When I am talking to an individual or a small group of people, I am constantly analyzing every persons facial expressions, body language and what they are doing while I am talking. If I notice one person looking at another, I am wondering if I am going on and on, if I am making sense, or if they wish I could stop, etc.. I am wondering this at the same time I am trying to stay on topic, making sure I say the correct information and also holding myself back if someone else says something. It really interferes with my ability to say what I really want to say. I hate doing this. Anyone else do this?

:D of course >> that was my life before i read this wonderful book { the da vinci method } ; because it deals with the social nad behavior point of views rather than talking about symptoms and medications >>
Well , according to the book, JUST DO IT,, NVR THINK TWICE, BY YUR HESITATION , U JUST HIDE YUR PERSONALITY TO ACT LIKE OTHERS>> SO THE RESULT IS THAT U THINK AGAIN ANS AGAIN>> U LOSE YUR CHANCES IN MANY TIMES ...;)
these words are not copied from the book directly , but involve experience more than words... hope this can help u,,,:cool:

i tend to notice that kind of thing a lot too. Maybe why i used to be so self concious!. Its good tho being able to read people well; it means you will never bore people and will always be courteous. Try not to let it effect you too much tho; and if people look dis interested in what your saying then change topics. The more you talk to people the better you get at it and the more u notice.

I wonder if being very aware of the people around you is a trait of ADD. For interests sake are you ADHD-I??

yes I do this too; and re last comment above, definitely "I" and no "H". It's frustrating.

and if people look dis interested in what your saying then change topics. The more you talk to people the better you get at it and the more u notice.

I wonder if being very aware of the people around you is a trait of ADD

hmmm, didn't u notice that " lostmykeys" said { It really interferes with my ability to say what I really want to say. I hate doing this }

and yes , being ADD means >u care about people so much >>> but ,unpredictable ,u r described as being selfish due to yur inattentiveness, people around u think that u dont care about anyone:(:(
especially before being diagnosed .........

by the way i'm ADHD not ADD,, i think i ve symptoms of both types>>
---> CAN IT BE ???:confused:

Yes I do this too.

Sometimes in a social situation I feel like i'm percieving the situation in a way that no one else around me is.
It feels at times like i'm really sensitive, like you reading people on a deeper level than just the visual, and audible, although your reading in those ways too.

I think sometimes, this is what causes my brain to lose track of focal points in conversation, because, aswell as trying to be a part of the conversation, my mind is trying to over analyze the details, ie body language, vocal intonation and nuances. This can end up with me zoning-out if not careful, and losing track of the conversational flow.

That is usually when the conversational 'batton' has been passed to me and I just go quiet or say something totally irrelevant, which either kills the conversation dead, or draws a laugh of bewilderment LOL, I tend to blame it on the wine anyway ;)

I wonder if what is called 'intuition' is kind of linked in with this....way of thinking? It has it's drawbacks, but also it's benefits too. I've been in situations both solo and group type, where that ability to analyze or 'read' the situation intuitively has saved my bacon on more than a few occasions.

And then on the other hand a lack of it has left me open and vunerable, and I find myself dancing to someone elses tune and falling into the abyss with them o-O

Undiagnosed innattentive type here :)

That pretty much sums it up! thanks.

I can relate to this too. And I believe that as you go through life, hopefully, you will become LESS concerned. It sounds like right now you are overly concerned about others' reactions to the point that it distracts you from the message you are trying to share.

I remember someone telling me that what other people think about me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS! That sounded so crazy, but it helped me because I used to be debillitatingly concerned about my effect on others. And if someone seems to be losing interest in what you're talking about, maybe they actually have a bad case of gas they are trying to control - or are thinking about a comment someone made just 30 minutes prior, or . . . And some people are going to be bored REGARDLESS.

If you are talking to just one or two people, you could always stop and ask if they might have any questions or if they are still following you.


Sue

I am so glad some of you can relate!

Actually I am a lot less concerned than I used to be.

It happens more in my professional life. Especially, when I am leading meetings at my job and relaying important to individuals. I do have to be careful in how I present information, make sure that everyone understands, be constantly vigilant about time and make sure I don't talk too much because there are so many meetings in a day, while analyzing whether or not people are following my point. Oh and I sometimes have to take notes while presenting information, ask pertinent questions and monitor whether or not people understand by asking the appropriate questions that would give me the answer. All of this is usually done in about a 20 minute period. Add to that about 8 meetings in a day. That only occurs once a week.

I really don't care as much in informal conversation anymore (so I say) and if people don't follow me, I move on. I guess I still can change topics fairly quickly if I feel like they are bored or don't follow. I don't stew like I used to about ten years ago. I used to be really bad. Then again, when I am in a small group with people I hardly know, I still do it to some extent. I guess I do also find myself dancing to another persons tune - a lot. Very interesting.

It also happens when I am trying to give a speech or lecture to a big group of people. If there are 60 people in the group and you start to look out, it's hard not to analyze their facial expressions to what you are saying and then wondering if you need to adjust how you are saying, your level of vocabulary, movements, etc... (adjust to the audience) while still paying attentive to what you are saying.

I have problems LOL


I am more inattentive than Hyperactive but do have some of the hyperactive traits.

Sue - LOL about your gas comment. I need to remember that next time.

Ganzy, that is exactly what causes me to lose focus on a conversation - EXACTLY. I even remember doing this in the 1st grade when ADHD was never heard of (dx as an adult). That is probably why I don't remember learning a lot of information in school. You and me sound very similar

I should look into that book, The Davinci Method! Sounds interesting

OMG!!!!!
THANK YOU LORD!!!! well in this case, thank you ladies!!! Just read your posts and feel like Ive been reading about my life !!! jejeje... I've always felt reeeeaally self concious when I socialize, specially when I meet new people, precisely because Im reading there facial expressions and trying to listen to what they tell me as well... Nevertheless, I think Im learning to manage it better...learned a great trick....smile and nod...pretend as if I just heard what they say and try to catch up with the conversation .......jajaja....LOL!! This is a lifesaver...lol.
Now that I know I have ADD (recently diagnosed), I understand alot of my past. I know I cant do much about my past, so what worries me is my future...specially my post-college life!! work!! If anyone has any advice or books i should check out, plz let me know!! thanks :)

When I am talking to an individual or a small group of people, I am constantly analyzing every persons facial expressions, body language and what they are doing while I am talking. If I notice one person looking at another, I am wondering if I am going on and on, if I am making sense, or if they wish I could stop, etc.. I am wondering this at the same time I am trying to stay on topic, making sure I say the correct information and also holding myself back if someone else says something. It really interferes with my ability to say what I really want to say. I hate doing this. Anyone else do this?

top post. I find myself watching the way people talk, like i am watching a film. The narrative is irrelevant, but the key elements of eye contact, body movement and TONE is key and crucial.

methinks us lot are good detectives!!! :D

Why in the world would you guys waste your time worrying about crap like this? Are you serious? If these are the biggest things you have to worry about , I would just sit bck and think.........What a lucky person I am . Think about it. Maurice

I spend way too much brain energy analyzing rather than listening, this can be an issue and from time to time I feel paranoid or that I'm not connecting. This can be an issue when I'm teaching in a seminar setting, where students participate. I have to track what they say; pondering body language can send my ADD mind off on a tangent and derail communication.

Mindfullness exercises, meditation and meds have helped me tune in to what people are saying better, but I still am able to take in body language. I need to notice glassy eyes, confused expressions to understand if the discussion is being productive for the participations.

With all due respect Maurice,
I dont agree with what you are saying. Reality is that, more than caring about what people think...the problem is that ADD makes it dificult to efectively comunicate with others. And that can leave one with a feeling of frustruation and anger. At least, that is what I have felt towards myself on many ocassions.
I am not planning to live isolated in a cave, by myself, like some ADD hermit!! Humans are social creatures!

Life gave my lemons, than Ill make lemonade!

Oh my gosh, I am reading all of your posts and I sit here thinking to myself; "This is me, this is what I do".

I watch people when they talk, look at what they are wearing, wonder what other people are thinking, catch them doing things (and laugh under my breath). Meetings are the worst for me.

Does anybody else find themselves looking at people and noticing all the things wrong with them or is it just me??:confused:

Great to read this thread. If I sit with a group of people,I very often feel like I process the sensory information on several levels at a time. It is never just a conversation, no no, lots of analyses are going on simultaneously. Concrete is usually to boring, so I tend to move quickly to an abstract level and observe patterns, like how does everybody look and move around, what is the rhythm of their voice, what is the sound of the two voices interacting with eachother over there, like I analyse singular auditory and visual effects and also group effects and compare them. Sometimes the feeling from sensing all of this is so strong that I feel completely estranged from the others. I also have a feeling of clairvoyance, like I can see beneath and under superficial patterns. This makes me often realize what people are going to say or do before they do it. I so miss being able to explain this to my friends. When I was in my teens I really hated it, and felt so depressed about it. I used to say that nothing is worse than the loneliness of being in a group. Now I have kind of accepted that this is just the way my brain works, and that´s why it feels this way. It cured the loneliness feeling more or less.

Great to read this thread. If I sit with a group of people,I very often feel like I process the sensory information on several levels at a time. It is never just a conversation, no no, lots of analyses are going on simultaneously. Concrete is usually to boring, so I tend to move quickly to an abstract level and observe patterns, like how does everybody look and move around, what is the rhythm of their voice, what is the sound of the two voices interacting with eachother over there, like I analyse singular auditory and visual effects and also group effects and compare them. Sometimes the feeling from sensing all of this is so strong that I feel completely estranged from the others. I also have a feeling of clairvoyance, like I can see beneath and under superficial patterns. This makes me often realize what people are going to say or do before they do it. I so miss being able to explain this to my friends. When I was in my teens I really hated it, and felt so depressed about it. I used to say that nothing is worse than the loneliness of being in a group. Now I have kind of accepted that this is just the way my brain works, and that´s why it feels this way. It cured the loneliness feeling more or less.

wow, thats how I feel. I feel like I am so different from the other people in my class. I also analise EVERYTHING. (cant spell)

Oh my gosh, I am reading all of your posts and I sit here thinking to myself; "This is me, this is what I do".

I watch people when they talk, look at what they are wearing, wonder what other people are thinking, catch them doing things (and laugh under my breath). Meetings are the worst for me.

Does anybody else find themselves looking at people and noticing all the things wrong with them or is it just me??:confused:

Ha ha, I do. Im constantly thinking things like "That chick looks like Bevis from Bevis and Butthead" or "She looks like Chris Farley". It gets worse if I dont like the person too. I dont set out to be so mean and I dont tell these people this, but sometimes I cant help but wonder if I took a picture of them and who ever they looked like, and then morphed the pictures together and showed them, I wonder if they would get mad. HA HA!

Ha ha, I do. Im constantly thinking things like "That chick looks like Bevis from Bevis and Butthead" or "She looks like Chris Farley". It gets worse if I dont like the person too. I dont set out to be so mean and I dont tell these people this, but sometimes I cant help but wonder if I took a picture of them and who ever they looked like, and then morphed the pictures together and showed them, I wonder if they would get mad. HA HA!

You guys are great.

You actually sound pretty creative LOL

WHy thank you!!

Great to read this thread. If I sit with a group of people,I very often feel like I process the sensory information on several levels at a time. It is never just a conversation, no no, lots of analyses are going on simultaneously. Concrete is usually to boring, so I tend to move quickly to an abstract level and observe patterns, like how does everybody look and move around, what is the rhythm of their voice, what is the sound of the two voices interacting with eachother over there, like I analyse singular auditory and visual effects and also group effects and compare them. Sometimes the feeling from sensing all of this is so strong that I feel completely estranged from the others. I also have a feeling of clairvoyance, like I can see beneath and under superficial patterns. This makes me often realize what people are going to say or do before they do it. I so miss being able to explain this to my friends. When I was in my teens I really hated it, and felt so depressed about it. I used to say that nothing is worse than the loneliness of being in a group. Now I have kind of accepted that this is just the way my brain works, and that´s why it feels this way. It cured the loneliness feeling more or less.

So many of these posts have really helped me to not feel so alone. Thank you. This post sounds like me as well. I sometimes seek out the patterns if what they are talking about is really boring or concrete. I also often say what people want to say before they say it. I think it has annoyed people because they would look at me as though they are a bit annoyed and then say the same thing, just in a different way. I am now better but still have to force myself to stop. It's so hard, though LOL. I often felt depressed as a teen as well because of the same thing. I remember being acutely aware of these things even as a child.

I am so glad I posted this. I truly feel that you understand!

I spend way too much brain energy analyzing rather than listening, this can be an issue and from time to time I feel paranoid or that I'm not connecting. This can be an issue when I'm teaching in a seminar setting, where students participate. I have to track what they say; pondering body language can send my ADD mind off on a tangent and derail communication.

Mindfullness exercises, meditation and meds have helped me tune in to what people are saying better, but I still am able to take in body language. I need to notice glassy eyes, confused expressions to understand if the discussion is being productive for the participations.

******************************
Everyone here--thanks for helping me put a piece of the what's-with-me? puzzle together! But Chowmix, double-thanks to you for explaining very concisely what often happens when I'm engaging freshmen in open discussion in the classroom.

I thought my intense "reading people" habit was just hypervigilance hardwired during a traumatic childhood (treated for PTSD and depression in my early 20's-through-early 30's), but now clearly some of the associated behavioral issues were ADHD--especially the irritability and anger with how SLOWLY some people respond, either verbally or nonverbally.

After recognizing so many characteristics raised in this thread, I suspect this "hypervigilance" is probably more likely another dimension of my ADHD -- especially when the tangents start flying. Although sometimes productive, and certainly more engaging to the students, occasionally they cause the classtime to spin down into a scramble to reconnect with the lesson's goals. Never a fun place to be.

Cheers!

Carol
Lifelong obliviously ADHD (nearly three separate BA/BS degrees and two decades of temp agency jobs should've been a clue...)
Diagnosed Aug 2008 (at age 46--WTF?)
Now a Grad Student Extremely Grateful for the Internet. :D

[quote=Ganzy;655447]

Sometimes in a social situation I feel like i'm percieving the situation in a way that no one else around me is.
It feels at times like i'm really sensitive, like you reading people on a deeper level than just the visual, and audible, although your reading in those ways too.

I think sometimes, this is what causes my brain to lose track of focal points in conversation, because, aswell as trying to be a part of the conversation, my mind is trying to over analyze the details, ie body language, vocal intonation and nuances. This can end up with me zoning-out if not careful, and losing track of the conversational flow.


I feel this way constantly. When I get lost in the conversation because I'm overfocusing on the details I usually get busted......like they think I'm rude and not listening or paying attention.....In all actuality I'm trying not to miss out on a thing but end up lost and they have to repeat themselves or i just say "oh yeah" like I understand but I'm not sure what I missed so I feel like an *****. I'm so glad I'm not truly alone!!! Thanks for your posts!

I tend to over-analyse conversations after they've come to pass, spending hours wondering if I said the right thing, or if something was misinterpreted, or if that body language meant what I thought it meant, or...

I go on and on, and it causes me lots of anxiety--BUT it means I write great dialogue in fiction. xP

Thank you guys. I'm not going to write my experiences coz I feel like I would just be repeating what has already been said at this point. I don't feel quite as much alone in the world since reading some of the posts in these forums, it is extremely comforting knowing I am not so alone in my way of thinking as I once thought. With this knowledge I don't believe I could ever sink down into the realms of gloom I've live through previously in quite the same way again. I love you people.

this is definitely me to a T. in every interaction i'm always assessing a person/animal on every level possible. oh yeah. i can't help it. i don't know if i'd want to be any other way... for me its so normal.

Oh my gosh, I am reading all of your posts and I sit here thinking to myself; "This is me, this is what I do".

I watch people when they talk, look at what they are wearing, wonder what other people are thinking, catch them doing things (and laugh under my breath). Meetings are the worst for me.

Does anybody else find themselves looking at people and noticing all the things wrong with them or is it just me??:confused:


You just described me,I have always been far too critical of myself,everyone,and talk about analyzing everything!!!

I will say to my DH did you notice the long hairs on the her upper lip? Of course he didn't, HOW COULD HE HAVE MISSED THEM?!



I have self loathing many times because of how I AM! And it's A.D.D. causing most of this? How can it be?

It's sort of like what I imagine it would be like to listen to music if you were an expert musician or to watch a film if you were an excellent film director -- you notice nuances and intonations and subtleties that other people don't, and then, due to the ADD you can't block it out. Other people are just sort of getting the surface and following along -- we're getting layers upon layers, and, really, being asked to absorb a lot more information than most people have to in a conversation. They're chewing tiny bites of information -- we're trying to wolf down a whole course in a bite.

Now, if the world was full of people speaking the truth and not faking the funk, it would be great. When the person you're talking to shows with a tiny frown that they are disagreeing with what you're saying, you would just say, "Wow, you don't agree, do you?" But instead you have to analyze if they want you to know that they disagree, or if you are supposed to subscribe to social niceties and pretend like they are going along with what you are saying. Or, when you can read that someone is lying, you would just be able to call them on it without pretending that you believe a word of what they are saying.

The problem with ADD is that not only are we reading these subtleties, we have to figure out how to react to them in a way that may not necessarily cohere with the realities that we are perceiving, so we are constantly having to "act" as well -- something that leaves most of us cold and uncomfortable.

Reading people so well and paying attention would be a bonus for a counselor, or a cop, I suppose, on a professional level, but makes life much more complicated too.

amiegrace, your post was beautifully written. That is me, all me. It made me tear up.

I never used to notice this.
I guess at some point I subverted this ability because theres always so much going on with peoples expressions and body language.
Nowadays I find that I'm reading it and making sense of it which is actually a very useful ability.

I think Amiegrace hit the nail on the head.

Being able to read people is rarely a good thing.
I'll give a perfect example; I went to a friends house to pick something up but she wasn't there yet so apparently she asked her roommate to come keep me company until she got there.

So her roommate comes down and I instantly realise that beyond the smile she's not happy.
Now do I
a) Assume she's not happy to see me.
b) Assume she's not happy because it's her period or some other feminine thing.
c) Tell her I don't need her company.

I said none of those I just said hi and talked with her for awhile.
Overtime we got into a decent conversation and when it was time to leave she didn't want me to go.

Now she may not have wanted to talk to me in the first place, but would it have been appropriate for me to blow her off, especially given the fact that later she changed her mind and enjoyed my company?

Who knows.
In my case I found it easier to simply ignore the giant billboard people call a face altogether and ignored all cues which of course can be awkward.

Now as an adult being able to read and assess people is still a curse but it has its moments where its indispensable.

Why in the world would you guys waste your time worrying about crap like this? Are you serious? If these are the biggest things you have to worry about , I would just sit bck and think.........What a lucky person I am . Think about it. Maurice



it's not a superficial problem, it's a problem of translating thought into speech in a way that people will understand. if you're add you can probably follow your own thoughts much better than non-adders can follow your conversations. over time, you get used to the blank stares and start to decide you're the odd man out and maybe there's something wrong with you... i've been so affected by this that i've developed chronic nerves, stutters, and just flat out speak jibberish when i think i've been eloquent. it is a problem that goes much deeper than, "i wonder what people think of me". if it were that simple i would agree with ya.

I am quite sensitive to the "vibes" of people around me and I suppose I do do a lot of analyzing, but most of it is at most semi-conscious.

I think it's a good thing - it gives you an "edge" in a lot of ways.

A couple months ago I had a brief incident where this analytical ability told me volumes about the deeper significance behind a seemingly casual exchange.

I rent a room by the month at a local independently owned motel, and have been there for 2 years. I moved there to get back on my feet financially by dramatically reducing my expenses. My aunt and uncle were the assistant managers and lived in an on-site house near to my room, so that was part of the attraction.

Anyway, long story short the place was bought by a European couple who knew nothing about the motel business and seemed very nice and friendly at first but turned out to be two-faced, paranoid, unwilling to take suggestions from people who knew the business when they didn't, and quite sneaky and underhanded. They turned on my aunt and uncle who are in their sixties and had literally run themselves ragged and turned their own lives upside down to work at all hours of the day on call, which they never got paid for, and they had absolutely no appreciation or gratitude. They started going around maligning their character to the other staff, inventing paranoid and frankly crazy accusations about them and any other staff member who had the integrity to care more about justice than keeping their crappy job.

I have been working for the last year in the laundry room in order to work off part or all of my rent depending on how busy it is. I was able to go behind the front desk to pick up my mail, go in the back office to write in my hours, have some access keys to the laundry facility and other rooms, and after I got laid off and was home more, I would walk up the hill to the mailbox and pick up the mail. One morning it came a little earlier than it had been, and I brought it up to the front desk like I always did and sorted it like I always did, between other long-term renters, the motel business mail, the mail for the attached restaurant, etc.

Anyway that day the desk clerk said, "Oh, the mail is here already? I didn't think it would be here yet" in a surprised tone.

Well, that alone was a heads-up for me, because the desk clerks never register surprise or much interest when I bring up the mail and don't really concern themselves with what time it comes.

And then while I was sorting the mail on the counter, the desk clerks eyes were on my hands the whole time, which was definitely unusual.

From what happened in those brief minutes I was able to ascertain that the owners had probably ordered the clerks not to let me get the mail anymore (paranoid! as if I would interfere with the delivery of the US mail.) Because they were screwing my relatives over I'm sure they put me on their enemies list. And their paranoia and poor judgement of character is a sure sign that they themselves are as crooked as a dog's hind leg and so assume that everybody else is as dishonorable as they are.

I do this a lot. It's where part of my anxiety comes from. When they look at someone else .. I wonder WHAT?! lol I also gage on what I say but the expressions on their face. As I've said before, most people would rather talk than listen so I analyze them before I bother putting myself "out there". More often than not, I don't say a heck of a lot. lol

omg yes. and occasionally it disrupting my train of thought and ruins what i was trying to say bc i completely forgot the point i was trying to make. this esp happens in a disagreement or when i am having a serious conversation. the anxiety that i have about the possibility of this happening causes me to rehearse important conversations in my head (when i should be thinking about something else or focusing on doing something) before i have them to make sure it doesn't happen. ugh.

... whenever I rehearse the important conversations the other people don't say what I expected!

The big question is whether you call people on it or not.

I usually defer to sociality and allow them to continue as if I hadn't seen how they felt. I find things go more smoothly this way. But I really want to point out that I noticed somethings about them that they might not have intended to show me.

DO you fake it or do you just say something? I usually fake it but I am not sure that's the right answer (or that there even is one)

the whole problem of this is , for a lot of people, it isn't even an issue in the first place. we're all wondering "what to do" about something that's not even tangible to the others involved.

I'll give a perfect example; I went to a friends house to pick something up but she wasn't there yet so apparently she asked her roommate to come keep me company until she got there.

So her roommate comes down and I instantly realise that beyond the smile she's not happy...
<snip>

While you did good to notice her false smile, you failed to notice her other gestures. When reading someone, you have to take it all in, not pick and choose. In your example, if the roommate wasn't happy to see you, she would have walked in with arms folded, avoided eye contact, shuffled her feet and probably even avoided being in the room with you.

I disagree 100% that reading people is a curse: it's simply an untapped skill. I've practiced and honed it to the point where people think I'm reading their minds.

Learn to filter the noise to gain useful information, not try and filter it out.

It's a gift I tell you: great for playing poker. :)</snip>