Hi i'm still new to all of this my son was recently put on meds for his adhd. I have noticed a huge change and thats good. But I realize meds are only part of it right now I am so upset with myself thinking of all the dicipline (sp) mistakes i have made. I don't know the best way to ease into behavior modification or what ever. I am a softy with bolth of my kids but I don't want to make any more mistakes. My husband works out of state through the week and is home for 3 days every 6. He is my son's step father but loves him and is so much more concerned than his bio ever will be. (bio hasn't seen him in 2 yrs)
Anyway my concern is that i'm going to feel bad whenever my son becomes inappropriate and do nothing telling myself that he can't help it. Is this something anyone struggled with and are there any online recources to give dicipline ideas for the home of kids w/adhd? My husband is so much more on top of the little things than me and in turn seems to have a respect and love from my son that is different than how my son interacts with me.
I guess I need to know that it's ok to say no and that it won't scar him for life to have limits. Just what can be expected from a 5 year old with this condition?

Here is a short article from about.com about discipline. Maybe some of this will help. I'd say it's best to decide which behaviors are the most troublesome, and try to work on those first. Often, the kid will act up more when you change your approach. This is normal, and things will eventually settle down! Also try to catch your child being good, and tell him how pleased you are. (This one is tougher for some reason ... ;) )

How to Give Effective Consequences For Misbehavior

The purpose of discipline is to teach self-control and self-discipline. Using effective consequences can break the cycle of non-compliance by your child.

Difficulty Level: Hard Time Required: 1 Hour

Here's How:
1. When you notice non-compliance, first give a reminder. Remember to make direct eye contact. This simple strategy will work most of the time.
2. Begin to think of an effective consequence if the reminder doesn't work.
3. An effective consequence is 1) clear and specific; 2) logically related to the misbehavior; 3) time-limited; 4) varied.
4. Continued misbehavior requires a warning of the consequence. 5. Move closer to the child than normal conversational distance and make direct and prolonged eye contact.
6. Be very specific about your expectation and the time frame for compliance. Tell him exactly what the consequence of noncompliance will be.
7. Walk away and give him the opportunity to comply.
8. If the warning doesn't work, send the child to his room while you both cool off.
9. Ignore arguing, whining or expressions of anger.
10. After a few minutes go to the child's room. Speak calmly and without emotion. Explain that the consequence is now in effect and how long it will last.
11. Avoid power struggles by listening to your child and helping him plan how he will do what it is that you ask of him.
12. Don't let the consequence slide. Enforce it.



Tips:
Don't use yelling, sarcasm, name calling, insulting or hitting. Keep your own emotions in control
Do show respect for your child and recognize his good intentions. Let him know that you know he wants to do the right thing and you are here to help him learn how.

I have nothing more to add then what krisp has already posted. But, you are not alone. Just remind yourself...YOU are responsible for teaching your children respect for rules. If you don't teach them at home how can you ever expect them to follow societies laws and rules? I have a little mind game I play with myself when I feel mean and am going to cave in and let them off easy or ignore the behaviour. I picture what it will be like to talk to my child behind bar's or thru a plate glass window.

It is also very important, especially in ADHD children, to reward the good behaviour. Typically kids with ADD/ADHD don't get a lot of praise at school and sometimes not at home either. If all you ever hear is "no" it becomes ineffective. Self esteem becomes an issue too if there is no positive reinforcement.
My $.02

I think your .02 is excellant advice Gregster.

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess I'm feeling like I did something to make this worse for him. Probably just the normal parental reaction to all of this stuff. I just know that there are things I have to change in order to help him. The positives will be a good place to start, I always tell him I love him and how much he means to me and hold him (as much as he'll let me), but that is not the same as vocalizing how happy I am that he did such and such . So thanks for the advice!!

I think the feelings of guilt are normal ... we all go through that ... but his problems aren't really your fault. Hang in there, and keep us posted!

Feelings of guilt are normal...............my parents went though that when I was dx'ed with ADD. They never believed me when I tried to tell them something was wrong. So I wasn't diagnosed until I was 20 when I took myself in to see what was causing the problem. I didn't think of ADD I just thought I was dyslexic and had an unhealthy self-esstem. At first I did get mad about how my parents never listened to me when I said something was wrong that I had no control over at the time. They just thought I was making excues for not doing well in school etc. But now after almost 5 years I don't blame them at all. They didn't know so what could they really do? Not much was known about ADD when I was growing up and even if they knew I don't think they will ever fully understand because they don't have it too. All I care about is that they try. That is all that matters. So what if they make mistakes we are all human and nothing is perfict. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing because I might not be who I am today. I love my parents and they are my best friends even though all we went though. So all I am saying is don't let it get you so down. Just learn as much as you can and if you make a mistake be sure you learn from it. Thats all it takes to be a good parent I think, that and lots of love.;)

I agree with the rewarding good behavior.....................even with small things like for ex...........He cleans and you didn't have to ask................my parents would make a big deal out of it and ask if I was sick or where is our daughter (funny sometimes but not so funny all the time) All I wanted was a simple thank you or good job not Are you sick? You never clean when we haven't asked you 50 times already first. It got old when I could predict what they were going to say but when they relized a thank you was all I needed I would do things like that more offten without having to be asked all the time. Hope that helps you some.

I agree Bri
It is very important to praise good behavior..... not only scold for bad behavior.
We all like to be noticed for the good we do & a simple thank you is always welcomed.