on the reason for the depression based on specific circumstances... like sudden ones that a person wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared for.

busyhermit
09-18-08, 12:53 AM
I've never felt ANY kind of control over my moods, whether depressed or not. From what I hear, there are different types of depression. I know nothing of just "being down" or "bummed out" or having some kind of "episode". I have been depressed all of my life, mostly in a functional type of anxious depression, occasionally diving into a non-functioning more severe depression.

I'm always annoyed by those anti-depressant commercials that say if you take their pills you can "be how you used to be" or "get back your life". What?! What if I've always been who I am, and have never known another life?

Anyhow...I have always been powerless over what I feel and how I react to those feelings. Before she moved, I was making a small amount of progress with my therapist - starting to recognize that I can insert positive thought between the feeling and the reaction, and not react so negatively. Very difficult, but I started to see that this could at least be possible.

And yet, often for no apparent reason, my moods will swing wildly, even within a day. Perhaps I wake up in the morning thinking in a positive way of the things I'd like to do that day. Perhaps I will wake up dreading the day. Perhaps I will find some mysterious well of inspiration and energy and get lots of things done during the day. More likely, at about 3pm, all I can think of is going back to bed. I am indeed caught in a tide that I have no control over... I've always just ridden it, in and out, never knowing what's next, surviving as best I can.

With the cognitive, behavior approach that I've learned in therapy, I have been able to calm myself down during some very anxious episodes. But depression is different. It simply has it's way with me.

I know I have about every negative distorted thought process on the list, but there has to be a genetic factor as well (all you have to do is take a look at my family). So I'm on medication for depression, anxiety and a mood stabilizer, but I also recognize that there are some serious problems with my thinking that may require lots and lots of therapy.

So do I have any control over my moods during a depression? None whatsoever. COULD I? Maybe someday - after that lots and lots of therapy I mentioned. I admit the possibility, but I'm not very optimistic.

Ahhh, but that's me at my best: Hopeful but not holding my breath or anything.

DotwithADD
09-18-08, 02:31 AM
I've never felt ANY kind of control over my moods, whether depressed or not. From what I hear, there are different types of depression. I know nothing of just "being down" or "bummed out" or having some kind of "episode". I have been depressed all of my life, mostly in a functional type of anxious depression, occasionally diving into a non-functioning more severe depression.

I'm always annoyed by those anti-depressant commercials that say if you take their pills you can "be how you used to be" or "get back your life". What?! What if I've always been who I am, and have never known another life?

Anyhow...I have always been powerless over what I feel and how I react to those feelings. Before she moved, I was making a small amount of progress with my therapist - starting to recognize that I can insert positive thought between the feeling and the reaction, and not react so negatively. Very difficult, but I started to see that this could at least be possible.

And yet, often for no apparent reason, my moods will swing wildly, even within a day. Perhaps I wake up in the morning thinking in a positive way of the things I'd like to do that day. Perhaps I will wake up dreading the day. Perhaps I will find some mysterious well of inspiration and energy and get lots of things done during the day. More likely, at about 3pm, all I can think of is going back to bed. I am indeed caught in a tide that I have no control over... I've always just ridden it, in and out, never knowing what's next, surviving as best I can.

With the cognitive, behavior approach that I've learned in therapy, I have been able to calm myself down during some very anxious episodes. But depression is different. It simply has it's way with me.

I know I have about every negative distorted thought process on the list, but there has to be a genetic factor as well (all you have to do is take a look at my family). So I'm on medication for depression, anxiety and a mood stabilizer, but I also recognize that there are some serious problems with my thinking that may require lots and lots of therapy.

So do I have any control over my moods during a depression? None whatsoever. COULD I? Maybe someday - after that lots and lots of therapy I mentioned. I admit the possibility, but I'm not very optimistic.

Ahhh, but that's me at my best: Hopeful but not holding my breath or anything.

Before I thought of having depression (it usually escalated during menstruation with mood swings), I had to learn to calm myself down (with praying, too!)... and I did. Well, I'll be, I just answered my own question or learned that during depression, if recognized, you (or I) can control it. But at the time I didn't realize it was "depression"... I would just call it "PMS'ng" again. Especially when I was at work. Until things would really get stressful... then I'd start bawling at certain things that would trigger it even when I tried to stay calm. Happily, now... that I'm taking an anti-depressant and ADD meds, I'm better than I use to be more times than I was. (I sure do use commas a lot... I'm guilty of "comma splicing", I guess - LOL)

inmostleaf
09-30-08, 04:51 PM
So what is it about the Fall?...

<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CGwenyth%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cms ohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Sylfaen; panose-1:1 10 5 2 5 3 6 3 3 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:67110535 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} p {mso-margin-top-alt:auto; margin-right:0in; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CGwenyth%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cms ohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Sylfaen; panose-1:1 10 5 2 5 3 6 3 3 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:67110535 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} p {mso-margin-top-alt:auto; margin-right:0in; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> I am so sorry, so very, very, sorry to hear autumn does that to you.

For me, <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <u1:WordDocument> <u1:View>Normal</u1:View> <u1:Zoom>0</u1:Zoom> <u1:PunctuationKerning/> <u1:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <u1:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</u1:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <u1:IgnoreMixedContent>false</u1:IgnoreMixedContent> <u1:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</u1:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <u1:Compatibility> <u1:BreakWrappedTables/> <u1:SnapToGridInCell/> <u1:WrapTextWithPunct/> <u1:UseAsianBreakRules/> <u1:DontGrowAutofit/> </u1:Compatibility> <u1:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</u1:BrowserLevel> </u1:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <u2:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </u2:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]-->there's a certain, sincerely determined [I]joie de vie that the rhythm of autumn brings<o>.</o>

I couldn't even imagine the overbearing sense of disparity I'd feel otherwise.
<o></o>

stef
10-21-08, 04:33 PM
Funny I was just about to start a thread asking if anyone had seasonal depression.
Oh, I can just feel it coming on. It really is purely lack of sunlight for me; I mean you can go 15 days straight here with rain and clouds (I counted once!) the worst is sunday; I try to do something "bright" (funny movie, watching sports) but it just becomes very difficult.

stef
11-14-08, 08:10 PM
hey I was the last to post here,
anyone having problems with this? I was really busy up until today - it really hit me, I felt like the last person on earth when I went outside.

busyhermit
11-14-08, 11:53 PM
Don't know. Feel like I've adjusted by sinking into the moderate depression that basically lasts all winter. Still taking the Omega Mood, but haven't been using the bright light. Can't decide if it helps because it seems to make me sleepy...?! Don't think it's supposed to do that. I'm back to the same old habits of working as much as possible, eating really poorly, and then sleeping. Just don't know if there's an answer to anything anymore. Started with a new therapist, so that's something to look forward to , I guess.

stef
11-22-08, 08:49 PM
it was like running into a brick wall last Friday , starting that day then there were 7 straight days here of cloudy weather; it just sabotages my will.by day 4 I was like a stranger. ugh! (I'm counting the days it helps me to know that I feel awful specifically and only because there's no sunlight). on the upside holiday decorations were turned on here Friday. - Shiny !!!