At some point in our lives, sometimes our lives get so hard that we have to scream at the top of our lungs, "Why me??????":nono:, but who are you yelling at?


Yes, it's tragic...but very bad things happen to good people and their faith is always tested by evils like abuse, suicide, addiction...etc. I find myself doing that a lot, asking the higher power, "Am I being punished for something? Why do I have ADHD & Bipolar? Why was I hurt for 20 years by people I loved?" and a lot more painful questions that all started with the word...Why.

Then It just sorta dawned on me tonight...from what I was taught, the demons in the lower plain were responsible for the evil and while the higher plain blessed you with the means to endure. Ok...Yes I have ADHD & Bipolar but there are many advantages and gifts that go along with being this way. Ok Yes, I have had very bad things happen to me in my past, but I am still here and I had the strength to survive.

The only excuse I can think of as to why all these bad things happen to me is just a simple battle of faith....GOOD VS EVIL...So many evil things happen that I tended to question my faith in the good. I am ashamed to admit that evil almost won..but proud to say that I wasn't fooled cause I still have faith in the good and have faith in myself that I can not be swayed. I am not a church going person and but I do believe in having good in my life...I went down the wrong path before and it really just got me no where. I'm not going to say that I am a born again believer...I always believed, I just know now where to look to for questions and where to look for the truth.

Let go and let G*d. I let G*d do for me what I can't do for myself. I use the term G*d loosely. I'm not a Christian but I have a practiced faith that works if I can get out of the way.

The biggest mistake I make in times where my faith is shaken is to believe that I know what is "right". If I'm doing what I can, my higher power will undoubtedly show me a better way but most certainly not until I have let it go and signed it over entirely. At that point miracles start happening for me. Unfortunately the "letting go" part is like pulling teeth unless I'm in desperate trouble, and that isn't much of a display of faith I don't think. I do what I can.

Cheers! Ian.

Hey Mel,
Good share. I get in trouble when I ask the question Why? SO what I try to ask is How? How do you want me to handle this? How do I manage now? How can I learn to accept this? My God answers the question How a whole lot sooner than he answers WHY? That doesn't mean that I don't ask Why? I wish I could tell you I didn't but I'd be lying. I don't know why bad things happen, but I prefer to believe God wasn't responsible for laying them my lap. Most of the time, that's all I need to know

Cheers, Ian....the letting go part is one of the most difficult especially it the hurts ALOT!

Hugsssss Claudiame thinks the tricky part is recognizing the answer before even asking the question...You really have to either pay close attention before or think back really hard after you ask. Don't know if that makes sence..Im just wakin up hehe!

I have some to say on this but not a lot of time right now. Will check back later. Good question. Pain and evil trip a lot of people up, but they both are a given in life, that is for sure. More to come....

Cool James I'm lookin forward to it:)

has anyone in here read "a return to love" by marianne williamson? this is one of my favorite books *ever*!
i carry cards with quotes from that book in my wallet, and i read them from time to time.
i read the book at least once a year (especially in the spring, because i suffer from sad (seasonaffected disorder, or something like that), and when i'm at my lowest, i tend to think everything is hopeless...

i grew up in a family with an abusive father, and so i have a hard time with "trust"...
right now i'm focusing on "learning" to trust "thy will be done"...

Sounds Like a good book to read. I too have MAJOR trust issues because of my father and the Many abusive men that I dated. Hopeless lately is becoming my Middle name...I could try to find it in a library since I am PO at the moment and can not buy it.

Originally posted by redletterruth

I get in trouble when I ask the question Why? SO what I try to ask is How? How do you want me to handle this? How do I manage now? How can I learn to accept this? My God answers the question How a whole lot sooner than he answers WHY? That doesn't mean that I don't ask Why? I wish I could tell you I didn't but I'd be lying. I don't know why bad things happen, but I prefer to believe God wasn't responsible for laying them my lap. Most of the time, that's all I need to know

that's a *good* way to look at it!
:)
i've been (and still *am*, from time to time) a "why? person", but i'm trying to change into a "how? person", and i'm finding this to be *a lot* more constructive!
:D
and also, i don't feel as "powerless" when i'm a "how? person"!

Hey Melanie,

***What I post I don't force on others to believe this, but I believe this to be true and since it is in the Spirtualaity scection, I am going to post this.****

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Life has been very busy and now is slowing down. I have thought about your post a lot. It is problably clear from many of my poetry post the perspective that I come from but so it clear I will state it up front.
I am a Christian and have been so since I was 17 years old, now over 18 years. With that, my perspective is one that I believe all the that Bible says and I do my best to live my life based on the what the Bible says, and this is a process of sometimes I do better and sometimes I fail, or at least not as well. So moving along, my belief that the Bible is true and the God's word to us the basis for all that I will post.

Your first point is about lives getting so hard, we want to scream why me is very true. That is a feeling I have had at various times.

"Bad things happen to people...."

Now going back to my belief that the Bible is true, then I go back to Adam and Eve.....In the garden they ate the forbidden fruit and that started it all, our separation from God, the devil now roams around the world looking for those to torment. Some may say I am making excuses for things, but we live in a fallen world, This is detailed out in Genesis 3. (As a side note, a good place online to look up different version of the Bible is the Bible Gateway http://bible.gospelcom.net/ ) I have a lot of thoughts, so I may have to do this in multiple posts

In the book of Romans the all of creation is in decay but looks in eager expectation to be redeemed. This is Romans 8:18-22
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time."

When you talk about Good verses evil, that is true. There is God and there is the Devil. There is good and evil in the world and they are battling. There is suffering and pain, and it says in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. "
So the devil does want to damage, hurt and "Devour" people--causing more suffering.

There is also the fact that no one, not one person is created "Good" and it says in Romans 3:23 "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." People cause suffering.

I know that doesn't make the pain and hurt you have experience go away. But there is a falleness to this world that can start to explain things. But there is hope. You just need to read on past verse 23: Romans 8:23-26:
23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished-- he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus

Since I have been a Christian I have seen plenty of hurt myself, I was never promised a painfree existance, but a sureness of where I am going and whose I am and the knowledge that I am wonderfully created, loved and nothing can separte me from that love(Romans 8:37-39)

To answer your initial question, "What do you do when your Faith has been tested?"
I lean on God even more based on all the years of his faithfullness to me

I have quite a bit more to say on this but will do so after you respond to this, and if you want to hear more on this.

Oh yes, I am always happy to hear insite on the things that matter the most so I would love to hear back from you.

Since I have posted this..actually the next day I had a small battle with myself...very bad thoughts in my head...Another attempt to sway me to the darkside. BUT didn't work.

I have a bible just a foot away from me and I have read what I could...My reading Comprehension is not the best so it is hard to understand what some of it means. :(

The Bible is the most important book you could ever read, but yes sometimes it can be hard to understand if you don't know what to read. Also, different traslations are easier or harder to understand. I think a good translation is the NIV (New International Version). A good book to start with is the book of John. Another very good translation is the Message, it is put in more modern language but is true to the original source. You can get it most any bookstore.

I have more to say but have to get my kids in the bath, bedtime stories, etc.

I think I could have easier time looking for the Bible For Children....hehe

Maybe our faith is tested to teach us to ask better questions.

Like, now that this tragedy has happened, what can I learn from it?

How can I learn to cherish every moment?

How can I teach others to be strong in the face of tragedy?

What can I do to become stronger and increase my power and self worth even in the face of such pain?

Asking why never gets you anything but excuses for the next failure or let down.
It is what it is.... what you choose to do with what you are given or do in spite of it improves your character. Improves your ability to handle other challenges in life.

When you ask yourself why the same things keep happening or bad things happen to good people....it could be that the life lessons are not being learned so more practice is necessary.
If you feel your faith is being tested.... turn it around and use it as an opportunity to build that faith... in YOURSELF.

Well that is one way to look at it. Here's another way to look at it. The Bible can address any of life's issues:

James 1:2-5 says the following (The Message Version):

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. (http://www.biblegateway.com )

Melanie, here is a link to the 1st Chapter of John on the Bible Gateway (The Message Version):

http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=JOHN%2B1&showfn=off&showxref=off&language=english&version=MSG&x=7&y=9

Read that chapter and see what you think.

What are you talking about, prematurely?

Either you learn from the tragedies that life offers up or you continue to encounter them. Even if you escape or get "out prematurely" of one tragedy you will just as surely face another...likely more tragic...for you to learn from.

Not getting out of a tragedy in life when you have learned its lesson is wallowing in it.

Oh, and btw.... God.... being all things..... IS both sides of the coin.... encouraging AND condescending....uplifting... AND tragic....

At least that's what She told me last time I asked.....right after she said to avoid wallowing in self pity.

In such a heavy topic a little humor is always good!

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

Originally posted by FightingBoredom


Either you learn from the tragedies that life offers up or you continue to encounter them. Even if you escape or get "out prematurely" of one tragedy you will just as surely face another...likely more tragic...for you to learn from.

Not getting out of a tragedy in life when you have learned its lesson is wallowing in it.

So you are saying that if a child is abused Physically at let's say oh...4 years old and from the rest of her childhood into her adulthood is subject to abuse In every other way and this adult finds herself in the relationships that are abusive in every way and constantly repeats the same patterns....each abusive realtionship she starts to realize more but still winds up in same pattern in the next relationship...Is that Wallowing or is it just the life that she is used to but does not want?

Originally posted by melanie_cartner


So you are saying that if a child is abused Physically at let's say oh...4 years old and from the rest of her childhood into her adulthood is subject to abuse In every other way and this adult finds herself in the relationships that are abusive in every way and constantly repeats the same patterns....each abusive realtionship she starts to realize more but still winds up in same pattern in the next relationship...Is that Wallowing or is it just the life that she is used to but does not want?

If she complains about it and does nothing to try and change it... that is wallowing. If she uses that as excuses for not achieving, not succeeding, and not finding happiness... that is wallowing.

If she finds a way to break that pattern and takes those experiences to help others find their way out of their pattern.. that is lesson learned.

Please don't get me wrong. I've done my share of wallowing in self pity. Many times it has helped to have someone tell me to pull my head out of my #$% and figure out how to make things work. I have never taken their suggestion as condescending or disrespectful of me. So, I hope that anything I say in bluntness here isn't taken as offensive or condescending. It isn't meant that way.
I believe that who we are is separate from how we are. How we behave is how we have been conditioned to behave. By many factors. You can pray all day for your conditioning to go away and the best you are likely to get is a method to use to help figure it out.
I believe that strength comes from successfully dealing with adversity. If you are given no adversity how can you build strength? If you are given adversity and you sit by and complain and ask "why me" all the time how can you build strength?

Out of our challenges we build more than just strength. We build skills, if we choose to rise above out challenges, that can lead us to greater pleasures and greater challenges.

I recently heard some discussion about other cultures where death is thought of as a sort of graduation. Rather than being saddened by it as in the Western culture it is celebrated as that person has graduate this phase or level and moved on to the next.
What if these "tests" ARE part of the lesson plan?
When it's your turn to graduate do you want to be at the top of the class?

It IS a daily struggle to remember that everything is a choice. At some level we enter this world where we start by choice. We have a connection to a higher power and we can either accept that and deal with the lessons we have "thrust" upon us OR
get lost in overwhelm and loathing.

I am also saying that you asked this question because you are one looking for a way to break your pattern. I applaud you and encourage you to keep applying every method you can find until you find one that works for you.

I have a verse nobody has mentioned yet.

I can't remember the verse off the top of my head; but, I ran across the verse when I was busy pitying myself and cursing God for making my daughter so ill and I hated him for trying to take her from us. I was yelling at my sister about how she could stick God in not pleasant places. I'm talking a real loss of faith. And yelling Why Why Why. The answer?

My faith was alway's something I said but never felt, I was never trully a believer until later that week when I asked one of the sisters at the hospital Why my daughter? She looked me in the eye and said why not my daughter? what makes me special? what makes her so special? I was at a loss for words I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open. She then told me if I had to ask that perhaps I needed to take another look at my belief's but while I'm doing that it would do me good to keep a verse in my head. HE REEPS THE EARTH TO PLANT THE SEED.

I'm not sure if that mean's anything to you but as a farm kid it means that God had to rip my heart up and take away my self confidance and control for me to truly learn to lean on him and turn my troubles and pain to him instead of caring them by myself.

You know the story. Told 3 times Lexi was going to die. 4 surgeries, blood transfusion's, six months in Children's hospital. One beautiful 8 year old daughter that wouldn't be here if there wasn't a God.

Originally posted by Nucking_Futs
I have a verse nobody has mentioned yet.

I can't remember the verse off the top of my head; but, I ran across the verse when I was busy pitying myself and cursing God for making my daughter so ill and I hated him for trying to take her from us. I was yelling at my sister about how she could stick God in not pleasant places. I'm talking a real loss of faith. And yelling Why Why Why. The answer?

My faith was alway's something I said but never felt, I was never trully a believer until later that week when I asked one of the sisters at the hospital Why my daughter? She looked me in the eye and said why not my daughter? what makes me special? what makes her so special? I was at a loss for words I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open. She then told me if I had to ask that perhaps I needed to take another look at my belief's but while I'm doing that it would do me good to keep a verse in my head. HE REEPS THE EARTH TO PLANT THE SEED.

I'm not sure if that mean's anything to you but as a farm kid it means that God had to rip my heart up and take away my self confidance and control for me to truly learn to lean on him and turn my troubles and pain to him instead of caring them by myself.

You know the story. Told 3 times Lexi was going to die. 4 surgeries, blood transfusion's, six months in Children's hospital. One beautiful 8 year old daughter that wouldn't be here if there wasn't a God.
NF, it sounds like you were given a method by which to figure it out.

In my first marriage I would do the same things you describe. I gave lip service to living that 24hour a day magical day where every moment is savored...... and got frustrated when I came home from work and my kids wanted me to play with them or my wife wanted something of me.

Now, 13 years after that messy divorce, I'm still learning that every day I have with this family is a blessing.
Some people are physically together for decades and when they sum up the times they were connected and shared some wonderful memories it amounts to less than a day.
Some people hold their dying newborn and connect on a level with love that may only last for an hour yet is stronger than most others feel in a lifetime.
And every thing in between happens.
There is a gift in every child and you are given a finite amount of time to unwrap it.
After that the gift is return to the store so someone else can enjoy it............
I need to go to bed...... or mosey on over to the poetry forum.

In all of the mistakes I have made in my life, from losing my father and taking our relationship for granted and later on taking my mother's relationship for granted and almost turning my back on her and losing her and my sister, I am grateful that I learned:

Friends and lovers, if they leave, they will leave without ever have been a real part of you so you lose nothing of yourself, nothing about them is constant.

Family on the other hand, Children are brought into this world as part of the mother created by the father....Lose a family member, a part of you goes with them...and when children have children...that child will still be apart of the person who left...so family is constant and therefore should be most cherished and not EVER taken for granted.

I am thinking of another quote, "God helps those who help themselves."

There are two sides to everything, in order to understand things and why they happen, you can turn to God for guidance and strength, but he can only do so much. I am always hearing the term, "Wallowing and Complaining" but just because you are doing one does not nessecarily mean you are doing the other.

This may be the one time wallowing about the past can be of use. How are you going to be able to understand How if you don't know why? So Id I talk to someone about my past and I go over it constantly...I am not complaining...I am just trying to understand.

Hey Melanie, I would say that you are processing what went on in your life and not wallowing.

Pain can help you sort through all the crap and get you to look at what is important. I'm not saying I look for pain, but when in pain at times it will help with clarity. It sounds like you have had some really painful times.

That quote is a myth: God helps those who help themselves. It is not based on the Bible.

The God of the Bible is Strong, He is always there, and he never leaves us. He does not usually wave a magic wand and make all of our pain and troubles go away, although he could if he wanted to.

Here is a verse I like that fits:
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

You may be thinking why the heck is James always quoting the Bible? Well, I believe the words in the Bible are the most important words you could ever read. They are the Words of the living God and the are powerful and the change and I have experienced the changes myself.
Another verse illustrates this, Hebrews 4:12
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-*edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Melanie, I'm wanting to just throw verses out at you but my spirit hurts for the pain you have. I have been there and I know that the pain of the past and of childhood can linger a long time and can affect you profoundly, deeply.

I have a poem that I would like to share that is along this vein, it was written back in 1990 and is along painful past, and God brought me through it.

little child

The little child in me wants
to scream and shout. He
was hurt badly; he
wants to come out. He tries
but I stifle him. The pain seems
too much for me at times, so
I try to ignore, suppressing it
or just pretending I am fine--
when I'm not.

I need your help, Father.
Come to me; reach down and
hold my little child in you arms.
Comfort him, rock him to sleep,
rock me to sleep. Sing a
beautiful lullabye, softly and
sweetly in my ear.

I don't want to fear the
little child in me and the pain
he carries.
Show me the way; guide me
to wholeness. Unite me
with my little child; make
us one.

I fear; calm my fear.

Little boy, please come out
and cry.

July 6, 1990

Wow, James, That is really beautiful. Thank you.

Melly,
I know you well & I know that you are not complaining & you are DEFINITELY trying to do something about it.. by searching for the answers that YOU need.
I know that someday you will find your answers.
Be strong & believe.

I love ya & IF you ever do wanna complain..... I am here to listen.

Vickie

Hey Melanie,

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.
I made a typo when I said: I'm wanting to just throw verses out at you but my spirit hurts for the pain you have.
I mean to say I'm NOT wanting to throw verses at you. I remember this man that used to stand on the side of a busy road on the way to my high school. He would be jumping on a jogger trampoline and was holding a sighn with verses from the Bible and would yell at people driving by. He didn't seem to be showing any love.

I don't want to be that kind of person. I hope, and I also pray, that you will find some healing, or least a place to rest and taking a few deep breaths from your pain.

Here is a good quote from Christian Poet, Kathleen Norris:

“Converting a painful inheritance into something good requires all the discernment we can muster, both from what is within us, and what we can glean from mentors. The worst of the curses that people inflict on us, the real abuse and terror, can’t be forgotten or undone, but they can be put to good use in the new life that one has taken up.”

I read this in a very book she has called "Amazing Grace."

Originally posted by jimmmaaa

Here is a good quote from Christian Poet, Kathleen Norris:

“Converting a painful inheritance into something good requires all the discernment we can muster, both from what is within us, and what we can glean from mentors. The worst of the curses that people inflict on us, the real abuse and terror, can’t be forgotten or undone, but they can be put to good use in the new life that one has taken up.”

I read this in a very book she has called "Amazing Grace."
i'm just starting to understand how *true* that quote is!
:yin-yang:

:) Nice thought....Instead of letting the pain beat me...Im taking stand and helping others been hurt as i have....Hurts that though that I can only help them after the abuse and not been able to stop it before it starts :nono:

Sound's like your heading down the right road Mel...Nothing happens without a reason. Perhaps, your true meaning in life is to help those who are not as strong as you are. Just a thought.

Me thinks You are Right Futs...What other reason could their be that I have been put through so much?

WEll, Mel God gave men free will...He doesn't make people's decisions for them. They chose to hurt you themselves BUT it seems to me that he has given you a new direction to take your pain and a new outlet for healing.

You are so wonderful with all the women in the abuse forum, you give the hope and strength. At the sametime the more people you help the BETTER you seem to be. It's a long road but your getting there Mel....You were abused over a lifetime...the pain is not going to go away without a lot of patience and self love. So, give yourself a little time and keep the faith Melly.

Love ya

Always have faith....I give myself no choice...Not going to let the devil win...and I am proud of the help I give the others.:) Love ya too, Futs.

Of course you do...I'm so cute and cuddly...just like a rattler.

Yeah Rattler's Just Love Iguana's! LMAO

Hey Melanie,

The whole idea of comforting others because you have gone through the same pain is mentioned in the Bible in

2 Corinthians 1:2-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Keep serving others.

I have another poem that I wrote for someone else a long time ago that relates to pain. I just changed the name to your name from the person I wrote it for. I hope it helps you some:

He Sees your Tears

You are not alone; He
feels your pain too. He watches
you as your heart cries within you.
"He knows your tossing and turning
through the night; He has collected all
your tears and saved them in his bottle."

The pain that has hurt you and shaped you
can either make you or break you--
let it make you a beutiful child of God.
He says to you, "For I am the LORD your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you."

I know the pain goes deep and
probabaly makes you want to curl up
and hide in a corner until the pain subsides;
keep looking to God and cast your pain
on Him because he cares for you so much.
He knows how many hairs you have on your head--
He numbered them himself.
His love for you is so great; he says "See, I
have engraved you, Melanie, on the palms of
my hands."

Cry out to God and he will not
leave you, child. Just as he encouraged David,
so he will encourage you.
"Weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning."
Your night may seem long,
but the morning will come--
do not faint.

Right now, I know Our Father is leaning
over you wiping the tears tenderly
from your face--
don't be afraid to feel the
pain and cry.

7-22-90

Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

WOW!!!!! jimmmaa that is all I can say right now WOW!!!!!

Mel, can we let the whole iguana incident just die. lol

WOW!!!!! jimmmaa that is all I can say right now WOW!!!!!

Mel, can we let the whole iguana incident just die. lol

Sorry, Some of the classic Must never die!!!!!! :p

All right but you mention it at my funeral and I'll haunt you for the rest of your life.

:D I would think you would have better things to do in the afterlife

Past few messages here made me think....keeping a sense of humor about yourself can really help in those times when faith is tested....

Speaking of funerals and sense of humor, did I ever tell any of you that my hubby's (he's the drummer) metal band's name is "My Funeral"? LOL Talk about not being too scared of the worst :p

*post deleted by self*

I remember at Dad's wake he was buried with his Norlfolk Southern Pocket Watch in his vest pocket.....and I put my head on his chest ready to cry for thousandth time...but I was on medication that night and manic as all **** and when I heard the pocket watch, I asked my mom if she put a bomb in with him?

She Laughed and said, "No, that you're dad's pocket watch."

I kinda smiled when she laughed so I could not resist to say this, "Oh, I see. HEY THE HOSPITAL SCREWED UP....HIS TICKER STILL GOING!!!!!!!"

Made mom laugh even harder...It would have been the kinda joke Dad would have said ...*sniff*

LOL Mel, that's the best funeral story I ever heard! LOL

:) Thanks JaimeJoot......I had to find someway to help Mom laugh...It hit her pretty hard that night.

They played a Rock and Roll song at my father's funeral...never heard it before but it was by Norman Greenbam or something like that and the guitar is kicken I'm sitting there sobbing and just a rocken out in my seat at the same time. I realized it after getting a glimpse of my husband staring at me like I had lost it...and I started laughing one of those laugh until your gonna cry and throw up laughs everyone thought I was just ripped up and kept trying to comfort me. It's something my dad would have gotten a kick out of.

I think it's just as important to remember what they loved and got a kick out of even at a funeral..brings a somewhat lighter side to it.

You know how people always say..."I dont want crying at my funeral...I want people laughing." I finally understood the logic after that night.

Mel...then please explain it t me ...that is what my Grandpap said before he died. It was really hard on us grandchildren ( and everyone else) and to this day I dont think I have really grieved over him... being gone. auntchris

grief is like a full bottle of water. Each day I let a little bit spill out and flow over me. I follow this ritual daily yet the bottle never becomes completely empty. [nor should it]
There is always a remaining tear drop: this is the water of my soul. This is the life water which keeps me fluid, moist, alive. It is this reserve which allows me to feel the entire range of human emotion.

I must feel all of the joy and all of the sadness. and thus i am able to share my love with you. This way I can pass it on. and you can pass it on...


and we can share comfort in our crying and in our laughter because we know that it is okay to feel it all.

There ya go Chris......DB said it bestter than I could;)

jimmmaaa, thanks for being so eloquent! Ill just ride on your coattails and agree, since my hand would fall off before I wrote all that. What I know for sure is, God is good, and whatever I experience on earth, however bad, is the only hell I will live through. Having an eternity mindset has set my perspective right many times! Im just so thankful I have something much bigger than myself to lean on.

Thanks Moonlily....I appreciate it....Have not been here in a while, but hope all are doing well.

I have a problem with letting thing go a little at a time ...it just seem to come out all at once. Like when my Grandma died, it was different, I help out all through her illness probably because of the guilt I felt not being there for my Grandpap...I just couldn't do it then.

oh i dont know what to say. auntchris

auntchris--it is really hard to hold back the tears, especially at a funeral. Where you a child when your Grandfather died. It sounds as though you did not or where not allowed to cry. I can understand that when a person is expected to behave in a certain way and it does not feel natural, or when asked to hold back eventually the feelings do come out. Keeping it bottled up for so long gets really hard.

for me just letting go and crying has felt scary because I thought that once I started, i would never be able to stop. but i could stop and i did. and over time i began to feel better... just a thought. i am with you.

thanks for thinking about me. No one even me understand why I cry at times. Sometimes I cant seem to stop and there are other times , I cant seem to cry.


I just feel like I am full these feeling and they are going to explode when day and watch out whoever is there. I just wish I could be a person that can deal with life as it come and believe in something, cause right now I know I am angry and dotn know what to believe in.

I just dont know where to turn to I am feel as if I am a lost child and cant find my way home. It is so dark in here alone alll bymyself. auntchris

auntchris--i am so sorry that you are feeling so many emotions. Do you have anyone that you can sit with, be with or talk to? I know that when I feel so alone, it is just too hard to get my feelings and thoughts out. I just hope that you are able to find someone that you can trust and just talk with.

No there is no one here ...dont have friends and forget the parents they dont get me , never have.... but thanks for talking to me auntchris

auntchris,
You have really pulled on the strings of my heart. I am saddened for you. I have been in that place. My parents too aren't any support, nor would I ask them for it. I have become my own best friend. You know how a best friend doesn't mind if you are having a good day or a bad one? You know how you can always let it all hang out when you are with your best friend? And a best friend is sympathetic and nuturing when you are depressed. Be that to yourself. Let yourself have a bad day. Let yourself get it all out. Nurture yourself. Excuse yourself. Allow your emotions to go where they need to for once, without holding them back. It will not end life as we know it to finally let it happen. It is only then that we are able to overcome it and have nothing to run from anymore.

Good luck to you, dear. If you ever need a boost, let me know. I will say a prayer for you this day.
Ronni

thanks allegro...my parents are there in ways, I just have the emotional support from them. I dont feel that connection when someone really understand you with them. I would have no idea how to be my best friend. How do you be a friend to yourself. Thanks Ronnie I can use a few prayers. I dont know what else to say but thank you. auntchris

AuntChris,

The best way to start being your own best friend is to sit down and think of all the things you punish yourself for and FORGIVE yourself. If you are willing to forgive others for the mistakes they have made that affect you, you must be willing to do the same for yourself.

The hard part is that you actually have to let yourself feel. You have to let the thoughts you have about yourself that go right down to the core come up to the surface and face them one by one. It can be scary, but you can come through it and be so much better for it. You can come to terms with the areas of yourself you once wouldn't even think of forgiving yourself for. I didn't seek a therapist for this, but it may be helpful if you are feeling to unstable about it.

It doesn't happen over night, but you will realize that it is okay to just be you. You need no excuse for yourself. So, there are many things I have started that I am unable to finish...what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? I can't seem to remember where I put anything...I was on auto pilot, get over it! I have had a bad day, I am in a bad mood and you are irritating me...one day you will learn to get out of my way! I am crying, because I need to...it has absolutely nothing to do with you. I stay on the computer, because I cannot sleep...you are not helping me to get into a restful state by asking me why I am still on the computer, are you?

AuntChris, it is all okay. It is okay to feel lonely. I find solace in my solitude, now that I am not making up distractions to keep me from feeling alone. This is the first step to befriending yourself. The next one is much easier. It is getting to know yourself all over again. Isn't it strange that we can get so out of touch with ourselves that we no longer know what we even like anymore? Remember, it is something we do ourselves and we can also fix it ourselves.

God bless! Keep in touch!
Ronni:)

allegro,

I don't know how I punish myself. Okay I don't eat alot. (Sometimes I dont eat at all if I am so depressed. ) How do you make friend with yourself when you don't like you. I know I am not ugly on the outside, but it the inside I don't care for.

I don't easily forgive. I haven't forgotten the things that have happent o me in the past esp those with family. I care more about others, like you guys, and the lady downstairs, than I do myself. I don't know how to really mean it. I know the only time I can really express myself even though it comes out in anger is when I am really angry and hurt. There are some post on the site I have read that I cried over cause they hit home. I mean alligator tears not the little one the big ones. I have a hard time to feel unless I am hurt or angry. .

I use to write poetry and journal, now I can't seem to cause I feel fake. I don't feel the emotions. I don't want to write words and not mean it. I want to be a real person. I wish I could be like I was before I knew about this stuff.
I use to be so gentle and sweet. My journal entries were poetic, maybe not a poem but poetic. I want so much to be that person I was just 10 years ago.

Thanks for all you kindness and caring. auntchris

[QUOTE=auntchris]I care more about others, like you guys, and the lady downstairs, than I do myself.[QUOTE]
The care and compassion and empathy which you show to others is an extention of who you are. It is a reflection of all the goodness and love that you have inside. Within all of the that pain and anger is creativity, feelings and life.

Sometimes these things get locked up inside because of very painful events that have occurred. But just by sharing a part of you, auntchris, you can help yourself begin to heal.

and your words can and do touch another person who is in need and wounded. thank you


[QUOTE] I use to write poetry and journal, now I can't seem to cause I feel fake.[QUOTE]
Fake can sometimes be a necessary defense; a way to hold back the feelings and to protect oneself from the painful emotions. But fake can be a beginning because underneath all of the fake is the feeling.

Is there a starting point...a place to begin. maybe a short poem.

Ahhhhhh Geeeee you are embarrassing me now. I never thought of myself as creative. These good qualities are so hard to take I mean the compliments. Now I am *blushing* :p

That is my hardest thing to is write a poem I dont know where to start, the feelings where are they. YOu mentioned they are hidden, yeah under years of hurt...

OKay you have an outline for me to follow...?:D auntchris

Well, I admit, I haven't read through this whole thread (come on, it's 5 pages and I have ADD... :D) The way I look at things, I have had too many things go right for me to let a few bad breaks get me down. I'm sure someone is watching over me somewhere.

A great example: I just moved 650 miles to live with my parents in Michigan for a while. I had a tire that had been giving me trouble for a while, going low, etc, and it wasn't looking too good tread-wise, either. The day after I got here, the tire is flat and starting to split on the sides. Had it gone flat or blown out on the turnpike or something, it could have been really bad news. Even if it went flat at a rest area along the way, I'd have had a hell of a time changing it, because I'm, uh, mechanically challenged. :p

I could give probably 100 examples of stuff like this that has happened to me. Sometimes the stupidest things I do turn out right for some reason I just fail to understand. I've given up trying to understand and just try to be thankful and don't question why I wake up in the morning, just take it as a gift.

I could give probably 100 examples of stuff like this that has happened to me. Sometimes the stupidest things I do turn out right for some reason I just fail to understand. I've given up trying to understand and just try to be thankful

Heh Life does have that quirky way of turning out just when u think it is the most aweful thing to happen to ya...somehow in the long run it always seems to work out for the best even though you cant see it @ that time.

Auntchris.....

It may sound like an old cliche, but a very dear older lady use to say to me, "Honey, This too shall pass".

I used to think it was just an easy out for her when she told me this various times throughout her life before she passed away with Leukemia.

I now find myself repeating these words to myself now years later....and its TRUE.....

The point to this is I have been, like everyone, through valleys in my life so low I couldn't hardly breath. I had no clue what the outcome would be. Like Draga mentioned, in the long run things seem to work out.

In my times of diffuculty, I would remind myself of what I did have, my family, friends, and my basic survival instinct. They could take my job, my home, my finances, but I would never surrender my will to survive. Mabe, part of this came from being in the Marine Corps. I

We all have our diffucult struggles in life and they are Real. In each of us a flame of hope still flickers somewhere deep within. The words I tell myself when I hit those low points are,"I will not give up or surrender as long as I can move my little finger". This rational was told to each of us when preparing to go into Viet Nam due to the fact that captured Marines didn't really have alot of mercy shown to them by the opposition. I think about also " Honey, This too shall pass".

I don't know if any of this helps, but its my nature is to try and reach out to others when they hurt and let them know, like alot of others here have done, that we really truly care and are always here to be a shoulder to lean on.:)

Hang Tough........

,"I will not give up or surrender as long as I can move my little finger". :D.....Great saying !!!!

not so sure about the good and evil part but I do think that all things happen for reasons. The reasons may not always be clear to us right now, but it is a learning process for our spirits, hows the saying go "what does not kill us makes us stronger."
alot of things that are not in our control happen and depending on how we percieve them we decide to either learn something from it or just file it away for later.
We are presented with choices....
What we do is up to us and what follows is dependant upon the choice that we made, good, bad or evil, not so sure. What did you learn?

"what does not kill us makes us stronger." <~~~~even better saying and one I use all the time :D

You're right it is all about choices...free will. ;)

Hi everyone thanks so much for all the great words of wisdom and support. deepblue, how does one let go and cry? I was told by my therapist that I am very familiar with the emotion ANGER . It has alway been hard for me to get my feelings out unless I am angry then I just explode and it all comes out. I want to feel....at the moment just feel numb....exsisting in life....How does one feel and REAL Emotions?

I choose not to talk to my parents about the emotional stuff in my life. I have in the past and have been hurt from the words..." You can't do that." I dont have friends outside of the forums and well Joan but yea a but she works three jobs and has a family the only time I see her is halloween...its a tradition. I feel hurt and angry that my parents dont understand my feeling and emotions and where they come from. I know this sound like alot but they are my parents. That is why I dont confide in them anymore.
Allegro---- thanks for you love and kind words....How do I become my own best friend when I am not sure how to be me or really like me. I am a very nuturing person to others; when it comes to myself I am at a lose of how to do it.

I also have a person in my life that use to tell " this too shall pass." I know it is true. At the time it seems as though it is the worst thing to say. I know in my head that it is true just in my heart I feel so alone. I hate the ups and downs in my life, I feel so alone during those parts as if I am pushing others away ...I have been abandoned in my heart and in life. I feel I need to push them away before I get hurt. I am just learning this concept these past couple of months. I feel so inferior towards others even here that they would never want to be my friend so PUSH comes to shove I PUSH and didnt really realise I was doing it....

Thanks all....me:p