View Full Version : Need Advice


dharmabum
01-21-09, 12:23 PM
Hi guys -- I'm a mother of an 18 yr old young man who has a severe case of ADHD. I also have ADD.... although diagnosed at a very late age. I know the pain and suffering that is in store for him without his awareness, acknowledgment and acceptance of this syndrome. He knows he is ADD. He smokes pot to "get rid" of it. He refuses any other kind of help. He is a high school drop out b/c he just couldn't handle school. He has anger issues and impulse control issues, has been in jail 5 times since he turned 17 for really stupid impulsive things. As most ADD'ers he is exceptionally smart and as most teen-agers/young adults he is over the top rebellious. I understand all of this but I'd like to get some advice on how I can maybe point him in the right direction. Is there any ADD sites and/or blogs out there especially for teen-agers/young adults? Someone who talks in his language?

Any help would be much appreciated.... and sorry if this is inappropriate of me to be in this forum.

livinginchaos
02-12-09, 03:23 PM
I wish I could give you some magic answer. Unfortunately, with rebellious kids like this and at this age - you usually can attempt to point them in, what you think, is the right direction, but only he can make the decision to take that direction.

Are you sure ADHD is the only disorder he's dealing with?

Michiko74
02-12-09, 07:21 PM
I think living by example is the best thing you can do for him. When he can see a healthy example of someone struggling but managing their ADHD, who knows it might rub off on him. But don't do this assuming that he'll suddenly whip himself into shape. As livinginchaos suggested, there's a lot of things going on here which cannot be remedied with one simple, neat solution.

Right now, you do have to consider the boundaries over which you are willing to accept with regards to his behaviour. He cannot use his feelings or even his ADHD to justify his actions which leads to his arrests. I might suggest that if he wants to live in your home, than he has to be willing to accept help to manage his ADHD. Otherwise, he may have to consider alternative arrangements.

Mind you, I am in no way saying that this is what you have to do. He's your son and it's your life. If you are truly motivated in your desire to help him, than do not accept his poor choices. Doing so brings him no closer towards finding out what talents and gifts lie within him.

Good luck to you mom.

darkland8
02-13-09, 01:41 AM
well here what you do. Become an "Asian parent". Call the cops on him when he's smoking & tell him he has to buy his own food, clothes, ext until you see A's from him. Do everything in your power to make his life inconvenient.

The reason i go to such extremes is because (no offense) but your kids messed up. if your a druggie you don't give a s*** about life so what you have to do is make him give a s***.

OH yes and if he just tries to leave the house because your bring t strict stop him, by force if necessary, but don't let him leave. Also I'd advise you get a safe and get iy nailed to the ground. Don't leave anyhting that he can take and sell for money lyeing out in the open.
Basically what i'm saying is if he wants to act like a child treat him as such.

Also no mater what don't kick him out of the house. If you do then you lose all control over him. He'll just end up going to a friends house and then there goes all your leverage over him.

Also i'd talk to a counselor or something see if you can get a tracker on him just inc ase he thinks of running away.

Sorry if i offended you in any way. I'm just thinking of this as worst case scenario. but even if it isn't worst case i'd still do what i advised you in paragraph one. i meen if your son's not going to do anything then there's no reason for you to do anything for him.

oh yes and also there's no such thing as an ADDer not being able to handle school. There are special programs that help students with learning disabilities (i was in one up till 2 years ago). He's just like any other kid, he's spouting BS (i can say this because i do it all the time). if he works at it he can do it. there is no reason he shouldn't be able to excel in school if he has the proper doseage of meds. Also this really isn't your fault (if yoru blaming urself) the kid's lucky he has a mom who has ADHD/ADD and knows waht he's going through and will do whatever she can to help out (when it comes to ADHD atleast) and he's still the way he is. My mom totaly doesn't understand me and has forced me to be on a lower doeage then what i really need. her mauntra is 'studdy harder yoru lazy' she really doesn't belive in ADHD, she only does when it's conviniet to her. But here your son has you and he's still messed up. There's no excuse for this. Whip his sorry a** back in shape!

Good luck! ^^

Driver
02-13-09, 02:05 AM
Short of locking him up in the basement there's nothing much you can do. He will only listen to what he wants to hear, and do what he wants to do.

Your guiding influence on your young man is rapidly waning. The best point from now on is to be as loving and supporting to your son as you can.

Hope and pray he makes it to 25 yrs old without too much incident.