Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well:
'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.


Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

How much deeper would the ocean be if it didn't have billions of sponges in it?


-----------------
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

How much deeper would the ocean be if it didn't have billions of sponges in it?

Got it in time to edit my post and include it in there Clam

good one

LOL that is sooo funny garry....some of those are familiar and some are new but just thought i would let you know that you made me smile anyhow....hugs and luv

Glad you liked them

I needed that! I do believe I've seen enough Docs to Know Why we say they PRACTICE medicine, and enough good ones to be glad they do.

I really wish I knew some Canadian jokes right about now lmbo *sticks tongue out at Garry*

Actually, it was pretty funny

Just to make it right the NF

we could have substituted Canada there for America just as easy

Very funny!!

These are so funny!

but i just CAN"T help myself... as an aspiring engineer, this is somthing we come across all the time:

"You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!"

the answer is that it's too EXPENSIVE!!


(sorry!!! i know it was supposed to only be in fun... but youknow how it is when somthing just hits home a little TOO much...)

An engineer and a mathmatician are placed in a room.

At the center of the room is the most beautiful/handsome person imaginable. Young, virile/nubile, and waiting... A voice announces to the young mathmatician and engineer, that they can do anything they want with the enticing beauty in the center of the room once they get to her/him, BUT, (and isn't there always a BUT in these situations?) there are a few simple rules that must be followed to get there. "fair enough" Both the mathmatician and engineer say in unison, and then both looked a bit uncomfortable for having done so. "Well", the voice continued, "on your first foray to cross the room, you may only move halfway across and then must stop." Both the mathmatician and engineer looked at each other, but nodded in understanding. "then", the voice said, "you may only move half the remaining distance across the room and stop again."

"I think I detect a pattern here." The mathmatician began, but was interreupted by a loud, "DUHUH!" from the engineer. Giving him a look that would have killed a mere technician, the matmatician went on, "What you are saying is we are only allowed to move half the remaining distance each time we move, correct?" "Correct" Boomed the voice in the room. "I see" Said the mathmatician thoughtfully.... "Well then" the mathmatician said, "I'll just be heading home for tea then. Ta ta!" With that, the mathmatician did a quick turn and was out the door faster than you can say "algebra sucks".

The Engineer just laughed long and hard.... When done laughing the engineer dusted off and walked half the remaining distance to the platform with the inviting companion. The rooms voice made it's presence once again known, "Why do you laugh engineer? Your mathmatician friend figured out the riddle and left knowing that moving half the remaining distance every time he would never actually reach the prize. The numbers will be no different for you. So I fail to see what you find so humorous?" The Engineer only laughed some more....

Finally the engineer said to the room, "You must be a mathmatician too friend!" The room replied grudgingly, "Well, yes Engineer I am, How did you know, and what does it matter?"

"Well", said the engineer, having edged close enough to embrace the companion, "I may not ever, 100% reach my destination mathmatically, but as an engineer I know I can get close enough for all intents and purposes!" With that the engineer winked and gave the companion a big fat kiss. The voice in the room howled in offended anger!



***** The End ****


Normally, I don't defend Engineers. Against a mathmatician though I will. I did some field engineering work at SPAWAR, and got to play with the degreed engineers. My experience was that most of them have their heads up their butts. The really good ones, and there were a handful, were very different from everyone else. I mean VERY. These guys and gals could pull IEEE standards out of their butts accurately, and knew all the basic staple stuff by heart, like color codes for resistors ect. Building wiring code, telecommunications wiring standards. Satellite communications standards, you name it they could rattle it off. They knew it that well. I often wonder, with the passion they had for their trade, and the ineptitude they seemed to have for nearly everything else, if they were ADD. There were several quite talented engineers I would also say were definitely not ADD. Renaisance people I called them. They just seemed to be good at everything and educated in just about everything under the sun, but chose to work in electronics. Man I wish I was like that! The majority though were the guys who would give me drawings with totally outside of milspec design, or totally screwed up color coding, or the phases wired backwards, or worse. My senior chief used to make me build them screwed up like that even when I knew they were wrong.

I really hated that guy. He did it because there was a certain engineer he wanted to fail. Nicest guy in the world, but he was stretched nine ways from Sunday. Now, the drawing didn't look right, and at first I couldn't put my finger on it...

Then I started getting the parts together. Sometimes you just have to see things for them to click. The color codes were wrong. No red white green. Orange purple and like yellow or something... Not standard. Then the A/C unit for the mobile unit we were shipping came in. That's what I was building... OMG! It was a home A/C unit. A big one. He wanted to mount it on a trailer and use it in a military application for a mobile tactical system! It was designed for Suburbia! To be mounted on concrete and never move! Not bounce around the desert on a trailer for days on end and then be exposed to temperarture ranges at least twice what it was designed for with a heat load at least substantially more than that what it was designed for.... NOT GOOD! It was also wired to the generator backwards in the drawings in such a way it would not work. Not that it was going to work long in anycase, but still....

Well, as soon as I indentified these problems I took it too my supervisor, because it isn't as simple as just fixing them. We also have to fix all the drawings, and being that half the labor involved is civilian contracted that means approving the extra hours to do so. Only Senior chief told me to build it as it was. I thought perhaps I had heard him wrong, so I asked again... Senior chiefs can be grumpy bastidges. This one I have talked about before and we DO NOT like each other. So, then I pushed my luck and pointed out that they were doing a test run on this particular mobile system as soon as it arrived in the middle of the dessert out there in the middle east in probable 130 plus degree heat, and putting all this together was going to be hard work, and hooking up that airconditioner and having it not work would be enough to inspire homicide. I told him I knew he wanted the engineer to catch hell, but that it wasn't the engineer the homicidal field reps were gonna come looking for. It was gonna be me. Do you know what he said? "On well." I needed his approval to get the funds and additional parts I needed for a fix, so I had to do it his way.

I got hate mail, and sattelite phone calls from the site telling me exactly what they were going to do to me when they got back. It wasn't very pretty at all.

Fortunately for me, when they got the A/C working, and recovered from sun stroke they all agreed it was out of character for me, and very much the sort of thing my senior chief might do to make the engineer look bad. They still gave me crap about it for months.