View Full Version : Surprised at Conversation


INaBOX
12-01-08, 08:54 PM
Today my son told me his teacher said he is not to "head-shake" anymore and that he needs a haircut. I'm really surprised she would say this so I'm hoping there's a misunderstanding somewhere.

My son's head-shake is a result of a tic his medication brought on and it's changed a few times already. I've explained to her about him having tics so I'm surprised she wouldn't put two-and-two together. Who is she to tell him he needs a haircut? Yes, I'm growing out his hair but it's not even touching his eyes. I've even clipped it back (at home) to see, and his head-shaking (twitching) continued. I've written her a polite note so I'm hoping she'll respond .. and perhaps apologize.

Also, today is day 2 without medications and it was a rough day, apparently. He got in trouble for kicking a student and his afterschool daycare worker said he wouldn't listen to him at all. He kept barking at a dog (past behavioural issue) and wouldn't follow the group. I was able to buy more today and we'll re-start tomorrow. Yikes! We've been having on-going issues since I've picked him up, with non-compliance and back-talking. It's almost ODD-like.

RedHairedWitch
12-01-08, 11:13 PM
lol never heard of a teacher commenting on hair before. Keep us posted.

Mincan
12-02-08, 12:00 AM
My step dad was the first person who made me truly self-conscious of my tics... douchbag. Constantly telling me to stop and I didn't realise what he was asking I always said what!?, then I would forget and do it again 5 seconds later... well guess what, I was doing them to annoy him... so I got in more trouble... douchbag.... douchbag.... douchbag....douchbag....douchbag douche bag douchbag

I can thank this for my dislike of society and social things.

INaBOX
12-02-08, 12:25 AM
yikes, see i feel bad because i was giving him a hard time about it too - until i realized it was not under his control. the sniffling just got under my skin. i have a sensitivity to noise. if i dont expect it, i get really irritated. or if it's repetitive, (like a drip of the faucet). it's hard for me to tune out. luckily it's stopped.

i'm learning as i go though. i told J he was having tics and i explained to him why. i hope that was ok to do. i also told him and his teacher (in her note) that if anyone complains about it, to tell them to ignore it.

question: what's the difference between tourettes and tics? i know you have tics with tourettes and the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have tics (which I'm not sure i agree with) .. but why wouldn't she say he's develped Tourette syndrome? i should probably know this but i dont lol

Imnapl
12-02-08, 12:40 AM
the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have ticsThat's news to me. I wonder if it would be difficult for you to get another opinion from a pediatric psychiatrist or neurologist?

Dizfriz
12-02-08, 09:38 AM
the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have tics

This is true. I have not researched this in a while but it seems that ADHD is connected to Tourette's but the cause of the linkage is not really known. Kids with ADHD have a somewhat better chance of being Tourette's but a child with Tourette's has a big chance of being ADHD. We do know that sometimes the ADHD medications will result in onset of tics and sometimes ADHD medication will cause tics to subside in kids with Tourette's. Interesting connection. I will be quite interested in how it turns out.

question: what's the difference between tourettes and tics? i know you have tics with tourettes and the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have tics (which I'm not sure i agree with) .. but why wouldn't she say he's develped Tourette syndrome? i should probably know this but i dont lol To be diagnosed as Tourette's it cannot be brought on by ADHD medications. Part of the DSM criteria is:

"E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., stimulants) or a general medical condition (e.g., Huntington's disease or postviral encephalitis). "

In other words, if the tics are caused by the medications then it cannot, by definition, be Tourette's.

Hope this helps a little. Glad you posted this. Lots of parents dealing with ADHD kids go through this and information is the key.

For general information on Tourette's here are a couple of sites that look fairly good.

http://www.tourettes-disorder.com/home.html

http://tsa-usa.org/

Dizfriz

goddessonahiway
12-02-08, 09:55 AM
Amazing that the teacher would put him on the spot about either item. :( I do hope she sends an apology back your way and simply didn't realize how out of place her comments were. My daughter's teacher last year made some bonehead moves. She made my daughter stand up in front of the class and explain to them why she was having an eeg and what would happen. She was so embarrassed.

Sorry you and your son seem to be going through a rough patch. I do hope things start to smooth out soon.

Thanks for bringing up the link to tics. My daughter will most likely be starting meds in Jan and I'm wanting to know all I can about possible side effects. To this day I never even knew that the tics my little brother had were most likely a side effect of his ADD meds. Interesting.

Take Care

Imnapl
12-02-08, 10:18 AM
the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have tics


This is true. I have not researched this in a while but it seems that ADHD is connected to Tourette'sI am aware of the link between ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome (even know a few people with both), but Inabox didn't mention Tourette's in the discussion with the pediatrician.


Kids with ADHD have a somewhat better chance of being Tourette's but a child with Tourette's has a big chance of being ADHD. We do know that sometimes the ADHD medications will result in onset of tics and sometimes ADHD medication will cause tics to subside in kids with Tourette's. Interesting connection. I will be quite interested in how it turns out.

To be diagnosed as Tourette's it cannot be brought on by ADHD medications. Part of the DSM criteria is:

"E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., stimulants) or a general medical condition (e.g., Huntington's disease or postviral encephalitis). "

In other words, if the tics are caused by the medications then it cannot, by definition, be Tourette's.

Hope this helps a little. Glad you posted this. Lots of parents dealing with ADHD kids go through this and information is the key.

For general information on Tourette's here are a couple of sites that look fairly good.

http://www.tourettes-disorder.com/home.html

http://tsa-usa.org/

DizfrizVery informative, as usual. :) If it was me, I would want to know if my child had Tourette's. I know that like ADHD, Tourette's is often missed by medical professionals. If you do a search for Dr. Mort Doran, you will learn lots about Tourette's - he wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, if memory serves.

Dizfriz
12-02-08, 12:16 PM
I am aware of the link between ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome (even know a few people with both), but Inabox didn't mention Tourette's in the discussion with the pediatrician.


Ah but she did. Post #4

question: what's the difference between tourettes and tics? i know you have tics with tourettes and the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have tics (which I'm not sure i agree with) .. but why wouldn't she say he's develped Tourette syndrome? i should probably know this but i dont lol

That twas what I was responding to.

Tourette's is interesting. I only worked with a couple of children with Tourette's and do not have a lot of expertise there. I mostly kept up enough to catch it so I could refer out to someone who knew how to work with it.

You are right, it is often missed. Some of the tic behaviors are subtle and hard to differentiate from normal repetitive behaviors in young children. I am sure that I missed some that would have been caught by an expert. You do your best.

The thing for people like us who work with children is to continually become better so we can catch something we might have missed last year. If all did this then fewer would be missed and more helped. You well demonstrate doing this and I salute you for your efforts.

Dizfriz

INaBOX
12-03-08, 12:05 AM
ok, from the top lol

That's news to me. I wonder if it would be difficult for you to get another opinion from a pediatric psychiatrist or neurologist? It will be difficult, although, his fMRI will be done in early January. I wonder if they'll be able to know judging from the pictures.

We do know that sometimes the ADHD medications will result in onset of tics
The ped. said medications do not cause tics.

to be diagnosed as Tourette's it cannot be brought on by ADHD medications.
kind of goes against what the ped. just said. if this is true, then wouldn't it be safe to say medications DO cause tics in some children?

I do hope she sends an apology back your way and simply didn't realize how out of place her comments were. my son gave her the note. he said she never said anything to him about it and she never sent home a note either. i saw her afterschool because my son forgot something in his class. she was there with another teacher and looked at me.. but didnt say anything. im at least expecting an apology to my son. maybe tomorrow she'll send home a note. afterall, i did ask her a question.

Inabox didn't mention Tourette's in the discussion with the pediatrician.

Ah but she did. Post #4
Actually no, i didnt. i only spoke to the ped about the tics and not about tourettes.

You well demonstrate doing this and I salute you for your efforts. you're talking to imnapl right? cause i havent really demonstrated anything lol

INaBOX
12-03-08, 12:13 AM
btw .. speaking of tourettes .. now im wondering if his dog barking and animal noises are related. hypothetically speaking, he did have tics prior to the meds .. the only thing i can think of is his barking.

on a different note .. what exactly is a tic? i know it's an involuntary (vocal or non-vocal) behaviour. ie: twitching, blinking, shouting, etc. but does it have anything to do with hyper-focussing? my son's tic now is to do with his head-shake. kind of like his finger-picking and sniffling, he can't help it but it's almost as if he's hyper-focussing on it. im not sure what brought on the sniffles. one day he woke up with a sore throat and convinced himself that he was sick .. and started sniffling. i asked him why he was sniffling, he said it was because he was sick. but he didnt have a sinus infection. in his mind, sickness=sniffling. so for a while there, he started fixating on it and couldn't stop the sniffling. now with his head-shaking, i think it started with his hair being blown in his eyes. his bangs were a little long (i've cut them now) but he continues to shake his "bangs" out of his face - even though they're not in his face. he's hyper-focussing on it, since he's always had his hair super short until now. before all this was with this finger-picking. his fingers would bleed but he couldn't stop himself. is that considered a tic as well? it could almost pass as OCD, couldn't it?

Howard_C
12-03-08, 02:49 AM
Wikipedia has a detailed and long, entry on "Tourette syndrome".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tourette_syndrome

The general medical opinion is that there are very mild to quite severe instances of Tourette syndrome, but that nearly all "tick behaviors" could be considered part of the same spectrum.

Still, medications (including all stimulants) can induce that behavior. That's sometimes called "Tourettism" :

Tourettism refers to the presence of Tourette-like symptoms in the absence of Tourette syndrome as the result of other diseases or conditions—also known as "secondary causes".

Dizfriz
12-03-08, 09:42 AM
To: INaBOX and Imnapl

A couple of clarifications and some information.

from INaBOX
"question: what's the difference between Tourette's and tics? i know you have tics with Tourette's and the pediatrician said it's common for people with ADHD to have tics (which I'm not sure i agree with) .. but why wouldn't she say he's developed Tourette syndrome? i should probably know this but i dont lol"

I read this as Tourette's being part of the conversation with the doc instead of part of INaBOX's discussion on the conversation. Imnapl was quite correct. Mea culpa.

Just as information: The quote on Tourette's and stimulant medication was from the DSM which is the diagnostic manual used to diagnose Tourette's. By definition, the statement stands, if the tics are brought on by the medication then it cannot be diagnosed as Tourette's. It does not address the question of the medication causing the tics but appears to imply that it does.

There is a bit of controversy and some fairly amount of research over methylphenidate and tic disorders. There is a good bit of information that the medication can bring on onset of tics in some. It is not settled as to will it increase tics where they already exist though. I do know that Concerta is specifically not recommended by the manufacturer for use with someone with a tic disorder.

This is not meant to be a criticism of the Ped since there are some ongoing controversies. Who knows, she may have some new information which I am unaware, and I am unaware of a lot of stuff so it would not overly surprise me. As I mentioned, I do not have a lot of expertise on Tourette's.

And yes, I was referring to Imnapl on her work. She often shows putting a lot of effort to learn and keep up so as to help the kids she works with. I wanted to recognize this in context of the conversation.

It is hard to keep the attributes clear in the forum format. I will pay more attention to this in the future. Also hard to ask quick clarification questions so responses can sometimes miss the mark. The key work is "Oops".

Anyway, INaBOX, you are asking some very good questions. A lot of readers likely have the same thoughts but do not post. That is one of the values of a forum like this.

Kinda wordy but I felt a bit bad for writing a sloppy post and needed to respond so as to hang my head down a bit.

Dizfriz

Imnapl
12-03-08, 10:07 AM
Diz, as usual, you are very gracious and I thank you. Re: glitches in threads: they often lead to a more in depth discussion and leave the original poster pleased as punch.

INaBOX
12-03-08, 09:44 PM
Here's what the link said:

"Immediately preceding tic onset, most individuals with Tourette's are aware of an urge, similar to the need to sneeze or scratch an itch. Individuals describe the need to tic as a buildup of tension, pressure, or energy which they consciously choose to release, as if they "had to do it" to relieve the sensation or until it feels "just right". Examples of the premonitory urge are the feeling of having something in one's throat, or a localized discomfort in the shoulders, leading to the need to clear one's throat or shrug the shoulders. The actual tic may be felt as relieving this tension or sensation, similar to scratching an itch.

showed that the ages of highest tic severity are eight to twelve (average ten), with tics steadily declining for most patients as they pass through adolescence. The most common, first-presenting tics are eye blinking, facial movements, sniffing and throat clearing. Initial tics present most frequently in midline body regions where there are many muscles, usually the head, neck and facial region.

(OCD) and (ADHD) are often associated with Tourette's."

So the bolded text kind of answers my last post.. and it's exactly what it looks like to me when I see my son doing these things. Interesting. Also, I remember when I was in 3rd grade (same age as my son) I went through a brief phase where I was having this urge to .. how do I say it .. stretch my neck, sort of speak, by looking over my shoulders - both sides. It WAS like releasing tension. My best friend made fun of me one day, as she noticed it happening for a while, so I forced myself to stop and that was the end of that. I'm not sure how long it lasted but it was less than a year for sure. Weird.

INaBOX
12-05-08, 08:41 PM
VENT!!

Ok, so not only did J not receive an apology, nor did we get an explanation but now I wasn't even given a copy of the IEP! He brought home his first term report card and it reads: "J is showing progress on the goals set out in his IEP." That's great, so where is it?! The Resource teacher basically made me feel like she didn't want to have an IEP meeting so I presented her with a choice .. review my feedback and if she agreed and made the necessary adjustments, then I felt there would be no need of a formal meeting. I never heard back about my note nor did I get a copy of the IEP. I was thinking maybe it wasn't completed yet, as apparently she has a large caseload this year .. but it seems as if they've been using one, according to the report card.

I am so not happy with this school and attitude I've been getting all around. I'm not a beast of a mom and I always try and be as objective as I can in my communication .. as minimal as it has been now.

I just feel like they're pushing me out instead of including me in anything. I bet she ignored my inputs and conveniently 'forgot' to give me a copy, in hopes I'd forget about it myself.

Howard_C
12-05-08, 08:59 PM
Is the Resource teacher the one you sent a note to (after the original comments to your son) ?

Or are there two teachers - classroom plus Resource ?

INaBOX
12-05-08, 09:17 PM
btw, J brought home a pretty good report card! It's his best yet for first term. I'm pretty happy.

INaBOX
12-05-08, 09:27 PM
Is the Resource teacher the one you sent a note to (after the original comments to your son) ?

Or are there two teachers - classroom plus Resource ?

I wrote one note to the Resource teacher about the IEP. She told me to edit and add whatever I felt was necessary - so I did. I wrote the classroom teacher about the hair comment. Neither one of them replied to my notes, nor did I receive a copy of the IEP or an apology. I expected at least J to of gotten one.

Imnapl
12-05-08, 10:10 PM
VENT!!

Ok, so not only did J not receive an apology, nor did we get an explanation but now I wasn't even given a copy of the IEP! He brought home his first term report card and it reads: "J is showing progress on the goals set out in his IEP." That's great, so where is it?!Inabox, is this the first year that your son has had an IEP? It is a working document that is to be used each year. Some goals and needs may change from year to year, but the original document follows the student until it is no longer needed.


The Resource teacher basically made me feel like she didn't want to have an IEP meeting so I presented her with a choice .. review my feedback and if she agreed and made the necessary adjustments, then I felt there would be no need of a formal meeting. I never heard back about my note nor did I get a copy of the IEP. I was thinking maybe it wasn't completed yet, as apparently she has a large caseload this year .. but it seems as if they've been using one, according to the report card.

I am so not happy with this school and attitude I've been getting all around. I'm not a beast of a mom and I always try and be as objective as I can in my communication .. as minimal as it has been now.

I just feel like they're pushing me out instead of including me in anything. I bet she ignored my inputs and conveniently 'forgot' to give me a copy, in hopes I'd forget about it myself.I checked out the provincial guidelines for my province here (http://www.bced.gov.bc.ca/specialed/iepssn/welcome.htm) and they may be of interest to you. I was surprised to learn that it isn't necessary for a parent or guardian to sign the IEP. In my district, the practice is to get a signature.

Imnapl
12-05-08, 10:14 PM
Oh, and congrats on the good report card - sounds like the IEP is working. :cool:

Howard_C
12-05-08, 11:50 PM
I wrote one note to the Resource teacher about the IEP. She told me to edit and add whatever I felt was necessary - so I did. I wrote the classroom teacher about the hair comment. Neither one of them replied to my notes, nor did I receive a copy of the IEP or an apology. I expected at least J to of gotten one.

Now I follow you.

On the class-room teacher business, maybe if you can meet face to face (in a friendly way) it will help. It's hard with a relayed message (from the classroom) and then a written response (from the home) ...it can make for an even bigger gulf in understanding.

I can appreciate your frustration, but maybe you can get the teacher to be more your supporter and less of a detractor if you sit and share concerns. You ought to both be working toward some of the same goals. I know that's very general, but you should both be interested in helping each other, to the degree that you can.

Unless he can be moved from that class, its better to have her on your side. Likewise, if she is struggling maybe you can help make it easier for her...if only by letting her see you are appreciative of the demands that teachers face. (Oh, BTW, I'm not a teacher myself :rolleyes:)

Congrats on the good report card too.

INaBOX
12-06-08, 12:39 AM
Imnapl, we don't sign the IEP's either but this is what I found in your link:


Where a board is required to provide an IEP for a student under section 2 or 3, the board
must ensure that the IEP is reviewed at least once each school year following the year the IEP is developed and, where necessary, it is revised, or cancelled, and
must offer a parent of the student, and where appropriate, the student the opportunity to be consulted about the preparation of an IEP.
Parents should be encouraged to be actively involved in decisions regarding educational services for their children. They provide a unique perspective about the student's personality, development, and learning. Open communication and cooperation between home and school increase the opportunities for students with special needs to experience success.



When the IEP team is formed, a member of the team should be assigned the role of coordinating the development and implementation of the IEP. This includes:

ensuring that a regular process for monitoring progress is established,
organizing and chairing IEP meetings, and
ensuring that meeting records are kept and distributed.
At the meeting:
<TABLE border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD>

introduce all members
designate a recorder
set the length of the meeting
follow a meeting plan (see tips on page 9). Focus on student's strengths and needs and prevent disgressions
</TD><TD>

compile the information on an IEP form
have everyone sign the IEP form to indicate that there is consensus on the goals and timelines at the meeting
set a date for an IEP review.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
distribute minutes of the meeting and a copy of the IEP to participants, as appropriate.

So in a nutshell, yes, I was given a rough draft. I wrote my inputs towards the IEP but no, I haven't heard any confirmation of anything. Usually, the good copy isn't finalized until all members are in agreeance. I've always been given a copy of the IEP. I thought she would send me another draft, being that we didn't have an official meeting (to suite her own needs).

J has been on an IEP since kindergarten. He's now in grade 3.

Howard: I've spoken to the teacher face-to-face in the past and usually by chance .. sometimes Fridays I'm able to arrive at his school just before 3pm. I've always been open to communication and have been respectful and polite. My note to her was clear and I wrote it in a way that I was assuming the situation was a misunderstanding. I didn't want to come off like I was accusing her but was wanting her to clarify what I didn't understand. She just didnt respond. I received another letter from her today about math.

This is the first incident where she's avoided a conversation so I'm not going to make it a big deal. If I notice a pattern, I will definitely approach her about it.. objectively.

The thing is, maybe I'M the one that's needing the support and all I ask is for a little communication. She belittled my son and told him he couldn't do something he had no control over .. and didn't apologize after I explained about his medical condition? That's not fair for J. Also, I DO work in the system. I've been working alongside teachers for 7 years now and know the routines very well. I've never seen parents being treated as poorly as I have. I don't understand the constant resistance at this school.

Imnapl
12-06-08, 12:58 AM
I don't think you have any other choice but to arrange a meeting with the teacher to hear her side. If she refuses, contact the principal.

Imnapl
12-06-08, 01:01 AM
The thing is, maybe I'M the one that's needing the supportSupport for your son?

INaBOX
12-06-08, 06:04 PM
support for me - in the sense that it would be nice if the team would actually work WITH me and not against me. he is my son afterall.. which ultimately affects him too.

INaBOX
12-11-08, 09:37 PM
So I finally heard from the teacher today regarding that conversation. She said she never wrote me back because she felt I should of called her about it instead. She was shocked by the note and didn't know how to respond. She even gave it to a co-worker to read. Then she was hoping I'd drop by to talk to her about it and when I didn't, she forgot. lol

I was very careful on how I worded the note because I didn't want her to think I was accusing her of anything. I basically told her what J told me, and that I understood the fact that his perception isn't always clear or accurate. I then explained to her about the tics and what to do about them and asked her if she could advise the children to do the same as well. I said I was surprised by the conversation but assumed there was a misunderstanding somewhere and if she could let me know. I left her with an option to either call me or write back. She did neither. How is that an attack?? For her to give the note to someone else to read, as if I'm this psycho mom who freaked out on her.. and then she conveniently forgets?!

Someone help me understand why this has become my mistake? I basically told her that I wrote the note because a) teachers are hard to get a hold of during school hours and for valid reasons b) we've always communicated via note c) and I didn't want to make it a big deal by making a formal meeting about a situation which was likely a misunderstanding. She also said how J hasn't been truthful lately and I can understand the situations she described. However, he's not going to make up a story from the sky. There's always SOME truth in a misunderstanding. Reporting vs. getting out of trouble. He may lie in order to get out of a consequence but he won't lie when reporting a specific situation. He's just not always accurate.

Then she made a comment how he was given extra support with his math but he was non-compliant. I suggested maybe it was because the support worker was new. She insisted that it's been the same one he's had since mid-September. However, the one from mid-sept is the one he's had during recess/lunch times vs the new temporary support worker that works in his class ... meaning, maybe he was non-compliant because he's testing the waters with the new staff member? He doesn't do well with change .. we all know that.

Howard_C
12-12-08, 03:22 AM
I certainly don't think it was your mistake. I think you did well, it just didn't work well. The teacher is thinking (feeling) one way and there is a gap between the two of you.

Its hard all around if the teacher conveys something to a student and its passed on to the parent and the parent responds, in good will, with a note. At certain points the message becomes more and more easily misunderstood.

I would guess that the teacher really didn't quite see what you were responding to, or that she repeated the bit about asking someone else for advice as an excuse for never responding back, or some combination of the two. But if you have some regular general contact with her (a short relaxed fact to face chat on occasion) it may help a lot - just building a general level of understanding.

You do need support. But in a way, most teacher needs support as well - even if its just knowing the parent is trying to help the student be a better student (in the right way, not in the sense that they need to conform beyond their abilities or their unique natures).

Plus, you may have a teacher who feels needy herself, for one reason or another, entirely beyond your control or related to your son.

But try to have the teacher be your ally, if that's reasonably possible. She should also want you to be her ally. Hopefully then your son benefits the most. :)

Imnapl
12-12-08, 09:58 PM
From the book Tough Love: seek the truth.

INaBOX
12-15-08, 08:27 PM
From the book Tough Love: seek the truth. Waht do you mean?

Howard, I think she just got defensive about it and didn't know how to address it so she let it ride. I don't think she would of forgotten the incident considering she claimed to of been so shocked by it. I tried my best to be as objective about it as I could. I told J what she had said about the haircut and he was adament that she told him he needed a haircut, and not that she ASKED him if he needed one. Anyway, I've let it go now. There's no sense in harbouring over an incident I wasn't there for. I just don't like feeling like I've done something wrong when all she had to do was just clarify.

I would be more open to face-to-face communication but with the school, I just feel like staff are not interested. We had a communication book last year and mid-year, they basically said they had no interest in it. They don't take me seriously as a person, in general. I'm just a "young single mom" with a child who has behavioural problems.. little do they know I'm really 33 with a child with ADHD. If I have a valid concern, it always gets misinterpreted. I've always been very careful in how I word things - I edit my notes before I send them off - just so my point is made clear and everyone is on the same page. If I talk to them face-to-face, it's usually a team vs me. Also, I'm a lot more clear in writing then I am verbally and I don't like confrontation. I think I'm a little too passive face-to-face. Prime example, when I spoke to the teacher about this incident. I was the one that ended up apologizing since she was offended, meanwhile, it should of been her to apologize for ignoring the note for so long and perhaps telling J he needed a haircut. I don't think I was asking a lot from her but yet, I turned passive and took on the blame. Had I been the teacher, I would of pulled J aside and clarified with him, being as I was so "offended" by the note.

Anyway .. I'm not liking this school as much. I preferred the staff at his other school because at least they were open to suggestions or were understanding/helpful .. and not take every little thing I said the wrong way.

Howard_C
12-16-08, 03:19 AM
Its frustrating.

If you don't push, don't try to fix things, then nothing happens.

But if you do try, sometimes you meet immediate resistance (and get labeled in some way) or your concerns get dismissed ("she always has an issue"), or - maybe worse of all, the teacher just gives up on your child.

What to do?
- try to address things as soon as they come up (that is, the first or second time it happens, not the third or fourth time)
- try not to make the teacher the problem (though eventually that may be what the issues are all about)
- pick the issues that are important
- try to go through the right channels (not to ruffle feathers but also to have your concerns escalated properly and noted)
- ask the teacher, ask the school - "what can I do to help?" (maybe nothing, but that's the point - you aren't the "problem" unless they can make it an abstract issue - "the parent who expects the school to do everything")
- keep the focus, in a positive way, on your son and what's best for him

Um, & maybe find a better/different school. (?)

--------

BTW, I know you come here sometimes to just let out some frustrations or to air a problem. I want to encourage you to keep on moving forward. That's why I offer "advice" :rolleyes:

But I think its great that you can express your frustrations, because it means that you are involved. Come what may, keep up your positive attitude. If we are projecting that - when we are dealing with "the institution" or "the officials" and even with "the teacher" - they are often more likely to work with us and to help us, when they can.

WarPhalange
12-16-08, 08:23 PM
Today my son told me his teacher said he is not to "head-shake" anymore and that he needs a haircut. I'm really surprised she would say this so I'm hoping there's a misunderstanding somewhere.

She might have been joking about the hair. As a guy with hair down below my shoulders, I tend to get that a lot.

My son's head-shake is a result of a tic his medication brought on and it's changed a few times already. I've explained to her about him having tics so I'm surprised she wouldn't put two-and-two together.

This is inexcusable, though. Teachers should be smarter than their students. :rolleyes:

darkland8
02-19-09, 06:06 PM
i had the same problem until i changed to Adderall. what i'd advise you do is have a conference with his teacher and explain all this to her. If the teacher keeps complaining about it then just talk to the schools principal. Teachers should have some understanding/tolerance when it comes to things like this and if they can't they should not be teaching...