View Full Version : Today I started to hear the t.v. a lot more and realized...


kwalk
11-14-08, 08:49 PM
that my depressive thoughts, that I'm seeming to get better at lately, were what really was making me extremely inattentive. Grant it, I had taken adderall today, but I was still one big space cadet and missing too much of what actors were saying to give that any credit. I found that I was enjoying it, where before, every night at dinner, I had been staring at it, not hearing a word on there, like it was a blank screen. I thought I was bored of the t.v., or basically my ADD was always like that... I didn't really think the symptom of "having no interest in things once interested in" for depression, really applied to me. I didn't really have any interest in anything, I have forgotten who I am. Lately I have been reteaching myself the guitar, I think that has been helping things too. I feel like i'll be able to connect with myself more, have more of a relationship, nurturing to just myself with it.
Before I was feeding me to being depressed more, because the thoughts seemed so true. They might have been true, but they weren't getting anywhere by believing they were dignified, when I should have tried to have fun. Well, I dont know if the depression was what was keeping me from wanting to have fun, but it wasn't any better letting my inattentiveness get the best of me. The weird thing was, for such a long time, none of the positive,encouraging, or motivating thoughts never would stick in my brain. I could probably blame the ADD, for forgetting most of them, but who knows maybe the negative thoughts just had to win.


I had depression before, beginning of my senior year of high school, 3 years ago. I did have many ADD blaming thoughts then, but my family wouldn't encourage it, so I ended up not blaming them anymore after awhile, while my therapist tried to get me to socialize as much as she could. Got over it around the end of summer, the more I was in more stimulating environments.

So I guess I've learned this second time around, that depression is depression, even if it is caused or relapsed by a stress factor. The hardest part is pushing yourself back into your life again. lol I feel like the ADD procrastination has not helped with pushing myself to get a job.Anyways The more you believe it, the more it haunts you. It's just too bad that the medication I took last time, just wouldn't work again like it did before... wasting many months. There is a happier version of you, even if life seems like **** and you don't think you'll ever be happy again because of it.

thoughts, inputs, relations,etc?

kwalk
11-14-08, 09:53 PM
edit : I wanted to add, I do give empathy to others who did happen to get it to extreme or even little life stressors. Death of Family, traumatic event, etc. I know that it's not just something that can't completely be resolved by medication.

I also wanted to add that both times within being depressed, a stimulant never worked for me when I was in that state, but had a complete turn around when things were more together.

sarek
11-15-08, 11:36 AM
I think you are right. Even if a depression is itself caused by other factors it is still a real and actual depression with all the symptom of a depression. Otherwise they wouldn't call it a depression.

I have had this in a relatively mild form for a while, before I learned the root cause. It did cause additional tiredness and loss of interest in things.
Sometimes it is real hard to distinguish some of the symptoms of a depression from those caused by the ADD.
At this moment, now that at least for now, I seem to have shaken off most of those feelings I am able to make a much clearer distinction.

You can only determine the real cause of a depression if you manage to eliminate all possible underlying causes such as indeed ADD.

stef
11-16-08, 06:28 AM
The hardest part is pushing yourself back into your life again.

exactly - a few times I've felt this way; the worst is, that in depression/anxiety, you completely lose the "thing" that says ok, enough of this now, time to get dressed and go outside.

kwalk
11-16-08, 05:00 PM
That's exactly how I feel most of the time, and the worst part about it is in the back of my mind I'm too scared to do things again which controls me the most, because they never changed. It's hard going back into something you've failed countlessly at, and wondering, am I going to pay attention this time? when you can't see any huge signs that you've been paying attention to your life. My psychiatrist has explained to me the "snowball effect" you take one baby step (like work) then a few things get better around that, and they keep going from there. The snowball gets bigger and bigger.