I need some advice folks. The more I read throughout the forums the more I know I have add inattentive type. I tried to get my Dr. to listen to me yesterday when I went in but she wouldn't even consider it. I did get a therapy appt for next month and may be able to get a recommendation for formal testing then. So in the mean time what do I do?

I bought all the ephedra I am legally allowed in my state, figured out a 5 day a week dose that will last until the next time I can purchase it again and am feeling somewhat better. I am still sleeping at night and am not overamping like on street dope.

I was feeling so desperate I thought...Ill get an 8ball, figure out the right dose and **** the drs. Well I have kids and would not do it because I would probly abuse itand having it in the house is too risky, not to mention the risk and cost of getting it.

My god I am desperate...and sad, and angry and confused...

Please don't do that. It's a really bad idea. But you already know that, don't you?

I got an idea, have you read any of SuzX's posts? She's great! A wonderful artist and powerful writer. And she's been down the road your contemplating. She can be your guide (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=49582).

I'm a recovered addict, almost 4 years now, and I totally understand that the drugs and the alcohol are the the only things that seem to make everything "normal." But eventually it just makes everything worse.

P.S. You've waited this long (I was 34 when Dx'd), a couple more weeks isn't going to hurt. Try not to be so hard on yourself and hang in there just a bit longer.

PLEASE>>>stop and think..or better yet, don't think and find somthing to occupy you! You must consider the risk! and please the CHILDREN!

Take Grafters advice! Please contact SUZ! she is wonderful..and quite insightful!

This road is an open road, but you must remember...you have to take it one day at a time! The sun will shine again! Please try and realize, there are so many people who are lost..but eventually, you will be found.

THE EPHEDRA------this is seriously bad for your Cardiac ENZYMES! Please don't take it...when the heart beats rapid for one day..it causes damage! a lifetime of damage! There is no reverse!

Please be careful.
X

No, I will not relapse on meth and I am not going to bring it in my home where it could endanger my kids. I just feel desperate. It is true though, I lived with this thing for nearly 40 years, a couple of weeks or months wont hurt me. Im frustrated, but what you are saying makes sense.

Hi SOM, I know what you're feeling.
My thoughts sometimes go down those lines, when things just seem to keep dragging out, but untill now, I haven't let those thoughts get the best of me.
I'm waiting and waiting...I've known for what, at least a year now, that I have ADD Inattentive or maybe Combined and sometimes it feels like the waiting will kill me. It seems like such a waste of time to wait for meds when you already know what's wrong. I know...

But we will NOT resort to street drugs out of desperation, you and me!
We will try to use the waiting time to research ways to make our lives more ADHD friendly and to build our self esteem into the new perspective that the realization that we have ADHD should give us. Just because we have to wait for meds, doesn't mean we can't work on ourselves in the "vacuum" period and prepare ourselves as best we can for our new lives, right? :)

Hugs, and let's stay strong.

And be careful with that Ephedrin - you know, it's not even OTC here for the reasons xraylady mentions, and she knows what she's talking about, she's a professional.

But we will NOT resort to street drugs out of desperation, you and me!We will try to use the waiting time to research ways to make our lives more ADHD friendly and to build our self esteem into the new perspective that the realization that we have ADHD should give us. Just because we have to wait for meds, doesn't mean we can't work on ourselves in the "vacuum" period and prepare ourselves as best we can for our new lives, right? :)


I felt really alone before you posted, thanks. OK, one day at a time then. I already took the ephedra today, tommorrow is another day. I will have to decide tommorrow what to do when I am not using it. I feel stupid that I posted this, but knew I was in trouble with my thinking and needed the support.

Thanks to everyone.

Hey Grafter,

I started reading suzx post that you linked above...it is good. Thanks for that! I will be reading more of her post.

I'm glad to hear that, Song.

I feel exactly like you sometimes. And I've NEVER tried any kind of drug besides alcohol which has never really appealed that much to me, and never before have I been tempted in the least - but after I realized I have ADHD and learned that the meds are somewhat similar to streetdrugs, I've sometomes found the thought of trying them out VERY compelling. I know I shouldn't and I'm not gonna, but boy, the DO seem tempting sometimes, when everything just works against me and I know it will be months and months before I will have the opportunity to try meds.

I think it was brave of you to post what you did.
The thoughts may not be rational, but they're real, and sometimes one person stepping up and being open is what it takes for other people to feel better.
So thanks for that - you made a difference for me too today.

THE EPHEDRA------this is seriously bad for your Cardiac ENZYMES! Please don't take it...when the heart beats rapid for one day..it causes damage! a lifetime of damage! There is no reverse!

Please be careful.
X

I'm not sure about this, but I've been led to believe that sobriety (even from stimulant drugs) can heal a lot of the damage done. A lot like this thing I remember hearing "Quitting smoking for 20+ years is almost like you never smoked at all", etc.

If this is literally the case, though, I am in a lot of trouble, as I'm also a former amphetamine addict and I did get many incidences of rapid heartbeat and palpitations.

Please say it ain't so?

how long did you do meth? how did you do it? how much did you use a day?
.....and when did you quit?

I ask, because it's all a factor in how fast you'll reanimate.

honsestly, I waited a year until I saw a shrink for depression.
...and got diagnosed adhd, I never said i was a meth addict, because by then, meth was'nt my problem....it was what i was like without it.
....I was as dysfunctional without meth, as with it.

I suppose what i'm saying is..
....your doctor may withhold the proper meds for you if you tell him upfront..
for me, that means relapse....alot of folks may disagree with not saying anything...
...but, I would'nt.

I have my roomate hold my meds so i can't abuse them.


I eventually told my shrink, because of my ungodly tolerence.
....it was obvious to my family, adderrall helps me, and they backed me.
I was in tears, I thought I'd kill myself if he took it away.

he did'nt.
....he adjusted my meds and thanked me for telling him, so he could consider that in the mix.

personally, I think you need time...
.....before the "real you" emerges.

but, I dunno how long you've been STRUGGLING.
...I KNOW it's a struggle....and you are'nt alone.

if you wanna talk.
...write me anytime.

In the meantime.
....get the 3 ginsings seperately

siberian
korean
american
do (raw caffine) gotu cola, instead of ephidrine.
.....omega 3 fishoil (mood elevater) kava kava (natures valium)
and valarian root at night helped me...

....valarian makes you sleep deeper.
alotta speed freaks have sleep apnea.

I responded to the content of your post.
...this is in response to the title.

in case you are still pondering doing meth....


....I wish someone had told me this at the cross roads,
so I'll try...


I want to just inform you, .....

~ YOU HAVE CHOOSEN METH ~

this is your job description as "disiple of meth"
you will be a missonary touring poverty, death,bending decaying minds, rotting, insanity, violence, perversions beyond your power to understand, that will steal your soul away and leave you as hollow inside as a meth mobile, just a brainless bottom feeder going around yearing, needing, desiring METH baybee!
running on meth, and stopping, spuddering and choking, dying...with out it.

You will spend all your time wanting, and hoping to get METH.
....You won't get a home,it's cool, it's not important,
neither are relationships, dreams, education, career, relaxing, dopamine, nothing else will be within your reach.
......besides meth!....and getting some more!

as long as you got meth, that's all you gotta worry about.
What your personal limitations are will decide how willing you are to get METH!
REMEMBER you get METH ONLY!!! NOTHING ELSE!




You will get plenty of it, so HAVE FUN!
....go fast!

I fukin'LOVE/ED speed so much.
............It was the LOVE of my LIFE!

........I LOVED the taste of it!

I've fukin' eaten it off floors!
....bathroom floors!

I usta eat it, snort it and smoke it!

........a couple of times... when my connection changed batches, sometimes it was stronger than I thought,
I ate too much, and had to puke,
...... VOMITED in a cup, saved it, and drank it later!


you can't say I'm not loyal to my drug.
...I loved it, and i did anything for it,
I did'nt fuk for it, and I considered it very carefully, over quitting. ....but I chose my soul.
....belive me I sold EVERYTHING else...or LOST it!
I hocked, pawned, sold, stole, lied, borrowed, begged, bartered, got fronts ....

LAID down my WHOLE LIFE!
to honor it.

I gave it my all.
.............and it never did anything for me, but make me retarded.

....I can't even use the experiance to keep you from being another victim of a dirty trick.


I'm just saying with out trying to sway you in either direction.


you can have ANYTHING YOU WANT.

...just not EVERYTHING.

you must choose what you will spend you time on in this life.....and you only have so much availible time.


like,

... imagine we are in a big supermarket (life).
and you have a certain amount of money to spend there (Time)

......you have to pick something you really want,
because that's what you'll spend all your time on.
.....you could learn to be an interior decoratar, or photographer,or a speed freak.

speed freak is real.

you learn alot in your choosen field about survival, trust,
psychosis, whelps, fever blisters...



it's like a perk you get for being retarded, you get this
overwhelming feeling of well being that breaks when the speed runs out.

obviously when the spell is lifted and you are on a dung heap..
.....you go back to the dealer and turn your dung heap to gold again.


you think it spins straw into gold.
....but then, it's only you, who could see the straw was gold when it's all over.
.....and it never was.




The sad thing is how much you LOVE it.
....it's your best friend, it cures loneliness, gives you strenghth and confidence, viverent energy, ideas, and beauty at first.

you love it, and it loves you and you will always have crystal to hold you when things get bad.

I remember thinking flat out, I'll go see my best friend.

and while you are loving it, it is robbing you.
.....it takes all your money, strength, natural ability to feel joy, you, what you stand for, and belive in to your core...
...you throw it all away and put all your faith in whats good and true to YOU.
like following manson...

"charlie is jesus" ....yeah right.

...but its deep. even charles manson's momma still thinks he was framed.

....we defend, protect, cover, and are extremely loyal.

we jumps thru hoops like trick poodles and smile back at it
....it says...
you gotta do more.

it's the most hardcore brainwashing, scam, lie, hoax, slap in the face betrayal there is.

we stay with it for YEARS.
....we build our life around it.

we love it, we're married to it.
it's like we are in this group that was screwed over by the same con artist.
...and the mothers whose chidren fell into a cult.
like jim jones.

it whispers the same promise in all of our ears and falls short.

it gives us an edge on the world.
....but soon the entire universe has the edge on you.

and speed laughs in your face and says...

you poor fool.


I feel like my best friend threw me out of the car I picked it up in.
.....and I just woke up beaten, and alone on the highway.....it's a trap!

Every single time you do speed, you are paying for it in natural well being.

I wanna die
...I wish it killed me.

one more run for me? I might get the guts to pull that trigger.

when you've seen the things meth has to show you.
....you won't belong in the "normal" world.

it's dark, and you are unable to see what's really happining,to you.

you are on the way to a hell, you can't imagine.

....you will lose everything you ever cared about,
you'll become self absorbed, greedy and secretive,psychotic,paraniod, scattered, sketchy, obbsessive-compulsive, repetative behaivior, it will captivate you and blind you while....

.............the new personality bores a place in your brain and starts to rot it out...
how far you decide to fall will determine the extent of your damage.

when you finally are unable to support your habit, you'll be faced with selling your soul or not.

you'll never be right again...you ability to recieve pleasure naturally, your ability to feel joy....will be lessened. it gets your dopamine.
....the demon eats it all, and lives in your head instead.

........the demon will never go away.

I have a bad demon tied to a chair in the rotten part of my brain that stays forever.
that demon, is greedy, self absorbed, sketchy, unable to hold a job.

none of those things are me.


this drug is like a lover you are completely in love with,
deeply and you belive it loves you.

it will betry you...
while the important people in your life beg you to leave,
you can't see how bad he's fuking you.
it lies, it steals, it makes your loved ones stand by helplessly as they watch you rot to death and go insane.


METH DESTROYED OUR ABILITY TO ENJOY LIFE AT REGULAR SPEED.

WE DON'T FEEL GOOD WHEN WE DO IT ANYMORE!

WE DON'T FEEL GOOD WHEN WE DON'T!

WE MISSED SO MANY EVENTS OF OUR LIVES AND LET A TWEAKER
REPRESENT US! ....SOON PSYCHOTIC TWEAKER!

IT WILL HAPPEN!

METH DOES'NT LOVE YOU ANYMORE THAN IT LOVED US!

IT LIED! IT SAID IT LOVED US TOO!

IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND ...and now I look like I lost my best friend.



WE ARE SCREWED!

-------------------------




well, I guess that's it.

LOL!

I am awe in what you said....IF only people really knew...and suzzanneX has said the truth...I would like to add that I used meth for a few years at first to self medicate...If I only knew that I had a mental disorder....all I can SAY IS YOU WILL GO TO HELL and I don't mean religiously speaking....YOU SOUL WILL be taken...or YOU will END UP IN JAIL, or death....trust ME THE trip TO hell IS not FUN...read what SuzzanneX wrote read it over and over.....I wish I could have said it in that way...JUST IMAGINE YOUR worse fears than ADD all of the fears of man woman children in the living world to the mix....YOUR mind can't even PERCEIVE whats waiting for you trust me I know......METH is not ADD drug....and I mean the **** you call ****(....I do take Dexedrine now as prescribed and I am a full time college student....and doing quite well.....but I had to relearn a lot of things.....but the more I do the better it gets the more I rember the potential I have..and the creativity that lives within....My doctor does know of my past use...and every month when i see her She see's more and more of improvement....but will I be a dex forever NO...but it does not steal your soul......if you do the right thing.....Like better yourself....drink red bull instead of ephedrine pills....and change you Phone #'s and delete everyone you know who does tweak from your phone or address book....REMBER ONCE YOU GO BACK the chase is on...and an 8 ball will only last one night....good luck...one day at a time...ditch ALL NEGATIVE People and things OUT of your LIFE.....and embrace the gifts that you have.....AND YOU SHOULD KNOW what they are...if not THAN IMAGINE HELL! peace and good energy

I am awe in what you said....IF only people really knew...and suzzanneX has said the truth...I would like to add that I used meth for a few years at first to self medicate...If I only knew that I had a mental disorder....all I can SAY IS YOU WILL GO TO HELL and I don't mean religiously speaking....YOU SOUL WILL be taken...or YOU will END UP IN JAIL, or death....trust ME THE trip TO hell IS not FUN...read what SuzzanneX wrote read it over and over.....I wish I could have said it in that way...JUST IMAGINE YOUR worse fears than ADD all of the fears of man woman children in the living world to the mix....YOUR mind can't even PERCEIVE whats waiting for you trust me I know......METH is not ADD drug....and I mean the **** you call ****(....I do take Dexedrine now as prescribed and I am a full time college student....and doing quite well.....but I had to relearn a lot of things.....but the more I do the better it gets the more I rember the potential I have..and the creativity that lives within....My doctor does know of my past use...and every month when i see her She see's more and more of improvement....but will I be a dex forever NO...but it does not steal your soul......if you do the right thing.....Like better yourself....drink red bull instead of ephedrine pills....and change you Phone #'s and delete everyone you know who does tweak from your phone or address book....REMBER ONCE YOU GO BACK the chase is on...and an 8 ball will only last one night....good luck...one day at a time...ditch ALL NEGATIVE People and things OUT of your LIFE.....and embrace the gifts that you have.....AND YOU SHOULD KNOW what they are...if not THAN IMAGINE HELL! peace and good energy

The fact that you realize this is a soul searching experience, and it can altered....MY HAT IS OFF TO YOU! BRAVO!
The soul will guide you...but you must feed it, and allow it to FEEL!
Again.....WOW!
X

Take the non-stimulant route. If you're doctor is afraid of prescribing Ritalin or the like, ask for Strattera. It does the job and no doctor worth their salt would refuse a request for it.

ritilin and strattera make me have abnormal drug seeking behaivior.
......adderrall is all I can do w/o trying to do the whole bottle in one day.

if I were you, I'd describe your symptoms, and not ask for anything specific.

thanks jason *smiles*

hey grafter...
......you were tolerent! I'm proud of you. *hugs*

Big hugs and thanks for all the input and suggestions. You are an awesome group. I did take ephedra again yesterday, however, I am on an even kill today and am having a friend come and take them away. If I put them in the trash I will just go and dig them out so they need to go alllllll the way away.

Suz, I will try the natural remedies you suggested.

I am just going to do what has been suggested. Get tested, hope for a good med, fall back to strattera if neccessary, plus continue walking and taking my bipolar meds with the dietary supplements. It helps having a plan, it makes me feel proactive.

I have chatted with a couple of people privately who also suggested that I keep in mind that meds are a tool but they are not the only ones. I guess I was feeling like if I don't get dx then my whole life is doomed to stay in chaos. Yet, the fighter in me knows that is an excuse. Meds will help, but other things will also help.

I do believe in a plan....

Though I dont know you all well, I care about you deeply as you have made a great impression on me in such a short time.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/methology/AMETH.jpg

If you need support for meth addiction ....
...I can hook you up.

I administer a recovery board...
......and, I go to other, very good addiction discussion forums.

you always have some one to talk to.

I'll send you the links to finding how not alone you really are.

From the people I know who have had problems with meth - They've all said how easy it is to relapse and how you can make excuses and convince yourself to just use it once more.

I agree with the person who suggested the non-stimulant approach. Worth a try that's for sure. If you don't have any luck with those you could always consider finding a new doctor...

Since I had some problems with opiates and addiction my doctor didn't want to script me a big bottle of pills I could get high on. He ended up writing a script for me to pick up a weeks supply at a time from the chemist...that way I didn't have 200 tablets on me at once. Maybe this could be an option for you in the future if you don't feel you can trust yourself with lots of stimulants.

I don't trust myself with adderrall.
......I give it to some one I do trust, and they give it to me daily.

addicts on addictive meds, is very hard, but it can be done.

.....you'd give a herion addict who was hit by a car morphine.

why not give speed freaks the right speed? (If they are ADHD)

...I have to be responsible enough to admit, I'm an addict, but I'm not functional without
these meds, it gives me the will to live 6 hours a day, so
.................. I give my meds to someone who really cares if I am ok.


the prescribed dosage of adderrall improves the quality of my life...
....doing 10/ 30 mgl pills a day.......does'nt

I was'nt going against ozchris's answer, I was just telling you my experiance with it.
....it makes me relapse to be off adderrall.

meth is all i can think of.

Song of Mercy

this may seem stupid and dumb to you.

got to your local walmart or wat ever and get a thing of robotussin cough max but b4 you buy it make sure it only has one active ingredient in DEXTROMETHORPHAN. trust me this will make you feel so much better and make you so much happyer. drink half the bottle and wait like an hour or two and if you feel great save the rest for the next day but if you feel nothing after that hour or two drink the rest. eat a small meal b4 taking it but trust me this will help you with your add. it makes you feel PERFECT

wow! I don't think it's stupid....
....EXTREME, YES!

what a great idea!
........it just sounds "wrong"

that gets my attention everytime.

yes dextromethorphan has many theraputical values. for pain depression even in small doses like 60-90mg take no more than 175mg at a time if you are wanting to use this for depression etc. i used it for 4years but recreational use up to 900-1200mg at a time

Hi,

I would like to offer these suggestions, but before I do I would like to remind those that i think should know best ... that nobody with add/adhd is likely to respond to the first treatment ... nor the one that worked for you .... in that being the best for the current patient.

In other words, .. don't put down meth since it does have a legitimate use ... that there are people who respond to it when nothing else works (and believe me you'll try it all before you get prescribed desoxyn)

but there's the rub.

And my first suggestion.

Get tested. Then with the knowledge that test provides ... if necessary ..get another Dr. Bigtime!

It sounds like the one you have isn't even willing to consider the lesser stims as a point of starting which means they are not likely to be the one to find your end result.

but first you gotta know what to shoot for?

get tested.


Now all that said: I'm waiting and hoping to be prescribed desox as I have spent the last 2 years "doing it the right way" and have seen a business I built when using meth ... slowly desinigrate because I can't do the work without self medicating.

I just sit in front of my PC and do what adhd people do.

In desperation I have begun self medicating (these last 6 months) and is why i can sit here and write you this long of a letter now.

I haven't given up on doing things the right way. Its just that it got to a point where i had little choice; it was either self medicate or lose all I spent 10 years building.

I still use the same amount of meth now as i did back when I started, less even because now I'm much more aware that I'm not using it as a party favor but as a med.

------------------------------------

finally I leave you with this, and something I did not know back when I started using meth. It will make your adhd worse when you are not on it ... because it uses up some sort of chemical in your brain that oddly enough ... and I learned this here at this forum ... ritlin ... a small dose right after you stop taking the meth ... will put that chemical back into your brain and it prevents the adhd from worsening / tolerance to meth from increasing.

so I know now I was likely making myself worse that 10 years I was using. I now plan to talk to my Dr about this and see where we go from there. He is wonderful in that he actually listens ... and he said he was going to petition to be able to prescribe me meth (desoxyn) so it sounds like its a tough thing to get but not impossible. Just because its not used a lot ... doesn't mean its not the answer for you.

That is the first thing I learned coming here. And what has fueled my iniative to not give up until i find whatever it is that makes it possible for me to function as i am today.

Not on those days when you won't see me posting because i don't keep two thoughts together enough to write something this long.

Its a matter of quality of life. And you have every right to seek a better quality of life as everyone else does ... and do not allow anybody, not your dr, or anybody tell you different just because they can sit across and judge (or think they can judge) what you are experiencing. Doesn't work like that and we with add/adhd know that better than anybody.


If standing in the toliet for a half hour of every day accomplished the same ... I would do that. And frankly I wish it did, I'd make the trade-off right now.

Oh here's another anomoly that I have yet to figure but my friend who goes to the vet hospital and is on valium and several other assorted meds I find fearful for long-term use ..

and I told him as much. I said, if i take valium for long periods it turns me into an ******* so I can't use it.

his response was that his dr told him that if your body truly needs that med for you to function properly it makes allowances for it and as such you won't see the damage ... or at least not as extreme of damage ... as it would otherwise.

I have used meth for better part of close to 15 years now, (minus last couple) and though many of the people whom I get it from have terrible teeth ... I still have never had a cavity at age 45.

go figure?

another example is those that become sleepy on stims that would put a normal person up for days on end.

not everybody will respond in same.

Find a dr that is smart enough to keep looking rather than just say "no". That's rediculous.

Hi,

I would like to offer these suggestions, but before I do I would like to remind those that i think should know best ... that nobody with add/adhd is likely to respond to the first treatment ... nor the one that worked for you .... in that being the best for the current patient.

In other words, .. don't put down meth since it does have a legitimate use ... that there are people who respond to it when nothing else works (and believe me you'll try it all before you get prescribed desoxyn)

but there's the rub.

And my first suggestion.

Get tested. Then with the knowledge that test provides ... if necessary ..get another Dr. Bigtime!

It sounds like the one you have isn't even willing to consider the lesser stims as a point of starting which means they are not likely to be the one to find your end result.

but first you gotta know what to shoot for?

get tested.


Now all that said: I'm waiting and hoping to be prescribed desox as I have spent the last 2 years "doing it the right way" and have seen a business I built when using meth ... slowly desinigrate because I can't do the work without self medicating.

I just sit in front of my PC and do what adhd people do.

In desperation I have begun self medicating (these last 6 months) and is why i can sit here and write you this long of a letter now.

I haven't given up on doing things the right way. Its just that it got to a point where i had little choice; it was either self medicate or lose all I spent 10 years building.

I still use the same amount of meth now as i did back when I started, less even because now I'm much more aware that I'm not using it as a party favor but as a med.

------------------------------------

finally I leave you with this, and something I did not know back when I started using meth. It will make your adhd worse when you are not on it ... because it uses up some sort of chemical in your brain that oddly enough ... and I learned this here at this forum ... ritlin ... a small dose right after you stop taking the meth ... will put that chemical back into your brain and it prevents the adhd from worsening / tolerance to meth from increasing.

so I know now I was likely making myself worse that 10 years I was using. I now plan to talk to my Dr about this and see where we go from there. He is wonderful in that he actually listens ... and he said he was going to petition to be able to prescribe me meth (desoxyn) so it sounds like its a tough thing to get but not impossible. Just because its not used a lot ... doesn't mean its not the answer for you.

That is the first thing I learned coming here. And what has fueled my iniative to not give up until i find whatever it is that makes it possible for me to function as i am today.

Not on those days when you won't see me posting because i don't keep two thoughts together enough to write something this long.

Its a matter of quality of life. And you have every right to seek a better quality of life as everyone else does ... and do not allow anybody, not your dr, or anybody tell you different just because they can sit across and judge (or think they can judge) what you are experiencing. Doesn't work like that and we with add/adhd know that better than anybody.


If standing in the toliet for a half hour of every day accomplished the same ... I would do that. And frankly I wish it did, I'd make the trade-off right now.

meth releases a huge amount of dopamine so if you have been using meth for a long time that receptor could be damage for the rest of your life and no meds will fix it. so yea detox or your gonna screw up when your off it. meth also effects serotonin but mostly dopamine which is the rush you get from the massive amout being released. meth compared to ritalin adderall is so much greater in the dopamine realse. so more than likely your brain wont react to the add/adhd med you get. so just stick with meth cause your prolly already f'd up already. remember if u use up the recptors it could take years to get them back to normal if not even normal. or you may never get them back just depends on how much u use and how many times u use in a day

oh and casino the desoxyn isnt gonna help you if your a meth addict. its only 5mg meth hcl thats not much and im sure u dont smoke 5mg's of meth lol im sure your in the half grams and grams

he's telling the truth there...
...I'm on 120 mlgrams adderrall a day.
and they're bearly there..

desoxyn and ridilin are not good for addicts.
.....the whole bottle, prolly 30 would set you off...100 5 mlgram desoxyn would make a gram...30 would be like a quarter.

that's why I suggested you completely dry out, before you let someone access the damage
..and desoxyn is a joke for me.

basically, you want legal speed, and you don't wanna quit, you just wanna go legit.
......well me too.

but, you can't be diagnosed until you are completely in human form.

.....I did'nt mean to be adhd, I just was...I went for depression, I had no idea.

I hear you.

I have born witness to the self medication that occurs on the street.

...and so one becomes a slave to the game and sells ones soul for another elusive rung to heaven.

You guys are great. Thank you for all the support and great posts. We have tumbled over the right way and the other way...wont call it wrong because we all have to make it somehow.

As for self-medicating with meth that is just not an option. I have 3 beautiful children in my home that would be put to the hazard if I chose that route. The robotussin for days when I have to focus is interesting...gonna have to think about that.

I started with a social worker yesterday that will help me get the testing I need. Asking for a family services worker may have been a move born of desperation...but I am determined to find out why after nearly 10 years nothing I have been prescribed has done diddly squat for me.

For anyone that peruses this thread who may be contemplating street drugs, know that you are not alone...like prusilek said in an earlier post... we can hang in there until we are properly diagnosed and treated. I am still frustrated but having add for your whole life makes you strong in many ways. Be strong, keep a straight head, and believe for the best. I know I am preaching but it is me talking to me...I am tired today.

Thanks for having the guts and the humility to discuss this with both friends and "strangers". We're all here to help in any way we can! I know how tempting the desire to "self-medicate" can be, but as many of the other posters suggested, keep fighting the urge. As an ADD'er, you're just that much more prone to developing an addiction to that kind of stuff. I think I can speak for the whole discussion group when I say that this is something that none of us would want to see. Hang in there, OK?

I need some advice folks. The more I read throughout the forums the more I know I have add inattentive type. I tried to get my Dr. to listen to me yesterday when I went in but she wouldn't even consider it. I did get a therapy appt for next month and may be able to get a recommendation for formal testing then. So in the mean time what do I do?

I bought all the ephedra I am legally allowed in my state, figured out a 5 day a week dose that will last until the next time I can purchase it again and am feeling somewhat better. I am still sleeping at night and am not overamping like on street dope.

I was feeling so desperate I thought...Ill get an 8ball, figure out the right dose and **** the drs. Well I have kids and would not do it because I would probly abuse itand having it in the house is too risky, not to mention the risk and cost of getting it.

My god I am desperate...and sad, and angry and confused...

Mercy,

So much advice and so much support. Wow! So how you doing today?

I was a functional meth addict for 19 years, My run was 22 years.

...the last 3 were so freakin bad, mentally something snapped, and did'nt feel a thing..

I BECAME suzette.
...I thought I was my addicted self.
suzette shoved me in a crawl space, with just a window to film the things going on, I could'nt translate, because it was a blur, and suzette, like the roar of a tornado...
...God's Suz (my real self) was paralysized.
but I remember EVERYTHING.
...I did'nt get the luxury of forgetting....I went thru all the footage, and it tormented my soul.
I was'nt always depressed, desensitized, and remorseful.
...I don't even trust my own judgement now because, I made such bad decisions

....Suzette slid into home sideways
she became to insane to feed my gimped up, squirrelly self meth.
......THAT'S ALL I HAD TO DO...as a meth addict, my chosen direction in life, was to get more speed.
.....until I died.

I was gonna die using, because I did'nt wanna live without it.

I knew I was getting crispy,but it's not a tragedy to die doing what you love!

..... at least I had a false sense of well being.

....without it, there was just ADHD, turned all the way up on high.

one thing about ADHD, I never got paranoid, I was always to buzy looking for stuff.
......my house looked like it was in a blender.


I lost my 2 jobs, I lost my home, lost all my IDS ....I was CRIPPED with ADHD....IT WAS EATING ME ALIVE...I wished I was in a padded cell, stripped, with no possessions to look for.
and I abandoned EVERYTHING I HAD, including, my treasured...FAMILY PHOTOS.
....MY PARENTS AS KIDS. my baby pics.
20 years of greeting cards, in decadr bundles, I never threw em away...they meant so much TO ME....20 years of artwork...

...Suzette (my addicted self) brought SIZE 5 PANTS!

I could'nt wear em after 1 week clean....*I* did NOT do that.

...YES, I DID....my addicted self was pretty different than me
I woulda dumped the clothes and brought suitcases full of pics
....and I am stabbed, in my own back, by my own hand, over and over and over.
because of a piece of hazzardous chemical waste, that *I* animated, and I loved with all my heart...
............we were together 22 years, and she took all but one thread that my sense of self is hanging by.....

ADDERRALL....is that thread my sanity is hanging from.

My meds are what was beneficial about meth, without the insanity.

I'm scattered, sketchy, forgetful, chaise my tail, attention span of a gnat...
nothing means much to me now, I'll just loose it, I don't want anything.

.......off my meds, I don't see a point, I wasted my life, and I'm BURNED DOWN.
while I was'nt looking, I was'nt present in my own life.


meth is "the old bait and switch" or "the matrix" ....that bytch will turn on you.
....I swear ON THE LAST 2 BEATLES.

She does'nt love you anymore than she loved me.


"another evenings empire has returned into sand, vanished from my hand, left me blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping."

---bob dylan
....

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/2007-07-11-85348.jpg


I kept the freakin' pants...
.....everytime I see them it reminds me, THAT is what I traded my pictures for.
I WAS CRAZY.
...wishing for a padded cell.

It really sucks.

Your post was right on time for me Suz. I woke up this morning from a using dream. I had all the **** I wanted and was calling friends over, but I kept losing the bag. It was weird and left me longing. Thanks.

Mercy,

So much advice and so much support. Wow! So how you doing today?

It is better today Bluerose. Like I said in the previous post I have struggled with feelings today, and then like a breath of fresh air I open this thread and there is the very thing I need to see and hear.

you sub conscience is tormenting you for it now.
...it's hard.

my dreams have a hole in the bag, and it's empty when I can do some.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaRFJ9VzU9s

Thank you for this thread, mercy ... suzy ... wow

There for the grace of God go I ...

Made it through a tough weekend. Man, I missed the appointment that I needed to get the referral to get tested...aaarrrggggg!

I have a friend who is "out there" right now, money on me, no ability to focus....had to revisit this thread...quick!

Not using, not abusing, not happy, not sleeping, not doing anything productive....waaa waaa waaa....please dial 1800crybaby song and be sure to ask for extention waa waa!

Haha, oh well....