Dear Men:

What would be your advice to a mom who lives with her ADD-19 yr old son in dealing with his irritability/sarcasm/criticism and general grouchiness. (This is of special concern to me in relation to his impatient driving habits.) I like to smile from time to time but it often feels like a waste of a good feeling.

And on the other side: What would be your advice to him?

Many thanks!

I work myself hard for a half hour a day to keep the majority of grumpies away. I have to breath hard and sweat for a half hour or I don't get the benefit.

I try and keep my sugar intake to a minimum and even shy away from hot fuels like pasta, bread, rice and potatoes.

Most of all though I required the consequences of my own actions. For too many years the people around me kept putting up with my angry BS. When they finally stopped, I slowly began to realise it was "me" that needed to start looking for answers to some of my troubles.

Now I want to belong. The place I struggle most with this is at home. It must be tough on you. I am just now calling my Mum on a regular basis trying to put something back in the pot. I'm 45 now and she's not getting any younger. I was a torturous kid and she did her best. It's wonderful to make her smile though.. heh

Strength to you. Remember to look after keeping yourself happy and healthy. You aren't likely to save him from himself if he's bound and determined to stay angry. You can lead the way though by getting yourself on a road that would reflect what you would most want for him. This is what my wife did for me... well she didn't do it for me, she did it for herself but the result was that she did it well enough that I wanted some of what she had... happiness.

Cheers! Ian.

Ian: what a terrific reply! I'm going to re-read this many times. It's wonderful to hear that you have become aware of the part your mom played. The years do go by too quickly. Cliche tho' it is, there's no time like the present to show love and appreciation.

From your story, it sounds as tho' maturity has a lot to do with acceptance and behavior. Time should help do the trick here I hope. I'll be thankful the day I see my son smile in the morning even if he doesn't want to. In the meantime I'll watch out for myself or I realize I could be on permanent "beckncall." And I'll (subtly) pass along your nutrition and work out hints. Thanks.

Keep us posted.
Cheers! Ian.

My wife has noticed that I get angry and that this is most often set off by two things. One in my ADD lack of patience. I cannot stand to wait. In traffic, waiting in line at a light or for a slow driver or because someone has been inconsiderate drives me crazy. Waiting at the grocery store line for the lady who gets to the front and waits will everything is bagged and the price given before she even gets out her wallet, makes me want to play bumper cars with my shopping cart. I know I am this way and try to stay out of lines and out of heavy traffic.

The other thing is that, once I get my brain engaged in something, God forbid someone comes between me and the point of my concentration. My wife is learning that, to keep from catching that early morning barrage of ire, catch me when I am between things to discuss the dogs or supper. Also, now that I am aware of what sets me off, I try much harder to not get so enrapt in my own little box that she can't knock on the lid.

It still isn't your fault or problem but, if you can determine the trigger, you might be able to unload the gun.

H ungry
A ngry
L onely
T ired

I saw this somewhere along my travels and try and keep it close.

I too am a bit of a loose cannon. Practising the skills of "letting go" have helped a lot.

Cheers! Ian.

I find myself having a very short fuse too. I use to be real bad when I was younger, I would hit stuff throw stuff, it really freaked my girlfriend out( I never laid a hand on anyone, just hit alot of non living objects). I have learned to really keep it in, I still do get very angry/grumpy/impatient I just do not show it. I normally isolate myself from everyone, what seems to really set me off the most is when I am doing something (reading, working, ect) and people inturrupt me. When I get real bad I find eating something will normally calm me down.

bigbowlindude
Welcome to the addforums. There was a thread about anger and being interrupted. It was really popular if I remember correctly. You might enjoy reading it.

Many men I've met here including myself are using exercise to take some of the bit out of our anger. I'm very happy with the results of a good sweat four and five times a week for at least a half hour.

Cheers! Ian.

Anger.. hmm, when I was a kid I used to get in a LOT of fights over the dumbest things. I remember once, when I was about 10'ish, I was at a summer camp. This older guy tried cutting in a line to buy candy (or something) and as I had been patiently waiting in line for nearly 15 minutes, some guy trying to get something without waiting drove me nuts. I'm already impatient as it is but with this added aggervation, one thing led to another and bam. Naturally I got my *** k*cked but at the time I thought it was a "pride" thing.

Lately, I've been able to control my anger and have only gotten in a handful of fights since age 13. It sucks, but waiting at least 3 seconds before doing/saying anything helps me out a lot. Also, I try to play as much basketball as I can to get rid of the built up "aggro".