In which I am talking about is, the thoughts in your head, maybe a little bit all day or at the end of the day, or a different time once a day, having the sadness of reality. ADD reality at most, that things aren't going to turn around in your favor. The sadness that could prevent you from even trying to turn around your life, but also even if you did turn around your life, the sadness is still there because it was nowhere near what you dreamed it be. Not perfect or anything, but enjoyable to some respect. So instead of being able to pay attention to this new situation that you planned, you're in the other room or infront of what you've set up for yourself to enjoy, thinking and feeling sad because you're not really paying attention at all, but those feelings make it seem ten times worse, making everything look grey.