I'M JUST CURIOUS...

ADDer married to Non-ADDer 10 years- together 12 years, but he's now wanting a divorce. Says it's not me, says it's him, but he will not see about counseling, and has stopped doing the Godly things he was doing a year and a half ago when things were going well. When I asked him if he would be considering Divorse if all my challenges we due to cancer, he said possibly. Go figure. I also asked if this is depression and he finds out in a year or two that divorcing me was not the solution won't he feel bad. He said maybe. I'm just praying and taking things a little at a time.

Tina,
I am sorry to hear that but I think that is another underlying problem with your husband.

I'm not really sure about divorce rates. I unknowingly married a guy who had ADHD as a child, which I think he still has it. I always just thought he was lazy like me.

In truth, I've just begun to suspect I have ADHD as well. I never really thought about it until now, which shows how absent-minded I am. Yup, my husband and I have a LOT in common especially when it comes to ADHD. Hell, we met goofing off together in a college class.

Either way, I think our marriage will endure. We've been married for six years and dated for two years.

I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations about marriage. Everyone has flaws, quirks, whatever. You have to know what you're willing to put up with and what you're not. Marriage to me is about dedication. We'll work out whatever hits us. Society also puts unrealistic labels on how things are "supposed" to work as well. We just take it day by day, communicate, understand, and if all else fails... forget and forgive.

Unfortunetly this is one area where the U.S. has lead the world since at least the 80's. The latest data according to the U.S. census bureau's statistical abstract of the United States shows a divorce rate of 5.2 persons per 1,000 (population aged 15-64) in 2008. Although this has gone down from 6.2 per 1,000 in 2000 it follows the declining curve of marriages from 2000 to 2008.

It also points out that divorce rates for California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana, and Minnesota are excluded.

As for why people are getting divorced, your guess, opionion, and/or personal beliefs are as good anyone else's.

My ex divorced me within 6 months of finding out I had ADHD........he had always tried to change the way my mind worked, so when he found out that it really did work like that, and there was no way I would ever think, or behave the way he wanted me to ..... that was it ....



can you say controlling ? .....ya think ?!


and we were together for 14 years altogether, ....and since his mother's brother was married to my fathers sister, he had known me since he came out to California to go to UCLA film school.....I was 12 ....we wer married when I was 42 and he was 50 ( I think, not good at numbers) ......


,....and he turned out to be more than a little vindictive too, what is left of my family has totally turned against me because of what he has told them ......crafty too, he would say, "oh I am worried about Salleh, she ......( fill in the blank,.... something I hadn't done the way he thought I should)......and thusly he could say horrible things about me under the guise of "being concerned "


WHich is why I had a great childhood, and a family I adored,......but now I have no one left.....( my parents and only sibling , my sister Katy have been dead for many years now ...).

Ive been married for I think almost 17 years. It will be this summer.

LOL

I have had ADHD the whole time, and I have been diagnosed for a couple years now, and been on medicine. He says it helps. Sometimes I can tell, other times I am not sure.

We can get into some awful fights when I dont do like he wants me to.

This is the only marriage for both of us, and I sure dont plan to get divorced, but who knows what the future holds for any of us. I hope to stay married until one of us dies.

Salleh- *Hugs* wish you the best.

Gina Pera says they're higher for ADHD-ers, but I'm not sure what the statistical data is like for that, if any.

If I had gone on untreated (married 10 years, diagnosed in February) I'm sure we would have been headed in that direction.

yea right, well if that's true. I'm passionate about not getting divorced (they say adhd people are inconsistent in jobs if they get divorced) -brain distraction left it for humor.

restart
yea right, well if that's true-I'm passionate about not getting divorced (they say adhd people may be inconsistent in jobs unless they are passionate about their job-like environmental science for someone who loves nature) if this is the same with marriage as it is with jobs. just the fact that i'm passionate about not getting divorced (raised with strong value passed from parents) will help me? (i know..I don't know what i'd be in for with marriage.)

I think this also may be why someone said that add people need someone who is safe, too (for ex., someone who isn't going to have an affair)

want to hear a marriage horror story?



probably not what. SHH alliee.

I was undiagnosed during my 25 years of marriage (and therefore untreated) and it was horrible for both of us. The last 5 years we lived separately. But I don't think it was the ADHD that split us apart, I think it was that he couldn't be patient when I was trying to recover from dealing with my childhood sexual abuse. Funny, eh? All those years that he couldn't understand my impatience about everything, and it was his impatience that drove him to someone else's arms.

I am the non-adhd spouse. My husband and I met when we were 10, started dating at 12, and have been together ever since- 29 years now.

April 29th is our 22nd wedding anniversary. We have 3 kids, and our 16 year old youngest also has adhd.