WORDS WOMEN USE
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FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.



FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING



This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"


GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.



LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"



THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.



THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

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Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

that is cute garry, true but cute

How funny... but true....lol

Another one is..... "whatever"

There are some words in greek and italian my wife uses, but I found out what they mean, and they aren't very nice! :-O

I would imagine only greek and italian women use them though, so I think it's safe to say only this big dumb swede and a certain set of the human population in general has to worry about this.
;-) I still get the "fine's", the "Go ahead's" and all the rest though. I totally feel double whammied!

I've read this before and I copied it so I can just pass it out to men I date so they can get to understand me quicker.

Janine..lol
Men won't ever understand us women.

Hugs vickie

I think Gary is a brave man to post this..... :D

No really, it's " fine" Gary..... :)

Meh, I no scared of no Weeemen type peeeeples.

I'm married. How much worser could it get? ;-)

Bumped into my ex-wife while shopping with my present wife the other night. What a shock that was. Heh, heh... All I can say is, God bless divorce!

OMG ........ E-boy....... ;)

Well, that one divorce anyway. It was a little freaky having her stare at me like that. No, I didn't say hi. It would have been more than awkward for a number of reasons.

Apparently she has either re-re-married, or was out shopping with a family friend or something. Robin and I may not be the epitomy of marital harmony, but we are still together. :-) Of course, I could easily be dead wrong, but who cares if she's married again or not? Who cares about her period? For me it was a shock, because I had a bit of a forced and vivid reminder of less pleasant times, and an issue that will have to remain, for the present, unresolved (her gentleman's agreement to allow me to see sidney, my daughter, even after the adoption proceeding, which she immediately reneged on by simply disappearing. I Transferred to South Carolina, in late '97. That was the last time I ever saw my daughter. She was four years old. I am not even sure she got the cards I sent her. I didn't even find out they had moved (I was told in no uncertain terms, when my status changed that phone calls were not acceptable anymore, but mail was fine), until I was nearly through with my South Carolina tour. I have no Idea if she was even there to get her fifth, or sixth birthday cards. Or anything else for that matter.

I have an address now. The wife procured it for me. Thing is, my ex made it pretty clear through her actions she didn't want me involved at all. A "gentleman's agreement", is a euphemistic term for an agreement that has no legal standing or signifigance whatsoever. The adoption decree stripped me of any legal standing I might have had. Having had advice from the best possible source on the matter after six months of percolating over it. Saying no simply to say it because I loved my daughter, didn't make complete sense because I still love her, and the decree couldn't change that. My ex made some very good points in spite of the fact that I didn't trust her, like her, or want to agree with her about anything. Finally my step daughter Holli, who was adopted by her step father (my wife's ex) herself, approached me (at the tender age of 14, and asked if it were okay is she added her two cents on the matter even if she was only 14. I told her, "Holli, of all the people that have added theirs so far, not a one of them has asked, so your one up on 'em already, and to top it off, you are the only one in the whole situation who could be called an expert on the matter. I think I'd like to hear what you have to say most of all." So she told me. She told me about feeling as though she were an outsider in her own family because of having a different name., and that even though she didn't care for her adoptive father, or what he did to her mother, having the same name as her mother and brothers, did make her feel more as though she belonged. She said if she had been older it might not have meant as much to her, but as a small child it was important, and that in Sidney's case she already identified with Tracey's (my ex) new husband as Daddy, because she was just a baby when they married, and she saw so much more of him. With a new baby on the way in that house hold, she was going to have enough trouble not being the center of attention anymore without the additional label differences. Holli doesn't seem to think so, but she's a damn smart kid with a really good heart. It was hard for me, but I made the decision that day.

Sometimes, oh hell, who am I kidding? Often... MANY MANY TIMES, I think of Sidney, and wonder how she is doing, and if she remembers me, and who I am? I wonder if when she is older she will seek me out. Should she? Would she want to? Would I want to? Did I really do the right thing? No, I won't question that last. I did do the right thing. I know I did. It hurt, but it was the right thing. It will probably someday end up hurting more, when an angry young lady comes a'knocking... Maybe she won't think I am worth the effort. I doubt it though. Last time I spent time with her, she was ADD as they come. ME all over again. Female with the hyperactivity too! With the Irish red hair. :-) Oh, I was flustered as all get out, trying to keep up with her at the marine science museum, but there was no doubt the apple didn't fall far from the tree, as my wife said. She's smart, socially agressive (although this seems to manifest in more characteristically feminine ways. GOOD FOR HER!), sensitive, curious about everything, and VERY FRIENDLY.

I have said before none of my children exhibit ADD characteristics. I actually excluded her from this list, as she is not legally my child. She is my biological child though, and she definitely inherited the familial gift. My ex did ask me after the divorce was final for a family history profile for my side of the family so she wouldn't have to worry about Sidney getting any suprises if we lost contact (or she planned to disappear). At the time I had not been re-diagnosed ADD, but I did tell her I had been diagnosed as a child. I also told her my parents didn't believe in it though and had taken me off the meds. I think she spoke to my mother too, and my mother down played it. Perhaps I should shoot a short card to the address I have updating her on that at least. Especially with Sidney fast approaching 11 now.

geez thts a lot of stuff Eboy.
I think you should reach out as much a you can no matter what. So you will know you tried your best and hopefully sidney might know how much you care.

LOL E-boy @ Meh, I no scared of no Weeemen type peeeeples.

I'm married. How much worser could it get? ;-)

Choking herrrre...lol

My ex would likely file charges Jan. Harrassment or the like. I have no legal rights here. Verbal agreement not withstanding.

I think the card with the update is the best I can do reaching out wise right now. I can tell her I had a hell of a time tracking her down to give her this information, ask her how Sidney is doing, and leave a return address.

If she remembers her promise, she will address it. If she's doing what I think she is... She will either directly ask me to refrain from further contact (which is the logical legal step, because barring moving again, and with a valid reason to contact her it is the only appropriate way to be able to brand any further contact harrassment in the legal sense and have a leg to stand on. Not that I would continue to contact her against her request anyway. Just saying that's how it works. Wife's a paralegal.) Or simply not respond at all. It is, of course possible, and one truly hopes for this, that she will respond with a detailed update, perhaps pictures, maybe even a letter from Sidney ( although I could certainly understand a breaking - in phase after all this time), and an invite to continue correspondence. Maybe, dare I hope, even visit, the little red headed lady. :-) That would be SOOO COOL! I think I'd die! It would be awckward in ways that don't even allow description, but cool nonetheless.

That really is the limit of my abilities here Janine. It's been swimming around the back of my mind for a couple of days now, which is how long I've had the address. It only just coalesced today though. Intuitive thinking at it's best. Heh....

I have tried my best dear lady. Just one more thing to add to that list. I sure do hope she's growing up okay.

Originally posted by fasttalkingmom
I think Gary is a brave man to post this..... :D

No really, it's " fine" Gary..... :)


This was sent to me by my wife so I just figured she wanted me to share it with all the women here on the Forums

Just in case you girls are missing some of the important ones

E-Boy I feel for you on this one

All I will say here is there are a 1000 ways to skin a cat !!

Skinning my ex would likely land me in jail too Garry... Thanks for the thought though. It was weird and disturbing, but at least you thought of me.... ;-) Just kidding, I know what you meant.

Skinnin g your ex wasnt what I had in mind

it was more like there are a 1000 different ways to find out how your little girl is doing with out arousing any alarms

How she doing in school ect


Just a thought from the way my mind works

Yeah well, like I said no legal rights. In the states that means I may as well not even be a blood relative. Schools tend to be a bit leery about giving out information these days unless they know exactly who you are and your particulars. My step sons have a different last name than me, and I do have some legal standing with them, though it is entirely through my wife's say so in this case (IE designated gaurdian in her stead, although that only extends to certain things in the parenting department.). I have no such standing of any kind regarding my biological daughter. I am simply an "official" stranger now. I suppose I could hire a private eye or some such, but that seems an unethical breach of someone else's privacy particularly when I rail against such breaches against the public interest myself. Am I making any sense here? Does this seem an odd thing to be principled about? In anycase, this is something I can well afford to be principled about. P.I.'s ain't cheap. The software is, but again that simply does not feel "Right" in any way shape or form. Of course, my present position hardly feels great, but it is the result of a decision I made, knowing full well my exes propensity for duplicity, and the liklihood thereof, and even knowing that I still came to the decision that it was the "Right thing to do" (Wilford Brimly can kiss my fat pale ***), however unpleasant the end consequences might be for myself. It was never about me, you see. My ex, was a lot of things, and I worried a great deal, at first, about her responsibility issues with the whole parenting thing (kind of hard not to with someone who drinks the grocery money and disappears for no particular reason for sometimes days on end... When Sidney was born though, a remarkable change took place. Oh, she is still the same person, that I don't particularly care for, but she is also a mother.... A real honest to goodness, nurturing, caring, boo boo kissing be there for her babies no matter what mother. I guess some things are just a matter of priorities for people. I think Robin is a better mother, No, I'm not being biased (Sometimes I wish I had her for my mom! Lord knows it might have been an easier arrangement than wife... Besides, I get the distinct impression she feels as though she has to mother me sometimes, and she most assuredly does not.), she just is, but my ex was certainly taking the job seriously and my worries were allayed. So, I really did make the right decision. Looking back on it and second guessing myself is the sort of thing that could drive a man crazy. However, I had the very best advice any person could ask for. The expert testimony of a little girl who had been there. Needless to say, this is something I have discussed with a counselor or two as well.

So, I will send my little "update" on my medical history. I owe my daughter that much, and Tracey for all her faults isn't like my parents were. She will take appropriate steps to act on it. She is progressive, rather than conservative when it comes to the medical side of the house. Heh, I remember I used to pay 371.00 a month child support which back then was about 171.00 a month more than the state required. I had no bills, so why not? She was insured under my military benefits, but my ex had a real problem trusting military doctors as they had nearly crippled her and almost blinded her too while we were married. There are still many very bad ones in the military. No board certifications necessary, and they can't be sued... (Now it is a lot better because nearly impossible insurance costs have driven a great many quite talented practictioners into the military just so they can ply their trade. Still, a lot of hacks though, so you have to be REALLY CAUTIOUS! Especially regarding surgery. Specialty surgery's like arthroscopics, and lasic, ect. are O.K. because you have to be individually board certified to perform them and there are no military schools for these procedures yet, but conventional surgery? I want to see some credentials!). Anyway, Sidney was convered but Tracey didn't want them doing to our daughter what had been done to her, and I couldn't blame her, so when she asked me if I was willing to share out of pocket medical expenses... Well I had no bills at the time, and I wasn't walking the floors with her, or washing her clothes, or doing any of the work involved, so I told her I would take care of it PERIOD. Which I did until the day I signed the adoption papers. Medical care, out of pocket, by the way, is damn expensive. No bills though so I managed. My bills up to that point had been a matter of paying off the marital debt, most of which I did during our early separation with my re-enlistment bonuses. It wasn't cheap, but a DS was worth enough to the Navy at the time that they gave me thirteen thousand dollars to stay in the first time, which paid off the lawyers and the credit card she ran up to six thousand dollars (well my half of it anyway which my lawyer told me I didn't have to do, but it was my mother-in-law's card and my mother-in-law she screwed and where she might come up with three grand, maybe, my mom in law was never going to see that money if I didn't help out. She was a decent woman so I helped out. I played nice, even after my ex pawned everything I owned that meant anything to me at all, and then tried to profit it off it by filing a police report for a break in and trying to claim the items on renters insurance. The investigator found it peculiar as did the police that there were no signs whatsoever of forced entry, and that the particularly vicious dog, belonging to my brother in law, that lived with us never so much as peeped and he was not the sort that tolerated even friends in the house without either myself, my brother in law or my wife present. He actually got put to sleep after attacking a long time family friend who returned him to the yard. He was fine until she set foot in his yard with him. I never liked that dog. He was trained mean. Dogs should never be trained that way. My brother in law wasn't the nicest person in the world that way though. It was a sharpei sheppard mix, male with the sharpei agressiveness. Looked like a VERY LARGE dingo. That dog could jump an eight foot fence. Anyway, I lost 15000 dollars worth of my favorite stuff. The camera my father gave me. Perhaps the most meaningful gift the man ever bequethed to me. He had a gift for photography, and a true passion for it and pursued it as an amatuer pastime for years. Him giving me this camera kit was the closest thing to a real effort to share something special to him with me he had ever made. She pawned it. 35 mm single lense reflex with tripod. Pentax. Full lens kit, plus telephoto, a variety of filters, and a book he thought a good instructive tutorial for beginners. All in all several hundred dollars worth of equipment right there alone. My stereo, which was my gift to myself upon my first year of independent living. My copious music collection easily a couple thousand dollars alone, if one can put value on the irreplaceable.... I could go on, but the total was fifteen thousand dollars. They were just things, but some of them still had pieces of me attached to them.

I managed to be nice for two reasons. Reason number one of course was that I saw no benefit at all to my daughter in being ugly. In the wars that go on, they don't care who did what to who. In fact, she wasn't quite on the scene yet, so it was a matter of what she'd have to look back on and I didn't want anything there that could even be misinterpreted.

Reason number two is quite simple. Too much stress simply overwhelms me. This was more stress than I could handle and then some. I needed distance and I gladly took it when it was offered. The distance lessens immediacy and the overall effect is of damping things down. I went into a funk instead of getting angry. I was able to do things the right way though.

I think I did that big ramble to sort of try to explain a bit of the back round. I really have no feelings of any kind for my ex any more. Not hate. Not like. Not really anything except the discomfort of this unresolved issue, that really is resolved as far as it may get resolved for now. My ex on the other hand has a lot of animosity towards me. I am not entirely sure why. Maybe because I was nice and played fair. Every time she went underhanded Rather than rise to the bait I just stayed calm and a weird thing happened. It bit her in the kiester. My mom-in-law helped a bit. She made sure when my ex tried to tell the ship I wasn't giving her any money and she had no electricity or groceries or heat, and was pregnant, that they knew that I had already paid utilities for the month, rent too (morgage actually, but it was my Brother in law's morgage. Weird rent agreement. Good deal though). Made sure the fridge was stocked up, and left her with a government check endorsed from me to her for 971.00 not three days before she called. Just like when her lawyer got all ****y with me for "trying to dodge being served". I asked him if he was aware I was paying the tab for both lawyers. I got a moment of silence and then, "Why would you dodge a summons then when you are paying for a divorce you want?" That guy caught on quick! The answer of course, was that I didn't! They log service of paperwork on ships, and if they show up and you are on the ship, YOU WILL BE SERVED. At least you will if they follow the rules. Many commands don't. Which is crap.

You can tell I'm wound up tonight. I'm RAMBLING!