I'm 16 years old and a junior in high school. My mom took me to a doctor (several actually) last year after I broke down one night and let a little of what I felt get out in the open. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and suspect that this has been going on for around four years now. For the last year or so I've been going from medication to medication with nothing to show for it but random annoying side effects and the doctors have decided maybe this isn't the main problem here. Now the diagnosis looks like it's going to be AD/HD, which would explain a lot of the problems I've been having. Everyone's guess is that this is something I've had from a very young age, but was never recognized by my teachers or parents because I'm a very quiet person and have always been intelligent enough to get through school and other tasks without much of an attention span-until now.

Now, I'm falling behind on homework thats exteremly simple for me and can't really explain why. My teachers have been seeing me as irresponsible and lazy because they see that the homework that gets finished is done very well, I just need to get organized. I know this and it drives me insane because I don't know what to do. I'm watching myself fall further and further behind in everything and it's so damn frustrating!!!! My mom's been very patient but now she's nagging me like crazy and asking me if I want to work in a gas station my entire life because the way I'm acting now I'll never get anywhere else. EXCUSE ME! The way I'm acting?!?!?! I hate using any sort of mental/emotional problems I may be having as excuses, but this is the last thing I need right now. When they took me off the antidepressents, my insomnia came back. It's hard enough to concentrate as it is. Now there's all this pressure for no better reason than the fact that my mom is just as frustrated as I am and has no better way to deal with it.

I'm also in a band, but lost most of the skills I got from lessons because I can't practice for more that 5 minutes before getting distracted by something else. I love playing in this band, but as the guys are all writing songs and having fun jamming, I stand in the corner with my head in the clouds, knowing how much this'll cost me later when they want me to add something.

I have really great friends that are always there for me, but I almost never want to be around them. They still call me and try to get me to do things with them, and I would LOVE to, but it's too hard. I'm always angry about somthing and never let it out. Then it builds up and no one knows anything's wrong with me until I show up at school with my knuckles bloodied or my arm sewn up with a needle and thread I found when I was bored and upset. I can never hide this stuff because I forget it's there and then someone sees it and think's I'm crazy or suicidal. I want to say I'm neither.

My next doctor's appt. is in around a month and it's kind of bittersweet, because this is the guy that makes the diagnosis and all that. He's the one with the degree in medicine, but he's freakin weird. I'm not even sure why, I just don't like to go there and talk to him. I'd rather see my psychologist, but he can't prescribe the meds, and although I am extremely sick of them, nothing else seems to be working right now.

Anyway, that's my rant. If you managed to reach the end, thank you, that took some commitment.

Hang in there. You pretty much described me perfectly when I was a teenager -- except that back then they didn't know about inattentive ADHD so I was undiagnosed and EVERYONE just thought I was lazy. I was never even in the game in high school -- I just plain flunked.

Most of us gradually learn little tricks to compensate for our difficulties. Today I have a good job, wife, two kids...people still tell me I'm the most scatterbrained person they've ever seen but I've found ways to do well in spite of that.

I know it's hard, but try to keep in mind that the people that are giving you a hard time mean well and want to help but they are dealing with something they can't completely understand. You can read about ADHD until you're a world-class expert but unless you HAVE it, you can't truly understand what it feels like.

Above all, don't let negative comments affect your self image -- you are NOT lazy. You're facing something that's very difficult to deal with at any age (even -- ahem -- 41 :p ) and it sounds like you're doing a better job of it than I was at your age.

Believe in yourself, believe in your future, and try to figure out what works for you. You'll do ok.

Hey,

My advice to me if I was your age again would be to finish school as quickly as possible, buy a back pack and travel, travel, travel. The problem that I have found with my ADD is trying to do stuff I don't want to do but that other people think is important.

My diagnosis allowed me to stop blaming the wrong things. Now I know that it was not my life that was in a mess but my brain that was in a mess. So I just do the things that I feel are really worth the effort figuring out how to do them with this messed up head.

meditation helped to keep things a little quieter inside. Tough, but worth it.
And bottling stuff up is just plain wrong. Doesn't work, doesn't help, will bite you on the bum. I learned this pretty quick and am glad i did.

Your issue with the doctor vs. the pshcologist suggests that you will get more milage out of discovering who you are and where this anger comes from. (Probably buried frustration, but what do I know?). Give yourself a break from the meds and work through the anger, then go back to the meds when things are a little calmer, if you want. Personally I hate them and don't use them even though they help, but I know others who get fantastic results and are truly happier on medication.

You are not alone, you are not the first to struggle, there are answers out there.

Enjoy!