ARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am So ANGRY!

Let me tell you why and see if others have this too

Here is what happened last night/this morning. It is a typical example of what makes me angry and it happens ALL the time. Every day several times i end up SO frustrated - feel that i have no control over my life because i cannot do simple things without knocking things over, having stuff fall out on me, hurting myself or hitting my head, etc etc...
when i first went on dexamphetamine i had 3 weeks and none of thewse, but they have returned now, not as many as before, but it seems that 5 mins after starting - i build tolerance to meds...grrr

Anyway here is last nights episode, the events in it are typoica, and not just in my camper, in a house, anywhere i am the same stupid things happen all the time, i am a walking disaster!

Ive been up most the night and decide to go to bed. I am camping in my campervan.
I decide as it almost morning that I need my ear plugs so I can sleep (especially since the ppl camping next to me spend all day screaming and swearing at each other and their kids)

Anyway - i look where i think they are...not there. Having no idea where they are i proceed to check everywhere in the camper.

As I look the following things happen constantly:

Cupboards:
- open them things fall out everywhere
- try to open hurt hand on handle
- try to shut hurt hand
- try to shut doors wont line up and shut
- try to open something in the way cant open, cant move thing without taking half a dozen other things outside the camper

Bags (stuff in bags cos im on holiday)

- try to get bag from front of camper (driving area) to back (where I am) something on bag will ALWAYS catch on something else
- try to open bag zipper sticks, or is on other side or the stupid puller thing on zipper has disappeared
- item is not in bag or at bottom, or at top and i dont see it till ive taken everything out

Moving about

- walk past laptop and buckles on my shoe catch on laptop cord and i feel the pressure and try and stop myself basically dragging the laptop onto the floor and injure myself in attempt

Doors

wont open, wont shut, hit head on rood entering/exiting

Tripping over things, things fallout out everywhere over me, ear plugs no where to be seen


I end up SOOOOOOO angry because no matter how I try, stupid simple things like picking up a bag, opening a cupboard, are so dam hard to do. As I am typing this i am getting angtry and now i cant type a bloody word without typos everywhere

and this is the 2nd time i have typed it - got this far, and god knows how, my fingers accidentally hit something and suddenly the whole lot was gone and no edit/undo, back a page etc would get it back - thats very typical - having to write things out 2-3 times.

It seems that i just CANNOT do simple things. Its not just in the camper as described above, its every day everywhere all the time, and I get so angry that I cant just do these simple normal things without so much stress and mess and things falling out everywhere and things lost

I end up wanting to just smash everything, Ill be opening the cupboard and things fall out and i grab them and throw them back in or out the door or whatever and then something else falls on me from a shelf or something and so i want to chuck that too, or i pick something up and its caught on something else and instead of loosening it i just want to rip it as hard as i can. I know its irrational, I know its adhd but it is just so STRONG, I cant help it

doesnt last long and after i feel relieved, relaxed but depressed

I never ever want to be violent to a person,. just to objects - though if any person gets in the way (with what i see to be their stupid questions and comments) I will usually get ****ty at them and upset them.

does anyone else get this or am i the only one? any tips for dealing with it? as I said its REALLY strong and i dont know anyways to overcome it when it hits me

its most definately worse when I am depressed, frustrated or generally things are not going well in my personal life.

No offense to the person who posted this:

Feel your entire body right now - everything from your toes, to your back, to even the hair on your head.
Think of how fun it is to be right here, right now.
What do you really want from this moment?
etc etc

but

if someone asked me to 'think about how much fun it is to be here right now' i'd tell them no uncertain terms to 'f--k off'.

same with the 'what do you want from this moment'...what do i want? I want the f--king bag to just not catch on every bloody thing the f--king cupboard doors to open and shut like everyone elses, the f--king whatever to stay in the cupboard ffs and the stupid keyboard on my laptop or my typing to not delete everything i just wrote... and i want to smash everything, THATS what i want from this moment....and to not have someone ask me such questions when i am this ****ed....

In other words when i am in this state it feels uncontrollable, and i dont know what i can do when this hits me, to calm down. Ive always been that way - many toys destroyed as a child.

anyone else experience this like I do? any advice on how to stop it?

i had a similar time trying to get ready this morning (i say morning, but it was about 2pm). i woke and saw the mess that my house was ( i live with my bf and his little brother and then my little brother stayed the night) and was filled with rage. not just at the fact that everything was so messy, but because i had let it get that bad. woke bf up and told him i needed help cleaning and he said, " you never do it alone." which ****ed me off, because i do all the basic picking up myself, picking up the dirty dishes that got left out all nite, throwing away pop cans, misc garbage they leave out, emptying the ashtray, etc. plus i didn't do dishes when i got home the past two nights so it looks like all my cupboards spit all the dishes in the sink and onto the counters. so i woke up to all of this and immediately wanted it to disappear. i took a deep breath, informed the bf that i was in a ****y mood and then calmly asked him to pick up a little while he was off today, so when i came home it wouldn't be as bad as i left it and i wouldn't have such a hard time finishing the job. he agreed bc he is amazing and i started getting ready for work. showered, dried, brush teeth, makeup, dry hair, etc. try to get everything i need to get out of the door all togther, make sure i have my work id, purse, wallet and phone in purse, pack lunch, cigarettes, check, check, check. well i couldn't hold on to anything today. everytime i picked something up, i dropped it. bf's little brother is taking forever and now we're going to be late. i hate being late bc i'm so good at losing track of time, that i am very careful to get ready on time for work. gave bf a hug goodbye, about fell on the couch and dropped my purse. at this point i am holding a large purse, a bag lunch, keys, and a cigarette and trying to keep myself balanced. i get aggravated, but make it out the door. struggling to get car door open, push seat forward (bf is large, tall man, i am about 6 in shorter) and get seatbelt on and drop my cigarette 4 times, on my pants, on my purse, caught one time and the final time on the floor. said bad words very loudly. bf's brother at this point helps me put my seatbelt on and starts conversation to distract me. we get to work about 10 mins late with no incident besides me swearing at drivers and flicking someone off for cutting me off.

it's not usually this extremely bad, but when i get ****ed and things keep f***ing up, i get raging crazy mad. like when i hurt myself bc i am so clumsy like stub my toe, bang my shin on a table leg, etc. i have to literally curse or bite my lip and roll my eyes.

i have always been like this and have no idea on how to stop it. i just try to take a deep breath and my bf usually tells me i'm overracting and that he loves me and then gets me to smile. i'm pretty lucky to have him. he takes good care of me.

To quote Dr Phil, how's it working for you? Look, I have to say that Strattera really cut my temper down, but I also made a command decision to note things with interest rather than go berserk. I also found a tiny dose of antidepressant was good too. You don't have to be fully depressed to use them, I used to get black moods several times a week which are now gone with 10mg of Lexapro. Biggest triumph though was losing road rage. I just decided it wasn't worth it any more. Just decided mistakes by other drivers were a fact of life. Half the time they didn't even know i was cross. why bother?

Oh my yes, I've had days like that. Just one or two incidents a day is not that difficult to live with, but on the days when everything falls or drops or goes bump or gets lost..... Yes, I admit, I've lost my temper then too. Having your life go that way most of the time certainly can lead to low self-esteem and blaming yourself because you can't manage things better or be more graceful and less accident-prone, and when you're feeling low it's very difficult to be positive and cheerful.

Add chronic pain (migraines, arthritis, fibromyalgia) to the mix and there are days at a time when I can't control my temper well enough to come out of my bedroom and try to deal with my family - much less get out and go to work or go shopping and deal with strangers.

my dosgs dragged a roll of toilet paper all over the entire house the other day. I had a long hard day at work and a terrible morning too and was looking forward to just relaxing when I got home. I ended up punching the carpet with my fists (I put the dogs in the other room so as not to frighten them) and having a big real tantrum in my living room for about half an hour.

then I picked up all the bits of scraps of toilet paper and let the dogs out and took a hot shower. but the tantrum helped the most.

This is my exact problem. ADD meds do work for me for this, but I do feel like the meds run out after 6 hours when it's supposed to last 12. Depression meds do nothing. Smoking seemed to calm me. Crying from frustration (not b/c im sad or anything like that) for just a minute would help too, but that doesn't go over well with people either. (or maybe it's a girls named Kimmy thing? heehee)

I can relate.

I think you're going through what I used to go through, and that is simply being in a constant state of being overwhelmed: it only took one little thing to flip me off. Everything just seemed to p*ss me off.

What's helped me is meds: Lexapro + Ritalin (plus some non med things).

I think we all have these kinds of times. Some more than others! LOL

I think that since starting meds (especially Strattera) my temper usually gets the best of me.

I think it's also like Driver said, I know I feel overwhelmed often.

Just know that you're not alone, it happens to all of us.

Nikki

No offense to the person who posted this:

Feel your entire body right now - everything from your toes, to your back, to even the hair on your head.
Think of how fun it is to be right here, right now.
What do you really want from this moment?
etc etc

but

if someone asked me to 'think about how much fun it is to be here right now' i'd tell them no uncertain terms to 'f--k off'.



Yes, I think that there are a lot of words to describe how I feel when I've just spent the entire morning bumping my head, having things fall out of cupboards, accidentally banging my watch against the doorframes when I go through (this is a constant for me, for some reason), having the stupid shower caddy thing slip down on the shower head and dump the soap into the tub, managing to lose every single thing I picked up within SECONDS of picking it up, etc., but "fun" is not one of them.

And screaming for a minute really can help:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1105266/Feeling-stressed-You-ought-tantrum.html

Feeling stressed? You ought to have a tantrum

'Releasing tension through shouting and screaming is a really beneficial way to expel the negative energies caused by stress,' said body language expert Judi James, the Big Brother psychologist.

Seriously, a lot of times if I just scream or smack something (not someone, though), I feel SO much better. Theoretically it sounds good to be one of those folks that never get angry over anything, but I always suspect that they end up dying young of a stroke or something because they held it all in.

Kimmy,
Yes,yes and yes again! Every day! I thought I was alone in this. It angers and frustrates me to no end! I try not to get angry, but the moment I make some stupid slip-up, I'm uttering expletives either under my breath or right out loud, especially at work. I work for a major snack food company, loading potato chips onto trucks for shipment to stores. When you get your chips home, open the bag and find many crumbly chips, that's probably my fault. Sorry :(. I tend to take my aggression out on the poor potato chips (no lie). Very irrational indeed. I never feel hostile towards people, just inanimate objects. At work, the inanimate objects just happen to be cases of potato chips! So, they end up paying the price during my tantrums! Thanks for listening! Peace-

Don

Do you have a motor control disability? Your situation sounds particularly serious. (My SO is like this, but seems oblivious to it.) The other day, he sort of dumped the baby into the car seat. I was freaked out to see that happen.

have you Talked to your doctor?

What did he say?

Do you have a motor control disability? Your situation sounds particularly serious. (My SO is like this, but seems oblivious to it.) The other day, he sort of dumped the baby into the car seat. I was freaked out to see that happen.

ADD and poor motor skills go hand in hand.

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1626473
http://www.news-medical.net/?id=42464

I have days likes this or is it weeks and months? I consistently have a bruise somewhere that I don't know how I got it. (forgot) I bang my head into cupboards, I bash my shin and my toes into stuff. I walk into things, trip, and then when I do get enraged it usually means I'll injure myself more. I think it's because anger speeds me up, and I move quicker.

Feel your entire body right now - everything from your toes, to your back, to even the hair on your head.
Think of how fun it is to be right here, right now.
What do you really want from this moment?
etc etc

but

if someone asked me to 'think about how much fun it is to be here right now' i'd tell them no uncertain terms to 'f--k off'.


That made me laugh. I had a friend of mine that was having a bit of a tanrtum at work, due to little stuff like this happening, he and I both were very aggravated and the two of us were kind of sharing a tantrum (not at each other) and someone walked in and said "you guys need to chill out"

he turned to him and said "YOU need to chill out on telling us to chill out!"

I started laughing. It was exactly right.

i had a similar time trying to get ready this morning (i say morning, but it was about 2pm). i woke and saw the mess that my house was ( i live with my bf and his little brother and then my little brother stayed the night) and was filled with rage. not just at the fact that everything was so messy, but because i had let it get that bad. woke bf up and told him i needed help cleaning and he said, " you never do it alone." which ****ed me off, because i do all the basic picking up myself, picking up the dirty dishes that got left out all nite, throwing away pop cans, misc garbage they leave out, emptying the ashtray, etc. plus i didn't do dishes when i got home the past two nights so it looks like all my cupboards spit all the dishes in the sink and onto the counters. so i woke up to all of this and immediately wanted it to disappear. i took a deep breath, informed the bf that i was in a ****y mood and then calmly asked him to pick up a little while he was off today, so when i came home it wouldn't be as bad as i left it and i wouldn't have such a hard time finishing the job. he agreed bc he is amazing and i started getting ready for work. showered, dried, brush teeth, makeup, dry hair, etc. try to get everything i need to get out of the door all togther, make sure i have my work id, purse, wallet and phone in purse, pack lunch, cigarettes, check, check, check. well i couldn't hold on to anything today. everytime i picked something up, i dropped it. bf's little brother is taking forever and now we're going to be late. i hate being late bc i'm so good at losing track of time, that i am very careful to get ready on time for work. gave bf a hug goodbye, about fell on the couch and dropped my purse. at this point i am holding a large purse, a bag lunch, keys, and a cigarette and trying to keep myself balanced. i get aggravated, but make it out the door. struggling to get car door open, push seat forward (bf is large, tall man, i am about 6 in shorter) and get seatbelt on and drop my cigarette 4 times, on my pants, on my purse, caught one time and the final time on the floor. said bad words very loudly. bf's brother at this point helps me put my seatbelt on and starts conversation to distract me. we get to work about 10 mins late with no incident besides me swearing at drivers and flicking someone off for cutting me off.

it's not usually this extremely bad, but when i get ****ed and things keep f***ing up, i get raging crazy mad. like when i hurt myself bc i am so clumsy like stub my toe, bang my shin on a table leg, etc. i have to literally curse or bite my lip and roll my eyes.

i have always been like this and have no idea on how to stop it. i just try to take a deep breath and my bf usually tells me i'm overracting and that he loves me and then gets me to smile. i'm pretty lucky to have him. he takes good care of me.

hehe sounds like a pretty typical day to me :)

Crying from frustration (not b/c im sad or anything like that) for just a minute would help too, but that doesn't go over well with people either. (or maybe it's a girls named Kimmy thing? heehee)

I think I do that... the ARRRGHHH no matter what I do, its all messy and late and f--ked I cant win cry

does anyone else ever feel as though there is a curse always over them... like everything you try and do, always always gos the wrong way (if you usze your gps it will send you the wrong way, if you really really really need your car to start it wont (even though its never not started ever before), if you need to call someone your phone wont work, if you need to wear a skirt to work all skirts will be dirty or you put on the one clean one and spill something on it or the seam rips or you get to work and THEN realise the seam ripped and you are not even decent!

or if you have to take a bus that day it will be late, if you are walking it will rain, heavily even in the middle of a drought, for me,when i was camping.. walk miles to the showerblock, get there no shampoo, walk all the way back for shampoo, find that - lose keys to camper while looking - find keys 20 mins later back at shower block... forgot razor, wearing sleeveless top, and havent shaved for 3 days cost forgot razor last couple of days as well... back again to get that - another 20 mins....
finally get in car... traffic ten times worse than usual (ie someone has decided to get married at 8am and has the entire city in the entourage, accident in the way, of course you need to get gas and are so close to empty it cant wait til the way home, and the heel on your shoe breaks and you have to go back home for another or walk around work in bare feet, then when you get back home... again, if you have IBS like me, that hits you and you HAVE to visit the loos

so by the time you get to work you are about an hour late, even though you were up 3 hrs before start time...

and all the way through the above described drama you are wanting to scream and yell and smash things at the utter unfairness of it all and the fact that no matter how hard you try you just cant win.. and you are about to be barrelled again for being late, and you just f--king give up on ever coming out in front!

Oh my yes, I've had days like that. Just one or two incidents a day is not that difficult to live with, but on the days when everything falls or drops or goes bump or gets lost.....

I have those days everyday

I just figured it was an adhd thing

do others not have those days every day???

whenever i have to be in a certain place at a certain time, i have one of those days, and i feel like I just cannot win, no matter how early i get up, or how hard i try or pre plan or whatever... i will be late...because someone up there is just sitting there moving things, breaking things, and generally causing havoc

I feel as though I am murphys law in the flesh times a million......

and to make it worse.... everyone always blames it all on me....

Do you ever just feel as though - why even bother - no matter how hard I try - ill be late or wrong and this will end with someone telling me how disappointed in me, after I've screamed, yelled, cried, and sat in a pathetic pile, trying to do/get to/be whatever this person is going to be disappointed in me for...... like

why even try - i may as well sit and do nothing because when i try it still doesnt happen, and i get the blame.

Kimmy,
Yes,yes and yes again! Every day! I thought I was alone in this. It angers and frustrates me to no end! I try not to get angry, but the moment I make some stupid slip-up, I'm uttering expletives either under my breath or right out loud, especially at work. I work for a major snack food company, loading potato chips onto trucks for shipment to stores. When you get your chips home, open the bag and find many crumbly chips, that's probably my fault. Sorry :(. I tend to take my aggression out on the poor potato chips (no lie). Very irrational indeed. I never feel hostile towards people, just inanimate objects. At work, the inanimate objects just happen to be cases of potato chips! So, they end up paying the price during my tantrums! Thanks for listening! Peace-

Don

hehe its inanimate objects with me too

ie

"why couldnt the f--king stupid f--king [object] just stay in the cupboard/work th way its sposed to/not hit me on the leg/not spill all over the floor..." etc

I get SOOOO angry at that dam object and its frustrating self - maybe because its an object and cant explain itself - or cos i know that its me threw it in the cupboard in such a way it would fall out (or overfilled the cupboard so it would fall out,etc)

ADD and poor motor skills go hand in hand.

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1626473
http://www.news-medical.net/?id=42464

THANK YOU!!!! (not sarcasm here, I really mean it.)

Yes, yes, yes to every single thing posted.

And yes, a temper tantrum does help. Just get away from any people or they will (at best) think you are crazy or (at worst) think you are a danger to yourself or others. Don't do it where your children can see you or god forbid they be scarred for life. Get away to some privacy and scream your head off, beat a broom against the floor, or violently shred something you don't care very much about, like a back issue magazine. I once took myself into the basement and did all three of the above. You will feel much better when your tantrum is over, albeit a little sheepish, another good reason for no one to witness it.

Meds help too. Trust me.