My son decided to give wrestling a try again this year and has actually gotten enough control over his compulsive behaviour's that he is excelling. His first attempt had been in the second grade at his third meet he slugged a kid in the face for have the nerve to put a hold on him that hurt.:nono:

This year however he was starting to excell. He has gotten two first place metals and a second place. BUT, last night he was cheering a friend on during a match both boy's fell and the opponent's collar bone was broken. My son cried all night because he kept yelling for his friend to "trip him up" another word's go for the take down point. He blames himself for a complete accident and nothing my husband or I said could bring him comfort.

After last night I thought perhap's he should skip today's meet and rest his mind. He got angry and I finally relented and let him compete. Sadly, he got last place, he wasn't aggressive at all and was pinned easily in the first round both times. He may as well have just layed down for his opponent.:sad:

On the way home I questioned him about his fear of being hurt. What I found out was that it was not a fear of being hurt himself but the fear of causing someone else great pain. I am having trouble convincing myself that I need to reassure him and get him back out on the mat. Have I mentioned the kid BROKE his collar bone.

I want him to STOP wrestling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT, know I am being unfair and it is only gonna reinforce when the going gets rough, you quit. Right now I can only see the NO WIN in either choice he makes.:sad:

Tricky stuff futs,
I know how you must feel.
As you probably know, your son will probably have to make that decision for himself.
I am not knowledgable about wrestling, but aren't these (broken bones) incidents usually far and few between? (If they wrestle by the rules?)
I can appreciate his concerns. He will figure out the best route to go probably on his own.
good luck!!

Yes and I know. But, whatever happened to safe sport's. Like channel surfing? lol

Futs my son played so many sports, but he always ended breaking bones in play at home.....go figger

Like I said I know I'm being stupid...I just can't get past watching that kid roll around on the mat, he never even cried. What a brave little guy I honestly don't think there was a dry eye in the gym when they took him out on the stretcher...what an awful way to get a standing ovation.

Hugs futs.

Tanks Chrissy--I'm letting his dad take the lead on this one and following his advice there are just something's a mom will never understand about her son's world.

Fut's wrestling has the potential to be his saviour. Take seriously the intensity that growing boys require. Westling is one big kick at the can and as you have already experienced it is a platform that is offering you some surprising characteristics of your son.

You can't tell me that a kid that has had issues with violence and is now displaying compassion/empathy is a bad thing. I'd be jumping with joy at these results. He's "feeling", he's "engaged", he's caring deeply about his peers.

It's sometimes hard for boys with a full dose of testosterone to find a place to be that covers enough bases to be of interest while at the same time building self esteem. This sounds like a match made in... hmmm guy? heaven.

One of the great organisations on the planet for investigating this type of energy in a broad context is "Outward Bound". http://www.outward-bound.org/
It's not for young kids but you might want to keep it in mind for later. Boys need it "big" and wrestling will be puke inducing wretchedly demanding all guy all the time intensity. Just perfect for a boy with more "go" than anyone knows what to do with. He'll learn much of the basic skills of working with others and driving hard to attain goals.. this list is long but most of all he'll grow to have faith in himself and know a context where he was "good".

He sounds like a great kid Futs... he's a boy. I had no such things encouraged in my formative years and ended up racing street machines of all sorts and taking risks with drugs and alcohol while racing that I should not be alive to talk about. I was certainly skilled at what I was doing but it was an unrealistic risk level to sustain. Everyone of my buddies from those days are dead or in jail except for me. I'd have been better off with a few broken bits on a wrestling mat and much much better off if my Mum had backed me to the hilt. Your approval will count big time.. but you know that!.

Where is Dad in all this? I hope he's front and centre. Boys need Men!!!!.... too.

Cheers! Ian.

Ian,

I did look at the site some and found it actually very interesting as the goal's they are reaching for are in a lot of way's equal to the goal's Doug and I trying to set for our children.

I, too was not encouraged in area's that I felt comfortable. I come from a sporting family when I am more interested in the art's. I try to encourage both avenue's for my children. Thru music lesson's, I have ton's and ton's of art supplies alway's on hand so they can just let their mind's soar. They both participate in soccer, swim team, baseball, football and dance. This is just the first time I have witnessed a child seriously injured during a event.

Like I said earlier. I am the one who does not want Koda to wrestle anymore he himself is all for it still. He is just going to have to find a way to step past his fear and do his best. We ask for their best NOT medal's or trophies.

For a long time my husband left the raising of the kid's to me alone. He is 13 year's older then I am and had a completly opposite view of "traditional roles". He started seeing a counselor for anger management about 2 months ago because we were very close to divorce and he has found out it's OK for a man to be more involved. He is making remarkable progress and I am falling deeply, madly in love with this new man my husband is evolving into. I have noticed Dakota is starting to look more and more to his dad for advice and support, while I miss my son I do encourage this. Doug has finally realized it is ok for a man to have and show emotion's and he is trying to teach Dakota the samething by being openly honest about his own misconception's of manhood.

So, yes FINALLY daddy is very involved. And I promised to follow his lead on this issue and not follow my over protective mother's instincts. So, next Friday and Saturday I will be the mother holding her breath for 3 set's of 3 minutes runs. lol

Is he at all interested in martial arts? I ask because boys often think martial arts expertise is cool, and because martial arts classes for children stress self-control and the responsibility not to hurt others. He might feel a little "safer" about the possibility of an accident in a karate class, where there are tight controls on what you can and cannot do. Some of my friends with ADD kids have had great results with classes like this.

I totally understand your worries as a mother, and it's sad to hear that he's already worrying and blaming himself for another kids' accident. (As I read your post, I kept thinking, Go out for track! ;) ) Is he interested in any other sports that would give him a good intense workout? It really sounds like he needs the outlet.

Hi futs,
Ive sent several kids( all ADHD) to Outward Bound around here and have found it to be helpful. These were all behavior problems and some were conduct disorders, which makes it even more impressive. Martial arts has also been mentioned as good for ADHD kids and Ive sent several there as well. In fact. ATTENTION magazine from CHADD recently had an article on it as being good for ADHD kids.Personally, I hope your son feels better and then continues with sports of some kind. If he can get past this situation it could be great for him. Wrestling teaches focus and disicpline, as do many other sports.
I lift weights 4-5 times a week every week. Ive done that for years and its great stress relief from work.Its also the best anger control therapy I know...lol. I wish you and your son much good luck and health. Take care.

mctavish23( Robert)

krisp, I used to kick box and participate in TaeKwonDo, I still assist my brother with instructing the younger kid's. Dakota did participate but we found out that he had anger issue's and would use what he had learned against others in a non-defensive way. So, he has been forced to take a year off. Hopefully, his new patience and empathy will make him a better student this time around in May. If not then I'm afraid I will make him wait much longer this time around as martial arts are very dangerous if not used with discretion. Lexi still participates lol I doubt you could make her mad if you tried.

mctavish, I hear you. I'm looking into the program and might have some issue's with it but I'm investigating it further because, they are probably unfounded. I am letting Koda wrestle he does not know that I wish he would quit that is somethig I keep to myself. And I accept the fact that any sport he participates in has the potential for bodily harm. At least he doesn't much care for Hockey lol.