View Full Version : do you often feel like you are nothing? that you are a possible nonbeing?


kwalk
12-05-08, 01:45 AM
and the more you think about it, the more you see it. But if you don't feel that way, you stop thinking about it, you see more of your existence. Maybe bits and pieces. Though when you are in that state of feeling so meaningless, it doesn't matter how you used to be, because it doesn't connect the bits and pieces. You actually see that they are not connecting. You realize nothing is going in a straight direction. You're fantasies turned into nightmares, and when you thought you were happy, it didn't seem that great now, but the ideas you had in your head at the time made it all seem to be.

So when you turn into the good mood, realize you have an existence, it's not THAT terrible to live with. You seem to forget all the consequences and all of the things that were catching up on you.



What does it all mean?


what if you don't look at your life trying to not look at it like it needs to mean something, all your expectations don't have to be met, and all you can do is live in the now.

What happens when you realize yoursel feeling if you are nothing again as a result of anguish, or what about another 2 or more times?

I love philosophy/

roly poly
12-18-08, 12:53 AM
and the more you think about it, the more you see it. But if you don't feel that way, you stop thinking about it, you see more of your existence. Maybe bits and pieces. Though when you are in that state of feeling so meaningless, it doesn't matter how you used to be, because it doesn't connect the bits and pieces. You actually see that they are not connecting. You realize nothing is going in a straight direction. You're fantasies turned into nightmares, and when you thought you were happy, it didn't seem that great now, but the ideas you had in your head at the time made it all seem to be.

So when you turn into the good mood, realize you have an existence, it's not THAT terrible to live with. You seem to forget all the consequences and all of the things that were catching up on you.



What does it all mean?


what if you don't look at your life trying to not look at it like it needs to mean something, all your expectations don't have to be met, and all you can do is live in the now.

What happens when you realize yoursel feeling if you are nothing again as a result of anguish, or what about another 2 or more times?

I love philosophy/
And the cycle keeps repeating itself, over and over again, each time just a little different, but still the same, eventually you pull youself up and think about the here and now, and you get caught up in that, you forget about the dilemma that had yourself feeling that inner anguish. as this moment passes you tend to sink back into that dark abyss.......

kwalk
12-18-08, 01:58 AM
Life is such a beautiful thing, isn't. Can't wait till school starts up and stress as well as non existence shows up again. hm it messed with my blood pressure it's first strike, then gave me postural tachycardia/hypotension it's second round, wonder what's going to happen at the next one!

I've been assured that I have to practice meditation to avoid sinking that low and bodily stress showing up.

Driver
12-18-08, 01:58 AM
Depersonalization Disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder)

kwalk
12-18-08, 03:33 AM
feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Out-of-body_experience), a detachment from one's body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality. For all, it is a rather disturbing illness, since many feel that indeed, they are living in a "dream".

Depersonalization disorder is often associated as a comorbid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comorbid) disorder of severe anxiety disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorders), panic disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_disorders), clinical depression (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression) and/or bipolar disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder). Anxiety (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety) can exacerbate depersonalization symptoms. In addition, DPD can cause anxiety since the person feels abnormal and uneasy at the loss of their sense of self.
Reality testing remains intact during episodes and continuous depersonalization, meaning that a person suffering from the disorder will be able to respond to questions and interact normally with his or her environment. This fact can be distressing for those with DPD; the friends and family of the victim do not realise that anything is wrong, because a person with DPD will usually not be visibly distraught. While a nuisance, and very distressing to the sufferer, people with depersonalization disorder represent no risk to society, since their grasp on reality remains intact.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-1>[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder#cite_note-1)</SUP>
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<SUP><TABLE class=the_content cellSpacing=5><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top noWrap>Main Entry:</TD><TD>distraught</TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top noWrap>Part of Speech:</TD><TD>adjective</TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Definition:</TD><TD>very upset, worked-up</TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Synonyms:</TD><TD>addled (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/addled), agitated (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/agitated), anxious (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/anxious), beside oneself (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/beside%20oneself), bothered (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/bothered), concerned (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/concerned), confused (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/confused), crazed (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/crazed)*, crazy (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/crazy), discomposed, distracted (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/distracted), distrait, distressed (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/distressed), flustered, frantic (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/frantic), harassed, hysterical (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/hysterical), in a panic, like a chicken with its head cut off, mad (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/mad), muddled (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/muddled), nonplussed, nuts (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/nuts)*, out of one’s mind, overwrought (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/overwrought), perturbed, rattled, raving (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/raving), shook up, thrown, tormented, troubled (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/troubled), unglued, unscrewed, unzipped, wild (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/wild), worried (http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/worried)

I look like a deer frozen in headlights when I am distraught, because I am that "hyperfocused" on something that has hit the right spott in explaining all my worst fears, had I been so naive using as a defense mechanism.

Feelings of depersonalization may arise due to life-threatening experiences, such as accidents, assault, or serious illness or injury. The most common immediate precipitants of the disorder are continued severe stress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(medicine)), severe anxiety (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety), major depressive disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder) and panic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic), high grade marijuana (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannabis_(drug)) and hallucinogen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychedelics,_dissociatives_and_deliriants) ingestion.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-6>[7] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder#cite_note-6)</SUP>
Depersonalization disorder is most commonly associated with continuous trauma of any type, progressive trauma may lead to the individual dissociating multiple amounts of times and in some cases develop from then on to be distinctively persistent symptoms

Anxiety is a generalized mood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_(psychology)) state that occurs without an identifiable triggering stimulus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stimulus). As such, it is distinguished from fear (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear), which occurs in the presence of an external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-1>[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety#cite_note-1)</SUP>
Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(biological)). It may help a person to deal with a difficult situation, for example at work or at school, by prompting one to cope with it. When anxiety becomes excessive, it may fall under the classification of an anxiety disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder).<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-2>[ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety#cite_note-2)</SUP>
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the state in which a being is aware of its possible nonbeing" and he listed three categories for the nonbeing and resulting anxiety: ontic (fate and death), moral (guilt and condemnation), and spiritual (emptiness and meaninglessness). According to Tillich, the last of these three types of existential anxiety is predominant in modern times while the others were predominant in earlier periods. Tillich argues that this anxiety can be accepted as part of the human condition or it can be resisted but with negative consequences. In its pathological form, spiritual anxiety may tend to "drive the person toward the creation of certitude in systems of meaning which are supported by tradition and authority" even though such "undoubted certitude is not built on the rock of reality".

According to Viktor Frankl (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl), author of Man's Search for Meaning (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning), when faced with extreme mortal dangers the very basic of all human wishes is to find a meaning of life (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meaning_of_life) to combat this "trauma of nonbeing" as death is near and succumbing to it (even by suicide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide)) seems attractive

Stress is a biological term which refers to the consequences of the failure of a human or animal body to respond appropriately to emotional (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion) or physical (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body) threats to the organism, whether actual or imagined.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-0>[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(biological)#cite_note-0)</SUP> It includes a state of alarm and adrenaline production, short-term resistance as a coping mechanism, and exhaustion. It refers to the inability of a human or animal body to respond. Common stress symptoms include irritability, muscular tension, inability to concentrate and a variety of physical reactions, such as headaches and accelerated heart rate.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-1>[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(biological)#cite_note-1)</SUP>
The term "stress" was first used by the endocrinologist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endocrinologist) Hans Selye (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Selye) in the 1930s to identify physiological responses in laboratory animals. He later broadened and popularized the concept to include the perceptions and responses of humans trying to adapt to the challenges of everyday life. In Selye's terminology, "stress" refers to the reaction of the organism, and "stressor" to the perceived threat. Stress in certain circumstances may be experienced positively. Eustress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eustress), for example, can be an adaptive response prompting the activation of internal resources to meet challenges and achieve

Alarm is the first stage. When the threat or stressor is identified or realized, the body's stress response is a state of alarm. During this stage adrenaline will be produced in order to bring about the fight-or-flight response (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response). There is also some activation of the HPA axis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal_axis), producing cortisol (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol). Resistance is the second stage. If the stressor persists, it becomes necessary to attempt some means of coping with the stress. Although the body begins to try to adapt to the strains or demands of the environment, the body cannot keep this up indefinitely, so its resources are gradually depleted. Exhaustion is the third and final stage in the GAS model. At this point, all of the body's resources are eventually depleted and the body is unable to maintain normal function. At this point the initial autonomic nervous system (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomic_nervous_system) symptoms may reappear (sweating, raised heart rate etc.). If stage three is extended, long term damage may result as the capacity of glands, especially the adrenal gland, and the immune system is exhausted and function is impaired resulting in decompensation. The result can manifest itself in obvious illnesses such as ulcers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulcer), depression (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression), diabetes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetes), trouble with the digestive system (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestive_system) or even cardiovascular (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardiovascular) problems, along with other mental illnesses.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/cc/General_Adaptation_Syndrome.jpg/300px-General_Adaptation_Syndrome.jpg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:General_Adaptation_Syndrome.jpg)

[edit (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Stress_(biological)&action=edit&section=3)] Selye: eustress and distress

Hans Selye (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Selye) published in 1975 a model dividing stress into eustress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eustress) and distress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distress).<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-5>[6] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(biological)#cite_note-5)</SUP> Where stress enhances function (physical or mental, such as through strength training (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strength_training) or challenging work) it may be considered eustress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eustress). Persistent stress that is not resolved through coping or adaptation, deemed distress (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distress), may lead to anxiety (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety) or withdrawal (depression (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression)) behavior. The difference between experiences which result in eustress or distress is determined by the disparity between an experience (real or imagined), personal expectations, and resources to cope with the stress. Alarming experiences, either real or imagined, can trigger a stress response.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-6>[ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(biological)#cite_note-6)</SUP>
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ADHD-I is different from the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, forgetfulness, and lethargy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lethargy)(Fatigue), but with less or none of the symptoms of hyperactivity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperactivity) or impulsiveness typical of the other ADHD subtypes. Children with ADHD-I are usually not diagnosed nearly as early as children with other ADHD subtypes, possibly because their lack of hyperactivity symptoms may make their condition less obvious to observers.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-add_college_0-0>[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentive_ADD#cite_note-add_college-0)</SUP> These children are at greater risk of academic failures and early withdrawal from school.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-adhd_in_adulthood_1-0>[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentive_ADD#cite_note-adhd_in_adulthood-1)</SUP> Teachers and parents may make incorrect assumptions about the behaviors and attitudes of a child with undiagnosed ADHD-I, and may provide them with frequent and erroneous negative feedback (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_feedback) (e.g. "you're irresponsible", "you're lazy", "you just aren't trying", etc.).<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-not_lazy_stupid_or_crazy_2-0>[3] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentive_ADD#cite_note-not_lazy_stupid_or_crazy-2)</SUP> The more intelligent inattentive children may realize on some level that they are somehow different internally from their peers; however, they are unfortunately also likely to accept and internalize the continuous negative feedback, creating a negative self-image (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-image) that becomes self-reinforcing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-reinforcing). If these children progress into adulthood undiagnosed and untreated, their inattentiveness, ongoing frustrations, and poor self-image frequently create numerous and severe problems maintaining healthy relationships, succeeding in postsecondary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postsecondary) schooling, or succeeding in the workplace. These problems can compound frustrations and low self-esteem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem), and will often lead to the development of secondary pathologies including anxiety disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorders), mood disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorders), and substance abuse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substance_abuse)

ADHD-I is different from the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, forgetfulness, and lethargy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lethargy)(Fatigue), but with less or none of the symptoms of hyperactivity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperactivity) or impulsiveness typical of the other ADHD subtypes. Children with ADHD-I are usually not diagnosed nearly as early as children with other ADHD subtypes, possibly because their lack of hyperactivity symptoms may make their condition less obvious to observers.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-add_college_0-0>[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentive_ADD#cite_note-add_college-0)</SUP> These children are at greater risk of academic failures and early withdrawal from school.<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-adhd_in_adulthood_1-0>[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentive_ADD#cite_note-adhd_in_adulthood-1)</SUP> Teachers and parents may make incorrect assumptions about the behaviors and attitudes of a child with undiagnosed ADHD-I, and may provide them with frequent and erroneous negative feedback (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_feedback) (e.g. "you're irresponsible", "you're lazy", "you just aren't trying", etc.).<SUP class=reference id=cite_ref-not_lazy_stupid_or_crazy_2-0>[3] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentive_ADD#cite_note-not_lazy_stupid_or_crazy-2)</SUP> The more intelligent inattentive children may realize on some level that they are somehow different internally from their peers; however, they are unfortunately also likely to accept and internalize the continuous negative feedback, creating a negative self-image (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-image) that becomes self-reinforcing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-reinforcing). If these children progress into adulthood undiagnosed and untreated, their inattentiveness, ongoing frustrations, and poor self-image frequently create numerous and severe problems maintaining healthy relationships, succeeding in postsecondary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postsecondary) schooling, or succeeding in the workplace. These problems can compound frustrations and low self-esteem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem), and will often lead to the development of secondary pathologies including anxiety disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorders), mood disorders (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorders), and substance abuse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substance_abuse)


Although panic attacks sometimes seem to occur out of nowhere, they generally happen after frightening experiences, prolonged stress, or even exercise. Many people who have panic attacks (especially their first one) think they are having a heart attack and often end up at the doctor or emergency room (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_room). Even if the tests all come back normal the person will still worry, with the physical manifestations of anxiety only reinforcing their fear that something is wrong with their body. Heightened awareness (hypervigilance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance)) of any change in the normal function of the human body will be noticed and interpreted as a possible life threatening illness (i.e. extreme hypochondriasis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypochondriasis)) by an individuaanic attacks.

I thought this little tid bit was cool-
Depressive realism is the proposition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proposition) that people with depression (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression) have a more accurate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accuracy_and_precision) view of reality.
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<LI class=toclevel-1>1 Studies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism#Studies) <LI class=toclevel-1>2 Arguments (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism#Arguments) <LI class=toclevel-1>3 References (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism#References)
4 See also (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism#See_also)
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[edit (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Depressive_realism&action=edit&section=1)] Studies

Studies by psychologists Alloy and Abramson (1979) and Dobson and Franche (1989) showed that depressed people appear to have a more realistic perception (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perception) of their importance, reputation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reputation), locus of control (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control), and abilities (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ability) than those who are not depressed.
People without depression are more likely to have inflated self-images (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_image) and look at the world through "rose-colored glasses", thanks to cognitive dissonance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance) and a variety of other defense mechanisms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_mechanism).
This does not necessarily imply that a happy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness) person is delusional (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusion) or deny that some depressed individuals may be unrealistically negative (as in studies by Pacini, Muir and Epstein, 1998).

[edit (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Depressive_realism&action=edit&section=2)] Arguments

Since there is evidence that positive illusions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusion) are more common in normally mentally healthy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health) individuals than in depressed individuals, Taylor and Brown (1988) argue that they are adaptive.
However, Pacini, Muir and Epstein (1998) have shown that the depressive realism effect may be because depressed people overcompensate for a tendency (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tendency) toward maladaptive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adaptive) intuitive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intuition_(knowledge)) processing by exercising excessive rational control in trivial situations, and note that the difference with non-depressed people disappears in more consequential circumstances.
Knee and Zuckerman (1998) have challenged the definition of mental health (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_health) used by Taylor and Brown and argue that lack of illusions is associated with a non-defensive personality oriented towards growth and learning (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning) and with low ego involvement in outcomes. They present evidence that self-determined individuals are less prone to these illusions.
Dykman et al (1989) argued that, although depressive people make more accurate judgements about having no control in situations where in fact they have no control, they also believe they have no control when in fact they do; and so their perceptions are not more accurate overall.


... well somewhere in there it basically shows how they all work together. Most people with anxiety go through a mode of thinking they have every disorder, maybe even a brain tumor (I've thought it before). While all in all, they are just worrying every second about everything under the sun which starts to make them worrying about worrying and analyzing their thoughts- creating distorted views of reality.
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olavia
12-18-08, 08:54 PM
Kwalk, do you read my mind or what? I so can relate to what you wrote.

Just this week I was really pondering whether there is some sort of depersonalization in my ADD, or whether ADD inattentive feels the same way or whatever. I feel so dreamy a lot of the time, almost like I canīt feel myself, my body, like I am sleepwalking, I just want to get out of it and get real! (Sadly, Edronax is not working that great anymore, and I started getting TERRIBLY cold hands and feet).

But I donīt feel anxious??

I only feel that this state is very very unpleasant. It is hard to connect with other people when I am in it too, feels like I am doomed to observe and analyze everything, but I canīt communicate that. So fed up!

XxMichellexX
12-18-08, 09:01 PM
http://s165.photobucket.com/albums/u73/cyarena/comments/quotes/images/pic13.jpg

kwalk
12-20-08, 05:23 PM
Kwalk, do you read my mind or what? I so can relate to what you wrote.

Just this week I was really pondering whether there is some sort of depersonalization in my ADD, or whether ADD inattentive feels the same way or whatever. I feel so dreamy a lot of the time, almost like I canīt feel myself, my body, like I am sleepwalking, I just want to get out of it and get real! (Sadly, Edronax is not working that great anymore, and I started getting TERRIBLY cold hands and feet).

But I donīt feel anxious??

I only feel that this state is very very unpleasant. It is hard to connect with other people when I am in it too, feels like I am doomed to observe and analyze everything, but I canīt communicate that. So fed up!

I'm sorry to see you're endronax isn't helping as much- I'd like to tell you though, that I've discovered my medication is working by not expecting much from it. By not getting freaked out that i'm not listening to people, and when I do, I praise it. It also helps having fun and letting yourself get overstimulated. I'm not sure what you are concentrating on, if it's not a school or work necessity, might not want to expect too much ya know?


Right now I've been trying to appreciate what I have and be patient, because like my friend said, I'll be miserable depending on having all problems answered.


thanks michelle, perfectly said.

reality911
03-02-09, 10:45 PM
I totally feel you there too, I have the most amazing dreams at night. I travel to distant places that do or do not exist, I have life changing experiences, I have a clear vision of what I have to do,and then....I wake up. I wake up to distraction, indecision, insecurity, fear. My nightmare is more like a daymare...and it is always while I am awake, and while I am asleep, everything works out somehow. I have been to India in my dreams so many times, Afrika, and strange cities that are some strange conglomeration of all the places I have been. And when I awake, I awake to all that I haven't gotten done the day before. To all the mistakes I have made and need to correct, to all the things that I can't seem to do right...sigh (to self) This will pass, this all will all pass...keep on the road that makes me strong.

kwalk
03-03-09, 10:04 AM
I didn't want to wake up to this this morning, as I have to dismiss these thoughts everyday.

gnbeg
03-06-09, 07:47 PM
Been thinking about the subject of this post for a long time. Yah, I have those thoughts, especially when I'm in a crowd, and I SWEAR, I AM INVISIBLE. It's like I'm not even there as far as the rest of the crowd goes. I don't know what the answer is - it's so hard to try to be VISIBLE in this situation.

THe other thought I had... speaking for myself, I am so incredibly hard on myself. I beat myself up for the smallest mistakes. Anxious over the slightest worry. Yet, I KNOW, somewhere :) there is talent and abilities and other special "stuff" that I bring to this planet that no one else can bring. It's so hard though, to consider the latter when the mistakes are so easy to take over my thoughts.

kwalk
03-06-09, 10:15 PM
I feel more invisible/ as if my body isn't really there in reality, the longer I have to sit still, with multiple people.