View Full Version : 7 yr old son with ADHD and possible ODD?


ashtonns_mom
09-10-08, 12:13 PM
My son was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD, and after many struggles with my ex (his father) and multiple diagnoses, we finally have him on Adderall XR 10 mg in morning, and a 5mg booster of Adderall IR after school.
He's doing much better with his school work, and we have high hopes for 2nd grade to be MUCH better than 1st.

Our problems:
Arguing constantly with anything you tell him - whether he knows about the subject or not
Always pushing the limits - tell him not to do something and you can watch him out of the corner of your eye doing it again while watching for your reaction.
Reacts to problems with other kids with a physical answer - if someone makes fun of him or tells him something he doesn't like, he will react physically like pushing or hitting. All the while arguing with them.
He just seems to be a negative nancy type of kid and rarely has positive things to say about himself or others.
He blames others for everything, nothing is ever his fault. He will go as far as blaming one of our cats for things :)
He's playing football for the first time this year and he's struggling with this as well. He wants to play, but get him to practice and he screws around. No motivation, doesn't listen to the coaches, can't keep his hands off the other kids, moves at a slug's pace and then gets knocked down as a result. I try talking to him after wards about things I saw that he did well, and also things I think he should try harder at. He understands and will sometimes talk about ways to fix it, but doesn't ever execute those actions. Other times he will just say "I know" or "I am" and then argue with you. I finally had to show him a video of himself dinking around or not following what his coach had said just to prove my point.
I'm at a loss of how to deal with this behavior of his. I try very hard not to lose my temper but its hard! Yelling at him doesn't do any good for either of us, but sometimes I get so fed up. Trying to punish him like taking away things, and he crys and begs for a 2nd chance and promises to do what is expected, but again never follows through. I find it very hard to stick to my guns, but I am trying.

I know I rambled a bit, I apologize - may be because of my own ADD :) Any suggestions, I am at the end of my rope?

Dizfriz
09-10-08, 02:02 PM
Ashtonns_mom

You are really having some problems. I will try to help a little.

First I suggest you read the transcript of a Russell Barkley workshop. It will help a lotto understand what is going on in your son. Be warned he is information rich but many people have stated that gave them more help than anything else.

You *must* be informed so as the be the advocate for your child. No one else will be so you are it.

________
Look at the 9 principles for dealing with Russell from Russell Barkley. I will give them
at the end of the post.

I will give some general guidelines and rules of thumb for dealing with adhd kids.

_________________________

Hints, guidelines and rules of thumb in no particular order:

Always put it back on the kid. Make them responsible for his behavior, not you.

If you get upset, you lose. If you don't you win. It is that simple.

Pick your battles and make them few.

If you are going to put on a rule think first can and will you enforce it. Sometimes you can't due to other pressures or even simply too tired to do it. That's ok. Simply ratchet it down to where you can and will or let it go for now. The behaviors will still be there later...trust me on that.

You don't to be a perfect parent. Good enough is good enough. Shoot for that. Good enough is pretty good after all.

There is nothing wrong with sending them to their room or splitting them up until they can behave. Tell them not to come out until they are ready to behave. You need the relief.

Take care of yourself. Take some time for you. Diz's rule: You have to take care of your self so you can take care of others.

Speed is the key, not the severity. After a couple of warnings then the consequence should begin happening within 10 seconds after the behavior. I like 5 seconds even better. An example: the kid does something for the second time. Within 10 seconds you should say something along the lines of "you did _____...time out now!

_________________________________

Now with this lets go over some of the things you brought up.
______
Our problems: Arguing constantly with anything you tell him - whether he knows about the subject or not

Do not argue. Once you have had enough, send him to his room until he is ready to stop. Act don't yak.
__
Always pushing the limits - tell him not to do something and you can watch him out of the corner of your eye doing it again while watching for your reaction.

He is testing you to see what you will do. Put it back on him. Do not fuss or get upset. Simply tell him if he decides to do whatever it is then he decides the consequence. If he still does it then simply say ok you have decided to _________, then enforce it. No discussion, no arguments and especially no letting him get out of it. Once you give in you have lost big time and just set yourself up for a lot more struggle until he is convinced that you mean what you say.

___
Reacts to problems with other kids with a physical answer - if someone makes fun of him or tells him something he doesn't like, he will react physically like pushing or hitting. All the while arguing with them.

If he decides to do this then he decides not to play with anyone for one day (or half day). He can play but only by himself at home and if you can get cooperation from the teacher, at school. This works if you can do it.
__
He just seems to be a negative nancy type of kid and rarely has positive things to say about himself or others. He blames others for everything, nothing is ever his fault. He will go as far as blaming one of our cats for things

Hold this for later-pick your battles and make them few. Do the more important things first.

__
He's playing football for the first time this year and he's struggling with this as well. He wants to play, but get him to practice and he screws around. No motivation, doesn't listen to the coaches, can't keep his hands off the other kids, moves at a slug's pace and then gets knocked down as a result. I try talking to him after wards about things I saw that he did well, and also things I think he should try harder at. He understands and will sometimes talk about ways to fix it, but doesn't ever execute those actions. Other times he will just say "I know" or "I am" and then argue with you. I finally had to show him a video of himself dinking around or not following what his coach had said just to prove my point.

Work with the coach. If your son decides to do these things, he decides to sit down for a while and not play. Back the coach on this every time and help enforce. Have a special treat if he has a good day. Not a bribe but a reward.

____
I'm at a loss of how to deal with this behavior of his. I try very hard not to lose my temper but its hard! Yelling at him doesn't do any good for either of us, but sometimes I get so fed up.

If you get upset he wins. He controls the situation. Put it back on him.

_______
Trying to punish him like taking away things, and he crys and begs for a 2nd chance and promises to do what is expected, but again never follows through. I find it very hard to stick to my guns, but I am trying.

Your are teaching how to misbehave. An example, a kid wants some candy and the mom tell him no. He throws a tantrum and the mom gives in. She had just taught him where he needs to go next time.

_____
On making it stick. Focus on putting it back on him. Your are not "punishing him". If you do that then you are the bad guy and he makes no connection on what he did and the consequences. He focuses only on his being in trouble because you are "Mean!" Do not play that game. He will win most of the time. He chooses the behavior so he chooses the consequence. It is his choice. Your are only making the rules and enforcing the consequences. Why take responsibility for his decisions?

_____
I know I rambled a bit, I apologize - may be because of my own ADD Any suggestions, I am at the end of my rope?

Your post was fine. I raised an adhd child and I know how frustrating it can be especially without the specialized tools needed.


9 principles for dealing with ADHD children from Russell Barkley along with comments by me.



1. Rules should be clear, brief and delivered through more visual and external means than with non ADHD kids.

2. Consequences should be delivered swiftly and more immediately. This is the key.

3. Consequences should be delivered more frequently.

4. Consequences need to be more powerful. He is speaking of real consequences over occasional reprimands or praise.

5. Appropriate and often richer incentives must be provided before punishment can be implemented. Reward first then consequences if needed. "Positives before negatives"

6. Rewards should be changed often. You have to keep you ammo pouch filled and ready for use.

7. Anticipation is the key. Parents andTeachers should be planning ahead how to respond to the adhd kid especially for transitions from one activity to another.

8. ADHD kids should be more publicly accountable for their behaviors. Provide external cues at the point of performance.

9. Interventions only work while they are being implemented and require monitoring and modification over time to be effective.
____________

For more information on the principals refer to the post
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=56601

All of this are to give you ideas. Read, listen and learn all you can. ADHD kids can grow up to wonderful adults. Still ADHD though.

Good luck.
Any questions on this please let me know. I gave you a lot to digest for now.

And you talk about rambling. (grin)

Dizfriz

Darksanity
05-03-13, 10:08 PM
I would not give a 5 year old child amphetamines... Even if there's ADHD... wait a couple years at least poor little brain. Get him to exercise in some way (anything as long as he burns energy) and cut all simple carbs (sugar, white bread, white rice, etc.). Cut the TV.