I was stuck in the house with my husband and daughter because of a snow storm for like, three days. My daughter is very active and I love her . . . . but I was so grateful to go back to work.

I am pregnant and I was trying to decide if I was going to try to stay home with the baby and deal with the financial stress. I stayed home with my first, and parts of it I loved, but I feel so guilty about not "really" wanting to stay home for too long this time. I go to a church where people are very into mothers staying home, and I think my guilt stems from feeling like it would be best if my children had a mother who could stay home and be occupied and routine oriented and productive and pleasant and happy. That's just not me. I turn into a lump of Jello. It's like swimming through syrup to try to be at home. Mind you, when I work, I spend all day trying to teach ungrateful behaviorally disordered kids who cuss me out all day, and yet . . . . I am so much happier when I'm working. I've even come to the point that I dread the long vacations . . . because after two weeks at home, I'm like, I didn't even clean out a drawer? And I get moody and depressed because I have too much time to think and not enough for my brain to chew on.

I feel like I am about three rungs down from the "real" mothers. I have friends who stay home with, like, three or four kids, and it doesn't seem to phase them at all.

I don't want to be this way. My husband is okay with it, he'd rather have me working because of the clingy mess I become when I'm home, and the money doesn't hurt, of course.

This is more of a way to get this off of my chest than anything else. Anyone else floating in this boat with me?

Amie,

I completely understanding you wanting the good opinion of others because it is difficult when your social group doesn't share the same opinions. It can be really stressful. However, you really need to do for you what's best for you.

Mother guilt, well it's going to be there even if you do stay home. There's no real workaround for that, it just comes with the territory.

I stayed home with my children, and it was really hard. It was much much harder when I divorced because I didn't have the work history or skills. Your children deserve a mother who functions at her best and if that means working outside the home then so be it. BTW, I couldn't believe how much easier it was to work than to care for children!

Congratulations!

AmieGrace, I think a lot of moms that enjoy working outside the home feel sometimes if they are doing their "best" or whatever. If working outside the home makes you a better mom, then there you go, you have your answer. I became a single mom when my son was 5, and have worked steady since age 14 or so, so I know no other way. I'd go nuts not earning something. But inside really my dream was to stay at home, try homeschooling as I have lots of friends already that did that and had a great support group right there. But not gonna happen!

If you really do feel the drive to be at home with your children, sounds like you need more purpose there so you don't turn to mush. LOL! Maybe you could try some sort of home business, or hire a babysitter for a few hours a day while you do some volunteer work for a passion of yours to keep you in the door of the working world and keep you sane enough to stay home. Whatever you are comfortable with is what is right for you though. Toss the "Parenting" and Good Housekeeping magazines out of your view though, they are sure to nudge any remaining guilt you may have lingering out to the surface.

Cut-out sandwiches, happy-face veggies, and birthday cakes that look like castles do not make you a good parent, but taking care of what makes you the best you makes you the best mom. ;)

I agree with ginniebean. Children will thrive with a happy mother, who fosters her own strengths and ambitions and encourages her children to follow theirs. Whether or not she returns to work is besides the point. I know PLENTY of moms who stayed home, and have very unhappy children because their moms were home for the wrong reasons; peer pressure, church pressure, spousal pressure, etc. Their hearts weren't in it, and it showed.

Not to get into a religious debate, but you might want to remind your church friends about the "capable wife" (Proverbs 31, etc) which doesn't say she is to "stay home" with the kids to be a good wife/mother. It simply says she is to be responsible with her duties, and concientious of her family's needs and the economic times around her. The example in the bible was a very business-minded woman who bought land and used it for profit, made and sold various things, and kept herself busy (and happy) and her family "in line"!

If you have your husband's support and his trust that you going back to work is in the best interest of your family and your children, that's all you need. Besides, if all moms stayed home, I'd have no work! I'm a day home mom! ;o) (and yes, I still get those guilt feelings anyway because I've been home with the kids, but I feel like I "should" have been out there, working...*sigh*).

Dear Amiegrace,
I can empathize with you on this one. I chose to go back to work for the very reasons you described.
As other posters stated, a happy mom is what matters. If you feel that you are better able to prioritize your life when working -- than do so. Make your decision, and know that it was what was best for YOU. Feel good that you gave it thought, weighed the pro's and con's and implemented accordingly.


Best of luck & congratulation's on your impending arrival!

kara59