As the title sugest everytime I reflect on myself Im disappointed with what I discover. Its not that Im ashamed or want to change(I realize this is a problem, but its in my nature) I am and know that I am a very intelligent person, even with my learning disability and ADD.(I have always done pretty well in school and outstanding on test(not just the ACT and SAts) at least until recently) I cant really explain it, but every time Im introduced to any new drug(solong as its not injeccted though I said the same sort of thing and ended up going on a month long binge). I know I should put myself in those situations, but its gotten to the point that it is a facination, I even decided that I wanted to try ever drug possible one day.(Im not sure I still feel that way) I realize Im not being very articulate, but that is another thing I have a theory that it was about attention, but I am a very private person and you might even say a bit manipulative. So Im not realy sure how that could work seeing as nobody knows that I was addicted to pain killers and would still be if I had some, was addicted to cocaine(though Im a bit scared of it know), was/still may be a bit of an alcoholic, for the first 2 month of school this year the few classes that I would go to I would make sure Id succied it up and even sometime would smoke a jay on the walk. Well this is a bit choppy and confusing but I leave that to the huge blow to my head this afternoon, Im pretty sure it was a concussion cause Ive been througing up. But Anyway I stopped the coke, cut out the weed(though I think I may use it ocationally which I know I can do), but I dont want to stop the painkillers I haven't used them recently and I know they dont effect my work because when I was on them all the time I had probably my best semester in both college and high school. Do you think I should do something about it? And one more thing I take 30mg adderall during the day and 15IR at night, which I know I would love more cause it does make me work so well, but I have seen how bad it can be for you if you abuse it so for my safety I control my use to that perscribed. I sort of just want to get everthing out even if it doesnt make sense so with regart to the manipulation, I just wanted to point out that for the last 3 years of my life nobody has really known me(i withhold information to control what people think of me and it actually works) I remember in high school everyone use to think I was cool and would go out every weekend, but I really only went out ocasstionally and had only two friends who I decided to hang out with less and less cause they didnt meet my standards. The problem I have with that know is that when I let people close they start to realize how I guess you could say phoney I was but I never really said anything that wasnt true I just made myself seem much stonger then I was by leaving that stuff out, but know I find that leaves me in shambles cause I have nobody to release the bad things about myself too.. End

Okay...it sounds to me (and this is JMHO) that your problem is not so much addiction as a love of novelty.

It doesn't sound like you've had a huge amount of trouble quitting various drugs, or that you're falling apart by not having any more pain meds.

I totally get the "I'd like to try every drug" thing...I had that thought more than once in my 20's. And I've also tended to do something a lot for awhile, and then just stop, because I get bored.

However, that all being said, given that you're on Adderall, I wouldn't really recommend playing around with a whole bunch of other drugs. And, based on my own experience, I would have expected that your desire for other drugs would go down upon starting Adderall (it provides the same dopamine increase as a lot of recreational drugs).

Can you talk to your doctor about a small increase in dosage? It might be that you're just not quite getting there with your current dose, and that, therefore, you're still looking for other ways to increase your dopamine even higher (btw, novelty IN AND OF ITSELF increases dopamine).

If all else fails, ask yourself if you really want to spend your life as a slave to pursuing a "really great" feeling, or if pretty good, clear and focused (which you can get from Adderall alone) is good enough. Keep in mind that if you keep taking other, non-prescription, non-legal substances, you could get into a situation (ending up in the hospital or being busted) that could lead to your doc stopping your Adderall.

I know this thread is old, but I just wanted to say that I can relate to what I think I hear you saying. I can remember being 13 and could not wait to try every drug I could get my hands on. I thought everything about it was cool. My goal was to become a druggie, I guess you could say...then a funny thing happened. When I got older and started losing a lot of things that really mattered to me, in direct connection with my using and drinking, and I wanted to stop....I couldn't. I hate that I will always have addiction issues--and for me it is ANYTHING, although opiates are my one true love :) if you take away my drugs, it's alcohol, if you take that away, it's sex, or my weight, or anything I can use to escape my brutal self-dialogue, anxiety, depression. The realization I have recently come to is that if I had spent a fraction of the time and energy I did involving getting drugs/lying/and everything that goes with it on POSITIVE things like yoga, meditation, exercise, etc....Wow. I imagine my life would be pretty kick *** and I would probably like myself too! Ok, I won't keep rambling but just wanted to let you know that I can relate. Don't let anyone tell you if you are an addict or not, especially online people who don't know you. You have the answers inside if you chose to be that honest with yourself. Just be true to yourself girl(?) and then figure out what the plan of action needs to be. Keep me posted!