View Full Version : Losing everything?


dkmtw
10-13-08, 12:02 PM
My teenage DS loses EVERYTHING. He is so frustrated and needless to say so are we! Attempts to help him plan and organize are met with passive-aggressive resistance. Since he started high school this year, he has lost about 10 things! A few have been retrieved (like his $3K laptop), but some are just gone. Is this a common ADHD symptom? I have been diagnosed as well and I know I have a hard time keeping track of stuff--I must've gone through about 10 house keys as a kid! Any suggestions?

Billydeel
10-13-08, 06:41 PM
Well, you're definitely not alone. House keys are something we use to replace constantly. Now, we keep a spare hidden key so that the one that goes in DS's backpack doesn't end up in the wind. He unlocks the door and leaves it on the kitchen counter. Then on his way out in the a.m., a sticky note reminder on the door to place the key back helps. We've tried to setup routines for things - one folder for everything at school. (accordian style - it's helped - no papers in books). Loss of personal items is normal for an ADD/ADHD teenager. Life is far more chaotic in high school and so much more is on their minds. That's why the cell phone stays home during the school day. He hates that, but I won't replace it. And he doesn't want to risk it. He listens to his ipod on the bus, but it's always in his backpack pocket. His meds have helped, but things are still forgotten. We have set up back up plans. :)

prtsimmons
10-14-08, 01:53 PM
My only suggestion is to have a place for everything, and don't vary from that routine. I always have my wallet in my left front pants pocket, cell phone always in right hand jacket pocket or charger, keys in left hand jacket pocket, iPod is always in shoulder bag or docking stn, etc. Any variation from this routine and I start to lose things. (For example, I answered a call on my cell phone last night and didn't put it back in my jacket or on the charger, so I forgot it today.) I have similar routines for hiking, fishing, carpentry, etc. (Typical ADD fishing story: you have a nice trout on the fly rod; you pull out the pliers to disgorge the hook; you get distracted by the pretty colours of the fish, so you get the camera out to take a picture; you see a great shot of a sunset over the river, so you take a picture; hey, what's this fish doing here?; you have lost the fish and the pliers, but you have a nice picture of a sunset over the river. This has happened to me.)

I still lose things fairly often. But I'm doing better than I did in high school - I'm not sure if I'm just mellowing a bit with age, or if my system is working, or if I just rely on my fiancee to find important things.

So I went from high school organizing strategies to fishing stories, in one paragraph. Did I mention that I have ADD?

stef
10-14-08, 04:34 PM
looking back it seems my worst "losing things" times were around high school. It's a traumatic period for anyone. the suggestions above sound great (especially the accordeon folder). Also you could put some kind of basket on a chair near the door, to centralize stuff.

Honeybunnie8
10-15-08, 01:26 PM
I lost sooo many keys as a kid, I became a master at breaking into my own house.I also lost things like homework, organizer, pencils, paper in general...
I have forgotten my purse on the bus and in classrooms many times.

Now I leave my stuff right next to the door when I get inside...but I guess I often leave my keys in the door when I come in and lock the door behind me...

SuzzanneX
10-17-08, 03:44 AM
I've lost everything I had.
....I lost SO MUCH, that I don't even WANT anything, I will just loose it.
I don't care about anything material.
...if I can't find it, I don't need it.
my keys are hooked to my side, or my purse.
.......I got tired of looking for them.

I hate "find a word" games, and I don't care where waldo is.

lol!

don't feel alone.

pemberlydreams
10-19-08, 05:36 PM
My only suggestion is to have a place for everything, and don't vary from that routine.


When I was a kid, I HATED the phrase, "Everything has a place." It drove me nuts because I could never seem to find that place. But now that I'm adult, I'm starting to understand it more. I need routine more than anything else. The areas of my life where there is routine are the most successful parts of my life. For example, I remember to take my Adderall every morning because it's on the same place of the kitchen counter. I NEVER move it. Once, we had some house guests, and my husband put my medicine in my bedroom dresser because he was worried one of the girls might steal it and abuse it (which angered me because I didn't think we should let anyone stay in our house if he had those suspicions). Needless to say, the two days that the medicine was in my drawer, I didn't take it. Luckily, I always keep some in my purse.

pemberlydreams
10-19-08, 05:37 PM
I've lost everything I had.
....I lost SO MUCH, that I don't even WANT anything, I will just loose it.
I don't care about anything material.
...if I can't find it, I don't need it.
my keys are hooked to my side, or my purse.
.......I got tired of looking for them.

I hate "find a word" games, and I don't care where waldo is.

lol!

don't feel alone.


OMG!!! I thought I was the only one who hated Waldo! I always wondered why anyone would want to find the little freak with the ugly hat, dorky glasses and stupid stick!!!!!

marcykid
10-19-08, 05:43 PM
You gave your ADD/ADHD kid a $3k laptop?... Seriously, does anyone else in here see that situation not ending well? Maybe scale your expensive gifts back a bit to, say... a used Palm Pilot, or a day planner. If he loses it, not such a big deal.

speedo
10-19-08, 08:28 PM
I keep my keys on a caribiner. the caribiner is ALWAYS in one of three places 1) clipped to my bellt loop on my pants or 2) hanging in the prescribed place in the hallway. or 3) The keys are lost and I'm probably in a frantic search to find them.


Once I made how I handled the keys a ritual I stopped losing them.

Me :D

Mitochi
12-12-08, 05:00 AM
I lost so many things in my life that my parents and friends don't want to buy me things that are expensive (e.g. jewelery)

Somehow, I also don't take good care of expensive items. Somehow.

ginnal
12-22-08, 02:45 PM
My teenage DS loses EVERYTHING. He is so frustrated and needless to say so are we! Attempts to help him plan and organize are met with passive-aggressive resistance. Since he started high school this year, he has lost about 10 things! A few have been retrieved (like his $3K laptop), but some are just gone. Is this a common ADHD symptom? I have been diagnosed as well and I know I have a hard time keeping track of stuff--I must've gone through about 10 house keys as a kid! Any suggestions?
I find that I am less likely to lose some things than others.
So cut down on the number of things and develop a "this belongs here" pattern.

I almost never lose my phones and I have a holster for it.

I don't carry anything I'm not absolutely certain to need.

Dizfriz
12-22-08, 03:35 PM
A strong tendency to lose things is simply a characteristic often in seen in ADHD to the point where it is a part of the defining criteria of the disorder.

Here are two of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD in the DSM.

"(g) often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools)"

"(i) is often forgetful in daily activities"

Yep, ADHD kids lose things.

If you know this is going to happen and is not really under the control of the kid then it gives you a better idea of what needs to be done.

Some ideas to put with the others given here:

Don't let things go to school that he does not want to lose.

Don' fuss or punish as it will do little good. He really does not, for the most part, want to lose these things.

But

If he loses something then he, in most circumstances, must work to buy another. He needs to be held responsible but in an ADHD appropriate way.

Get an engraver or some other permanent marker and mark his name and some identifier such as his school name on his items.

Make reminders external. Do not count on him doing it without this. Keep in mind that ADHD can be described as a deficit in self regulation or "knowing what to do but not being able to do what they know". His regulation cues must come from his environment as they will not be effective coming from within himself. That is just the nature of ADHD.

Here is a short essay that, while not addressing this specific issue, may help you understand why the help needs to be external and perhaps give some ideas of how to work with this problem.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...16&postcount=1 (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=663516&postcount=1)

Good luck. You can't make the problem go away but you and your son can work together to manage it and it can be managed.

Dizfriz

Infinity
11-01-09, 07:54 PM
Yes , I do everyday . Its been a problem with me for a long time .

I used to think I was being fooled with or stolen from sometimes .

Things would dissapear so fast. Finnaly I figured out it was me loosing things because a few of them started to show up .

Wallets in the shoping cart in the parking lot did not stay in the cart unfortunately.

Checks from my customers I'd find eight months later in a book I slipped them into .
Keys I have had on a dog clasp since I began having to use keys . Ive always been fond of the brass two siders.:p I like the color gold. And I have always had a walet on a long strap placed over my shoulder .

fascinating how one learns to be adaptive .

There can be a plus side to loosing keys.

For example.

- I know how to repalce entire door key holes and dead bolts .
- I know how to remove caulking on the old multipane windows to remove a pane closest to the door to undo the dead bolt. and then recaulk it in place .

- I have learned hints such as for those who take the entire fixture in to have keys made (which is a difference of ten dollars instead of eighty .for them to come and rekey the lock )
They can replace the entire lock with two repalcement keys all for a fiver ..

:D A grinder helps to make fit what doesn;t quite. or a good file.

A few days ago as I was driving ,I was pretty fed up with loosing so much and so many keys.and suddenly my dogs round brass id I had for her collar came to my mind .

Pet Supply was a block away so I drove in and found the pet id machine and mused to the cashier ...

"Im making a tag for my key chain."

I felt like making one for around my neck..

He proceeded to get his keys out . He had one ;) he had his name phone number and adresss. he said it came in handy for the times he got drunk.:rolleyes:

So I made one like his.

I was thrilled with it .:) uh that was until I realized putting my adress was NOT very smart...LOL!

wake up one morning and my truck would be gone. :rolleyes:

If you don't have your street adress listed with your phone number which i do not;)



puttng three lines works.

A first name

City . state

and phone number

or if you have a PO box

which I do . all of those are safe Id's





The other thing I do is to use a dremel and carve my name into tools .

I have a place for things like keys . it does not help . most for the time I set keys down while working or unloading or opening a door before i get into the house . And I don;t know im setting them down . Thats how bad my distraction is.

Infinity~


'

Infinity
11-01-09, 08:09 PM
For example, I remember to take my Adderall every morning because it's on the same place of the kitchen counter. I NEVER move it.

Needless to say, the two days that the medicine was in my drawer, I didn't take it. Luckily, I always keep some in my purse.

Recently I have seen ads for talking medicine bottles.

Infinity
11-01-09, 08:12 PM
looking back it seems my worst "losing things" times were around high school. It's a traumatic period for anyone. the suggestions above sound great (especially the accordeon folder). Also you could put some kind of basket on a chair near the door, to centralize stuff.


I had so little when I was young. really hardley anything, No toys . not clothes .

not much to loose.

Infinity~

Infinity
11-01-09, 08:34 PM
My teenage DS loses EVERYTHING. He is so frustrated and needless to say so are we! Attempts to help him plan and organize are met with passive-aggressive resistance.



if it helps , im very resistante to planing and organizing. Its because thats the way my brain is.

Hopefuly no one will think Im being passive agressive .
Im not .
I just am the way I am.

so getting mad at someone whos loosing things and is resistant to organizing and planning is not going to be helpful .

especially if your soon is already frustrated with himself.
I know I am with myself.



Since he started high school this year, he has lost about 10 things! A few have been retrieved (like his $3K laptop), but some are just gone. Is this a common ADHD symptom? I have been diagnosed as well and I know I have a hard time keeping track of stuff--I must've gone through about 10 house keys as a kid! Any suggestions?

I listed a couple .

I was going to say have consequenses . but Im thinking that could be more punishing.

As he gets older and is on his own it will be a finacial drain .

if he bought the laptop himself he'd feel it .
but again.

loosing stuff is what it is . I have never been medicated so I don't know if it help.s with loosing things

Infinity~

Song of Mercy
11-02-09, 10:09 AM
The only way I have been able to stop losing important things is to have a set place where they go. With my keys, there is one place I keep them, it took awhile to get into the habit of taking the keys out of the ignition and then directly to their spot...but it is a habit now. Whew!

Same with important docs...one place they go...out to be used and directly back to their spot...no walking to the kitchen to get a drink first, use and immediately replace.

Song