I hope you all can adapt this to your own struggles.
Cheers! Ian.

From the AA "Daily Reflectons"

March 17

MYSTERIOUS WAYS
...out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does "move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

After losing my career, family and health, I remained unconvinced that my way of life needed a second look. My drinking and other drug use were killing me, but I had never met a recovering person or an A.A. member. I thought I was destined to die alone and that I deserved it. At the peak of my despair, my infant son became critically ill with a rare disease. Doctors' efforts to help him proved useless. I redoubled my efforts block my feelings, but now the alcohol had stopped working. I was left staring into God's eyes, begging for help. My introduction to A.A. came within days, through an odd series of coincidences, and I have remained sober ever since. My son lived and his disease is in remission. The entire episode convinced me of my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. Today my son and I thank God for his intervention.

March 18

REAL INDEPENDENCE
The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 36

I start with a little willingness to trust God and He causes that willingness to grow. The more willingness I have, the more trust I gain, and the more trust I gain, the more willingness I have. My dependence on God grows as my trust in Him grows. Before I became willing, I depended on myself for all my needs and I was restricted by my incompleteness. Through my willingness to depend upon my Higher Power, whom I chose to call God, all my needs are provided for my Someone Who knows me better than I know myself--even the needs I may not realize, as well as the ones yet to come. Only Someone Who knows me that well could bring me to be myself and to help me fill the need in someone else that only I am meant to fill. There never will be another exactly like me. And that is real independence.

March 19

PRAYER: IT WORKS
It has been well said that "almost the only scoffers of prayer are those who never tried it enough."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97

Having grown up in an agnostic household, I felt somewhat foolish when I first tried praying. I knew there was a Higher Power working in my life-- how else was I staying sober? -- but I certainly wasn't convinced he/she/it wanted to hear my prayers. People who had what I wanted said prayer was an important part of practicing the program, so I persevered. With a commitment to daily prayer, I was amazed to find myself becoming more serene and comfortable with my place in the world. In other words, life became easier and less of a struggle. I'm still not sure who, or what, listens to my prayers, but I'd never stop saying them for the simple reason that they work.

March 20

LOVE AND TOLERANCE
Love and tolerance of others is our code.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 84

I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it.
I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other persons' sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem.

March 21

MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING
Fear . . . of economic insecurity will leave us.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 84

Having fear reduced or eliminated and having economic circumstances improve, are two different things. When I was new in A.A., I had those two ideas confused, I thought fear would leave me only when I started making money. However, another line from the Big Book jumped off the page one day when I was chewing on my financial difficulties: "For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded." (p.127). I suddenly understood that this promise was a guarantee. I saw that it put priorities in the correct order, that spiritual progress would diminish that terrible fear of being destitute, just as it diminished many other fears.
Today I try to use the talents God gave me to benefit others. I've found that is what others valued all along. I try to remember that I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I never have " owned " it. My life's purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess.

March 22

NO MORE STRUGGLE
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone -- even alcohol.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 84

When A.A. found me, I thought I was in for a struggle, and that A.A. might provide the strength I needed to beat alcohol. Victorious in that fight, who knows what other battles I could win. I would need to be strong, though. All my previous experience with life proved that. Today I do not have to struggle or exert my will. If I take those Twelve Steps and let my higher Power do the real work, my alcohol problem disappears all by itself. My living problems also cease to be struggles. I just have to ask whether acceptance --or change-- is required. It is not my will, but His, that needs doing.

March 23

AND NO MORE RESERVATIONS
We have seen the truth again and again: "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" ...If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in few years.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 33

These words are underlined in my book. They are true for men and women alcoholics. On many occasions I've turned to this page and reflected on this passage. I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am "cured." I like to think that, if sobriety is God's gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God. I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine.

March 24

ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE
Man is supposed to think, and act. He wasn't made in God's image to be an automaton.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 55

Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A.A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it.
Today --and every day-- with a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God's will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for
God's expression.

Thanks for sharing these Ian....what a great dose of the program....:)

Thanks joanrdtobe.
I'm glad someone has noticed...heh This is a pretty quite corner of the forums.

Much of what I've learnt over the years that has had any lasting substance was derived from 12 step literature. It's still my primary tool in remaining open to change and this is essential for me. Resentments, anger, blame.. are what comes naturally to me and this helped nobody and hurt many. Life is good.. < g >

Cheers! Ian.

"There is no Darkness in Eternity, but only Light too dim for us to see"

March 25

A FULL AND THANKFUL HEART
I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37

I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve others--in our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have "a full and thankful heart."

March 26

THE TEACHING IS NEVER OVER
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you--until then.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS p. 164

These words put a lump in my throat each time I read them. In the beginning it was because I felt, "Oh no! The teaching is over. Now I'm on my own. It will never be this new again." Today I feel deep affection for our A.A. pioneers when I read this passage, realizing that it sums up all of what I believe in, and strive for, and that--with God's blessing--the teaching is never over, I'm never on my own, and every day is brand new.

March 27

A.A.'S FREEDOMS
We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generations of AA's will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love can grow....

LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p.303

I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.'s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recapture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support and enduring sobriety.

March 28

EQUALITY
Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group three have no other affiliation.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p 565

Prior to A.A., I often felt that I didn't "fit in " with the people around me. Usually "they" had more/less money than I did, and my points of view didn't jibe with "theirs." The amount of prejudice I had experienced in society only proved to me just how phony some self-righteous people were. After joining A.A., I found the way of life I had been searching for. In A.A. no member is better than any other member; we're just alcoholics trying to recover from alcoholism.

March 29

TRUSTED SERVANTS
They are servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege of doing the group's chores.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS. P 134

In Zorba the Greek, Nilos Kazantazkis describes an encounter between his principal character and an old man busily at work planting a tree. "What is it you are doing?" Zorba asks. The old man replies: "You can see very well what I'm doing, my son, I'm planting a tree." " But why plant a tree," Zorba asks "if you won't be able to see it bear fruit?" And the old man answers: "I, my son, live as though I were never going to die." The response brings a faint smile to Zorba's lips and, as he walks away, he exclaims with a note of irony: "How strange-- I live as though I were going to die tomorrow!"
As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found that the Third Legacy is a fertile soil in which to plant the tree of my sobriety. The fruits I harvest are wonderful: peace, security, understanding and twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment; and with the soundness of mind to listen to the voice of my conscience when, in silence, it gently speaks to me, saying: You must let go in service. There are others who must plant and harvest.

March 31

NO ONE DENIED ME LOVE
On the A.A. calendar it was Year Two . . . A newcomer appeared at one of these groups . . . He soon proved that his was a desperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well . . . [He said], " Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 141-142

I came to you -- a wife, mother, woman who had walked out on her husband, children, family. I was a drunk, a pill-head, a nothing. Yet no one denied me love, caring, a sense of belonging. Today, by God's grace and the love of a good sponsor and a home group, I can say that--through you in Alcoholic's Anonymous--I am a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a woman. Sober. Free of pills. Responsible.
Without a Higher Power I found in the Fellowship, my life would be meaningless. I am full of gratitude to be a member of good standing in Alcoholics Anonymous.

April 1

LOOKING WITHIN
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 42

Step four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.
To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness doesn't happen overnight, and no one's self awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer.


April 2

CHARACTER BUILDING
Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion ....

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44

When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn't think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this "need" can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that's fine; but if I don't, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear.
Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A. A. program, my aim is to improve my character.


April 3

ACCEPTING OUR HUMANNESS
We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 222

Why is it that the alcoholic is so unwilling to accept responsibility? I used to drink because of the things that other people did to me. Once I came to A. A. I was told to look at where I had been wrong. What did I have to do with all these different matters? When I simply accepted that I had a part in them, I was able to put it on paper and see it for what it was--Humanness. I am not expected to be perfect! I have made errors before and I will make them again. To be honest about them allows me to accept them -- and myself -- and those with whom I had the differences; from there, recovery is just a short distance ahead.

April 4

CRYING FOR THE MOON
"This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child, he cries for the moon. And the moon, it seems, won't have him.!"

LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 102

While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisible and believing I was the center of the universe. Searching for that elusive balance between the two has become a major part of my recovery. The moon I constantly cried for is, in sobriety, rarely full; it shows me instead its many other phases, and there are lessons in them all. True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer.

April 5

TRUE BROTHERHOOD
We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53

This message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear; I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior to my coming into A.A., I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons. From my very first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most important lessons.

Thanks Ian, for these reminders. I'm a grateful member of Al-Anon but I read the Big Book and usually attend one AA meeting a week. I have never seen these before.

Glad to be of help to you. There is plenty of good old fashioned wisdom in these words. Regardless of our ills the repairs are mostly the same.

One of the best feeling reality checks I ever did was something I took from an Al-Anon book mark. It goes as follows.

"Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do -- just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it."

I carry this thought with me daily to remember the world does not revolve around me! ehhe Cheers to you and yours.

Peace. Ian.

Thanks!
The Just for todays are read at every one of the meetings I go to here in AZ. My favorite today is Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the wor;d the world will give to me.
Keep coming back :)

Your input is very welcome. As with most things it is aways a big help to filter familiar messages through another's eyes.

Being unafraid to to enjoy what is beautiful.. is a sweet gift. Thanks for posting it. I hope you have a deep basket of such things to share here. I would be grateful for anything you might contribute.

I am struggling to exercise these principles with my 17 year old daughter who is at least as head strong as I am. Last night it occurred to me that I was behaving more like a 17 year old than a 45 year old father when I was getting bent out of shape with her 17ness.. < g >

Here's to growing up. Ian.

I'm going fishing for a few days so I hope you all behave yourselves..heheh Onward and upward friends.
Cheers! Ian.

April 7

A WIDE ARC OF GRATITUDE
And, speaking for Dr. Bob and myself, I gratefully declare that had it not been for our wives, Anne and Lois, neither of us could have lived to see A.A.'s beginning.

THE A.A. WAY OF LIFE, P. 67

Am I capable of such generous tribute and gratitude to my wife, parents and friends, without whose support I might never have survived to reach A.A.'s doors? I will work on this and try to see the plan my Higher Power is showing me which links our lives together.

===============


April 8

AN INSIDE LOOK
We want to find exactly how, when and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 43

Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatens--my self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist; without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward.
I must look inside myself, to free myself, I must call upon God's power to face the person I've feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom!

================

April 9

FREEDOM FROM "KING ALCOHOL"
...let us not suppose even for an instant that we are not under constraint.... Our former tyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him. Therefore, freedom from alcohol is the great "must" that has to be achieved, else we go mad or die.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 134

When drinking, I lived in spiritual, emotional, and sometimes, physical confinement. I had constructed my prison with bars of self-will and self-indulgence, from which I could not escape. Occasional dry spells that seemed to promise freedom would turn out to be little more than hopes of a reprieve. True escape required a willingness to follow whatever right actions were needed to turn the lock. With that willingness and action, both the lock and the bars themselves opened for me. Continued willingness and action keep me free--in a kind of extended daily probation--that need never end.

===============

April 10

GROWING UP
The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115

Sometimes when I've become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don't realize that the more I'm willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That's what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life a better--day by day.


=================

April 11

A WORD TO DROP: "BLAME
To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time, we could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word "blame" from our speech and thought.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47

When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, I noticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and my blaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to my potential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As I continued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to rid myself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked on my inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone.

==============

April 12

GIVING UP INSANITY
....where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS p. 38

Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life and life became unmanageable.
I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism.


:bowl:

April 13

THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY
Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238

The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an even bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering.

April 14

THE "NUMBER ONE OFFENDER"
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 64

As I look at myself practicing the Fourth Step, it is easy to gloss over the wrong that I have done, because I can easily see it as a question of "getting even" for a wrong done to me. If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue to relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. After years in the dark of resentments, I have found the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them.

resentments..

These are killers for me..

April 15

THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS
. . .harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5

It has been said, "anger is a luxury I cannot afford." Does this suggest I ignore the human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose.
The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of "letting go" started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me.

April 16

ANGER: A "DUBIOUS LUXURY"
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of the normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66

"Dubious luxury." How often have I remembered those words. It's not just anger that's best left to nonalcoholic; I built a list including justifiable resentment, self-pity, judgmentalism, self-righteousness, false pride and false humility. I'm always surprised to read the actual quote. So well have the principles of the program been drummed into me that I keep thinking all of these defects are listed too. Thank god I can't afford them -- or I surely would indulge in them.

April 18

SELF-HONESTY
The deception of others is nearly always rooted in deception of ourselves. . . When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God.

AS BILL SEES IT, p.17

When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving others is a character defect -- even if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power, is the only solid foundation I've found for honesty with self and with others.

April 19

BROTHERS IN OUR DEFECTS
We recovered alcoholics are not so much brothers in virtue as we are brothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them.

AS BILL SEES IT, p.167

The identification that one alcoholic has with another is mysterious, spiritual--almost incomprehensible. But it is there. I "feel" it. Today I feel that I can help people and that they can help me.
It is a new and exciting feeling for me to care for someone; to care what they are feeling, hoping for, praying for; to know their sadness, joy, horror, sorrow, grief; to want to share those feelings so that someone can have relief. I never knew how to do this--or how to try. I never even cared. The Fellowship of AA, and God, are teaching me how to care about others.

April 20

SELF-EXAMINATION
. . . . we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

When said sincerely, this prayer teaches me to be truly unselfish and humble, for even in doing good deeds I often used to seek approval and glory for myself. By examining my motives in all that I do, I can be of service to God and others, helping them do what they want to do. When I put God in charge of my thinking, much needless worry is eliminated and I believe He guides me throughout the day. When I eliminate thoughts of self-pity, dishonesty and self-centeredness as soon as they enter my mind, I find peace with God, my neighbor and myself.

April 21

CULTIVATING FAITH
"I don't think we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it. And I don't believe we do A.A. too well unless we practice it. . . . We should practice . . . acquiring the spirit of service . We should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn't easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired; it can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else. . . ."

DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMER'S, p. 307- 308

Fear is often the force that prevents me form acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, and serenity.



April 22

NEW SOIL . . . . NEW ROOTS
Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 173

I came to A.A. green--a seedling quivering with exposed taproots. It was for survival but it was a beginning. I stretched, developed, twisted, but with the help of others, my spirit eventually burst up from the roots. I was free. I acted, withered, went inside, prayed, acted again, understood anew, as one moment of perception struck. Up from my roots, sprit-arms lengthened into strong, green shoots: high-springing servants stepping skyward.
Here on earth God unconditionally continues the legacy of higher love. My A.A. life put me " on a different footing . . . . [my] roots grasped a new soil" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p 12).

April 23

A.A. IS NOT A CURE-ALL
It would be a product of false pride to claim that A.A.. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285

In my early years of sobriety I was full of pride, thinking that A.A. was the only source of treatment for a good and happy life. It certainly was the basic ingredient for my sobriety and even today, with over twelve years in the program, I am very involved in meetings, sponsorship and service. During the first four years of my recovery, I found it necessary to seek professional help, since my emotional health was extremely poor. There are those folks too, who have found sobriety and happiness in other organizations. A.A. taught me that I had a choice: to go to any lengths to enhance my sobriety. A.A. may not be A cure-all for everything, but it is the center of my sober living.

April 24

LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES
Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us. . . We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others. . . We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252

When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life--my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.
It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.


April 25

ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION
In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension--freedom under God as we understand Him.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283

I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, "This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round." The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: "Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal, "I'm free and I'm grateful!

April 26

HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT
I don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306

In my search "to be happy," I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt--financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A. I'm learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problems. As Bill said, "When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it." (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)

April 27

JOYFUL DISCOVERIES
We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on.
Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God's grace.

April 28

TWO "MAGNIFICENT STANDARDS"
All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271

To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Four -- and to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother.

April 29

GROUP AUTONOMY
Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original "long form," Tradition Four declares; "Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation."* . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks.

A.A. COMES OF AGE, pp, 104-05

As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the "ultra-liberty" bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job.
A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations.

* This is a misquote; Bill quoted the Third Tradition, but was referring to Tradition Four.

April 30

A GREAT PARADOX
These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift form God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s all around the globe.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151

The great paradox of A.A. is that I know I cannot keep the precious gift of sobriety unless I give it away.
My primary purpose is to stay sober. In A.A, I have no other goal, and the importance of this is a matter of life or death for me. If I veer from this purpose I lose. But A.A. Is not only for me; it is for the alcoholic who still suffers. The legions of recovering alcoholics stay sober by sharing with fellow alcoholics. The way to my recovery is to show others in A.A. that when I share with them, we both grow in the grace of the Higher Power, and both of us are on the road to a happy destiny.

May 1

HEALING HEART AND MIND
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55

Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way.
It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace.
By revealing my secrets -- and there by ridding myself of guilt -- I can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.

May 2

LIGHTING THE DARK PAST
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124

No longer is my past an autobiography; it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty, the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though this day be dark -- as some days must be -- the stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be a part of me, because it is the key, not the lock.

May 3

CLEANING HOUSE
Somehow, being alone with God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to another person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloud about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to clean house is still largely theoretical.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 60

It wasn't unusual for me to talk to God, and myself, about my character defects. But to sit down, face to face, and openly discuss these intimacies with another person was much more difficult. I recognized in the experience, however, a similar relief to the one I had experienced when I first admitted I was an alcoholic. I began to appreciate the spiritual significance of the program and that this Step was just an introduction to what was yet to come in the remaining seven Steps.

May 4

"ENTIRELY HONEST"
We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 73-74

Honesty, like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared "...[my] whole life's story with someone..." in order to find my place in the Fellowship. Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us. This sharing helps me to learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that God's plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness.


May 5

THE FOREST AND THE TREES
…what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own rationalization and wishful thinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation....

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 60

I cannot count the times when I have been angry and frustrated and said to myself, "I can't see the forest for the trees!" I finally realized that what I needed when I was in such pain was someone who could guide me in separating the forest and the trees; who could suggest a better path to follow; who could assist me in putting out fires; and help me avoid the rocks and pitfalls.
I ask God, when I'm in the forest, to give me the courage to call upon a member of A.A.

May 6

"HOLD BACK NOTHING"
The real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full confidence in the one with whom you share your first accurate self-survey. ...Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 61-62

A tiny kernel of locked-in feelings began to unfold when I first attended A.A. meetings and self-knowledge then became a learning task for me. This new self-understanding brought about a change in my responses to life's situations. I realized I had the right to make choices in my life, and the inner dictatorship of habits slowly lost its grip.
I believe that if I seek God I can find a better way to live and I ask Him daily to assist me in living a sober life.

May 7

RESPECT FOR OTHERS
Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.

Alcoholics Anonymous Page 74
Respect for others is the lesson I take out of this passage. I must go to any lengths to free myself if I wish to find that peace of mind that I have sought for so long. However, none of this must be done at another's expense. Selfishness has no place in the AA way of life.
When I take the Fifth Step it's wiser to choose a person with whom I share common aims because if that person does not understand me, my spiritual progress may be delayed and I could be in danger of a relapse. So I ask for divine guidance before choosing the man or woman whom I take into my confidence.

May 8

A RESTING PLACE
All of AA's 12 Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires.... they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS Page 55
After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling to talk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying this burden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else. I had read--and been told--I could not stay sober unless I did. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, with humility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living. It was important to admit my defects of character in the order presented in Step Five: "to God, to ourselves and to another human being." Admitting to God first paved the way for admission to myself and another person. As the taking of the Step is described, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow man brought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself for the remaining Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety.

How long have you been doing this?

Doing what? I joined AA in 1990. I have been using the forums since last November. I've been posting this since this string of encouragment since the first one.. ;^)
Cheers! Ian.

May 9

WALKING THROUGH FEAR
If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us to be willing.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Page 76
When I had taken my Fifth Step, I became aware that all my defects of character stemmed from my need to feel secure and loved. To use my will alone to work on them would have been trying obsessively to solve the problem. In the Sixth Step I intensified the action I had taken in the first three Steps--meditating on the Step by saying it over and over, going to meetings, following my sponsor's suggestions, reading and searching within myself. During the first three years of sobriety I had a fear of entering an elevator alone. One day I decided I must walk through this fear. I asked for God's help, entered the elevator, and there in the corner was a lady crying. She said that since her husband had died she was deathly afraid of elevators. I forgot my fear and comforted her. This spiritual experience helped me to see how willingness was the key to working the rest of the Twelve Steps to recovery. God helps those who help themselves.

May 10

FREE AT LAST
Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility--a word often misunderstood..... it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS Page 58
I knew deep inside that if I were ever to be joyous, happy and free, I had to share my past life with some other individual. The joy and relief I experienced after doing so were beyond description. Almost immediately after taking the Fifth Step, I felt free from the bondage of self and the bondage of alcohol. That freedom remains after 36 years, a day at a time. I found that God could do for me what I couldn't do for myself.

May 11

A NEW SENSE OF BELONGING
Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we still didn't belong.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS Page 57
After four years in AA I was able to discover the freedom from the burden of buried emotions that had caused me so much pain. With the help of AA, and extra counseling, the pain was released and I felt a complete sense of belonging and peace. I also felt a joy and a love of God that I had never experienced before. I am in awe of the power of Step Five.

May 12

THE PAST IS OVER
AA experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If... Step Four... has revealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not remember... then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS Page 55
Whatever is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with sponsors. I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change. I won't have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitudes, but only through my actions and the help of my fellow alcoholics.

May 13

THE EASIER, SOFTER WAY
If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, Page 72
I certainly didn't leap at the opportunity to face who I was, especially when the pains of my drinking days hung over me like a dark cloud. But I soon heard at meetings about the fellow member who just didn't want to take Step Five and kept coming back to meetings, trembling from the horrors of reliving his past. The easier, softer way is to take these Steps to freedom from our fatal disease, and to put our faith in the Fellowship and our Higher Power.

I always take comments about "God" to mean whatever I can live with at the time. That way I don't have to throw out some excellent information just because I have issues with the "God" thang.. make sense?
Hope so.. Ian.

May 14

IT'S OKAY TO BE ME
Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.... they have turned to easier methods.... But they had not learned enough humility.....

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, Pages 72-73
Humility sounds so much like humiliation, but it really is the ability to look at myself--and honestly accept what I find. I no longer need to be the "smartest" or "dumbest" or any other "est." Finally, it is okay to be me. It is easier for me to accept myself if I share my whole life. If I cannot share in meetings, then I better have a sponsor--someone with whom I can share those "certain facts" that could lead me back to a drunk, to death. I need to take all the Steps. I need the Fifth Step to learn true humility. Easier methods do not work.

May 15

KNOW GOD; KNOW PEACE
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness... But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, Page 66

Know God;
Know peace.
No God;
No peace.

Originally posted by itschaotic
May 9

God helps those who help themselves.



I understand what that means, and there is a purpose for it.

Butt, it doesn't say that anywhere in the bible. The bible says god helps those who rely on him. I used to have a problem with the god thing too. But then I realized that I could have god the way I understand him. That made it clear that I was affected by ppl, and religion is ppl. Just my two cents ian. I'm learning a lot from you.

The big book is like the bible. I know that i can never be the person I think the book is telling me to be. That's why they throw in the "progress not perfection" to keep us coming back.
T

Oh please don't think this is my doing. The only thing I'm doing is posting what I find. Much of my sobriety I have used the AA publication "Reflections" daily readings. It was a natural to want to share something similar when I volunteered to moderate here.

It's a quiet corner and I'm grateful. I'm just getting back onto what seems like a level field.

I'm very careful about talking directly using the word God. A god of my not understanding. I'm always overwhelmed with the idea that I'd be so arrogant to have God pegged into a single label.

In the US for instance it has connotations of a quite puritanical element that might not be quite as useful elsewhere.

If I insist on a "higher power" then I remain open to all. It's just my lame little quirk.. don't give me too bad a time about.. ok?...hehehe I'm sensitive you know!! < g >

There have been plenty of fine spiritual texts through the ages. Many of them I believe would help people develope diversity, tolerance and simple wisdom to an even greater degree.

Monocultures are dead and or dying. We needn't fear the Buddist or the Jew.. or whatever.

The bible is for me only one of many sacred texts. One of my favorites is a small little book that I treat very much like a prayer book. It is written by Barry Lopez and is called "
Desert Notes: Reflections in the Eye of a Raven ." I have given away so many copies... ehhe Wish I could pass one your way. It's a little treasure.

God is a dynamic thing I'm not too interested in defining very closely. However let there be no doubt that without my higher power I am nothing.
Cheers! Ian.

Those were excellent posts.Thanks.I recently had to change home groups. Sometime when I get more time I'll get into the ethical pitfalls of living and practicing in a rural area AND being in recovery. But for now, Im greatful to be clean and sober and to have this forum and the people in it to talk with. Thanks again.

May 16

WE FORGIVE.....
Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisors that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-around forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, Page 58

What a great feeling forgiveness is! What a revelation about my emotional, psychological and spiritual nature. All it takes is willingness to forgive; God will do the rest.

May 17

..... AND FORGIVE
Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive others--also myself.

AS BILL SEES IT, Page 268

Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are just two currents in the same river, both hindered or shut off completely by the dam of resentment. Once that dam is lifted, both currents can flow. The Steps of AA allow me to see how resentment has built up and subsequently blocked off this flow in my life. The Steps provide a way by which my resentments may--by the grace of God as I understand Him--be lifted. It is as a result of this solution that I can find the necessary grace which enables me to forgive myself and others.

mctavish23 great to hear from you. Ramp up a new thread in this forum any time. I'm in the bush too so I'm sure there are things we have in common.
Cheers! Ian.

May 18

FREEDOM TO BE ME
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, Page 83

My first true freedom is the freedom of not to have to take a drink today. If I truly want it, I will work the Twelve Steps and the happiness of this freedom will come to me through the Steps--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Other freedoms will follow, and inventorying them is a new happiness. I had a new freedom today, the freedom to be me. I have the freedom to be the best me I have ever been.

May 19

GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS
And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return.

AS BILL SEES IT, Page 69

The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, "What do they want in return?" But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be beautiful. When my life is full of a loving God of my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain.

I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, "What do they want in return?" itschaotic


I felt mush the same way. When I first got sober, I used to look in the mail for the bill from AA.;) Now I know that this sobriety is a gift. If you give a gift with any expectation of return, then it is no longer a gift, its a bribe.

What I get back from helping others doesn't come from directly the individual. It comes from God and it's the daily reprieve from the seemingly hopeless condition of body, mind and spirit. It's the gift of Sobriety. I can't think of anything better than that.

Jerry.. the good news is that all of life is just like that.. a gift to pay forward.
Welcome to the forums. Post well, post often.

Cheers! Ian.

May 20

ONE DAY AT A TIME
Above all, take it one day at a time.

AS BILL SEES IT, Page 11

Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live? I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober.
If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won't drink when I have no idea what the future may hold?
On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more!

May 21

A LIST OF A BLESSINGS
One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings....

AS BILL SEES IT, Page . 37

What did I have to be grateful for? I shut myself up and started listing the blessings for which I was in no way responsible, beginning with having been born of sound mind and body. I went through seventy-four years of living right up to the present moment. The list ran to two pages, and took two hours to compile; I included health, family, money, A.A. the whole gamut.
Every day in my prayers, I ask God to help me remember my list, and to be grateful for it throughout the day. When I remember my gratitude list, it’s very hard to conclude that God is picking on me.

One answer i've found for adhd in a.a. is one day at a time.
The inability to focus or complete projects or even organize all the little pieces of paper has dogged me always.
A.A. teaches "one day at a time" and "practice these principles in all our affairs". I've modified the "one day at a time" into " a little bit at a time". I've been able to start something and do it for as long as I can stand it, then come back to it later. Even if it is just a few minutes of something, it really helps to break it down to "one minute at a time" if I have to.

bluesman that is a central theme in my life. I keep saying "do what you can" and hoping someone will try it. What I can do is whatever "little bit" that I know I can nail! If the project is too big I tend to come apart at the seams. Small bits often is how I'm treating most things these days. Although today was on greased rails. Wow I put out a lot of energy.. at least for me I did.
Cheers! Ian.

Ian,

Have you read Adult Children of Alcoholics? It didn't really apply, so my attention wasn't turned in that direction. But I learned through A.A. to look for similarities, take what you need etc.
So, I read acoa and found some very interesting "things" in there.
One phrase that hit home for me was: You tend to give loyalty to those who don't deserve it.
I actually copied several books afer being in a.a. for a few years .

I would say I have some elements of that loyalty within.. Worth considering. Thanks.
Ian.

May 23

SPIRITUAL HEALTH
When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64

It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first. To seek prestige and wealth is the ultimate goal for many in the modern world. To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness.
To recognize and to admit my weaknesses is the beginning of good spiritual health. It is a sign of spiritual health to be able to ask God every day to enlighten me, to recognize His will, and to have the strength to execute it. My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others.

May 24

"HAPPY, JOYOUS, AND FREE"
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free, We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 123

For years I believed in a punishing God and blamed Him for my misery. I have learned that I must lay down the "weapons" of self in order to pick up the "tools" of the A.A. program. I do not struggle with the program because it is a gift and I have never struggled when receiving a gift. If I sometimes keep on struggling, it is because I'm still hanging onto my old ideas and "...the results are nil."

May 25

PROGRESSIVE GRATITUDE
Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 29

I am very grateful that my Higher Power has given me a second chance to live a worthwhile life. Through Alcoholics Anonymous, I have been restored to sanity. The promises are being fulfilled in my life. I am grateful to be free from the slavery of alcohol. I am grateful for peace of mind and the opportunity to grow, but my gratitude should go forward rather than backward. I cannot stay sober on yesterday's meetings or past Twelfth-Step calls; I need to put my gratitude into action today. Our co-founder said our gratitude can best be shown by carrying the message to other. Without action, my gratitude is just a pleasant emotion. I need to put it into action by working Step Twelve, by carrying the message and practicing the principles in all my affairs. I am grateful for the chance to carry the message today!

May 26

TURNING NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE
Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 184

In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing A.A., Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in meetings -- "Don't take that first drink!" It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of, humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven.

May 27

NO MAUDLIN GUILT
Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt....

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 15

When I first discovered that there is not a single "don't " in the Twelve Steps of A.A., I was disturbed because this discovery swung open a giant portal. Only then was I able to realize what A.A. is for me:

A.A. is not a program of "don't"s, but of "do's"
A.A. is not martial law; it is freedom.
A.A. is not tears over defects, but sweat over fixing them.
A.A. is not penitence; it is salvation.
A.A. is not "Woe to me" for my sins, past and present.
A.A. is "Praise God" for the progress I am making today.

May 28

EQUAL RIGHTS
At one time or another most A.A. groups go on rule making benders.... After a time fear and intolerance subside. [and we realize] We do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. We wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive.

"AA.. TRADITIONS, HOW IT DEVELOPED," pp. 10,11,12

A.A. offered me complete freedom and accepted me into Fellowship for myself. Membership did not depend upon conformity, financial success or education and I am so grateful for that. I often ask myself if I extend the same equality to others or if I deny them the freedom to be different. Today I try to replace my fear and intolerance with faith, patience, love and acceptance. I can bring these strengths to my A.A. group, my home and my office. I make an effort to bring my positive attitude everywhere that I go.
I have neither the right, nor the responsibility, to judge other. Depending on my attitude I can view newcomers to A.A., family members and friends as menaces or as teachers. When I think of some of my past judgments, it is clear how my self-righteousness caused me spiritual harm.

May 29

TRUE TOLERANCE
The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139

I first heard the short form of the Third Tradition in the Preamble. When I came to A.A. I could not accept myself, my alcoholism, or a Higher Power. If there had been any physical, mental, moral, or religious requirements for membership, I would be dead today. Bill W. said in his tape on the Traditions that the Third Tradition is a charter for individual freedom. The most impressive thing to me was the feeling of acceptance from members who were practicing the Third Tradition by tolerating and accepting me. I feel acceptance is love and love is God's will for us.

Those are excellent meditation posts and I appreciate them. They remind me of my need to work a better program and be more tolerant. Thanks again.:)

mctavish23 it's always good to hear that someone is reading them. Thanks for taking the time to say what you did.

Most of the information and suggestions are good no matter whether you have substance abuse problems or not.

There is often debate about what is ADD/ADHD and what isn't but one thing stays the same. The "fix" for me is often just living skills learnt well. "The program" is based on some very fundamental rules of good conduct. I have learnt a lot there and hope to continue to improve my "practise".

It's all in the doing. Knowing is only a very early first step.

I'm going to try and get back to a formal meditation time this summer. Because I'm so busy inside my head, it has helped in the past to sit quietly for twenty minutes morning and night.

Ian of the rich inner life. Or can you hear those voices too? < g >

May 30

OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE
The more A.A. sticks to its primary purpose, the greater will be its helpful influence everywhere.

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 109

It is with gratitude that I reflect on the early days of our Fellowship and those wise and loving "foresteppers" who proclaimed that we should not be diverted from our primary purpose, that of carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
I desire to impart respect to those who labor in the field of alcoholism, being ever mindful that A.A. endorses no causes other than its own. I must remember that A.A. has no monopoly on miracle-making and I remain humbly grateful to a loving God who made A.A. possible.

May 31

READINESS TO SERVE OTHERS
....our Society has concluded that it has but one high mission--to carry the A.A. message to those who don't know there's a way out.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151

The "Light" to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The "Steps" to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the "ladder" out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my "tool" to unfurl the "chains" which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom.
I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.

June 1

A CHANGED OUTLOOK
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and the people is changing. For me, the first "A" in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second "A" in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be restored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular A.A. action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any length to stay sober!

June 2

THE UPWARD PATH
Here are the steps we took....

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

These are the words that lead into the Twelve Steps. In their direct simplicity they sweep aside all psychological and philosophical considerations about the rightness of the Steps. They describe what I did: I took the Steps and sobriety was the result. These words do not imply that I should walk the well-trodden path of those who went before, but rather that there is a way for me to become sober and that it is a way I shall have to find. It is a new path, one that leads to infinite light at the top of a mountain. The Steps advise me about the footholds that are safe and about chasms to avoid. They provide me with the tools I need during the many parts of the solitary journey of my soul. When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others.

June 3

ON A WING AND A PRAYER
....we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

Step Four and Five were difficult, but worthwhile. Now I was struck on Step Six and, in despair, I picked up the Big Book and read this passage. I was outside, praying for willingness, when I raised my eyes and saw a huge bird rising in the sky. I watched it suddenly give itself up to the powerful air currents of the mountains. Swept along, swooping and soaring, the bird did things seemingly impossible for mortal birds to do. It was an inspiring example of a fellow creature "letting go" to a power greater than itself. I realized that if the bird "took back his will" and tried to fly with less trust, on its power alone, it would spoil its apparent free flight. That insight granted me the willingness to pray the Seventh Step Prayer.
It's not easy to know God's will in each circumstance. I must search out and be ready for the currents, and that's where prayer and meditation help! Because I am, of myself, nothing, I ask God to grant me the knowledge of His will and the power and courage to carry it out--today.

June 4

LETTING GO OF OUR OLD SELVES
Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building and arch through which we shall walk a free man at last.... Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp.75, 76

The Sixth Step is the last " preparation" Step. Although I have already used prayer extensively, I have made no formal request of my Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem, come to believe that there is a solution, made a decision to seek this solution, and have "cleaned house." I now ask: Am I willing to live a life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self? I must determine if I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become willing for God to remove all my defects of character; for in the next Step, I will tell my Creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. "If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76.)

June 5

ENTIRELY READY?
"This is the Step that separates the men from the boys".... the difference between "the boys and the men" is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of God.... It is suggested that we ought to become entirely willing to aim toward perfection.... The moment we say, "No, never!" our minds close against the grace of God.... This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God's will for us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 63, 68, 69

Am I entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character? Do I know at long last that I cannot save myself? I have come to believe that I cannot. If I am unable, if my best intentions go wrong, if my desires are selfishly motivated and if my knowledge and will are limited--then I am ready to embrace God's will for my life.

June 6

ALL WE DO IS TRY?
Can He now take them all - every one?

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

In doing Step Six it helped me a lot to remember that I am striving for "spiritual progress." Some of my character defects may be with me for the rest of my life, but most have been toned down or eliminated. All that Step Six asks of me is to become willing to name my defects, claim them as my own, and be willing to discard the ones I can, just for today. As I grow in the program, many of my defects become more objectionable to me than previously and, therefore, I need to repeat Step Six so that I can become happier with myself and maintain my serenity.

June 7

LONG-TERM HOPE
Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or if you wish, of our sins.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65

This is where long-term hope is born and perspective is gained, both of the nature of my illness and the path of my recovery. The beauty of A.A. lies in knowing that my life, with God's help, will improve. The A.A. journey becomes richer, the understanding becomes truth, the dreams become realities--and today becomes forever.
As I step into the A.A. light, my heart fills with the presence of God.

June 8

OPENING UP TO CHANGE
Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. ...we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life--the one that did not work--for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever.

AS BILL SEES IT, pp. 10,8

I have been given a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition, provided I seek progress, not perfection. To become ready for change, I practice willingness, opening myself to possibilities of change. If I realize there are defects that hinder my usefulness in A.A. and toward others, I become ready by meditating and receiving direction. "Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). To let go and let God, I need only surrender my old ways to Him; I no longer fight nor do I try to control, but simply believe that, with God's help, I am changed and affirming this belief makes me ready. I empty myself to be full of awareness, light, and love, and I am ready to face each day with hope.

June 9

LIVING IN THE NOW
First, we try living in the now just in order to stay sober--and it works. Once the idea has become a part of our thinking, we find that living life in 24-hour segments is an effective and satisfying way to handle many other matters as well.

LIVING SOBER, p. 7

"One Day At A Time." To a newcomer this and other one-liners of A.A. may seem ridiculous. The passwords of the A.A. Fellowship can become life-lines in moments of stress. Each day can be like a rose unfurling according to the plan of a Power greater than myself. My program should be planted in the right location, just as it will need to be groomed, nourished, and protected form disease. My planting will require patience, and my realizing that some flowers will be more perfect that others. Each stage of the petals' unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations over ride my acceptance--and this brings serenity.

June 10

IMPATIENT? TRY LEVITATING
We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people

AS BILL SEES IT. P. 111

Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw and elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me--bug-eyed and red of face--who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing.


June 11

FAMILY OBLIGATIONS
....a spiritual life which does not include .....family obligations may not be so perfect after all.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129

I can be doing great in the program--applying it at meetings, at work, and in service activities--and find that things have gone to pieces at home. I expect my loved ones to understand, but they cannot. I expect them to see and value my progress, but they don’t--unless I show them. Do I neglect their needs and desires for my attention and concern? When I'm around them, am I irritable or boring? Are my "amends" a mumbled "Sorry," or do they take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I preach to them, trying to reform or "fix" them? Have I ever really cleaned house with them? The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83)

June 12

FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS
But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53

Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion.

June 13

LIVING OUR AMENDS
"Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill."

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 122

It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves.

It was nice to see these today....I went to a Big Book OA meeting this morning...and right now I'm really trying to get back into working a solid program.....I admire your willingness to work the program and stay sober no matter what....

I like that -- not only hurt myself, but also those around me...so true....

Just a note of correction. I've lost my primary requirement of membership. I no longer have a desire to stop drinking.

I'll take this response to another thead here and keep this one for the dailies..

I'd welcome comments in the new thread. I hope it doesn't start a flood. Or linching.
Cheers! Ian.

June 14

WHEN THE GOING GETS ROUGH
It is a design for living that works in rough going.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 15

When I came to A.A., I realized that A.A. worked wonderfully to help keep me sober. But could it work on real life problems, no concerned with drinking? I had my doubts. After being sober for more then two years I got my answer. I lost my job, developed physical problems, my diabetic father lost a leg, and someone I loved left me for another--and all of this happened during a two-week period. Reality crashed in, yet A.A. was there to support, comfort, and strengthen me. The principles I had learned during my early days of sobriety became a mainstay of my life for not only did I come through, but I never stopped being able to help newcomers. A.A. taught me not to be overwhelmed, but rather to accept and understand my life as it unfolded.

June 15

MAKING A.A. YOUR HIGHER POWER
"...You can... make A.A. itself your 'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. ...many members... have crossed the threshold just this way. ...their faith broadened and deepened. ...transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power...."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p . 27-28

No one was greater than I, at least in my eyes, when I was drinking. Nevertheless, I couldn't smile at myself in the mirror, so I came to A.A. where, with others, I heard talk of a Higher Power. I couldn't accept the concept of a Higher Power because I believed God was cruel and unloving. In desperation I chose a table, a tree, then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power. Time passed, my life improved, and I began to wonder about this Higher Power. Gradually, with patience, humility and a lot of questions, I came to believe in God. Now my relationship with my Higher Power gives me the strength to live a happy, sober life.

June 16

OPEN-MINDEDNESS
We have found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the realm of spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 7

Open-mindedness to concepts of a Higher Power can open doors to the spirit. Often I find the human spirit in various dogmas and faiths. I can be spiritual in the sharing of myself. The sharing of self joins me to the human race and brings me closer to God, as I understand Him.

June 17

"DEEP DOWN WITHIN US"
We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. . . . search diligently within yourself. . .. With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55

It was out of the depths of loneliness, depression and despair that I sought the help of A.A. As I recovered and began to face the emptiness and ruin of my life, I began to open myself to the possibility of the healing that recovery offers through the A.A. program. By coming to meetings, staying sober, and taking the Steps, I had the opportunity to listen with increasing attentiveness to the depths of my soul. Daily I waited, in hope and gratitude, for that sure belief and steadfast love I had longed for in my life. In this process, I met my God, as I understand Him.

June 18

A FELLOWSHIP OF FREEDOM
...if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest.

AS BILL SEES IT. P. 50

When I no longer live under the dictates of another or of alcohol, I live in a new freedom. When I release the past and all the excess baggage I have carried for so very long, I come to know freedom. I have been introduced into a life and fellowship of freedom. The Steps are a "recommended" way of finding a new life, there are no commands or dictates in A.A. I am free to serve from desire rather than decree. There is the understanding that I will benefit from the growth of other members and I take what I learn and bring it back to the group. The "common welfare" finds room to grow in the society of personal freedom.

June 19

"A.A. REGENERATION"
Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one.

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46

A thousand beatings by John Barleycorn did not encourage me to admit defeat. I believed it was my moral obligation to conquer my "enemy-friend." At my first A.A. meeting I was blessed with a feeling that it was all fright to admit defeat to a disease which had nothing to do with my "moral fiber." I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of a great love when I entered the doors of A.A. With no effort on my part, I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had intended. My feelings set me free, where my thoughts had held me in bondage. I am grateful.

June 20

RELEASE FROM FEAR
The problem of resolving fears has two aspects. We shall have to try for all the freedom from fear that is possible for us to attain. Then we shall need to find both the courage and grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 61

Most of my decisions were based on fear. Alcohol made life easier to face, but the time came when alcohol was no longer an alternative to fear. One of the greatest gifts in A.A. for me has been the courage to take action, which I can do with God's help. After five years of sobriety I had to deal with a heavy dose of fear. God put the people in my life to help me do that and, through my working the Twelve

June 21

FEAR AND FAITH
The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all react to this emotion--well or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived will claim perfect freedom from fear.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 263

Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I'm experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith--and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Power--helps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free.

June 22

TODAY, I'M FREE
This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal power-- that if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, so I must make the same admission with respect to much else, I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 114

I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually, this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore.

June 23

TRUSTING OTHERS
But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 144

I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful. I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. When I search my motives and am honest and trusting, I am aware of the capacity for harm in situations and can avoid those that are harmful.

June 24

A SPIRITUAL KINDERGARTEN
We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 95

When I came to A.A., I was run down by the bottle and wanted to lose the obsession to drink, but I didn’t really know how to do that. I decided to stick around long enough to find out from the ones who went before me. All of a sudden I was thinking about God! I was told to get a Higher Power and I had no idea what one looked like. I found out there are many Higher Powers. I was told to find God, as I understand Him, that there was no doctrine of the Godhead in A.A. I found what worked for me and then asked that Power to restore me to sanity. The obsession to drink was removed and--one day at a time--my life went on, and I learned how to live sober.

June 25

A TWO-WAY STREET
If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65

When I prayed, I used to omit a lot of things for which I needed to be forgiven. I thought that if I didn't mention these things to God, He would never know about them. I did not know that if I had just forgiven myself for some of my past deeds, God would forgive me also. I was always taught to prepare for the journey through life, never realizing until I came to A.A.--when I honestly became willing to be taught forgiveness and forgiving--that life itself is the journey. The journey of life is a very happy one, as long as I am willing to accept change and responsibility.

June 26

A GIFT THAT GROWS WITH TIME
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 151

The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety, I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me by the A.A. program. "It" truly does "get better" one day at a time. The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in these words grow in breadth and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that grows with time.

June 27

CONFORMING TO THE A.A. WAY
We obey A.A.'s Steps and Traditions because we really want them for ourselves. It is no longer a question of good or evil; we conform because we genuinely want to conform. Such is our process of growth in unity and function. Such is the evidence of God's grace and love among us.

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 106

It is fun to watch myself grow in A.A. I fought conformity to A.A. principles from the moment I entered, but I learned from the pain of my belligerence that, in choosing to live the A.A. way of life, I opened myself to God's grace and love. Then I began to know the full meaning of being a member of Alcoho

June 28

THE DETERMINATION OF OUR FOUNDERS
A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159

If it had not been for the fierce determination of our founders, A.A. would have quickly faded like so many other so-called good causes. I look at the hundreds of meetings weekly in the city where I live and I know A.A. is available twenty-four hours a day. If I had had to hang on with nothing but hope and a desire not to drink, experiencing rejection wherever I went, I would have sought the easier, softer way and returned to my previous way of life.

Sorry folks with the down time and all I have missed a few days. I'll pick it up now with the few missing days left out.

July 1 THE BEST FOR TODAY

The principles we have set down are guides to progress. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60

Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life. I do not overwhelm myself with life's problems, and how much more work needs to be done. I let myself be comforted in knowing that my life is now in the hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art. By working my program I can be satisfied, knowing that "I doing the best that we can for today, we are doing all that God asks of us."

July 2

THE HEART OF TRUE SOBRIETY
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 570

Am I honest enough to accept myself as I am and let this be the "me" that I let others see? Do I have the willingness to go to any length, to do whatever is necessary to stay sober? Do I have the open-mindedness to hear what I have to hear, to think what I have to think, and to fell what I have to feel?
If my answer to the questions is "Yes" I know enough about the spirituality of the program to stay sober. As I continue to work the Twelve Steps, I move on to the heart of true sobriety: serenity with myself, with others, and with God as I understand Him.

July 3

EXPERIENCE: THE BEST TEACHER
Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87

Some say that experience is the best teacher, but I believe that experience is the only teacher. I have been able to learn of God's love for me only by the experience of my dependence on that love. At first I could not be sure of His direction in my life, but now I see that if I am to be bold enough to ask for His guidance, I must act as if He has provided it. I frequently ask God to help me remember that He has a path for me.

July 4

A NATURAL FAITH
.... deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p55.

I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence. I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping. The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power.

July 5

A NEW DIRECTION
Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly . . . Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of god's will into all our activities.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p 45, 85.

I hear talk of the "weak-willed" alcoholic, but I am one of the strongest willed people on earth! I now know that my incredible strength of will is not enough to save my life. My problem is not one of "weakness," but rather of direction. When I, without falsely diminishing myself, accept my honest limitations and turn to God's guidance, my worst faults become my greatest assets. My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality.

July 6

IDENTIFYING FEAR ...
The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear….

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 76.

When I feel uncomfortable, irritated, or depressed, I look for fear. This "evil and corroding thread" is the root of my distress: Fear of failure; fear of other's opinions; fear of harm; and many other fears. I have found a higher Power who does not want me to live in fear and, as a result, the experience of A.A. in my life is freedom and joy. I am no longer willing to live with the multitude of character defects that characterized my life while I was drinking. Step Seven is my vehicle to freedom from these defects. I pray for help in identifying the fear underneath the defect, and then I ask God to relieve me of that fear. This method works for me without fail and is one of the great miracles of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous.

July 7

. . . AND LETTING GO OF IT
. . . primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 76.

Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender over and over to the reality of my dependence of God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security.

July 8

AN EVER-GROWING FREEDOM
The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 76.

When I finally asked God to remove those things blocking me from Him and the sunlight of the Spirit, I embarked on a journey more glorious than I ever imagined. I experienced a freedom from those characteristics that had me wrapped up in myself. Because of this humbling Step, I feel clean.
I am especially aware of this Step because I'm now able to be useful to God and to my fellows, I know that He has granted me strength to do His bidding and has prepared me for anyone, and anything, that comes my way today. I am truly in His hands, and I give thanks for the joy that I can be useful today.

July 9

I AM AN INSTRUMENT
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 70.

The subject of humility is a difficult one. Humility is not thinking less of myself than I ought to; it is acknowledging that I do certain things well, it is accepting a compliment graciously.

God can only do for me what He can do through me. Humility is the result of knowing that God is the doer, not me. In the light of this awareness, how can I take pride in my accomplishments? I am an instrument and any work I seem to be doing is being done by God through me. I ask God on a daily basis to remove my shortcomings, in order that I may more freely go about my A.A. business of "love and service."

July 10

TOWARD PEACE AND SERENITY
. . . when we have taken a square look at some of these defects, have discussed them with another, and have become willing to have them removed, our thinking about humility commences to have a wider meaning.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 74.

When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contributed to the situation. Could I have been more patient? Was I intolerant? Did I insist on having my own way? Was I afraid? As my defects are revealed, I put self reliance aside and humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. The situation may not change, but as I practice exercising humility, I enjoy the peace and serenity which are the natural benefits of placing my reliance in a power greater than myself.

July 11

A TURNING POINT
A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 75.

Either the A.A. way of life becomes one of joy or I return to the darkness and despair of alcoholism. Joy comes to me when my attitude concerning God and humility turns to one of desire rather than burden. The darkness in my life changes to radiant light when I arrive at the realization that being truthful and honest in dealing with my inventory results in my life being filled with serenity, freedom, and joy. Trust in my Higher Power deepens, and the flush of gratitude spreads through my being. I am convinced that being humble is being truthful and honest in dealing with myself and God. It is then that humility is something I "really want," rather than being "something I must have."

July 12

GIVING UP CENTER STAGE
For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all. . . Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 70.

Why do I balk at the word "humility"? I am not humbling myself toward other people, but toward God, as I understand Him. Humility means "to show submissive respect," and by being humble I realize I am not the center of the universe. When I was drinking, I was consumed by pride and self-centeredness. I felt the entire world revolved around me, that I was master of my destiny. Humility enables me to depend more on God to help me overcome obstacles, to help me with my own imperfections, so that I may grow spiritually. I must solve more difficult problems to increase my proficiency and, as I encounter life's stumbling blocks, I must learn to overcome them through God's help. Daily communion with God demonstrates my humility and provides me with the realization that an entity more powerful than I is willing to help me if I cease trying to play God myself.

July 13

HUMILITY IS A GIFT
As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 72.

When I first came to A.A. I wanted to find some of the elusive quality called humility. I didn't realize I was looking for humility because I thought it would help me get what I wanted, and that I would do anything for others if I thought God would somehow reward me for it. I try to remember now that the people I meet in the course of my day are as close to God as I am ever going to get while on this earth. I need to pray for knowledge of God's will today, and see how my experience with hope and pain can help other people; if I can do that, I don't need to search for humility, it has found me.

July 14

A NOURISHING INGREDIENT
When humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 74.

How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a "good day" these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn't it be better if I could find a key to unlock the "magic" of my "good days" for use on the woes of my "bad days?"

I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility, that strength granted to me by that "power greater than myself," is mine for the asking! Humility will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously.

July 15

PRIDE
For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted.
In all these strivings, so many of them well intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. We had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 71.

Time and again I approached the Seventh Step, only to fall back an regroup. Something was missing and the impact of the Step escaped me. What had I overlooked? A single word: read but ignored, the foundation of all the Steps, indeed the entire Alcoholics Anonymous program--that word is "humbly."

I understood my shortcomings: I constantly put tasks off; I angered easily; I felt too much self-pity; and I thought, why me? Then I remembered, "Pride goeth before the fall," and I eliminated pride from my life.

July 16

"A MEASURE OF HUMILITY"
In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 75.

It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I drank to escape. Accepting life on life's terms will be mastered through the humility I experience when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With my life in God's care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive.

July 17

SURRENDER AND SELF-EXAMINATION
My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive.
Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step our-selves and others into emotional sobriety.

THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p 238.

Years of dependency on alcohol as a chemical mood-changer deprived me of the capability to interact emotionally with my fellows. I thought I had to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-motivated in a world of unreliable people. Finally I lost my self-respect and was left with dependency, lacking any ability to trust myself or to believe in anything. Surrender and self-examination while sharing with newcomers helped me to ask humbly for help.

July 18

GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE
During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS P. 75

Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myself into by not doing His will. Now my gratitude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me.

July 19

FALSE PRIDE
Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS P. 75

Many false notions operate in false pride. The need for direction to live a decent life is satisfied by the hope experienced in the A.A. Fellowship. Those who have walked the way for years--a day at a time--say that a God-centered life has limitless possibilities for personal growth. This being so, much hope is transmitted by the elder AA's.
I thank my Higher Power for letting me know that He works through other people, and I thank Him for our trusted servants in the Fellowship who aid new members to reject their false ideals and to adopt those which lead to a life of compassion and trust. The elders in A.A. challenge the newcomers to "Come To"--so that they can "Come to Believe." I ask my Higher Power to help my unbelief.

July 20

SHORTCOMINGS REMOVED
But now the words "Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works" began to carry bright promise and meaning.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS P. 75

When I put the Seventh Step into action I must remember that there are no blanks to fill in. It doesn't say, "Humbly asked Him to (fill in the blank) remove our shortcomings." For years, I filled in the imaginary blank with "Help me!" Give me the courage to ," and "Give me the strength," etc. The step says simply that God will remove my shortcomings. The only footwork I must do is "humbly ask," which for me means asking with the knowledge that of myself I am nothing, the Father within "doeth the works."

July 21

A PRICELESS GIFT
By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxiety--in other words, to all of us--this newfound peace is a priceless gift.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS P. 74

I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God's grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender. It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory.

July 22

THE GOOD AND THE BAD
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad."

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me. My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myself--good and bad--to God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good.

July 23

I ASK GOD TO DECIDE
"I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows"

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

Having admitted my powerlessness and made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him, I don’t decide which defects get removed, or the order in which defects get removed, or the time frame in which they get removed. I ask God to decide which defects stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and to others, and then I humbly ask Him to remove them.

July 24

HELPINGS OTHERS
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20

Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn't do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn't they deserve them? I was filled with self-pity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink.

July 25

THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER
For us, if we neglect those who are still sick, there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 151

I know the torment of drinking compulsively to quiet my nerves and my fears. I also know the pain of white-knuckled sobriety. Today, I do not forget the unknown person who suffers quietly, withdrawn and hiding in the desperate relief of drinking. I ask my Higher Power to give me His guidance and the courage to be willing to be His instrument to carry within me compassion and unselfish actions. Let the group continue to give me the strength to do with others what I cannot do alone.

July 26

THE "WORTH " OF SOBRIETY
Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 160

When I go shopping I look at the prices and if I need what I see I buy it and pay. Now that I am supposed to be in rehabilitation, I have to straighten out my life. When I go to a meeting, I take a coffee with sugar and milk, sometimes more than one. But at the collection time, I am either too busy to take money out of my purse, or I do not have enough, but I am there because I need this meeting. I heard someone suggest dropping the price of a beer into the basket, and I thought, that's too much! I almost never give one dollar. Like many others, I rely on the more generous members to finance the Fellowship. I forget that it takes money to rent the meeting room, buy my milk, sugar and cups. I will pay, without hesitation, ninety cents for a cup of coffee at a restaurant after the meeting; I always have money for that. So, how much is my sobriety and my inner peace worth?

July 27

GIVING FREELY
We will make every personal sacrifice necessary to insure the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. We will do this because we have learned to love God and one another.

A. A. COMES OF AGE p. 234

To be self-supporting through my own contributions was never a strong characteristic during my days as a practicing alcoholic. The giving of time or money always demanded a price tag.
As a newcomer I was told "we have to give it away in order to keep it." As I began to adopt the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, I soon found it was a privilege to give to the Fellowship as an expression of the gratitude I felt in my heart. My love of God and of others became the motivating factor in my life, with no thought of return. I realize now that giving freely is God's way of expressing Himself through me.

July 28

THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER
Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.

A. A. COMES OF AGE p. 232

A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand new, speaker, discussion or study, each group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program's survival, depend on my determination to put fist things first.

July 29

ANONYMOUS GIFTS OF KINDNESS
As active alcoholics we were always looking for a handout in one way or another.

"THE TWELVE TRADITIONS ILLUSTRATED, " p. 14

The challenge of the Seventh Tradition is a personal challenge, reminding me to share and give of myself. Before sobriety the only thing I ever supported was my habit of drinking. Now my efforts are a smile, a kind word, and kindness.
I saw that I had to start carrying my own weight and to allow my new friends to walk with me because, through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, I've never had it so good.

July 30

GIVING BACK
. . . he has struck something better than gold. . . .
He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS. P. 129

My part of the Seventh Tradition means so much more than just giving money to pay for the coffee. It means being accepted for myself by belonging to a group. For the first time I can be responsible, because I have a choice. I can learn the principles of working out problems in my daily life by getting involved in the "business" of A.A. By being self-supporting, I can give back to A.A. what A.A. gave to me! Giving back to A.A. not only ensures my own sobriety, but allows me to buy insurance that A.A. will be here for my grandchildren.

July 31

A PRAYER FOR ALL SEASONS
God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, And wisdom to know the difference.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125

The power of this prayer is overwhelming in that its simple beauty parallels the A.A. Fellowship. There are times when I get stuck while reciting it but if I examine the section which is troubling me, I find the answer to my problem. The first time this happened I was scared, but now I use it as a valuable tool. By accepting life as it is, I gain serenity. By taking action, I gain courage and I thank God for the ability to distinguish between those situations I can work on, and those I must turn over. All that I have now is a gift from God: my life, my usefulness, my contentment, and this program. The serenity enables me to continue walking forward.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the easier, softer way.

August 1

LIVING IT
The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

When new in the program, I couldn't comprehend living the spiritual aspect of the program, but now that I'm sober, I can't comprehend living without it. Spirituality was what I had been seeking. God, as I understand Him, has given me answers to the whys that kept me drinking for twenty years. By living a spiritual life, by asking God for help, I have learned to love, care for and feel compassion for all my fellow men, and to feel joy in a world where, before, I felt only fear.

August 2

WE BECOME WILLING . . .
At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77

How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now more than ever, I am venerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God's will for me.

August 3

. . . TO BE OF SERVICE
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77

It is clear that God's plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others.

August 4

SEEDS OF FAITH
Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing, We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34

As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a "scientific thinker" like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, "You must have faith." With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown!
Today, as I practice my recovery--cutting back the weeds of alcoholism--slowly I am letting those early seeds of faith grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have than willingness to accept His presence.
I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will.

August 5

LISTENING DEEPLY
How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37

If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-though-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary.

August 6

DRIVEN
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God's will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group?

August 7

A "DESIGN FOR LIVING"
We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28

August 8

"MADE A LIST . . . "
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 77

When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings.

August 9

". . . OF ALL PERSONS WE HAD HARMED"
. . . and became willing to make amends to them all.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 77

One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons I have harmed. I can see immediately that this Step entails forgiveness because if I' m not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: " I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances."
It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word very time the Lord's Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In this case, as means, "in the same manner." I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harboring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness.

August 10

REDOUBLING OUR EFFORTS
To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 77

As I continue to grow in sobriety, I become more aware of myself as a person of worth. In the process, I am better able to see others as persons, and with this comes the realization that these were people whom I had hurt in my drinking days. I didn't just lie, I lied about Tom. I didn't just cheat, I cheated Joe. What were seemingly impersonal acts, were really personal affronts, because it was people--people of worth--whom I had harmed. I need to do something about the people I have hurt so that I may enjoy a peaceful sobriety.

August 11

REMOVING "THE GROUND GLASS"
The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits.

AS BILL SEES IT, p 140

My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free.

August 12

A LOOK BACKWARD
First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a new found peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn't I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only then could my journey of the spirit resume.

August 13

A CLEAN SWEEP
. . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77

As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness. I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads. "Became willing . . . "
I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth.

August 14

REPAIRING THE DAMAGE
We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 76

Making a list of people I had harmed was not a particularly difficult thing to do. They had showed up in my Fourth Step inventory: people towards whom I had resentments, real or imagined, and whom I had hurt by acts of retaliation. For my recovery to be thorough, I believed it was not important for those who had legitimately harmed me to make amends to me. What is important in my relationship with God is that I stand before Him, knowing I have done what I can to repair the damage I have done.

August 15

DIDN'T WE HURT ANYBODY?
Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79

This Step seemed so simple. I identified several people whom I had harmed, but they were no longer available. Still, I was uneasy about the Step and avoided conversations dealing with it. In time I learned to investigate those Steps and areas of my life which made me uncomfortable. My search revealed my parents, who had been deeply hurt by my isolation from them; my employer, who worried about my absences, my memory lapses, my temper, and the friends I had shunned, without explanation. As I faced the reality of the harm I had done, Step Eight took on new meaning. I am no longer uncomfortable and I feel clean and light.

August 16

"I HAD DROPPED OUT"
We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have "harmed" other people. What kinds of "harm" do people do one another, anyway? To define the word "harm" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90

I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, "I really haven't harmed many people, mostly myself." But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from you--it was that simple. People hadn’t done what I wanted them to do and intimate relationships were out of hand because of my partners' unreasonable demands. Were these "sins of omission"? Because of my drinking, I had "dropped out"--never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships.

August 17

RIGHTING THE HARM
In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79

Have you ever thought that the harm you did a business associate, or perhaps a family member, was so slight that it really didn't deserve an apology because they probably wouldn't remember it anyway? If that person, and the wrong done to him, keeps coming to mind, time and again, causing an uneasy or perhaps guilty feeling, then I put that person's name at the top of my "amends list," and become willing to make a sincere apology, knowing I will feel calm and relaxed about that person once this very important part of my recovery is accomplished.

August 18

GETTING WELL
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79-80

Only through positive action can I remove the remains of guilt and shame brought on by alcohol. Throughout my misadventures when I drank, my friends would say, "Why are you doing this? You're only hurting yourself." Little did I know how true were those words. Although I harmed others, some of my behavior cased grave wounds to my soul. Step Eight provides me with a way of forgiving myself. I alleviate much of the hidden damage when I make my list of those I have hurt. In making amends, I free myself of burdens, thus contributing to my healing.

August 19

A FRAME OF REFERENCE
Referring to our list [inventory] again. Putting out of our minds the wrong others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. When had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened?

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 67

There is a wonderful freedom in not needing constant approval from colleagues at work or from the people I love. I wish I had known about this Step before, because once I developed a frame of reference, I felt able to do the next right thing, knowing that the action fit the situation and that it was the correct thing to do.

August 20

TOWARD EMOTIONAL FREEDOM
Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards that this one.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80

Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation--from my fellows and from God--came when I wrote my Eighth Step list.

August 21

WE JUST TRY
My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive.

THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 46-47

As long as I try, with all my heart and soul, to pass along to others what has been passed along to me, and do not demand anything in return, life is good to me. Before entering this program of Alcoholics Anonymous I was never able to give without demanding something in return. Little did I know that, once I began to give freely of myself, I would begin to receive, without ever expecting or demanding anything at all. What I receive today is the gift of "stability," as Bill did: stability in my A.A. program; within myself; but most of all, in my relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.

August 22

SEEKING EMOTIONAL STABILITY
When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116

All my life I depended on people for my emotional needs and security, but today I cannot live that way anymore. By the grace of God, I have admitted my powerlessness over people, places and things. I had been a real "people addict"; wherever I went there had to be someone who would pay some kind of attention to me. It was the kind of attitude that could only get worse, because the more I depended on others and demanded attention, the less I received.
I have given up believing that any human power can relieve me of that empty feeling. Although I remain a fragile human being who needs to work A.A.'s Steps to keep this particular principle before my personality, it is only a loving God who can give me inner peace and emotional stability.

August 23

BRINGING THE MESSAGE HOME
Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. groups?

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 111-112

My family members suffer from the effects of my disease. Loving and accepting them as they are--just as I love and accept A.A. members--fosters a return of love, tolerance and harmony to my life. Using common courtesy and respecting others' personal boundaries are necessary practices for all areas of my life.

August 24

A RIDDLE THAT WORKS
It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how.

AS BILL SEES IT, p 313

I had a profound spiritual experience during an open A.A. meeting, which led me to blurt out, "I'm an alcoholic!" I have not had a drink since that day. I can tell you the words I heard just prior to my admission, and how those words affected me, but as to why it happened, I do not know. I try not to worry or wonder about what I do not yet know; instead, I trust that if I continue to work the Steps, practice the A.A. principles in my life, and share my story, I will be guided lovingly toward a deep and mature spirituality in which more will be revealed to me. For the time being, it is a gift for me to trust God, work the Steps and help others.

August 25

THE GIFTS OF BONDING
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANONYMOUS, p. 63

Many times in my alcoholic state, I drank to establish a bond between myself and others, but I succeeded only in establishing the bondage of alcoholic loneliness. Through the A.A. way of life, I have received the gift of bonding--with those who were there before me, with those who are there now, and with those yet to come. For this gracious gift from God, I am forever grateful.

August 26

GIVING IT AWAY
Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159

Those words, for me, refer to a transference of power, through which God as I understand Him enters my life. Through prayer and meditation, I open channels, then I establish and improve my conscious contact with God, Through action I then receive the power I need to maintain my sobriety each day. By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what has been so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve.

August 27

CENTERING OUR THOUGHTS
When World War II broke out our A.A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure. . . .?

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 200

I will center my thoughts on a Higher Power. I will surrender all to this power within me. I will become a soldier for this power, feeling the might of the spiritual army as it exists in my life today. I will allow a wave of spiritual union to connect me through my gratitude, obedience and discipline to this Higher Power. Let me allow this power to lead me through the orders of the day. May the steps I take today strengthen my words and deeds, may I know that the message I carry is mine to share, given freely by this power greater than myself.

August 28

LIGHTENING THE BURDEN
Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. . . . the dark past is . . . . the key to life and happiness for others.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124

Since I have been sober, I have been healed of many pains: deceiving my partner, deserting my best friend, and spoiling my mother's hopes for my life. In each case someone in the program told me of a similar problem, and I was able to share what happened to me. When my story was told, both of us got up with lighter hearts

August 29

I CHOOSE ANONYMITY
We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, is the greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can ever have.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 187

Since there are no rules in A.A. I place myself where I want to be, and so I choose anonymity. I want my God to use me, humbly, as one of His tools in this program. Sacrifice is the art of giving of myself freely, allowing humility to replace my ego. With sobriety, I suppress that urge to cry out to the world, "I am a member of A.A." and I experience inner joy and peace. I let people see the changes in me and hope they will ask what happened to me. I place the principles of spirituality ahead of judging, fault-finding, and criticism. I want love and caring in my group, so I can grow..

August 30

THE ONLY REQUIREMENT. . .
"At one time . . . every A.A. group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared witless that something or somebody would capsize the boat. . . .The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all,. . . "

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139-140

I'm grateful that the Third Tradition only requires of me a desire to stop drinking. I had been breaking promises for years. In the fellowship I didn't have make promises. I didn't have to concentrate. It only required my attending one meeting, in a foggy condition, to know I was home. I didn't have to pledge undying love. Here, strangers hugged me. "It gets better," they said, and "One day at a time, you can do it." They were no longer strangers, but caring friends. I ask God to help me to reach out to people desiring sobriety, and to, please, keep me grateful!

August 31

A UNIQUE PROGRAM
Alcoholics Anonymous will never have a professional class. We have gained some understanding of the ancient words " Freely ye have received, freely give," We have discovered that at the point of professionalism, money and spirituality do not mix.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 166

I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous stands alone in the treatment of alcoholism because it is based solely on the principle of one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. This is what makes the program unique. When I decided that I wanted to stay sober, I called a woman who I knew was a sober member of A.A., and she carried the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to me. She received no monetary compensation, but rather was paid by staying sober another day herself. Today I could ask for no payment other than another day free from alcohol, so in that respect, I am generously paid for my labor.

September 1

WILLINGNESS TO GROW
If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8

Sobriety fills the painful "hole in the soul" that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes form ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others. My Higher Power presents may opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow.

September 2

FINDING "A REASON TO BELIEVE"
The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 171

A line from a song goes, " . . . and I look to find a reason to believe. . . " It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I want out and drank again. Someone told me: "You don't have to believe. Aren't you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?" When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, " I am willing .. . ., " I am using the key that leads to action, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life.

September 3

BUILDING A NEW LIFE
We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 82

When I reflect on Step Nine, I see that physical sobriety must be enough for me. I need to remember the hopelessness I felt before I found sobriety, and how I was willing to go to any lengths for it. Physical sobriety is not enough for those around me, however, since I must see that God's gift is used to build a new life for my family and loved ones. Just as importantly, I must be available to help others who want the A.A. way of life.
I ask God to help me share the gift of sobriety so that its benefits may be shown to those I know and love.

September 4

RECONSTRUCTION
Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. . . .

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

The reconstruction of my life is the prime goal in my recovery as I avoid taking that first drink, one day at a time. The task is most successfully accomplished by working the Steps of our Fellowship. The spiritual life is not a theory; it works, but I have to live it. Step Two started me on my journey to develop a spiritual life; Step Nine allows me to move into the final phase of the initial Steps which taught me how to live a spiritual life. Without the guidance and strength of a Higher Power, it would be impossible to proceed through the various stages of reconstruction. I realize that God works for me and through me. Proof comes to me when I realize that God did for me what I could not do for myself, by removing that gnawing compulsion to drink. I must continue daily to seek "God's guidance. He grants me a daily reprieve and will provide the power I need for reconstruction.

September 5

EMOTIONAL BALANCE
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,...

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83

When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only "changes for the better" I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself.

September 6

REMOVING THREATS TO SOBRIETY
. . . . except when to do so would injure them or others.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the Step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people "out there," on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by healing past relationships. Step Nine points the way to a more serene sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down.

September 7

"OUR SIDE OF THE STREET"
We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77-78

I made amends to my dad soon after I quit drinking. My words fell on deaf ears since I had blamed him for my troubles. Several months later I made amends to my dad again. This time I wrote a letter in which I did not blame him nor mention his faults. It worked, and at last I understood! My side of the street is all that I'm responsible for and--thanks to God and A.A.--it's clean for today.

September 8

"WE ASKED HIS PROTECTION"
We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

I could not manage my life alone. I had tried that road and failed. My "ultimate sin" dragged me down to the lowest level I have ever reached and, unable even to function, I accepted the fact that I desperately needed help. I stopped fighting and surrendered entirely to God.
Only then did I start growing! God forgave me. A Higher Power had to have saved me, because the doctors doubted that I would survive. I have forgiven myself now and I enjoy freedom I have never before experienced. I've opened my heart and mind to Him. The more I learn, the less I know--a humbling fact--but I sincerely want to keep growing. I enjoy serenity, but only when I entrust my life totally to God. As long as I am honest with myself and ask for His help, I can maintain this rewarding existence.
Just for today, I strive to live His will for me--soberly.
I thank God today I can choose not to drink.
Today, life is beautiful!

September 9

OPENING NEW DOORS
They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery.
Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life!
Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the "old stuff" from the past needs to be taken care of, and step Nine always works, when I work it.

September 10

RECOVERY BY PROXY?
They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

Sometimes I think: "Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!" However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony.

September 11

MAKING AMENDS
Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87

To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible.

September 12

I AM RESPONSIBLE
For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87

In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, "Yes, I am responsible." When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free.

September 13

REPAIRING THE DAMAGE
Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage and prudence--these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83

To make amends can be viewed two ways: first, that of repairing damage, for if I have damaged my neighbor's fence, I "make a mend," and that is a direct amend; the second way is by modifying my behavior, for if my actions have harmed someone, I make a daily effort to cause no further harm. I "mend my ways," and that is an indirect amend. Which is the best approach? The only right approach, provided that I am causing no further harm in so doing, is to do both. If harm is done, then I simply "mend my ways." To take action in this manner assures me of making honest amends.

September 14

PEACE OF MIND
Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser, earnestly asking God's help and guidance--meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may?

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 86-87

My belief in a Higher Power is an essential part of my work on Step Nine; forgiveness, timing, and right motives are the other ingredients. My willingness to do the Step is a growing experience that opens the door for new and honest relationships with the people I have harmed. My responsible action brings me closer to the spiritual principles of the program--love and service. Pease of mind, serenity, and a stronger faith are sure to follow.

September 15

A NEW LIFE
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more that that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous . . . Life will mean something at last.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152

Life is better without alcohol, A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keeps me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alcoholic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power.

September 16

WE STAND--OR FALL--TOGETHER
. . .no society of men and women ever had a more urgent need for continuous effectiveness and permanent unity. We alcoholics see that we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 563

Just as the Twelve Steps of A.A. are written in a specific sequence for a reason, so it is with the Twelve Traditions. The First Step and the First Tradition attempt to instill in me enough humility to allow me a chance at survival. Together they are the basic foundation upon which the Steps and Traditions that follow are built. It is a process of ego deflation which allows me to grow as an individual through the Steps, and as a contributing member of a group through the Traditions. Full acceptance of the First Tradition allows me to set aside personal ambitions, fears and anger when they are in conflict with the common good, thus permitting me to work with others for our mutual survival. Without Tradition One I stand little chance of maintaining the unity required to work with others effectively, and I also stand to lose the remaining Traditions, the Fellowship, and my life.

September 17

FREEDOM FROM FEAR
When, with God's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 122

Material values ruled my life for many years during my active alcoholism. I believed that all of my possessions would make me happy, yet I still felt bankrupt after I obtained them. When I first came into A.A., I found out about a new way of living. As a result of learning to trust others, I began to believe in a power greater than myself. Having faith freed me from the bondage of self. As material gains were replaced by the gifts of the spirit, my life became manageable. I then chose to share my experiences with other alcoholics.

September 18

LOVED BACK TO RECOVERY
Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither run nor fought . But accept we did. And then we were free.

Best of The Grapevine, Vol. 1, p 198

I can be free of my old enslaving self, After a while I recognize, and believe in the good within myself. I see that I have been loved back to recovery by my Higher Power, who envelops me. My Higher Power becomes that source of love and strength that a performing a continuing miracle in me. I am sober . . . . And I am grateful.

September 19

ACCEPTANCE
We admitted we couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources, and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a Higher Power (if only our A.A. group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to accept these facts fully, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 109

Freedom came to me only with my acceptance that I could turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, whom I call God. Serenity seeped into the chaos of my life when I accepted that what I was going through was life, and that God would help me through my difficulties--and much more, as well. Since then He has helped me through all of my difficulties! When I accept situations as they are, not as I wish them to be, then I can begin to grow and have serenity and peace of mind.

September 20

H.P. AS GUIDE
See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events
will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact
for us.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

Having a right relationship with God seemed to be an impossible
order. My chaotic past had left me filled with guilt and remorse and I
wondered how this "God business" could work. A.A. told me that I must
turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him.
With nowhere else to turn, I went down on my knees and cried, " God, I
can't do this. Please help me!" It was when I admitted my powerlessness
that a glimmer of light began to touch my soul, and then a willingness
emerged to let God control my life. With Him as my guide, great events
began to happen, and I found the beginning of sobriety.

September 21

THE LAST PROMISE
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The last Promise in the Big Book came true for me on the very first day of sobriety. God kept me sober that day, and on every other day I allowed Him to operate in my life, He gives me the strength, courage and guidance to meet my responsibilities in life so that I am then able to reach out and help others stay sober and grow. He manifests within me, making me a channel of His word, thought and deed. He works with my inner self, while I produce in the outer world, for He will not do form me what I can do for myself. I must be willing to do His work, so that He can function through me successfully.

September 22

A "LIMITLESS LODE"
Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold, Joy at our release from, a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. Father feels he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp/ 128-29

When I talk with a newcomer to A.A., my past looks me straight in the face. I see the pain in those hopeful eyes, I extend my hand, and then the miracle happens: I become healed. My problems vanish as I reach out to this trembling soul.

September 23

"I WAS AN EXCEPTION"
He [Bill W] said to me, gently and simply, "Do you think that you are one of us?"

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 413

During my drinking life I was convinced I was an exception. I thought I was beyond petty requirements and had the right to be excused. I never realized that the dark counterbalance of my attitude was the constant feeling that I did not "belong." At first, in A.A., I identified with others only as an alcoholic. What a wonderful awakening for me it has been to realize that, if human beings were doing the best they could, then so was I! All of the pains, confusions and joys they feel are not exceptional, but part of my life, just as much as anybody's.

September 24

VIGILANCE
We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "Once an alcoholic, always and alcoholic." Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33

Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary set back. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance.

September 25

FIRST THINGS FIRST
Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: job or no job--wife or no wife--we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Before coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: "She said . . . . ," "He said . . . ." "I got fired yesterday," " I got a great job today." No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today?

September 26

OUR CHILDREN
The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children.. . . In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they will let him know it. . . . From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 134

While on the road to recovery I received a gift that could not be purchased. It was a card from my son in college, say, "Dad, you can't imagine how glad I am that everything is okay. Happy birthday, I love you," My son had told me that he loved me before. It had been during the previous Christmas holidays, when he had said to me, while crying, "Dad, I love you! Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?" I couldn't. Choked with emotion, I had cried, but this time, when I received my son's card, my tears were of joy, not desperation.

September 27

WITHOUT RESERVATION
When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love. . .

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37

While practicing service to others, if my successes give rise to grandiosity, I must reflect on what brought me to this point. What has been given joyfully, with love, must be passed on without reservation and without expectation. For as I grow, I find that no matter how much I give with love, I receive much more in spirit.

September 28

LOVE WITHOUT STRINGS
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89

Sponsorship held two surprises for me. First, that my sponsees cared about me. What I had though was gratitude was more like love. They wanted me to be happy, to grow and remain sober. Knowing how they felt kept me form drinking more than once. Second, I discovered that I was able to love someone else responsibly, with respectful and genuine concerns for that person's growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about another's well-being had atrophied from lack of use. To learn that I can love, without greed or anxiety, has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times.

September 29

EXACTLY ALIKE
Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89

A man came to the meeting drunk, interrupted the speakers, stood up and took his shirt off, staggered loudly back and forth for coffee, demanded to talk, and eventually called the group's secretary an unquotable name and walked out. I was glad he was there--once again I saw what I had been like. But I also saw what I still am, and what I still could be. I don't have to be drunk to want to be the exception and the center of attention. I have often felt abused and responded abusively when I was simply being treated as a garden variety human being. The more the man tried to insist he was different, the more I realized that he and I were exctly alike.

September 30

THE CIRCLE AND THE TRIANGLE
The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession.

A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 179

Early in my A.A. life, I became employed in its services and I found the explanation of our society's logo to be very appropriate. First, a circle of love and service with a well-balanced triangle inside, the base of which represents our Recovery through the Twelve Steps. Then the other two sides, representing Unity and Service, respectively. The three sides of the triangle are equal. As I grew in A.A., I soon identified myself with this symbol. I am the circle, and the sides of the triangle represent three aspects of my personality: physical, emotional sanity, spirituality, the latter forming the symbols' base. Taken together, all three aspects of my personality translate into a sober and happy life.

October 1

LEST WE BECOME COMPLACENT
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

When I am in pain it is easy to stay close to the friends I have found in the program. Relief from that pain is provided in the solutions contained in A.A.'s Twelve Steps. But when I am feeling good and things are going well, I can become complacent. To put it simply, I become lazy and turn into the problem instead of the solution. I need to get into action, to take stock: where am I and where an I going? A daily inventory will tell me what I must change to regain spiritual balance. Admitting what I find within myself, to God and to another human being, keeps me honest and humble.

October 2

"THE ACID TEST"
As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88

I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned thought this Step that If I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know that is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away.

October 3

SERENITY AFTER THE STORM
Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him. . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 93-94

When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress.

October 4

A NECESSARY PRUNING
. . . We know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 94

I love spending time in my garden feeding and pruning my beautiful flowers. One day, as I was busily snipping away, a neighbor stopped by. She commented, "Oh! Your plants are so beautiful, it seems such a shame to cut them back," I replied, "I know how you feel, but the excess must be removed so they can grow stronger and healthier." Later I thought that perhaps my plants feel pain, but God and I know it's part of the plan and I've seen the results. I was quickly reminded of my precious A.A. program and how we all grow, through pain. I ask God to prune me when it's time, so I can grow.

October 5

YESTERDAY'S BAGGAGE
For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88

I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday's baggage too. I must balance today's books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory.

October 6

FACING OURSELVES
. . . .and Fear says, "You dare not look!"

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49

How often I avoided a task in my drinking days just because it appeared so large! Is it any wonder, even if I have been sober for some time, that I will act that same way when faced with what appears to be a monumental job, such as a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself? What I discover after I have arrived at the other side-when my inventory is completed-is that the illusion was greater than the reality. The fear of facing myself kept me at a standstill and, until I became willing to put pencil to paper, I was arresting my growth based on an intangible.

October 7

DAILY MONITORING
Continued to take personal inventory . . . .

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

The spiritual axiom referred to in the Tenth Step--"every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us"--also tells me that there are no exceptions to it. No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me I will always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me. I am the creator of my own reality.
When I take my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person.

October 8

DAILY INVENTORY
. . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss's difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future.

This is tough to swallow but it's a favourite of mine for sure..

October 9

A SPIRITUAL AXIOM
It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90

I never truly understood the Tenth Step's spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feeling of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors' disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situation--dogs will bark--and I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person's spiritual condition. Feelings come from inside, not from outward circumstances. When my spiritual condition is positive, I react positively.

October 10

FIXING ME, NOT YOU
If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90

What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix them. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free.

October 11

SELF-RESTRAINT
Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91

My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting.
I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day.

October 12

CURBING RASHNESS
When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91

Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me.

October 13

UNREMITTING INVENTORIES
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others.

October 14

A PROGRAM FOR LIVING
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day . . . On Awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow's deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God's will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!

October 15

MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS
Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67

Sometimes I don't realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day's activities, and then, my gossiping papers like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I'm, tired from the day's activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else.
Character defect like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life's journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I'll leave judgment of others to the Final Judge--Divine Providence.

October 16

THROUGHOUT EACH DAY
This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

During my early years in A.A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety have elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word "continued." "Continued" does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day.

October 17

A DAILY TUNE-UP
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it's quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: "Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink? Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted.

October 18

AN OPEN MIND
True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith. . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn't. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of A.A. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person that I ever could have been without A.A.

October 19

A.A.'S "MAIN TAPROOT"
The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22

Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had not felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of wonder I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life.

October 20

SOLACE FOR CONFUSION
Obviously, the dilemma of the wanderer from faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himself lost to the comfort of any conviction at all. He cannot attain even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the agnostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

The concept of God was one that I struggled with during my early years of sobriety. The images that came to me, conjured from my past, were heavy with fear, rejection and condemnation. Then I heard my friend Ed's image of a Higher Power: As a boy he had been allowed a litter of puppies, provided that he assume responsibility for their care. Each morning he would find the unavoidable "by products" of the puppies on the kitchen floor. Despite frustration, Ed said he couldn't get angry because "that's the nature of puppies." Ed felt that God viewed our defects and shortcomings with a similar understanding and warmth. I've often found solace from my personal confusion in Ed's calming concept of God.

October 21

NOTHING GROWS IN THE DARK
We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10

With the self-discipline and insight gained from practicing Step Ten, I begin to know the gratifications of sobriety--not as mere abstinence from alcohol, but as recovery in every department of my life.
I renew hope, regenerate faith, and regain the dignity of self-respect. I discover the word "and" in the phrase "and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."
Reassured that I am no longer always wrong, I learn to accept myself as I am, with a new sense of the miracles of sobriety and serenity.

October 22

TRUE TOLERANCE
Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 92

The thought occurred to me that all people are emotionally ill to some extent. How could we not be? Who among us is spiritually perfect? Who among us is physically perfect? How could any of us be emotionally perfect? Therefore, what else are we to do but bear with one another and treat each other as we would be treated in similar circumstances? That is what love really is.

October 23

WHAT WE KNOW BEST
"Shoemaker, stick to thy last!" . . . better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition [Five]. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 150

The survival of A.A. depends upon unity. What would happen if a group decided to become an employment agency, a treatment center or a social service agency? Too much specialization leads to no specialization, to frittering of efforts and, finally, to decline. I have the qualifications to share my sufferings and my way of recovery with the newcomer. Conformity to A.A.'s primary purpose insures the safety of the wonderful gift of sobriety, so my responsibility is enormous. The life of millions of alcoholics is closely tied to my competence in "carrying the message to the still-suffering alcoholic."

My ticket into the God thing was "just not me". That's how it's remained for the most part. Ego isn't always my best friend. Faith in something greater than "me" has proven effective. I really don't care what that thing is as long as I'm not the most powerful thing in my field of vision.
ian

October 24

"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS"
On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out .. . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, which--God willing--shall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131

God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is.

October 25

A.A.'S HEARTBEAT
Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat;. . . .

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 125

Without unity I would be unable to recover in A.A. on a daily basis. By practicing unity within my group, with other A.A. members and at all levels of this great Fellowship, I receive a pronounced feeling of knowing that I am a part of a miracle that was divinely inspired. The ability of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, working together and passing it on to other members, tells me that to give it away is to keep it. Unity is oneness and yet the whole Fellowship is for all of us.

October 26

ONE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY
For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority--a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132

When I am chosen to carry some small responsibility for my fellows, I ask that God grant me the patience, open-mindedness, and willingness to listen to those I would lead. I must remind myself that I am the trusted servant of others, not their "governor," "teacher," or "instructor." God guides my words and my actions, and my responsibility is to heed His suggestions. Trust is my watchword, I trust others who lead. In the Fellowship of A.A. I entrust God with the ultimate authority of "running the show."

October 27

GLOBAL SHARING
The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic who has found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s around the globe.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151

The strength of alcoholics Anonymous lies in the desire of each member and of each group around the world to share with other alcoholics their suffering and the steps taken to gain, and maintain, recovery. By keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power, I make sure that I always nurture my desire to help other alcoholics, thus insuring the continuity of the wonderful fraternity of Alcoholics Anonymous

October 28

AN UNBROKEN TRADITION
We conceive the survival and spread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of far greater importance than the weight we could collectively throw back on any other cause.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177

How much it means to me that an unbroken tradition of more than half a century is a thread that connects me to Bill W. and Dr. Bob. How much more grounded I feel to be in a Fellowship whose aims are constant and unflagging. I am grateful that the energies of A.A. have never been scattered, but focused instead on our members and on individual sobriety.
My beliefs are what make me human; I am free to hold any opinion, but A.A.'s purpose-- so clearly stated fifty years ago--is for me to keep sober. That purpose has promoted round-the-clock meeting schedules, and the thousands of intergroup and central service offices, with their thousands of volunteers. Like the sun focused through a magnifying glass, A.A.'s single vision has lit a fire of faith in sobriety in millions of hearts, including mine.

October 29

OUR SURVIVAL
Since recovery from alcoholism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve in full strength our means of survival.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177

The honesty expressed by the members of A.A. in meetings has the power to open my mind. Nothing can block the flow of energy that honesty carries with it. The only obstacle to this flow of energy is inebriation, but even then, no one will find a closed door if he or she has left and chooses to return. Once he or she has received the gift of sobriety, each A.A. member is challenged on a daily basis to accept a program of honesty.
My Higher Power created me for a purpose in life, I ask him to accept my honest efforts to continue on my journey in the spiritual way of life. I call on Him for strength to know and seek His will.

October 30

LIVE AND LET LIVE
Never since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous been divided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellowship ever publicly taken sides on any question in an embattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue. It could almost be said that we were born with it . .. "So long as we don't argue these matters privately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 174

Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don't have to share it? That's the spirit of "Live and Let Live." The Serenity Prayer reminds me, with God's help, to "Accept the things I cannot change." Am I still trying to change others? When it comes to "Courage to change the things I can," do I remember that my opinions are mine, and yours are yours? Am I still afraid to be me? When it comes to "Wisdom to know the difference," do I remember that my opinions come from my experience? If I have a know-it-all attitude, aren't I being deliberately controversial?

October 31

AVOIDING CONTROVERSY
All history affords us the spectacle of striving nations and groups finally torn asunder because they were designed for , or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of their own specification.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176

As an A.A. member and sponsor, I know I can cause real damage if I yield to temptation and give opinions and advice on another's medical, marital, or religious problems. I am not a doctor, counselor, or lawyer. I cannot tell anyone how he or she should live; however, I can share how I came through similar situations without drinking, and how A.A.'s Steps and Traditions help me in dealing with my life.

November 1

I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS p. 85

My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego.
Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong.

November 2

KEEPING OPTIMISM AFLOAT
The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step eleven can keep us growing . . .

THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 240

A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather that the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater potential for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learning--and practicing--the principles of A.A. program. The melding of physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life.

November 3

FOCUSING AND LISTENING
There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I'll have enough humility to pray and meditate--because I'll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice form God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three--self-examination, meditation and prayer--form a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life.

November 4

A DAILY DISCIPLINE
. . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

The last three Steps of the program invoke God's loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn't please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those continuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day brings--without the thought of a drink.

November 5

"THE QUALITY OF FAITH"
This . . .has to do with the quality of faith. . . .In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . .We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said, "grant me my wishes" instead of "Thy will be done."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 32

God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practise the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs.

November 6

GOING WITH THE FLOW
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, "I arise, O God, to do Thy will," This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn't change God's attitude toward me, it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware.
One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude. On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did.

November 7

LET GO AND LET GOD
. . . .praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

When I "Let Go and Let God," I think more clearly and wisely. Without having to think about it, I quickly let go of things that cause me immediate pain and discomfort. Because I find it hard to let go of the kind of worrisome thoughts and attitudes that cause me immense anguish, all I need do during those times is allow God, as I understand Him, to release them for me, and then and there, I let go of the thoughts, memories and attitudes that are troubling me.
When I receive help from God, as I understand Him, I can live my life one day at a time and handle whatever challenges that come my way. Only then can I live a life of victory over alcohol, in comfortable sobriety.

November 8

AN INDIVIDUAL ADVENTURE
Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 101

My spiritual growth is with God as I understand Him. With Him I find my true inner self. Daily meditation and prayer strengthen and renew my source of well-being. I receive then the openness to accept all that He has to offer. With God I have the reassurance that my journey will be as He wants for me, and for that I am grateful to have God in my life.

November 9

STEPPING INTO THE SUNLIGHT
But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun.

AS BILL SEES IT, p.10

Sometimes I think I don't have time for prayer and meditation, forgetting that I always found the time to drink. It is possible to make time for anything I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start the routine of prayer and mediation, it's a good idea to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read a page form our Fellowship's books in the morning, and say "Thank you, God," when I go to bed at night. As prayer becomes a habit, I will increase the time spent on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat the Lord's Prayer because it really covers everything. Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a word of thanks.
I don't need to shut myself in a closet to pray. It can be done even In a room full of people. I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the practice of prayer continues, I will find I don't need words for God can, and does hear my thoughts through silence.

November 10

A SENSE OF BELONGING
Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

That's what it is--belonging! After a session of meditation I knew that the feeling I was experiencing was a sense of belonging because I was so relaxed, I felt quieter inside, more willing to discard little irritations. I appreciated my sense of humor. What I also experience in my daily practice is the sheer pleasure of belonging to the creative flow of God's world. How propitious for us that prayer and meditation are written right into our A.A. way of life.

November 11

SELF-ACCEPTANCE
We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

I pray for the willingness to remember that I am a child of God, a divine soul in human form, and that my most basic and urgent life-task is to accept, know, love and nurture myself. As I accept myself, I am accepting God's will. As I know and love myself, I am knowing and loving God. As I nurture myself I am acting on God's guidance.
I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant self-criticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself.

November 12

MORNING THOUGHTS
Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS p. 164

For many years I pondered over God's will for me, believing that perhaps a great destiny had been ordained for my life. After all, having been born into a specific faith, hadn't I been told early that I was "chosen"? It finally occurred to me, as I considered the above passage, that God's will for me was simply that I practice Step Twelve on a daily basis. Furthermore, I realized I should do this to the best of my ability. I soon learned that the practice aids me in keeping my life in the context of the day at hand.

November 13

LOOKING OUTWARD
We ask especially for freedom from self-will and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS p. 87

As an active alcoholic, I allowed selfishness to run rampant in my life. I was so attached to my drinking and other selfish habits that people and moral principles came second. Now, when I pray for the good of others rather than my "own selfish ends," I practice a discipline in letting go of selfish attachments, caring for my fellows and preparing for the day when I will be required to let go of all earthly attachments.

November 14

INTUITION AND INSPIRATION
. . . we ask God for inspiration, an institutive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS p. 86

I invest my time in what I truly love. Step Eleven is a discipline that allows me and my Higher Power to be together, reminding me that, with God's help, intuition and inspiration are possible. Practice of the Step brings on self-love. In a consistent attempt to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power, I am subtly reminded of my unhealthy past, with its patterns of grandiose thinking and false feelings of omnipotence. When I ask for the power to carry out God's will for me, I am made aware of my powerlessness. Humility and a healthy self-love are compatible, a direct result of working Step Eleven

November 15

VITAL SUSTENANCE
Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97

Step Eleven doesn't have to overwhelm me. Conscious contact with God can be as simple, and as profound, as conscious contact with another human being. I can smile. I can listen. I can forgive. Every encounter with another is an opportunity for prayer, for acknowledging God's presence within me.
Today I can bring myself a little closer to my Higher Power. The more I choose to seek the beauty of God's work in other people, the more certain of His presence I will become.

November 16

A DAILY REPRIEVE
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

Maintaining my spiritual condition is like working out every day, planning for the marathon, swimming laps, jogging. It's staying in good shape spiritually, and that requires prayer and meditation. The single most important way for me to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power is to pray and meditate. I am as powerless over alcohol as I am to turn back the waves of the sea; no human force had the power to overcome my alcoholism. Now I am able to breathe the air of joy, happiness and wisdom. I have the power to love and react to events around me with the eyes of a faith in things that are not readily apparent. My daily reprieve means that, no matter how difficult or painful things appear today, I can draw on the power of the program to stay liberated from my cunning, baffling and powerful illness.

November 17

OVERCOMING LONELINESS
Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90

The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation.

November 18

A SAFETY NET
Occasionally. . . . We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I'll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it's as if I've slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray.

November 19

"I WAS SLIPPING FAST"
We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life. . . . So it isn't surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship. Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to recognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely.

November 20

"THY WILL, NOT MINE"
. . . when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification. " . . .if it be Thy will."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 102

I ask simply that throughout the day God place in me the best understanding of His will that I can have for that day, and that I be given the grace by which I may carry it out. As the day goes on, I can pause when facing situations that must be met and decisions that must be made, and renew the simple request: "Thy will, not mine, be done."
I must always keep in mind that in every situation I am responsible for the effort and God is responsible for the outcome. I can "Let Go and Let God" by humbly repeating: "Thy will, not mine be done." Patience and persistence in seeking His will for me will free me form the pain of selfish expectations.

I'm not going to maintain this thread any more. If someone needs this information on a regular basis please contact me via pm and I'll help with that.
Cheers! Ian.

I really enjoyed reading through the posts. TY for posting them :)

I'm glad you did. It was a good reminder for me about some of the good things that have come my way.
Cheers! Ian.