I'm in a return to work program coz of PTSD after and armed robbery last year.

I work for a major bank and i've been placed in the settlements department. The jobs I do there are to prepare the files for the next day or run around on the streets of the city with the files (titles to properties and discharges of mortgages).

Yesterday I was told I'd be doing 'outsides' 15 minutes before the first one was due to start. I didn't have time to get my thoughts together and I had 16 discharges to do on my schedule in 2 and a half hours. I had at least 2, sometimes 3 to do every 15 minutes, after which I had to run like hell to the next bank. I was doing OK until some idiot agent who had his cancelled coz hadn;t turned up on time, decided he was going to interrupt me twice whilst I was trying to organise 4 settlements simultaneously. This made me run late and I was so stressed that I couldn;t understand what people were saying to me so I rang the office and told them that if they sent the agent back to me again I was going to thump him and that I needed some help. Someone did come to help me but he was not happy about it and said that I could have done it on my own. I couldn't explain to him that I needed help coz I couldn't process what I had to do and that I was so stressed that I didn't understand what was going on around me. By the time I got to the school to pick up the kids after work I was so stressed that i couldn't even speak properly. Thankfully, my autistic son understands me when I get like that and he gave me a jelly frog that someone had given him at school which kid of helped.

This was over a day ago now and I still can't settle down. I don't think that I should be doing a job that is going to make me so stressed that I can't communicate or understand what people are saying to me. I also need to be able to do a job where I'm not that rushed that I can take my medication on time so that I can think.

The thing is that I do like my boss. he has done what no-one else has done, in actually caring and bringing me out of my shell. I need to get out of this situation without making him look bad.

Taking your meds is a requirement, not a privilidge. They need to understand that statement. PTSD (especially with any other disorders co morbid) is a rough disorder, it needs management on a daily basis. You need to be able to eat, take your meds and work slowly into stress. Unfortunately many do not see ptsd as a debilitating and significant issue that it is in reality. People hear it so much they think, oh they're shook up---thats all.

Taking on a day like that so soon after returning to work is so hard, Im proud of you for sticking it out, for asking for help and for stating how you felt.

Something you may want to do is something I call soothing rituals. I have certain things I do that help me feel better and safe again when I am having a bad day. I have a blue chenille blanket, certain jammies, strong tea with lots of creamer, certain books that help me ( in my case childrens books as my PTSD is due to childhood trauma) certain cd's of music, cuddling with my youngest, my daughter who is 14 will even cuddle with me. Try to look back at how you were feeling at the time and what kind of self talk (even if you have to write it on three by five cards) would have helped sooth you ( like your adorable kids jelly frog) I use my three by five cards alot, like when my estranged husband calls, and is starting with me, I have one that says, 'I can not talk to you, it is dangerous for my emotional health. I am hanging up now' (and it says after all that 'NOW HANG UP!') I can not think during an episode, everything gets crepe papery, watercolory and surreal. i need something that tells me what to do. I have a friend who took the idea one step further and made up a bunch of cards and put them on a ring she carries in her purse to read when ever she is episodic.

Above all, YOU DID IT! Holy cats how cool is that, a stressful day and you didnt curl up. Now---give yourself a break, ask for a day extra off right now if you need it, or if the soothing rituals work, go in and ask for what you need. You did an awesome job.

Hi Rose,
I think Chrissie is right; you did a great job taking care of yourself on a really rough day. Please be extra gentle with yourself and use all the "tricks" you're learning to make life bearable. Continue asking for help- especially with your boss. It sounds like you trust him and he can be an invaluable ally. Take it as slow as you can. I want to tell you not to worry so much about disappointing him but maybe your respect for him will help you hang in there when things get difficult. WHen times are bad, it helps me to focus on just a few things: eating well, drinking lots of water (somehow, water has the effect of calming me down when I am really stressed out), breathing in and out. Best of luck with you and please check in here often. I care.

I'm in a return to work program coz of PTSD after and armed robbery last year.

Am I wrong or doesn't this program assist you in finding a voice in these situation's? I think not only was your ability to continue with your task's an AMAZING show of self control, self respect but a stubborness that will take you far in your healing process. It is important to remember that healing has no time limit. It will happen when YOU are ready NOT when someone else deem's it time to be over your PTSD.

Give yourself some extra attention and some respect. YOU carried forward like a trooper in a situation were many of us would have crumbled into a bawling mass of big baby.

I think your pretty amazing and strong.
Cherity

Thankyou everyone, I hadn't thought if it the way you all did - as in to be proud that I did well in keeping going. Thankyou for that. I guess it means I've really come a long way and that all my stubborness is paying off.

I'm going to have a good talk with the people involved in about 2 weeks time (I have two weeks off over easter) coz they need to be a lot more mindful with what situations they put me in.

:) am so proud of you

Don't let them rush you ... if you feel like your making to big of a step to fast then talk to your counslour about it ... You should look also at the laws there in your country to see what laws can be pushed for you to work there and work at your own pace without getting fired.

You really should be PROUD of yourself and what you accomplish everyday by just going back to work after what has happened. It might be ruff but look your doing it and you havent turned around and ran away. Your very brave .

I just want you to know that I have been there. It is really hard to deal with and it sounds like you are doing really good. I hope you are doing even better now. I was armed robbed at a convienence store.