My BELIEF,
.....nothing too important really.
but, here's a theory....

....Possibly, we choose the lesson of resisting temptation,
probably coupled with unpaid Karma.
....the difference in me and eddie van halen is...
I had worse karma.
...so he had an easier life, because he had a gift.

Bob fossie had a heart attack, from pill speed and booze
and downs..oh my!....heh!

lisa left eye lopez learned her lesson, gave her life to God
...was working her recovery, .....even went to pages in
national geographic (no dope) ...was a missionary,
...tryin' to help.

an got hit by the only car on the islands winding dirt roads

...LOL! Godspeed for Lisa!

everyone knows, anything goes.


__________________________________________________ _______________

~~~*~~==~*=~~*~==*=+~ Intermission ~+=*===*===~*~~==*~~~




__________________________________________________ _______________



My point was I can never judge, the non recoverables, by the
banks of their own lagoon.

....I can see the lagoon, but, I'm not there.
I could be..
....if it was school.



the "problem children" would be expelled.

or end up gettng hurt, playin with fire.

....that means, because you went off the rails of a crazy train.

you die, or now, you look like crap

facial ticks

...live in the street..

............and mumble conversations to shadow people.


*FAILS to master temptation*

Grade: F

status return: crackbaby

another addict, like me, would do it, and quit when I
needed to..


....for a decade, it was a preference
not a "day counting, hour counting" till I could do speed again...


..it was just a fun thing to do and drawing, organizing
lose 10 lbs on the weekend or play spades or boggle.


....I should have learned 4 times.


each time I quit speed, I actually felt, and looked better.
when I was young..


.....I could'nt belive it at 32 ....I never "bounced back"
100% from that 1.5 year experiment with consuming mass quantity.
....frequently, constantly.

pretty much..I have noted, as soon as I met the right people
all four MAJOR EPISODE times...

when the luxury of "all I want" ....presents itself..
......I spiral to the ground, crash and burn.

if its 100 bucks a gram..I'm fine.
...if it's 20 buck.....

watch out..

the last run, HAD BETTER BE my last run.

...because that is as HORRIBLE, STUPID, DAMAGED, DARKLY insane, and general wrechedness, for me, was off the scales
I'm a domestic addict.
.............live on the street? ...leave my pictures?

take out loan after loan, masturbate and fantasize about
having sex for meth, and it was looking hotter..

...like the "ultimate sacrifice" to honor Methamphetamine.

I would do it to be bad...

...............just like, all of it.
I was limboing as low as I could go...and I was disintegrating rapidly morally..

I NEVER had fantasies about that before.

.....I was in fact NEVER gonna put a drugs value as higher
than..

don't go against your own people,
..............everyone is my own people

like they did me in vegas.
...........thanks paul, john, george and ringo...

I'm insane now.

I don't steal people's stuff when they're in the bathroom.....sell em baking soda....take off with 20.00 from people I've known 15 years, get dope and disappear.

...I just don't.


so, I get detention, and principals office type punishments
but, worse and worse, for doing it again.

...cosmically.


GRADE C-


it's still early yet (I kinda expect)

I could still fail.

....................game over when times up.

I'd get an F, and be born addicted to meth, in a toilet at vegas's
"amabassader inn" on freemont.

HOWEVER

.....if I could make it to death, resisting temptaion, and evolve.

....ahh an A - for me over all .....*massages tired soul briefly*


then there's the people who LEARN quick.


B's and A's

.....and they move on to vanity or envy...cause they learned


you win some you loose some, some get rained out

man, what the h3ll did I just say?

lol!

from one addict to another, either you dont do it at all or you go balls to the wall, than go more, till your body shuts down or your out of money. been there and done that. Nice thread.:)

thankies my brother~