What should i do? I have recently been finding it hard to manage medication.
My friends and family have all been giving me nothing but praise, they say
"they are proud of me and the progress I seem to have made", but secretly the stress
of letting them down I fear is fueling the recent "overdoing it" with my meds...
Who am I kidding, My recent abuse of medication, I just want to fix more and faster
and when it comes time to the day that I should be wind'n down, instead i have been
taking more meds stupidly thinking theres more I need to do now but just end up end up not sleeping at all and then hiding in a guilt slash stressed state the next day.
Thinking, "Yeah i'm doing do much better...popn extra pills and sitt'n up all night.."
Stressed I'm gonna let them down... (And yes now as I type this I can see
the only way that I am letting them down is doing exactly that...)

But why?

"If only they saw me now" I think to myself... "knew what I have done, I think i'd loose all that respect,that praise and progress in family and personal relationships" So is this a self destruct thing, Do I just expect this
to happen, somehow any way some how? (loose that praise and progress) or am I trying to self mediate that depression I feel from the success of my progress
that has lead to the positive feedback i have been getting? Or am I trying to dumb things up to make it more
stimulating?.... when it just seems to be more stressing.
Because I don't want to loose it...
But lately I just keep doing it...
Or have I just recently become a abuser of medication.?... period.

Im even to scared to tell my doc because even he has been so happy with me and my progress and this doctor has
lead me through a long journey and I feel I would be letting him down to.
I can stretch my medication out to last till next pick up, But how can identify the cause and how can "I break this cycle" insure it wont happen again... Any suggestions or simular experiences and ways dealt with would be appreciated.

Of cause I will speak to my doctor if the problem persists but I'd like to try to fix the problem myself first....










Im even to scared to tell my doc because even he has been so happy with me and my progress and this doctor has
lead me through a long journey and I feel I would be letting him down to. Other than the how to stretch my medication
out now to last till next pick up, how can i "break this cycle"... Any suggestions or simular experiences and
how you resolved would be appreciated.

This is something that you don't want to keep a secret. The secret keeping can just fuel the guilt and shame, which in turn makes you want to make up for it by being more productive so you take more meds to be more productive and then the cycle just keeps going.

There's a saying in recovery, "We're only as sick as our secrets." which refers to just this kind of shame cycle. Letting the air out of the tires involves letting someone know what's happening. I'm not suggesting you go running to tell your family about this just now. But I would tell someone you can trust, hopefully you can trust your doctor.

"We're only as sick as our secrets."

Wow. I love that line!

I can't speak from experience on the subject of substance abuse, but it sounds to me like your main issue is letting yourself deal with this. It's wonderful that you have a good support network. Just please don't think in terms of letting them down.

The one rock-solid, unwavering absolute truth that can always be relied upon in dealing with ADD is inconsistency. If your support network understands that there will be times of progress and times of regression, but that you'll get through, my guess is that they will continue to offer support.

It will be much harder for them to do that if you're deceptive. You're on a long uphill climb in unfamiliar territory. There will be times when you lose your way. Times when you just have to stop and catch your breath. Times when you deserve to pause, look around and take in the view.

This is not letting anyone down, not even yourself. It's a matter of survival. Your support network can be a very large part of your success, but not if you mislead them.

I wonder if this is really about letting them down. I think novagal may have hit on the real issue - that you're avoiding your own feelings of shame. I think it's a safe bet there is no one on this forum who doesn't see your journey as something to be proud of.

You need to see it that way. Once you do, you'll be better able to take the path you know is right for you, which might be different from the one you think everyone else wants you to follow.

Simple test: If you're deceiving people, you're on the wrong path. Try another one.

This does get easier.

ZD

Ur not an addict yet.

tell your parents that you sometimes take more than the prescribed amount and you'd feel more comfortable if they gave you the meds.

simple.

i think you're in the beginning stages of addiction. you've seen the beneficial part of over medicating, and you are slowly 'needing' to dose higher to see the effects you'd like to see.

i dont think your family would be disappointed in you if you came to them and talked to them. they would probably be very understanding of your situation. millions of people struggle with addiction, you're not the only one.

1. medication use unmanageable

2. increasing dose to get high

3. lying to everyone, especially yourself


what do you think it adds up too

I sincerely hope you get help...
take care..P

Don't chase the "buzz", it's a dead end road. Stay on the prescribed amount and learn to appreciate what it can do, and don't yearn for a higher level.

If you build up your tolerance too much the medication will become ineffective and you will not benefit at all.

i understand your situation.right now i have been tinkering with my meds.i am always concerned of getting labeled "pill seeker" .......i have an addictive personality,and can totally relate to wanting to take that night pill and tweek out the night. but i will not do it, this med is a life saver for me.i go to AA and am sober.if i abuse my meds i will loose so much.
i hope you can stop,or seek help

First of all, "Kudos" for sharing your med struggles on this site. Your sharing here is a sign of caring about your well being. In short, it signals you are contemplating making some changes in your medication routine. My hope for you is that you cease and desist with the self-deprecation about your short-comings and prepare to make some changes. Remember, we all struggle at times. There have been many good suggestions so far in this thread. I wholeheartedly support the suggestion of an accountability partner for your meds. Keep your pills in a central location and allow a significant other, family member, or trusted friend to have access to them so they can do an occasional random pill count. I also encourage you to begin taking med vacations to knock your tolerance down every once in a while. Even if it is only a day or two here and there, it will help. Best wishes in your endeavors!

I think whether or not you tell your parents is completely dependent on who they are and how good they are at parenting. In the case of certain parents (ie. mine lol) telling them wouldn't help. However, I believe telling a close friend or therapist is vital to your situation. I was in a somewhat similar situation, except I've abused drugs before and been mentally addicted to substances in the past. I was doing adderall as a means to cope with stress and it only made things worse.

I used it when I was around people because it made me more sociable. I found I could talk and converse with people I normally wouldn't, and made friends much easier than before. I kept doing it until I almost screwed up a relationship with a girl I'm dating by flipping out on my friend. She'd hit me in the face really hard with a Frisbee on accident and my friend was giving me crap so I got super ****ed and yelled at him.

I had to drive her and her little sister home in awkward silence. I felt like the abusive father that buys his kids ice cream after an incident. I felt so awful that I told one of my closest friends and then a few others and told them how difficult it seems to stop. They made me realize that not only is it the worst idea ever, but also that the downs are always going to outweigh the highs and that it can ruin your life. I also realized the irritability and mood swings from abuse cancel out any social advantages as well (the hard way). I started taking normal doses after that incident (it's only been a month and a half) because I couldn't live like that. It's not realistic or healthy in any way.

Sorry for the long story, but I felt like it might make you realize that doing more won't help you out. Sleep is very, VERY important. Not enough sleep can cause -

Drops in Performance
Lack of Concentration
Reduced Reaction Times
Problems in Grouping Learned Information
Lapses in Memory
Accidents and Injuries
Behavior Problems and Mood Swings

Whether you tell your parents is up to you. In my situation, I didn't tell them because they said the next time I do something really dumb, they're kicking me out. That boiled down to "next time it happens don't let us know" whether they know that or are in denial, I'm not sure. If you get the monkey off your back, so to speak, then definitely tell your parents. However, be aware that if you tell your doctor it can lead to problems in the future with getting certain medications and or dosage increases (VERY frustrating at times).

To answer your question (lol), you seem to be addicted to your medication (mentally and physically) but you still have time to be PROactive before you become a PROaddict :)