I met with my shrink the other day and we hit on something very interesting. It appears my sexual hyperfocus is strong when i am "chasing" (flirting) with a women or looking at porn. But when it comes to actually going through with the act, the excitement drop big time. The "hunt or the chase" so to speak is what i really find exciting. Not so much the actual act.
I think it is because lose focus and sex becomes a chore or I am worried about something else.
Anyone else have that issue?
greg

yup... something like that happens with me.... maybe I become anxious about what I'm getting into (huh ?!)

though much is written about men not being caring lovers I think that this applies equally to women as many appear to think that a mans sensual essence is entirely contained in a few inches of absurdity.

but then...maybe I'm different to most guys....in having my main sex organ between my ears and the next most sensitive one completely covering my body.

kilt

Mmmm, yeah sometimes I could be after a girl for ages, then when I'm finally with her...I'm instantly bored and want to move on. : S Damn, it sucks!

This is the story of my life - love the chase and really get into that and find it exciting/arousing, and if it's a one night stand, I usually perform with minimal problems, but I've now been in a relationship with my s/o who's always ready to go, and half the time I'm luck I can stay erect after about 5 minutes into it - I tend to drift off somewhere else and start thinking about 101 things I should be doing or what I have to do. It's happened in my previous relationships and usually was what caused them to end, I've been accused of everything from lying about being attracted to them to cheating. At least now, my current s/o knows of my ADHD and that there is an issue, so it's been better.

I have also noticed though, that if there is excessive touching, I can't perform either - always have been a bit over sensitive to touch, and sometimes that just kills the moment also.

You're not the only one man, I'm always afraid I'm gonna end up alone with just me and my porn. Been trying to spice things up with role play and crap, seems to help a little bit, but keeping focused is still a problem and I'm not currently on meds either.

Ry

Interesting. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that I'm seeing myself in this.

The initial time, I'm totally focused. Next time is often just not that interesting.

Also, I think it's cool you have the time with your p-doc to get into such things. My appointments feel like races to get me out of there. I've only been to 2 (or 3) appointments and we don't "talk" about anything.

I got a call from mine today. He wondered where I was. We changed my appointment last week. It's next week. Maybe he has AD(H)D? LOL

WOW! Are you serious!?!?

Wanna trade places?

The thrill of the chase is one way of looking at it. I tend to find it another way - idealising.

When you chase someone, you idealise them. All the blanks are filled in with what you want, and you over look any imperfections they may have because of these self-filled blanks. This ultimately leads to a form of disatisfaction when you get the real deal.

It sucks.

Last year I had a range of relationships and flings, and all of them ended within a month. Why? Because I was no longer stimulated by the girl I was with. (For the women out there: this doesn't mean that they were boring and I dumped them. It was a case of realising our differences of moving in our own directions. I'm good friends with most of them still, which is a rare positive in this day and age it appears)

Of all the girls from last year, only two were women. Of those two, one worked long hours in hospitality, partied hard and had an addictive lifestyle, constantly challenging me. However, the moment she stop challenging me... I was completely bored. The second studied drama/theatre, was incredibly intelligent and opinionated. With our strong personalities constantly clashing, our relationship was quite engrossing. However, the constant clashes (which was ironically what kept me there) was what made us call it quits.

I've eventually found a 100% woman. She not only challenges me, but is so multi layered and in depth that I don't get bored - there's no chance. I couldn't be happier in the relationship. Its almost been a year, and the balance is perfect.

The grass will always be greener on the other side when you colour it yourself. Let the girls show their true colours in their own time. Instead of being let down by what they aren't, you can be impressed for what they are.

Yeah I have that same problem. I'm attracted to women and I can be a bit of a shameless flirt at times, but every time they get too get too interested I get bored and move on. A bit jackass-ish perhaps but what can I do? The attraction is gone :|

WOW!! I LOOOVE my girl, but i'm bored to tears with the sex. Which is, btw, fantastic! But I NEED that variety!

RobConcept you're exactly right.. It's encouraging to hear you found one that can keep you interested. Every girl I become intrigued by seems completely perfect to me, especially if she is already taken... Once she's into me, I feel on top of the world for a day. The next day, she's significantly less attractive, and soon I won't even find her appealing. This is so frustrating when I end things with a girl, she finds another boyfriend, and I'm back to wanting her... It makes me feel guilty to be so back-and-forth about it, but I feel like it's beyond my control. I know it's human nature to want what we can't have and to feel like what we can have must not be as good; I'm just hoping that I can find a way to be into what I CAN have.

As I've been discovering things about myself and this world lately, A LOT more things make sense. Periodically, I would go off on a rant about how things had become so routine, and that I could script the night from beginning-to-end. The complaint was always some variety, some changes to turn it up a notch and keep things interesting.

A few things would change, but over time it went back to the 'same-old' and a complaint again. Porn at one time was a concern of hers, but because of religious issues at the time, and how my wife felt it conflicted with watching porn in the midst of a night in bed together, but she also had issues with me looking at it on my own...for the same reason. There have been times where I looked at it often, and had a moderate collection both on DVD and stored on the computer. I ended up more of a still collector, as I infrequently looked at the 100GB or so I had at the time, and would usually only look at one or two of the photo sets when I did. That's all pretty much gone. One day I just decided I didn't want it anymore, and it went away. We still have a rather extensive video collection though.

It is just as infrequently part of my alone life (if the wife is in bed and I'm still watching TV), but now that aspect is completely different. We both have the same views as far as religion goes, and also a large amount of our sexuality. She LOVES watching porn, and it is also something to have running in the background to just add to the environment.

It is a constant search for stimulation though, because with sex I can become easily bored, unless there is some almost overwhelming intensity to break up the monotony. We've come up with ways to stave the boredom though, but apparently unintentionally. Meh.