Hi everyone, I'm fairly new here and have been lurking around for a bit - I'd like to say a HUGE Thankyou to everyone who posts, before finding this place I thought I was crazy and that it was all in my head.
As a new user it is such a relief to know that I'm not alone and share alot of the issues brought up here that I never would have thought to be common symptoms, I figured it was just me going insane. The information I have gathered here is invaluable and gave me a much better understanding of my diagnosis.
Given that there is so little on this subtype available and everyones experience is different, I'd like to ask whoever has the time to answer some questions that may be able to help out confused newbies (such as myself) understand their condition and hopefully themselves a bit better. The ones I have found sure helped me.

I stumbled across the SCT section by complete accident which lead me to search everywhere for as many stories as I could that helped me to understand what sounded so much like me. It would be great to gather as many experiences as possible that can hopefully help anyone who comes here in a similar 'lost' situation as I did or just anyone who wants to vent.

Some things that'd be really helpful:
What does ADHD-I feel like for you? A description of what its like being in your head and body.
What was it like as a kid with this and growing up? How old were you when diagnosed?
What are the most frustrating issues and symptoms?
How has it affected your work/studies?
What about your relationships with new people, friends and family?
How have other people been like as to whether or not they understand and their support?
What medications have you tried? What has helped and how?
What has your experience with doctors been like?
How (or if) you have learnt to cope with this condition?

I know there are sub-forums for most of these but I thought it might be good for us ADHD-I'ers to see many of our specific issues grouped together - alot of which I had no idea others were going through aswell - to help each other out.

I wont make this post much longer and thankyou for reading this much so far, I will come back and write my own experiences later (coincidentally I cant concentrate anymore lol). It'd be great to get as many "hello my name is..." stories as possible, so please if you do have the time (and are on a rare focus roll) come and tell everyone your tale.
If you havent already, come out of the shadows - even if you dont have a diagnosis and just think you may be this type im sure there are plenty of people willing to help point you in the right direction. Vent and whinge as much as you want - it really does suck to have this and those who have a positive outlook share your insight and maybe show us a bright side we didnt know was there.
Please dont turn this thread into any kind of debate or argument, if you do your drugs will be confiscated. It takes alot of courage to share your story and I cant thank enough those of you that do - it is those kind of people that inspired me to speak now.

You're not alone in what you're going through, this forum is proof of that.
SCT unite!

Ok my story so far.......

The only way I've been able to descibe not being able to concentrate at will is 'The Pull', like being yanked away by the guts from what I want/need to do. I get bored with everything I start, even the things I like and end up not finishing anything. The more I force focus the more it physically hurts. I have to drop whatever it is im trying to do otherwise my body reacts by feeling sick and in turn I become frustrated and angry at myself for not being able to do even simple tasks. I lose anything that touches my hands, its quite brilliant really that I dont even have to leave my seat for it to happen. Similarly if i'm going out I end up running back into the house at least three times everytime without fail because I've forgotten things. I get cranky and frustrated easily and do that many stupid things each day that nobody raises an eyebrow anymore when I cant figure out why the phone wont stay on the charger even though I'm looking directly at it when its the wrong way round - it doesnt register. I cant maintain most conversations and have turned tuning out into an art - if I'm not ithcing to get away too much I generally give short responses without being aware of it or whats being said.

Meanwhile my head is always in the clouds with a permanent brain fog so thick I feel detached from the world around me. I cant control constantly daydreaming - most times I'm not aware of it until I realise I cant remember what I've read/seen/done/car journey but have a great place to go on holiday sorted (especially scary when I'm behind the wheel and find myself at the destination with no memory of driving there). Someone here said 'my mind has a mind of its own', definitely the case with me. I also have CFS which keeps me drained all the time.

I was diagnosed a few months ago, until then I was convinced (by myself and others influence) I was just lazy because nobody could find anything wrong with me. Reading back through school reports every teacher said I was clearly very intelligent I just didnt pay enough attention. I stopped opening math books because I didnt like it (later to realise nothing would go in when I did try it). The other subjects I got high grades in even though it was from cramming while hyperfocused an hour before a test driven by fear of failing - stupid but me. Again I thought I was simply lazy. All info left my head the second I stepped out of the room.

The most frustrating part is comming up to the same brick wall time and time again without changing anything. I want to get my degree in the field I love (sciences) and it kills me having to drop out each year because I cant control myself enough to learn the material, no matter how interesting it is.
Also when people make judgements based on face value. It surprises me that we are taught early on not to judge a book by its cover but it seems entirely acceptable to make 'you look fine so you cant be that bad' comments. If my arms were cut off and all I had left were the bloody nubs I wouldnt get told to pull it together and and be part of a mexican wave. No matter how much I flap about you're still not going to see any arms.
I have a stubbourne child in my head that stamps a foot, says 'no not doing it' and thats the end of it. Stop trying to give me your rational solutions to fix my irrational brain. Some people need to be slapped with a nub.

Getting bored very easily spills into all my relationships - I'll see a friend all the time for a couple of months then disappear to do the same with another. Luckily most understand its not personal and are happy with the knowledge I will eventually come around again. I got very lucky there but its still a pain.

Im currently on dexamphetamines (15mg 3x daily) which help with focus - I can daydream for hours on end now. However they stop the pulling feeling and if I can get motivated enough I get some things done. Strangely they do nothing to keep me awake or more alert and I still sleep all the time - I put bears to shame with my hibernating skills.

My experience with doctors has been horrible for years until very recently. I need to use my fingers and toes to count the number of different ones I've seen - and most came to the same conclusion that because they were unable to find anything physically wrong it must by 'underlying psychological distress', the rest said its just depression. Aparently once you get a medical degree if it cant be seen it doesnt exist. Only a doctor would argue the world has must be the wrong way round because he's standing on his head. Only recently I found a one that when I leave his office I feel positive about there being some help out there - all others I would feel worse about things when I walked out the door than when I went in seeking help. The difference between him and the others? He spends as much time as you need listening. I wish he wasnt literally one in a million.

As far as coping goes the medication may not be perfect but I'm getting closer to an effective solution - it has made everyday functioning possible. I never got a 'high' from it, I just feel closer to 'normal'. For me thats nothing short of a miracle.
I am still learning to deal with everything, but simply knowing its not all in my head has made a world of difference. If I have learnt anything its not to let other people tell me what I feel isnt real. I doesnt matter how clever your doctor is or anyone else for that matter, if someone thinks they can judge how you feel better than you can they are a moron. Keep looking for help, its out there somewhere.

I hope this helps someone, we need as much as we can get with this one.

..Some people need to be slapped with a nub.Great line!

Congratulations LGI in finding a doctor that will listen. Makes all the difference doesn't it?

Hello there! My name is Sarah, and I have ADD-I.

I'm just going to copy/paste your questions, otherwise I will end up rambling on about something that you totally didn't ask about, which I am sure I will do anyway.

What does ADHD-I feel like for you? A description of what its like being in your head and body.

I daydream a lot. Most of the time, I have a lot of issues paying attention to anything. Very occasionally, I can do weird things like cram an entire terms worth of material into less than eight hours. Yesterday, I read a book that wasn't particularly interesting for six hours straight, from cover to cover. I get distracted really easily, which annoys me. I definitely have the internal monologue thing going on!

Physically? I'm not too hyperactive. From time to time I'll pace. Or I'll randomly start cleaning and organizing. I normally don't ever finish cleaning or organizing, since I get bored! I suppose I don't feel a whole lot differently than most NT's, but I've also never been an NT so it's hard for me to say what it's like.

What was it like as a kid with this and growing up? How old were you when diagnosed?

As a kid, I felt two different ways about it. I told myself that I was just weird, stupid and lazy. I also told myself that everyone feels the same way I do, they're just better at managing themselves. My mom was okay with my average grades, but my dad hated that I was so inconsistent. One term it'd be A's and B's with the C here and there, the next term I'd be getting nothing higher than a C.

I felt awkward socially, and never did have a huge group of friends. Heck, I'm still like that. I always get along better with males, females are just plain weird to me. I don't understand any of them. I stopped trying to find girl friends once I hit college. The guys are just way more interesting!

I got diagnosed just the other week, I am 23 years old.

What are the most frustrating issues and symptoms?

School, school, school, and school. I can deal with being socially awkward and saying silly things and making myself look like a dork, but it kills me that I can't be consistent with school. I'm constantly daydreaming in class, and find it impossible to get things done on time. I'm lucky that I have quiet a few friends that are majoring in the same thing I am. If I didn't have that benefit, I likely would have given up by now.

How has it affected your work/studies?

Work isn't too much of an issue these days. I work as a tutor, and I get to do whatever I want until a student comes to me asking for help. I was fired from one job for being too spacey, but I wasn't very upset, I hated the job!

Studying is pretty much impossible, and I don't really bother anymore. I do the best I can on homework and labs, and just bomb tests and quizzes. I manage C's right now, with the occasional B, or the occasional D. It depends on the class, and the professor. I try to take all my classes from the same instructors, as it tends to help out a good bit.

What about your relationships with new people, friends and family?

Relationships are so-so. I forget to call people back. I forget to do things that I say I'll do. I go months without talking to a friend, then hit myself over the head thinking they must hate me by now. Luckily, I hang out with guys mostly, and they don't seem too bothered by what I do (or don't do!).

I have a hard time with new people. I'm pretty critical, and get annoyed very easily. When I meet someone who doesn't make me mad, I'm too shy to do much besides say hello every now and then.

Family is okay. I really dislike my mother's side, and I admire my fathers side. My mom's side of the family has many alcoholics. They do stupid things like drink and drive, get smashed in front of their young children and it really irritates me. I avoid them like the plague. My father's side of the family is full of hard workers. They can be a bit stuck up about their economic status, but I really admire that they've all worked incredibly hard for everything that they have.

I'm almost positive that I get my ADD from my mother's genes. Her family exhibits quite a few of the major red flags.

How have other people been like as to whether or not they understand and their support?

I'm still fairly new to the diagnoses, so only one person in my life (outside of the doctors, of course) know about it. I tried to talk to my mom a few months ago about my issues, and I brought up ADD. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "yeah! right!" Gee whiz. Thanks Mom. Needless to say, I am pretty sure I'm going to be quiet about it. I'm terrified about asking my instructors for accommodations. My boyfriend (the only person who knows) has been understanding and supportive. He has slight ADD tendencies himself, so we get along pretty well!

I wouldn't be opposed to telling someone if they came up and asked, but I probably wont be shouting from the mountain tops that I have ADD.

What medications have you tried? What has helped and how?

No medications yet. My appointment for those should be within the next month or two.

What has your experience with doctors been like?

My first "run in" with ADD was when I was 16. I got kicked out of an alternative program I was attending until I was assessed. The two instructors running the program swore that I had ADD. I went to a doctor they recommended and it went horribly. He asked me very basic questions (how do you like school? how are things at home? etc) for about two minutes and then suddenly says, "Great news! You don't have ADD!" Me: "Oh, cool." Doctor: "The bad news, you're depressed." Me: "lolwhut?" I was put on Paxil for about a year, it didn't do jack for me. I stopped taking my Paxil, and stopped attending therapy because the sort of therapy I was in didn't help a bit.

Fast forward seven years ....

I went in about a month ago to my general practitioner and told her I've been having difficulty in school. She asked TONS of questions. Her assessment took about half an hour. She wasn't comfortable diagnosing me, but said it was likely I had ADD. She sent me to a psychologist. I saw him last week, and he was awesome. Lots more questions, and a couple of surveys. I was officially diagnosed, and am now waiting for the psychiatrist to call me back.

I get to see my psychologist once a month for cognitive behavioral therapy, which I think will help a ton.

How (or if) you have learnt to cope with this condition?

I don't lose many things because I am always counting. I carry six things with me at all times. Glasses, keys, wallet, cell phone, MP3 player, PDA. I pad down my backpack and count each item as I feel it. If I'm missing something, I go through the list in my head as I feel the item. "Okay, there is my MP3 player... there's my keys... there's my phone, AHA! I'm missing my PDA!" Every time I am about to leave somewhere, I count everything I have. This has worked pretty well for me, I haven't lost too many important items. I try my best to keep my room clean and organized so I can easily find things.

I try to not own too much stuff. The more clutter I have, the more disorganized I get. Before I make a purchase I ask myself if I really need it. Most of the time the answer is no. I've found that not having a bunch of junk around makes it much easier!

For school, I take as many classes as I can with the professors I am comfortable with. When I have to take a class from an instructor I've never had before, I get pretty thrown off by their different methods. I also only take two or three classes a term, which cuts down on the workload a ton. The downside to that is that it's taking me forever to earn my degree.

Woo! I feel like I've written a novel! Go figure, it took me hours to simply read the three posts in this thread, and I managed to write up this post in about half an hour, ha!

Welcome to the boards, Green! I hope my answers help you out some! :)

Thankyou that was really helpful, I'm hoping alot of people can add their own novels :) You actually reminded me about something I didn't put in - I have a terrible memory haha. I need to ask people to remind me what health problems im having because there is so much else going on in my head (chatter) I forget to mention to the doc what my own symptoms are!

Interesting about all your friends being male - I'm the same. I stopped bothering with making female friends early on, I always found guys were so much more interesting, easy going and just fun. My male friends all have very unique personalities which keeps me interested and entertained. Also they arent anywhere near as high maintenence which is crucial to work with my add.

The clutter tip is great, I tried cleaning out my wardrobe but lost interest once I'd pulled everything out. I'm now sleeping in a spare bedroom until I work up the motivation to finish what I started........

wow, I don't have much time right now, but I don't need it.

I could have written Nautik's post myself, other than a few name changes & such.

it always amazes me that in life I can often feel so... sort of alone, or very unique anyway... like I'm facing problems that not many people face.

but then I can come on here & read something that just totally speaks my mind, that I could have written myself!

Hi Littlegreenicon! Welcome to the forums!:)

What does ADHD-I feel like for you? A description of what its like being in your head and body.

I day dream all the time. I can't focus on one task for longer than 5 minutes without something or someone reminding me to stay on task. I'll start some project at work, get really into it for about 15 minutes, and have a phone call or something distract me and about an hour later I'll realize that I was actually doing something before that phone call an hour ago that I should probably get back to... only to have the same cycle happen again. On the energy scale, I have none. I have to force myself to even get up off the couch to go to work to clean or anything. If I had my choice I'd stay in bed for 6 weeks and mentally beat myself up for it the entire time... although I'd never get out of bed.


What was it like as a kid with this and growing up? How old were you when diagnosed?

I was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago, and I'm 23 years old. When I was a kid my brother was ADHD with extreme hyperactivity, he's since calmed the "extreme", but nonetheless growing up I always felt like he had some "part" that I never received. I now understand what it is, but until very recently I didn't even know that Inattentive ADHD existed.


What are the most frustrating issues and symptoms?

My lack of motivation and energy is easily the most frustrating. Other people my age want to get up and do things when they have days off, and I'd rather just sit on my butt and watch TV, because getting up and showering and doing laundry and whatever else to get ready for the day is way too much for me to do. Even if I do accomplish that, I would "start" it around 9AM... and not finish until at least 2PM.


How has it affected your work/studies?

It's affected my work horribly. I've been written up and constantly talked to because I hardly follow through with what I start. When I do complete tasks, they're usually perfect, but getting to that point is nearly impossible.


What about your relationships with new people, friends and family?

I don't have many issues with building relationships with new people, I've always been shy but I've learned to work around that. I do seem to have issues starting conversations, though - or keeping them going. After a few questions I can't seem to come up with anything else to talk about, it's like my mind goes blank. That's pretty irritating, because then I feel boring, and I know I'm not, I just can't seem to think of anything to say right then. But I don't really know if that's part of ADHD, or if that's just me.
Relationships with the friends I have are solid, I was pretty much a loner in elementary and middle school. I got a close few friends in high school that I'm still close with now. I don't need a ton of friends, though, the ones I have are all I really need. For me, two or three extremely close friends are so much better than 25 kind of close friends. Other than my excessive tardiness in hanging out with them, ADHD doesn't seem to effect my relationships much.
Relationships with family varies - the ones I live with currently I have the most issues with, mostly because I am extremely disorganized and messy. You could probably call my dad a neat freak, and I'm the complete opposite, which ****es him off.


How have other people been like as to whether or not they understand and their support?

When I first told people that I thought I had ADHD they basically told me I was dumb for thinking that. The important people in my life also thought there was just the one kind of ADHD (hyperactive). Once I explained the Inattentive ADHD to them, most have been supportive.


What medications have you tried? What has helped and how?

30 and 70mg Vyvanse. The first day on the 30's was amazing, then it tapered off to nothing. Taking a 70mg is better than taking nothing, but it's not helping how I would hope. I have a smidge more energy and concentration than not taking them, but that's it.


What has your experience with doctors been like?

I've only worked with one psychologist so far, and he happens to specialize in ADHD. I'm happy with him, he seems to understand what I need, and has told me he's more than willing to work with me with any medication and any dosage until I have a higher quality of life. We've discussed me actually going to get a better job and going back to school, things I've been wanting to do since I graduated high school and just never did.


How (or if) you have learnt to cope with this condition?

I didn't even know I had something wrong with me until recently. I just thought this was a way of life. When you feel that that's how it's always going to be, you have to cope with it. You overcome and adapt, which is what I've always done, even if it wasn't successful. Now that I know that 90% of what goes on in my head every minute of every day is actually an issue, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders that I didn't even know I had. Now I'm just trying to be patient while my Dr. and I work with different medications and behavioral therapies until we find something that works for me. I'm not a patient person, but I'm trying!


*edit*... reading your last post, littlegreenicon, I also have a horrible memory. Well, most of the time. When it comes to conversations some days it can go in one ear and out the other. Other times I can remember something that I read 3 weeks ago like I just read it 5 seconds ago. It's rather irritating when I'm around someone and they'll be talking about something and say "remember we talked about this on Wednesday" or something and I have absolutely no memory whatsoever. I know it's irritating for them, too.