Nobody understands when I tell them I have no motivation or desire to move, I can’t hold a thought for longer then a few minutes, I can recall things that are surface level, but don’t ask me to dig deep. I enjoy quiet times and being alone, or so I say, what I don’t say is I need to be alone so others won’t see how withdrawn I am, or how my mind is chaotic. I can fool the majority of ppl, I can hold a job for years but, I don’t enjoy change, it is uncomfortable. I used to love it. I used to be artistic but I can’t motivate myself to do anything. I love helping ppl now I rarely want to leave the house. I don’t feel like it. I don’t like daylight now and prefer to be awake a night if at all. I guess I feel most normal then, less alone. My fiancée and I are arguing because I go to job training in a week and half then I relocate for work. The job will be demanding and I am scared and want very desperately to do well and I want my life back. I feel like I am existing and no one understands. He is very much against me taking medication again. He witnessed the side effects of the previous medication I was on ( Zoloft, Concerta, Wellbutrin..I had suicidal thoughts). I understand how he feels which is how some in my family have felt about me taking medication. Here’s why in this quest to get the help that I desperately need I have seen unscrupulous doctors who have prescribed medication for me first in college I started taking Paxil that made me a zombie. I quit Paxil cold turkey. The brain zaps were a welcome relief to feeling nothing and sleeping all day. Then over the years I have tried, Zoloft made me really sleepy, was given Wellbutrin to take in the am and the Zoloft in the pm to sleep, I was taken off the Wellbutrin and given Concerta and told to keep taking the Zoloft in the pm. The sexual side effects and the dry mouth were bad but the clenching teeth and the tics ( Not being able to find words were horrible especially because of my work…I am expected to give speeches almost daily). I have been researching these forums and want to try the Vvysa(sp) because it is non-addicting and I don’t think hallucinating is a side effect or psychosis. And possibly Ambien at night to sleep. I will add exercise and change my diet to help with the depression but I want to focus on the ADD which I think will help with the depression. I welcome any thoughts.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

I can relate totally. I can remember a time when I was the life of the party and a social butterfly, loved to exercise and just be doing something. 7 years ago I went through a devastating divorce and thought my world would end and I don't know if I ever really got over it. 3 years ago, out of loneliness I suppose I hooked up with a loser and got pregnant. I have a 3 year old son now and I am 31 years old and living with my parents. I have been on and off adhd medications since I was 6 years old. I struggle to get out of bed somedays, I rarely leave the house. I have gained weight and my teeth are in horrible shape and my self esteem is gone. I started taking zoloft a week ago and seem to be feeling better. I just don't want my son to suffer because his mom is a loser. I feel hopeless, and I am sick of feeling sorry for myself.

I do feel for you, really. I too have struggled with depression, and feeling unmotivated...and feeling the disorganized racing thoughts are getting the best of me.

I have found that being on meds for ADD has helped this tremendously, and it has made all the difference to find a therapist and doctor who are understanding and knowledgable. Not all docs get the ADD issue. It's not that they are "unscupulous", it may be they simply don't understand...or that they go with the presenting problem. (If you are depressed and suicidal and have ADD, the doc is going to want to alleviate the suicidal feelings first.)

Get started on the exercise and diet issues NOW. You are in control of these, you can help yourself by doing this. Don't wait to feel better, or for anything else, just get out and do it. Get some Omega 3 fatty acid caps, take a multi-vitamin, try and get a good night's sleep every night.

THen, look for a doc who specializes in ADD. Be open to hearing them out. Your issues may be ADD, or they may not. If this is due to depression or something else, you don't want to be on the wrong med. It won't help.

Vyvanse may help, but also some of the other meds (Adderall, Ritalin, dexedrine, etc) may be helpful. Do not let the fact they are labeled as "potentially addicting" discourage you. Many people take these meds without getting addicted. Wellbutrin may be good for you IF not combined in the same way it was before. It is all a matter of balance.

Read up on ADD, and try to go to the doc with a list of symptoms and what you found good AND bad about previous meds. Also, try and find a therapist who you can work with; he or she can help you find new ways of coping while you sort this out.

Finally...please, please know that while your family and fiance love you and have your best wishes at heart, they should not be your deciding factor here. If you are struggling and need help, meds might be your best option. The fact they did not work before does not mean they are bad, it may just mean you did not find the right one or the right mix. Fighting this through on your own without meds to make them happy may only make things worse. I do not mean to add to your worries here, I only speak from my own experience. When I let my family dictate to me what was wrong, I wound up losing time and becoming more miserable. You need to do what you know is right to take care of yourself, not because others tell you what you should do.

Cocopuffs, it sounds like you're in for a hard time right now.
I really feel for you.

I want to support MECMR, and also tell you to try to swing by the Get Fit Club that she and I link to and see if it's something you might be able to use as a tool to help yourself. I feel better for joining myself. There's no pressure in there, only support, which is why I myself am able to benefit from it. :)

I hope you'll feel better soon, Puffs - Welcome again.

I will add exercise and change my diet to help with the depression but I want to focus on the ADD which I think will help with the depression. I welcome any thoughts.ffice:office" /><O:p></O:p>

You are missing something with that statement. Exercise will not only help with the depression, but it will ALSO help with the ADD, as exercise gives you little boosts of dopamine. It can help you not only be happier, but to think more clearly. ADD and depression aren't mutually exclusive, helping one will help the other.

I'm the one that put the Get Fit Club together, and I am personally inviting you to come down to the Exercise forum and join in. Introduce yourself on the main GFC thread. Get involved, and you will feel happier and have something to focus on. Help others with an encouraging word. It is amazing how telling someone else something positive, even if you feel depressed that day, will help reinforce positive thoughts on your own side and in your own life.

I wish that I could offer advice on meds, but I don't have experience to draw on. I can only tell you what has helped myself, and others. I hope to see you there!

Take care,
Mike

:) Good luck cocopuffs. :)

Yes, I sympathize with both of you. You are not a "loser" Shaun, you obviously care about your son. That's HUGE. You are in a hard situation and I don't think there's a quick solution- but exercise, social interaction and anything that makes you feel happier and in a better mindframe will trickle down to everyone around you. Do some things that make you really happy and don't feel guilty or selfish for it. Cocopuffs, have you tried a stronger stimulant such as adderall or dexedrine? They prescribe these drugs for treatment resistant depression sometimes. They'll definitely get you off your couch and in a better mood while they're working.

I can't read that block of text, but I sure hope you feel better soon.

Nobody understands when I tell them I have no motivation or desire to move, I can’t hold a thought for longer then a few minutes, I can recall things that are surface level, but don’t ask me to dig deep. I enjoy quiet times and being alone, or so I say, what I don’t say is I need to be alone so others won’t see how withdrawn I am, or how my mind is chaotic. I can fool the majority of ppl, I can hold a job for years but, I don’t enjoy change, it is uncomfortable. I used to love it. I used to be artistic but I can’t motivate myself to do anything. I love helping ppl now I rarely want to leave the house. I don’t feel like it. I don’t like daylight now and prefer to be awake a night if at all. I guess I feel most normal then, less alone. My fiancée and I are arguing because I go to job training in a week and half then I relocate for work. The job will be demanding and I am scared and want very desperately to do well and I want my life back. I feel like I am existing and no one understands. He is very much against me taking medication again. He witnessed the side effects of the previous medication I was on ( Zoloft, Concerta, Wellbutrin..I had suicidal thoughts). I understand how he feels which is how some in my family have felt about me taking medication. Here’s why in this quest to get the help that I desperately need I have seen unscrupulous doctors who have prescribed medication for me first in college I started taking Paxil that made me a zombie. I quit Paxil cold turkey. The brain zaps were a welcome relief to feeling nothing and sleeping all day. Then over the years I have tried, Zoloft made me really sleepy, was given Wellbutrin to take in the am and the Zoloft in the pm to sleep, I was taken off the Wellbutrin and given Concerta and told to keep taking the Zoloft in the pm. The sexual side effects and the dry mouth were bad but the clenching teeth and the tics ( Not being able to find words were horrible especially because of my work…I am expected to give speeches almost daily). I have been researching these forums and want to try the Vvysa(sp) because it is non-addicting and I don’t think hallucinating is a side effect or psychosis. And possibly Ambien at night to sleep. I will add exercise and change my diet to help with the depression but I want to focus on the ADD which I think will help with the depression. I welcome any thoughts.ffice:office" /><O:p></O:p>

Are you sure you have add? Your symptoms sound kinda atypical and maybe they are something else like anxiety disorder, or mild schitzophrenia (I knew a guy who had that a year or so a go and he used to sa he would have LOADS of thoughts going thru his mind all the time. I believe the meds for that are very diff to those for adhd, so if you had that - or some other disorder that isnt adhd, then the adhd meds could quite possibly make u worse.

Not saying you do have some other disorder, just suggesting, if you havent already done so, that you get onto a good specialist and get checked out for all disorders that could be causing your symptoms, if possible by a Dr who doesnt have a special interest in any one disorder (and maybe therefore more likely to attribute ur symptoms to his disorder of interest...)

I don't think they're atypical at all, i have ADD and Depression and i relate so much to what is being described. i could have written most of it myself. The two things together are just miserable and soul destroying.