I'm really tempted to drink
I know what you're thinking
"A 15 year old drinking?!"
But I'm so tempted

I started drinking when I was 13, a lot was going on, Nan had died(close to her), sister was out getting drunk&smoking(think she was my age), Mum became a alcoholic(even worse, she used to get occasionally drunk, but it was now getting to the point where she drank way over the limit each night, it just got progressively worse, some nights weren't as bad as others...), I was being bulled&began to drop out of school, sunk into deep depression&self harm got worse.

I have 2 bottles of wine hid in this room.
They amount to 20 units all together.
I'm so tempted to just chug them and let reality slip.
I can't deal anymore.:(

:(
*hug*
when i go to the UK you get a big real hug from me!

i can only say that i know what it feels like to be bullied
i dealt with it a bit through music and drawing and writing :)

Please dont pick up that drink! You may never put it down! I can promise you this that if you drink those bottles tonight, that when you wake up you will be in the same place you are now except you will be sick as a dog.
You have a lot of growing up to do and skills to develope
Dont forget you cant turn a pickle back into a cucumber:nono:

I don't feel as though I can put it down... I know I WILL drink them... whether tonight, or tomorrow... or the weekend...I will drink them...*sigh*

I have grown up a lot, I had to take care of my mother when she was drunk, as a kid...

You'd think I'd steer clear of alcohol after what I've been through with it

where is your mom now? Whose in charge over there? I hope you have a good support system there I worry about you:)

She is in bed, asleep
She drinks in the evening, a bottle of wine - sometimes two.
a lot better...

Whose in charge?
what do you mean?

she wants to know who is supposed to be watching over you
not much use that innit

Im sorry I meant who is the head of your household, bill paying, cooking, looking after you, does mom work?
wheres dad
I hope Im not upsetting you Im in my 50s so maybe Im having trouble getting my point across sorry

Ohh, my mum works, yes.
Works during the day > by the time I'm home from school, she's started drinking. I dislike talking to her when she's had alcohol.

My ''dad'' ... ehhh... long story.
He doesn't want anything to do with me > said by him.
Haven't seen him since... 2005?... something like that...
If you wanna know full story, let me know.

Well i smoke cigars and drink. But not excessively. I do own a hip flask which erm is full of certain things. whats weird is im a big person and it only takes like 1 drop of alcohol to get me completely intoxicated (and im not talking about everclear!!)

Okay uh...what's your point?

Okay uh...what's your point?

ummm , i forget?

sorry i remembered i was cooking due to the alarm i set on the oven going off.

well don't post then
i'm trying to post for support
i guess not..

Hi sarey, I hope you didnt drink last night:)

nope i intend to drink the lovely escape reality for a night that isn't a school one.
if the school find out ive been drinking >theyll tell child protection&my social worker from there&id rather not be in that position.
so ill be drinking this friday/saturday.
cant just let this go.

Would any of these help?

http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Addictions/Substance_Abuse/Support_Groups/Teens/

http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm

This is for UK/Ireland:
http://uk.dir.yahoo.com/Regional/Countries/United_Kingdom/Health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Substance_Abuse/Organisations/

I'm sorry I can't give wisdom and advice, but I hope you'll seek out support in your area from those who can help by their experience.

what i was gonna ask before is, who buys the alcohol for you?

Temptation's page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan but unlike before
You discover
That you'd just be
One more person crying.


A question in your nerves is lit
Yet you know there is no answer fit to satisfy
Insure you not to quit
To keep it in your mind and not forget
That it is not he or she or them or it
That you belong to.


Although the masters make the rules
For the wise men and the fools
I got nothing, Ma, to live up to.


My eyes collide head-on with stuffed graveyards
False gods, I scuff
At pettiness which plays so rough
Walk upside-down inside handcuffs
Kick my legs to crash it off
Say okay, I have had enough
What else can you show me?


And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine
But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only.


--bob dylan

Sarey,
..... I keep trying to tell you, the less you need, the more you have.

How would you like to NEED a drink, when you wake up in the morning,
..............because you're shaking so bad, you can't eat a bowl of cereal?

You just THINK your life is difficult now.
..Booze will give you something to cry about.

You can be MORE inattentive, MORE impulsive, and just incredibly obnoxious and MORE rude than you ever dreamed possible!

....Don't forget blind, uncoordinated, and stinking of booze! ...attractive!

Rent "back to the future"
....and look at "mom" when she picked up drinking in high school
and "mom" when she did NOT pick it up.
....that's the difference.

You can tell an alcoholic because they have a big middle, and skinny legs.
...the dreaded "beer belly" ...and the BLOATING is nice too!





Withdrawal symptoms

* Agitation[5]
* Alcoholic hallucinosis[2]
* Anxiety and panic attacks[2][6]
* Catatonia[7]
* Confusion[2]
* Delirium tremens[2]
* Depression[8][9]
* Derealization
* Diaphoresis[5]
* Diarrhea[5]
* Euphoria[2]
* Fear[2]
* Gastrointestinal upset[5]
* Hallucinations[5]
* Headache[5]
* Hypertension[5]
* Insomnia[5]
* Irritability[2]
* Nausea and vomiting[5]
* Palpitations[5]
* Psychosis[2]
* Rebound REM sleep[10]
* Restlessness[2]
* Seizures and death[5]
* Sweating[5]
* Tachycardia[5]
* Tremors[5]
* Weakness[5]

Protracted withdrawal

A protracted alcohol withdrawal syndrome occurs in many alcoholics where withdrawal symptoms continue beyond the acute withdrawal stage but usually at a subacute level of intensity and gradually decreasing with severity over time. This syndrome is also sometimes referred to as the post acute withdrawal syndrome. Some withdrawal symptoms can linger for at least a year after discontinuation of alcohol. Symptoms can include a craving for alcohol, inability to feel pleasure from normally pleasurable things (also known as anhedonia), clouding of sensorium, disorientation, nausea and vomiting or headache.[11] Insomnia is also a common protracted withdrawal symptom which persists after the acute withdrawal phase of alcohol. Insomnia has also been found to influence relapse rate. Studies have found that magnesium or trazodone can help treat persisting withdrawal symptom of insomnia in recovering alcoholics. Insomnia can be difficult to treat in alcoholics because many of the traditional sleep aids eg benzodiazepine receptor agonists and barbiturate receptor agonists work via a GABAA receptor mechanism and are cross tolerant with alcohol. However, trazodone is not cross tolerant with alcohol.[12][13][14] The acute phase of the alcohol withdrawal syndrome can also occasionally be protracted. Protracted delirium tremens has been reported in the medical literature as a possible but unusual feature of alcohol withdrawal.[15]

[edit] Kindling

Kindling is the phenomenon where repeated alcohol detoxifications leads to an increased severity of the withdrawal syndrome. For example binge drinkers may initially experience no withdrawal symptoms but with each period of resumption of drinking followed by abstinence their withdrawal symptoms intensify in severity and may eventually result in full blown delirium tremens with convulsive seizures. Alcoholics who experience seizures during hospital detoxification have been found to be much more likely to have had experienced more previous detoxifications from alcohol than alcoholics who did not have seizures and are more likely to have a more medically complicated alcohol withdrawal syndrome. Kindling can cause complications and may increase the risk of relapse, alcohol related brain damage and cognitive deficits. The mechanism behind kindling is sensitisation of some neuronal systems and desensitisation of other neuronal system which increasingly leads to increasingly gross neurochemical imbalances. This in turn leads to more profound withdrawal symptoms including anxiety, convulsions and neurotoxicity.[4]

I could'nt find "marty mcfly's" mom...in the movie "Back to the future"...
...so let's look at ms. Judy garland's life...
YA KNOW "DOROTHY", FROM "THE WIZARD OF OZ"?

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/Judy_Garland_nickname_01.jpg


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/Judy_Garland_intro.jpg

here's where she got into booze...


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/judy_garland_1.jpg


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/Judy_Garland_20.jpg



http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/Judy-Garland_181267.jpg

...she finally died, of an overdose of pills and liqueur.


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/judygarland-1.jpg


please DON'T GO THERE. :(


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/avatars/Alcohol-Effects.jpg

The Circle begins...

I grew up with bright red hair and a freckle face...I was smaller that most and was bullied and insulted daily. I had allot of aggression and this would go into self distruct modes...drinking, picking a fight I could not win...

As I grew I became noticed that things would repeat themselves unless I broke through what it was that I had to learn...

It is hard to be where you are now and the temptation will be there again and again till your circle is broken. I know you love your mom and I ask you what your thoughts are when you see her drunk...remember that when you go there it is your turn to look in the mirror so I say do not judge...love is the answer here. Go give your mom a hug and tell her that you love her and that it is time to let God back into her heart...

You are love...you are your own God and co creator of where you are and where you could be. Make a decission to love and see the change...love does not need to hide in a bottle...it is the devine expression of who you are...

So go with love and I send you love to help you back to the light in your heart and your moms.

My Dear Sarey,
You have conquered a huge hurdle by admitting you want to drink, and realizing what it will mean,.....so look within...you really don't want the drink. You want an escape, and this can be found many other ways. NOT SELF DESTRUCTION>

I will never try to say I know how you feel but hear this....
My dad left me....saw him 3 times...whole life! He died at 54 as an alcoholic.
I take care of my mom...as she is ill...
I take care of my daughter who is 14...
I have pain....my husband died...i was left with a huge crisis..and a child to raise...and I did not turn to drinking...or self harm.

You are beautiful, and bright..and if you need support you contact me...I am here for you. I listen well, and judgement is not part of my world.

One drink leads to another, and then you end up hating yourself for trying the first one. It is so not worth is. Pop the cork, and pitch the booze. the euphoria, of that accomplishment will lift your spirits.
Buy a journal...write your thoughts...
Read the forum..
Call a friend....but please don't drink...

Thinking of you....
X

My mum, being an alcoholic, buys a lot of wine bottles when she goes shopping for the week, so I take 2 of them. I haven't drank in a few months though, but I remember I'd be so tempted to drink whenever I found out she had alcohol, so I'd drink wine, strong cider(my first greeting with alcohol when I was about 12/13, I puked my guts out after drinking 2 bottles quite quickly), my last one; vodka.

I have enough addictions, self harming, 'eating disorder', I guess OCD has some addictive traits, but I really want to drink, I had a few mouthfulls last night but I said to myself I am going to save it all for the weekend, that's usually a good time because no school > no suspicions > no child protection.

hi sarey, wow I can tell by your posts you are a very intelligent person, right now you have a choice, if you start to drink now you will lose that right.
Look around you, do you want a better and healthier life than you have now?
Ive been sober 15ys , I have a daughter who loves and respects me and is proud that I put down that drink
Im a good listener/ judging anyone is not my place
I care:)
remember,you cant change a pickle back to a cucumber:)

Are you people not listening?
I already have started drinking
I started when I was 12/13
I wouldn't be in this mess otherwise
I wouldn't be temped to drink everyday
*sighs*
Forget it
I'm sorry for posting

We are listening!
We want to help...
Do you want to help yourself?
No SORRIES....NO WORRIES...
We are here for you!

Im listening, I care, maybe I wasnt clear right now you can plan your drinking for when its safe for you what I was trying to say is
If you dont stop all drinking now, you wont be able to plan you may have to drink all the time
please keep posting
I honestly care:)

I want to help myself but I don't think I can
I'm stuck in so many cycles at the moment
OCD, anxiety and depression is causing a lot of havoc in my mind
Drinking is the only way, I feel, I can escape from anything anymore


Well, if you were 15, and have been under child protection before, would you go to school with a hangover/partially still drunk? No. That'd be plain stupid. I'd rather not end up on the CPR again. That was f*king hell. If they find out I have been drinking, especially in excessive use whenever I get my hands on alcohol, they'll review me going back on > that may result in me being put in care. *sigh*

when I was 15 if my mother even thought I had been drinking she would have knocked the living crap out of me, she smacked me with a yardstick all over when I was thirteen for chewing gum and lying about it
I was supposed to give it up for Lent(catholic religion)
anyway does CPR offer counseling or other help for you?
do you see a doc?
I care, dont drink,keep posting:)

No, CPR = Child Protection Register
I was put on it because I was at high risk
I'm now off it and on the Child in Need plan

I see a social worker at CAMHS and I used to see a psychiatrist and had CBT but I gave up on it and decided to deal by myself.
I see my GP tomorrow, for other reasons than mentally, I may be anemic, I have three things to discuss;
My hands/feet being freezing/pale
My sleeping (I have such difficulty falling/staying asleep,I'm usually tossing and turning for an hour, I can't sleep at night, so I get lack of sleep)
& possibility of being anemic.(staff at school think I may be)
JOY...!

I will drink, but I then know I will have to go back into my mums car&get more.
I lied to her - I don't want her knowing > she will tell my social worker > social worker tell CP people > may be put back on or sectioned ... AGAIN.

...alot of good that post did.

*sigh* .....my stomach is boiling in it's own acids.

good for you ? ...

screw it
WHO THE *CURSE* CARES HUH
I DONT CARE IF I HAVE A ******* HANGOVER
LET THEM STUPID *CURSE* DO WHAT THEY WANT
I
DONT
CARE

sarey, my uncle dropped dead 2 days ago.

i'm sorry. i didn't know.


i drank a bottle of wine, the hangover is getting better, need to go docs in min for a blood test :/ great.

i gave the other bottle to my mum >.>...
*sighs*

You're a damn fool sarey.

....YOU WANT an addiction??
You wanna HURT when you can't use an inanimate object that has power over you
...because YOU gave it power?

You want to push everyone away that tries to love you in the future.
...like now, you pushed me away.

I'm trying to tell you, I did it.

....and it's HELL...

a done bun can't be undone.
.........once you are an addict...always an addict....your life will be so freaking bad...
you won't even BELIEVE how bad it gets.

If only someone told me to NOT get addicted to ANYTHING.
.....would have listened?
no one told me.

in the 70's everyone go high.

.....they said i could party at 18.

they did'nt know better.

....just becuse your mom does, you have to?

is there somethings you find unappealing about how she gets on it?

....my mom gets beligerent.

she's a wino.

..It ugly, and I dont wanna be like that.

I wanna be like sober mom.

do you?

you're not listening to me either.
i've been addicted to many things since i can remember.
and i know what it's ****ing like
it is hell
it's all you think about
it's all you dream about
it's all you want
it's all you NEED
just to function
just to get by

i have first hand experience with addictions

i was trying to say i gave the other bottle to my mom
when i could have drunk it
did i?
no. i didn't. i left it. i resisted that damn bottle which i intended to drink. sure, i drank one bottle, but things could have been a hell of alot worse. i could've drank another one. but nope, i resisted.

you are ignoring the fact of why i drink.
just the fact that it could become an addiction.

oh, because of course i want another one.
as if.

i don't drink because my mother drinks.
i hate her when she is drunk.
but she seems so carefree.
she is out of reality when she's drinking.
she does what she wants.
i have to deal with my brain. the things it thinks, feels, wants me to do, wants to happen, do you know how ****ing horrible that is? it's awful the things i think, the things i imagine, i feel like such a ****ing worthless ****ed up idiot.

You want to push everyone away that tries to love you in the future.
...like now, you pushed me away.


Haven't you yet noticed that about me?

I don't trust easily. I get defensive and push away. I lose my handle quite easily. I don't like people very much.

sarey, go ahead and drink.

Nobody here can stop you. And even if we were next door we couldn't.

In case you've never been told before, you have permission to make your own choices.

It's up to you to make the best choices for yourself.

Stay safe, sarey.

I already did drink incase you aren't up to speed.
Yes, because I really have a choice in any of this.
Whatever.

Oh sarey, Honey, it GETS WORSE.
...this is as good as your gonna get it.

addiction is progressive.
...that means it gets ALOT worse, if you wanna try it.

Historiclly, everyone goes down in flames,
................if they have an addiction that consumes them.

do the research, you don't have to believe me.

Haven't you yet noticed that about me?

I don't trust easily. I get defensive and push away. I lose my handle quite easily. I don't like people very much.

We know that sarey. But the people here are really trying to help you. Please give them a chance.

I think I know addictions are something that are long term
incase you forgot, I do have a few of them ongoing since I was 7

Yeah I appreciate the help
I was in a mood yesterday
and the day before
and the day before
screw it, I'm always in a ****ing mood.

I think I know addictions are something that are long term
incase you forgot, I do have a few of them ongoing since I was 7

Yeah I appreciate the help
I was in a mood yesterday
and the day before
and the day before
screw it, I'm always in a ****ing mood.

We know it goes back a long time sarey.
But do you really realise that it is a big problem and that you have to break that habit before it destroys you?

Oh I'm not on about alcohol
I'm on about other things.
Things that already have destroyed me
Joy.

Look, I'm trying
I am going to try not to drink again
But I'm stupid so.

Oh I'm not on about alcohol
I'm on about other things.
Things that already have destroyed me
Joy.

Look, I'm trying
I am going to try not to drink again
But I'm stupid so.

I'm just starting to drink more recently, it's the holidays anyway so i don't mind getting maggot every few nights. heck i've had a few drinks tonight but not that much.

It's really hard to beat addictions. I tried to stop taking nodoz caffeine pills for instance by taking one a day to avoid the coming down, then went to half a pill. then went to no pills, and couldn't stand it so i took 5 and felt that buzz i crave from it, oh and my blood pressure is normal with caffeine for some reason.

I wish you luck with you're drinking as i'd imagine it would be hard.

I've never met an alcoholic, or person with any other addiction, that could go it alone. You're not stupid if you drink again, you're trying to climb a mountain without a hook and rope.

What does that mean?^

Just what it says. Don't try to quit by yourself. Have someone to help. I linked in a previous post to places in the UK or online that might help. Calling yourself "stupid" because you can't stop drinking won't help you stop drinking. I'm not pushing you away from here, we can listen, but there's a process to this that goes beyond putting down the bottle.