I am beside myself. I don't know what to do to help my daughter.

She's incredibly bright, top of her class. An incredible personality, and the sweetest, most caring and giving person you could ask for.

And yet, she can't keep a friend. One by one they have all abandoned her. No one wants play dates with her, no one wants to hang out with her in school. She's alone, and sad.

What can I do as a parent, other than comfort her? My heart is breaking for her. :(

Get her involved in sports or clubs even the libary see if that works. my almost 8yr doesnt have any true friends at school . Kids in his class like him only when he does things they dare him to . For valentines day a kid gave everyone accept my son a invatation to a party. My poor boy was so upset but its because he is so wild Im hoping with the meds he will calm down enough that he will get invited. My 9yr though has friends and they wont have much to do with my 8yr .

Do you know why?

She's enrolled in a dance class, a sewing class, voice lessons, after school activities. She isn't hyper, heck, I don't even know if she has ADD. She's never been diagnosed, anyway.

(Sigh)

Wow .. you have that little girl real busy ... Are you a single father? That could have somthing to do with it if so. Do you have any other children ?

Have you thought about pen pals for her .. it might help alittle bit on making her feel sad about not having any friends.

No, I'm not a single dad, but her mom feels as helpless as I do about this.

She's busy & active, but she has lots of time at home (after school) as well.

Pen pals might be something to try when she's a little older. She's an only child and really craves the interactive peer friendships right now.

Thank you for responding though.

Do I know why? The kids that she has been friends with have been more "Alpha" kids - headstrong, bossy, opinionated. She doesnt want to give in to their demands, and wants to do things that she wants to do as well. I think that's the major conflict now - That the kids she wants to be friends with have a "leadership" and sharing conflict.

I dunno. I'm just a dumbfounded father.

actually you might have hit the nail on the head... most of us have the answers to problems... just sometimes it takes a while to get it out lol

Tell your daughter that she out grew her friends . Let her know it happens to everyone and she is taking ALITTLE STEP into becomming a Woman. She should actually feel happy about that .

Have you thought about getting her invloved with some type of program with kids who are a different age than she is. Like maybe she could help read to preschool age children or some type of mentor program where with somebody older than she is.

I know I always had problems relating to kids my own age.

That's an interesting idea, Tara. If I can get my wife to communicate with me, maybe she'll listen to a suggestion or two. Thanks!

I have also found that having my youngest Lizzie involved with kids older and younger has helped her immensly. Most ofher friends are older and have more patience with her and enjoy her craziness and thing she is a scream. Kids her own age are put off byher.

I think I agree with stephens mom, lets try to find a positive light for her to have some hope for the future. She has outgrown them, and thats ok, these little girls arent able to give her what she needs in friends, so we are going to keep looking for just the right people to be friends with, after all friends are special and sometimes it takes awhile to find jusssssssssssssssst the right one.

We love you and your daughter is a wonderful girl with wonderful parents

Thank you for giving me something to grasp on to. I think the ideas you've all given me are superb and creative, and give me hope that we'll make it through this little bump in the road. Thank you, and I don't quite know what I would do without you.

As we, you. thanks for being such an open and caring person

Hey Im just happy to help ... Im smart see lol ...MOm always told me I think differntly then others.. Im not book smart but Im life smart as I put it lol .

Oh, Andrew, it's heartbreaking. My son went through his childhood and eaarly teen years never being able to keep a friend. Just in this past year he's got several budides he can do things with, but no really close friends to talk to yet. I think it's because he's ODD and can be horrible IRRITATING when he wants to. But he seems to be outgrowing it and he can get along with kids a lot better. It sounds like your daughter may be attracted to the wrong kids. I don't have any solutions for you other than the ones that were mentioned. I think it is important that you're able to console her and tell her it happens to a lot of kids and the time will come when she has lots of good friends.
I dunno. Hugggs

Big,

Aww hugs to your little one. Both my children have gone thru this stage in life. I know how painful it is as a parent to know it is not something you can fix. *deep sigh* AS parent's we want the best for our children. It sound's to me though that you have raised a very smart and strong little girl. Remind her like the other's have said that she is indeed growing up and take comfort in the knowledge that it seem's you have raised a child who will NOT follow the pack so to speak. If she is this strong when peer pressure really kicks in you can pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

We really had to look deep to find our children's strength's and weakness's. Dakota 10 has trouble communicating with children his own age because he find's them so immature and talk's above them (his vocabulary is astronomical) So, we got him involved in a mentoring program and involved with reading to the resident's in the nursing home I work at. He is starting come back out of his shell and has developed a couple of friendship's with children his age who also are involved with the reading program.

Lexi (8) on the other hand *shakes head sadly* Little girl's are brutal there is no doubt in my mind. One day she has many friend's because she is giving into peer pressure; but, when she refuses to do something or make fun of someone else she once again finds herself alone. I'm afraid that I did not raise her well enough to fight off peer pressure. She has however developed two very strong friendships that have lasted thru everything. One is with a little girl in her class that everyone else is alway's picking on. The girl is sensitive and thoughtful making her an easy target but also a very good friend. I just try to remind Lexi she has to chose many friends who hurt her or ONE GREAT friend who is alway's there for her. So, far she has stayed on the right track. The other friendship happens to be a pen pal since the girl's do not know each other personally they find it easy to fully open up and talk about what is hurting them (giving us mother's and father's a little insight into their psyche).

But, I think you should remember most ppl can count their TRUE friend's on one hand. Do not be so hard on yourself. Just keep trying new avenue's. If you should ever be interested Lexi is alway's asking if I have found her a new friend to write yet. But, if you decide to go this route I would definatly consider opening a post office box. They are generally inexpensive.

Hugs to you and your family,
Sending good wishes and thought's to your daughter,
Cherity

Thanks so much Claudia & Cherity. We'll see what this day brings for us. The Wife is still barely speaking to me (a whole OTHER story, though related to this issue) but I got to take my daughter to school today. She seemed in good spirits, so, I'm crossing my fingers.

Hugs to you all!

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Having BTDT myself, I sympathise with your daughter. Sometimes children will ostracize a "friend" just to cement their own position in the group. And maybe the answer, at least for the moment, is for her to turn her back on that particular group. I like the idea of involving her with children of other ages, or new children with whom she can start fresh.

Do you ever have the opportunity to watch her playing with friends? If you do, you might be able to see whether she's doing something to antagonize them, and talk to her about it. I do NOT mean, BTW, that she should give in to her bossy girlfriends. ;) Having a mind of her own is a strength she should be proud of!

You could also could consider reading ODD GIRL OUT by Rachel Simmons. The book point's out the differences between girl bullies and boy bullies. And gives exact clues on what to watch for from other children and your child (not to say I think she is a bully). I think it would also give you a better insight into your daughter's world and better arm you for helping your daughter face such issue's. Bullying really does effect your whole life--Trust me on that one.

After reading the book my husband even saw new avenue's in helping lexi cope with such ppl. It's a thought anyway's.

Hugs and I will send my best wishes to you and your family

Thank you! I'll look for it!!!

Good boy *pats Big on the head* lol ok sorry I really need a life.

Heh. I ordered it. Thanks for the heads up :tail wagging:

Big, you're so cute :)

There is another one that is written specifically for little girl's and I'm killen myself trying to remember the name. My librarian is trying to check my back records. There is a pay off to living in a small town lol.

I have three grown daughters and the middle girl who is very bright and sensitive who feels deeply didn't have as many friends as my oldest daughter who was more eager to do what the others wanted. My middle girls was very kind-hearted but she was very independent. She wouldn't go along and give in to others on everything, she didn't always do the things they wanted. She was very determined. She didn't have has many friends but the ones she made where more loyal friends because they liked her for who she was and not because she went along. That is a quality I admire in her, she is still like that now that she is grown. Every child has different personalities and your daughter will find friends who like her for her not because she goes along with things. Good luck, raising kids is hard but worth it.

Awesome advice, wish I could contribute.
Most Schools help promote group mentality. Kids are lumped together in age groups, it's like sink or swim. Kids learn to ostracize. This may sound way out there, but perhaps a venue where she could meet kids brought up with more alternative lifestyles/ schooling. As these kids are likely to be less Clique-ish.
I am not saying change schools. Being bright and all perhaps an activity that only attracts kids who have better things to do than be caught up in who's who. Unfortunately I don't know what that is? Good luck

Have you considered Girl Scouts? Or do you think that would be too much on top of what she is already doing?

I'll do some searching..and see if I can't come up with some other ideas!

Actually, being a former Girl Scout drop out,,,it was not all that hard nor time consuming. And I'm still friend's with a lot of the girl's I met thru Scout's. I just happened to believe I was too good for cooking and sewing. If only I could turn back the hand's of time huh.