View Full Version : Rena's Poetry

10-26-08, 01:56 PM
ADHD my only friend...

I see the sun, but it don't shine for me,
The feelings I hide within me,
How do I explain them,
Whom can see the chaos that lies within me?
Don't talk about, just lived with it quietly,
I have so many loose ends,
So many sorrows, feeling lost, things stolen or borrowed from me,
I really worry about tomorrow,
I feel so empty and hollow,
I don't have a not red line in life to follow,
Just a women with no real plans,
Wondering whom the heck I really am...

Knowing is painful..

I see my face in the mirror,
My face is now a little thinner,
If I told them about my self,
They would perhaps take a step back,
misunderstand me,
even put me on the shelf,
I barely understand my whole self,
I don't know how to ask for help,
I am not weak, just terrified,
Panic keeps me mortified,
I wanted help for my child,
I really tried,..
But in the end I had to say goodbye.
It tears me up and makes me cry.
Nothing can sooth the hurt I

My Life

My life is a complicated puzzle,
it haunts me each and every day,
some of the pieces of my puzzle are missing,
ragged, burnt or just thrown away,
other pieces are moved, given up on so to speak..
Yet I smile and keep taking large breathes,
I just keep on keeping trying to do my very best.

But the past keeps haunting me, and infecting my soul like the age old pest,
most of the time the pain only slumbers until the next test,
when things happen beyond my control, the pain is like a knife in my back.
It is then am like the harlequin both sad and happy on the turn of her sweet cards.
But look now closely in to my eyes,
I am smiling, but am I really please note the tear under my eye is what counts,
But some days the people around me just don’t have a single clue...
So yes I am a harlequin and in real life, I have been the fat clown, but am now trim, mother and even once married as someone’s wife.
Yes, my life is like that complicated puzzle and such are things in my twisted fate.

I will not let it get me down and ever again.
I will fight for my right to be even and use what cards I have in my hand.
I am strong, no matter how I land.
Just pick myself up like the harlequin and smile once again…

Looking for me...

Do you know whom you are anymore,
How did you know when to open and shut the door,
When was it right to say enough,
How did you find the power to do all this stuff.
I ask myself again and again, all I could think of is the pains.

Pain of being alone, knowing no one would ever phone me,
Pain of being ashamed, people pointing and people not wanting to know me,
Pain of eating for comfort that just adding to my discomfort,
Pain of all the strain on my body, and always feeling absolutely insane,
Pain of knowing things were not right as they should be..

Alone to face this all, life never quite being no party ball.
Alone to feeling the sensation of a fall, pick myself up, feeling humiliated and small.
Alone and down on my luck, feeling I don’t deserve to be stuck in this rutt..

Ignorant people giving me advice, being humiliated with their words of ice.
Ice blue tears of humiliation on my boys face when we walked in a public space.
Ice chills go down my spin, thinking of ways to end my life time of insane.
Ice reality feeling not equal respected because I was so fat.

Numb for years of mental abuse, having to be quiet hiding family truths,
Numb from years of being always second best, never quite being as good as the rest.
Numb from years of just being keep down, just thinking and being looked on like some sort of clown. Wearing a mask to hide my pain, making me feel so ashamed.

Speak up and tell people the truth.
Stamp my feet and give unrealiable people the boot.
Sweep the corridors of my mind clean, sharp up and be a little mean.
Say what hurts you, don’t hold back, don’t give them even a single minutes chance to attack
Step away, do look left or right, do your own thing not what other people think is right.
Sale yourself to the highest bidder, never again be called a quitter..