View Full Version : im just wondering here........(long)


lucky_turtle
04-17-09, 06:01 PM
i am 21 and diagnosed as ADD only last year. ive always been odd in all the sense of ADD and had a lot of social problems as well as learning problems. i did not speak in school, i couldnt hold a conversation and just had absolutley no awarness of how to interact socially with other kids, i had one freind who was equally strange. i was bullied a lot for being strange just. however at home i was a nightmare, kicking and hitting, screaming and throwing funriture and all the rest.

i have been reading a lot of about this sensory issue and it sort of makes sense. i am finding just reading some of the things that annoy people and cause great distress are even making me feel angry and shuddery.

as a child i was very odd with things. one thing to this day that makes me shake with rage and want to kill the person or else start crying is people chewing loudly or with their mouths open. as a child id throw out my pack lunches , if i was made to eat by the teacher id turn my chair to face the wall and eat, but id wretch and heave at the same time, id hit my brother in the morning over breakfast and throw rages because he'd eat cornflakes which crunch a lot. i grew out of heaving and have learnt to drown it out but if i even stop for a moment trying to ignore the sounds i begin to heave still. i always thought it was because im funny about food. Im funny with certain textures-vegetables are a big issue here. anything like mushrooms make me wave my arms and jiggle until i can either swallow it and try not to gag or else spit it out right away. the same for onions, lettuce, tomatos etc etc.some also are very strong and the smeel goes right up my nose and to the back of my throat. the only way i could hack veggies was when they are basically water-like in soup or stew and there is barley anyting left of them. it has to be in water. as a child there were frequent fights at the dinner table and my mom still shouts. i will pick through and entire speghhette bolongeise to avoid any veggies or anything i cant stand the taste or texture of, ill pick through anything infront of me with something bad in it like that. My diet consists of chicken and pasta.

I have always been very emotional and set off easily, as a child i was easily in tears or throwing a massive tantrum. one thing i have vivid memorie of is clothing. The tickets used to itch and prick the living hell out of me, id squrim and become so frustrated id be pulling at the clothes and crying. I remember my mom got me new jeans, they were too big and kept falling down but i could feel them falling and id pull at them and cry. or to this day i still cannot wear woolen clothing, or anything with like sewn stuff or glitter in it. it drives me insane and i feel like crying even at 21. i used to cry about clothes like certain materials of tights i had to wear for school, socks and all the rest. id jump up and down shaking my hands if i scratched the sofa the wrong way with my nails, or if my mouth touches my skin, god forbid i catch my teeth on the towel when im drying my head after a shower *shudders*. i simply cannot handle a dentist, as a child instead of going to the dentist to get teeth pulled i had to stay in hospital and be put under anasthetic for it.last time i headbutted my dentist accidentally because i shot up, my teeth are so sensitive, even the air in my mouth or the cotton buds make me feel i will throw up and i shudder.

I am also funny about noise etc. i do however listen to my ipod at full blast, and if i am watching a documentary on TV i need to have the volume up very high, i can hear but to actually get what theyre saying i mus be sat with my ears pricked up, eyes wide and listening intentivley to what theyre saying, it is confusing to me at times-yet the sound of a siren will make me furious, beeping horns etc. I HATE going to clubs, the noise feels like its pulsating through my body, i slow down and seem to get depressed, i feel trapped. the thing that annoys me is some of the therapists ive seen have tried convincing me its anxiety, as in social anxiety-but im in no way anxious of talking to people because i always know them well, and outide of a busy club im as loud and uncensored as usual. i just slow down when im out in busy places, i hate all the bustle and noise, i dont like New York(no offense) when i was there and was very irritable, i get very grumpy and stuff. I become extremley angry if someone bumps into me, i hate shopping anywher busy and its a battle not to actually verbally attack a stranger, in the end i come away feeling distressed, angry and tearful, i feel depressed and frustrated.i did go to a festival last year, but it was in a feild, it was enromous and nothing was crowded to the point i was packed, i enjoyed it because the noise jjust was in the air not bouncing off my ear drums. until i was squashed in a que and i couldnt move, i began to literally feel the need to start kicking and frantically trying to escape, its just all these bodies up against me and peoples breaths and all.

As far as relationshios go, im extremley funny about touching people anyway. I thought i liked my ex boyfreind until he took his clothes off and i was repulsed. it wasnt anything wrong with his body-its just flesh and skin that i cant stand, it was all shiny and sweaty and right up against me.i despise sleeping in the same bed as another person, i get furious and will actually just leave the situation no matter how awkward it is.

As far as the sensory thing goes, i have never mentoned it, its just been recorded by my parents as my many odd traits and annoying habits. About the pressure thing, i love the feeling of pressure. id press even other objects onto a table or something because even the thought of it was nice. when im having a bad day i still press my head against walls, i sleep againt the wall and i sit with something on top of me all the time. i love very very hard massages and press myself againt walls(i do have a lot of back pain though). im just wondering if its possible to have a slight tendency towards the sensory issues but not a full blown problem-because i can take things like someone stroking my face if i know them well enough.

any thoughts? id appeciate anything. im very interested in this in general.

chamaleon
04-17-09, 07:20 PM
i As far as relationshios go, im extremley funny about touching people anyway. I thought i liked my ex boyfreind until he took his clothes off and i was repulsed. it wasnt anything wrong with his body-its just flesh and skin that i cant stand, it was all shiny and sweaty and right up against me.i despise sleeping in the same bed as another person, i get furious and will actually just leave the situation no matter how awkward it is.

As far as the sensory thing goes, i have never mentoned it, its just been recorded by my parents as my many odd traits and annoying habits. About the pressure thing, i love the feeling of pressure. id press even other objects onto a table or something because even the thought of it was nice. when im having a bad day i still press my head against walls, i sleep againt the wall and i sit with something on top of me all the time. i love very very hard massages and press myself againt walls(i do have a lot of back pain though). im just wondering if its possible to have a slight tendency towards the sensory issues but not a full blown problem-because i can take things like someone stroking my face if i know them well enough.

any thoughts? id appeciate anything. im very interested in this in general.

Very interesting thread and posts - you write in an evocative way that conjures up some interesting images, and has set alight a few of my own experiences I certainly relate to some of them - especially what i have highlighted:)

to start, music - well, im diagnosed combined type, and my ear is very adapted to music, to the point that if i hear anything at all i can barely even read at the same time. My mind will gravitate to the music and nothing else,and within the music it shoots straight to the bassline, although i can hear what the instruments are doing individually, although i can hear the whole cocophany together too, all sunny!:p

as far as intimacy concerned, well, i think i am a pretty normal girl until i am actually in a siutation with a fella i actually like, and i will panic completely if there is any sign of interest and get a massive, red blotchy rash that climbs from my chest right up my neck, luckily not onto my face, but i have to cover myself from head to toe, and wear a high necked top at all times and long sleeves, as the rash will spread all the way down my arms too :(:confused: Its not from heat, i know that for a fact, its from nerves over potential intimacy cos if i like someone my heart starts racing and this rash is kind of i suppose like an unwanted erection, v.embarassing!:eek:

when i am in bed with someone, which is a rare occasion cos i am very fussy:eek: i do like intimacy, but sometimes i cannot like really cannot get into sex unleess i am tipsy drunk, cos i am so motor-active i will DEFINITELY get all distracted and not feel confident cos my mind is whizzing and my body is trying to be intimate and enjoy the sensations and then i will probably say somethin really innappropriate or start laughing!!:eek: even push them off me and run off. So i prefer either quick, spontaneous sex without foreplay really, or more of a drunken experience, because at least then, my mind will be slower....

as for body pressing - thats really interesting, cos i feel EXACTLY the same way, and love my body being pressed against very confined spaces, i love pressure and walls, i sometimes fantasise about sex with extreme pressure - that i can handle, but even if it isnt sex, i just love the feeling of pressure and i love twisting my legs intensely around sheets on a bed, and so on :)