I was diagnosed a few months ago with adhd. After years and years of not knowing what was "wrong" with me, I was so very relieved to FINALLY have a reason for a lot of my behavioral issues. Something I could look at and research to better understand why I am the way I am and why I've done some of the things in my life...

If you've read any of my earlier threads, you know I've been going through an extremely stressful time in my life and it seems like the stress is making the adhd symptoms worse, even with meds. I have been hyperfocusing on certain things that seem to help me think about what's going on more clearly.

Really the gist of this post is to ask if anyone else has problems within the family, ie, mom, dad, sisters etc, understanding what adhd actually is and moreso the way it affects our lives. I have tried many times to explain how it works (or doesn't work :rolleyes:) to my family members when they get frustrated with me. I have emailed them links to certain articles and such to help them better understand the why's but no one has put forth any effort in trying to understand this.

I have problems getting EVERYONE to understand my problems. My sister and my mom are worthless at understanding because they already have it themselves, one undiagnosed/denial. I would feel too bad making them understand every knitty gritty thing that effects both our lives. I've brought up one subject before, like listening, my mom "thinks" she forces herself to listen at work, and I'm sure she does a good amount of time, but I know she can't listen that long, so what she doesn't know doesn't hurt her. Or she might know, or trys to distract herself, as many of us do, because she can't let herself fall down as much as I would, having to put a roof over her head.

My dad, he understands and was surprised how much having it could bother me.( I'm sure you know what I mean)He tried giving me tips, with relationships, work, and such. I showed him I really couldn't do things with examples. (not being able to remember or comprehend something I read after two sentences, repeating how much I heard of what he just said) I told him how much meds used to help, so he was more supportive about seeing how the meds are going. So I got pass the initial "try" to pay attention thing with him.

I have a feeling you getting picked on in the house for forgetting to do this or that, or not doing something having them tell you you're lazy. Sometimes you can say, "it slipped my mind, and most of the time everything does" but the lazy ADD excuse can't always be used. If you really want to work as team, if you are in a REALLY lazy mood, you can say," could I do it at this time or tomorrow?" Really half the things you're probably talking to them to understand about, in their head their just like, yea we get it, you have ADD. The changing part is probably only up to us.

I've had a hard time seeing if my meds are working, I don't really know what we can control or can't control, but like you, I'm thinking SO much being on this site and all, looking for the concentration right infront of me (I have no real responsibilities right now), that the anxiety of it/ or "hyperfocusing" of it is not helping at all. I thought, being able to understand why I do things and trying to use understanding in my social situations would help. Well apparently my brain can't take it, either being too distracted about trying or i'm just never going to get my med to allow me to "think" and listen, or listen accurately at all. It's like, just that little stress, of reality, somehow is too hard for us. Do you think so?
I'm at a stage where my doc thinks my depression still needs to be helped for the meds to work, and making myself feel productive, like a job, would have things keep building from there. The job, obvious, but the depression, not so sure, ADD works in odd ways. It's probably the "right away" thinking that makes it hard for thinking how to make things get better. My friends and family told me I was just being too hard on myself, needed to get out and all- so maybe that's it. I've always been really sensitive, so it's easy to let my emotions distract me all the time. It might be really easy to get distracted by your problems too, as you may be presenting right now.

Sometimes maybe we are looking for things to be too good to be true, and we want our family,friends, etc. to mold around it. It's probably the "right away" thinking that makes it harder. It's hard to put the puzzle together, but sometimes we have to let the puzzle come together, maybe a little bit slower, by itself. Certain things will start to get better out of nowhere and later you start think, "oh i'm getting better."

Oh I forgot, I live with my grandma now, who's normal, and very organized. We keep things civil, I do what's expected most of the time, it's more easy to do that for someone that's not your immediate family though. I'll say this though.... a less stressful household, means a less stressed person.

See........ I feel like I just wasted an hour of my life on this one post. :p

Hi again,
Nice to read a post from you. How are you doing?

My family is like this too. It´s been a year since my diagnosis. Nobody has accepted my diagnosis. I have tried everything, hand them litterature, try to make them read some of my books, talk. Nothing helps. It is really very discouraging. I´d so much like at least some support and understanding. It seems they are still hanging on to the idea that this is just something I made up as an excuse or something. Even the fact that I decided to try meds and they all could see the difference has not made an impact, in fact it is something that is never ever mentioned, and when I say something, they seem really embarrassed and like "please, don´t talk about that". One day I was so annoyed with my sister that I took out a book from the bookshelf, put it in front of her and told her that it would mean a lot to me if she would just read that book. She simply refused to even look at it, and said that I overfocus on ADD, and it is not the explanation of all things.

Grr grr grr.

Don´t know what to do about it. Stop trying, that´s my best tip. You can´t force anybody to take an interest in something even your own family. Wait until somebody asks you, then you can talk. Leave a bit more of the initiative to them, and seek support among people who understand what it is all about. Ignore the negative message they send out, at least I feel really bad about it when my family "tells" me that this is not something important. Ignore that!! You would not go to all this trouble to get diagnosed and medicated if it was not really really important. So basically keep doing things that make you believe in yourself, and be less dependent on positive feedback from important others. My feeling is that change is difficult and even threatening to some people.

I also have bipolar in addition to the ADD, and that was harder to understand and live with. ADD has become a part of my quirkiness and annoying bad habits. It's not taken seriously, not enough for anyone amongst my family and friends to really take time to understand it.

I invited through email links and brief discussion to give information about it, but that was the end of it. There was little response. Not that they don't care and love me, but they didn't think it necessary to explore it further. That was the end of it for me. Without grudge or negativity I just let it go. I joke about it when I have and "ADD moment", they smile. It's not that I don't struggle with it, but again, my main concern is the bipolar.

I was diagnosed a few months ago with adhd. After years and years of not knowing what was "wrong" with me, I was so very relieved to FINALLY have a reason for a lot of my behavioral issues. Something I could look at and research to better understand why I am the way I am and why I've done some of the things in my life...

If you've read any of my earlier threads, you know I've been going through an extremely stressful time in my life and it seems like the stress is making the adhd symptoms worse, even with meds. I have been hyperfocusing on certain things that seem to help me think about what's going on more clearly.

Really the gist of this post is to ask if anyone else has problems within the family, ie, mom, dad, sisters etc, understanding what adhd actually is and moreso the way it affects our lives. I have tried many times to explain how it works (or doesn't work :rolleyes:) to my family members when they get frustrated with me. I have emailed them links to certain articles and such to help them better understand the why's but no one has put forth any effort in trying to understand this.

I can understand how families & friends cannot understand this/me. I don't understand it myself.
I think its not fair for them that we have this expectations from them. They are not the professionals,even they are like us or not. IMo I am better off without expcting anything from anyone. It is a source of disappointments & disappoinments = pain.
My case I believed is caused by a brain damage when I was 8yrs/old. I got hit with a huge log that makes me unconscious for few hours ,acdg to my mother. It didn't showed up until my adulthood. I think the reasons why I was not able to make sound decisions is becoz of the brain damaged. I have acted on impulsivity. From one relationship to another.From one Wrong decisions to another. I don't know any better. Even now. Meds seems to give a palliative relief a few hours & the agony is only prolonged.
Finding out from this site is even so traumatizing again. I am in the verge of saying it quits. How can I turn it around ? Question now is: Do I want to?

I am very perplexed how people in this site so calm & numb. I don't feel the pain I have from other people here. I can connect this pain among us in the Suicide forum . whathever the reason is I don't know.
Dex

all of us on meds only get relief until they wear off- that is probably a good sign it is for you. I had a brain injury when I was a few months old, doctors said I was fine, had all that fluid make my head look like a ballon for awhile. Sometimes I think the same thing, but I forget what daydreaming is like. If your impulsive, have trouble making decisions, that some of ADD. Maybe you can look at a more detailed list of symptoms to really see if you can connect more to it.
I don't know what you mean by us being calm- half of us are hyper to begin with, I'm guessing you mean like calm about accepting things? I still don't know what the hell I'm doing and how i'm going to get there most of the time. Some days I hate myself and some days I put those things behind. Pain is pain, we all deal with it differently, your welcome to share your thoughts. You might be surprised to see how many people may relate.

I'm in therapy now with an amzing woman (I feel grand design brought us together) and one of the things I am working on is not allowing my expectations of people around me to surpass what they are actually capable of. Also realizing that I can't control anyone around me, ie make them understand me more etc, all I can control is myself and my reactions to them. I am not responsible for the way they react to me or for their negative thoughts and behaviors towards me. This has been pretty hard because not only do I have adhd but I have bi-polar disorder, PTSD and a slew of other things going on.

I guess I just wish they could be less judgmental when it comes to my outbursts and forgetfulness. I'm certainly not lazy! I buzz around all day long getting things done. I'm living with my parents right now and am doing EVERYTHING around here. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc as well as taking care of my 2 kids! The "lazy" isn't an issue here...forgetfulness most definitely is and my mood swings/sensitivity is.

I realize I need to lower my expectations and come to an understanding within myself that they simply can't "understand" all that I go through because they have never had to walk in my shoes.

Thanks for all the input guys!!

Also, Olavia. I'm doing ok. Stressed as h*ll but getting through it. He continues to do things almost daily to hurt me and control me but I have limited my contact with him to being just about the kids. When he starts in on me I simply hang up the phone or get in my car and drive away. Taking control and doing these things has greatly helped my stress levels...He hates it but I'm not concerned with how he's feeling!

Hi there:

I love the advice from your therapist re: focusing on what you can control and not expending any energy or worry on the things you can't control. I really wish I could follow this advice better... it's a daily struggle.

I also wanted to pass along some helpful resources for talking to family/friends/colleagues about ADHD and dispelling some of the hurtful myths out there: http://www.additudemag.com/resources/addvocacy.html

Good luck!

I just had this thought out of nowhere today on my way to lunch:
maybe some people aren't as understanding because coping strategies are actually better than than we had realized? something to think about...